Battle Grounds (Jared/Jensen, Jared/Chad, NC-17, Final Part)
Title: Battle Grounds
Word Count: ~4,900
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jared/Jensen, Jared/Chad
Summary: There are some things you want. And things you want more. They both want Jared, and are willing to fight to prove it.
All’s fair in love and war, right? That’s at least how the saying goes. But no one told Jared it’d leave him with this much guilt and anger. Angry that he feels this way, that everything’s happening this way. Angry because he doesn’t know how to stop it, even if it seems so simple. Nothing’s ever simple.
He meets Jensen at a bar downtown called Rio’s. It’s calm in there considering it’s only a little after five in the afternoon. As soon as he approaches Jensen he tries to survey the look on his face. He’s smiling at him almost carefree, like what happened last night didn’t happen at all. Like he didn’t leave him at four-thirty in the morning because ‘Chad’s probably worried sick.’
And maybe that’s the downfall of Jensen as a whole. He’s such a fucking nice guy. He’s the type that puts people before himself. And he’s the type to let bygones be that, and leave it at that. But Jared’s not wired like he is. What he did is going to eat at him forever until he makes it right. And maybe even after that, because even if he’s not sure what he’s doing right now with either of them; and even though he’s confused and guilty, he can’t let them both be pulled like this. It’s not fair.
Jared’s wearing a plain white t-shirt, faded jeans, and black shoes. Jensen’s always found something sexy about a clean, plain outfit; and it’s like Jared just knows what gets him. They hug when Jared’s close enough and Jensen breathes him in. And he’s missed they way he smells. Like cool mint and Old Spice, like commitment, like Jensen’s future.
They find a table in the back of the bar, order two beers, and sit at opposite sides of the table. They avoid topics like Chad, and last night, and this whole situation and it was killing Jared because he knew that Jensen was going it on purpose. Or subconsciously, maybe. He’s doing all he can not to get hurt, and Jared knew that.
“I don’t know why it’s taking so long for them to call us back, I mean, they said we were great.” Jensen takes a sip of his beer and just watches Jared smile. And he’ll never get tired of watch that. It’s just another thing about Jared that’ll be burned into his memory forever. Jared’s left a pretty big footprint in Jensen mind, his heart, and his life already. Not bad for a couple of days, right?
But it feels like years. Like he and Jared go way back. It feels like this was meant to happen, and maybe that’s why they’re so comfortable with each other. But Jensen didn’t dare say that out loud. Be careful what you wish for.
“How’ve you been?” Jensen asks him and watches as he searches for the right thing to say.
He couldn’t say ‘I’m fine,’ because they both know that’s a lie. So he settles with , “Tired. Just tired,” and hopes Jensen leaves it at that.
Of course he doesn’t.
“And how’s Chad?”
Then there’s a heavy silence. And Jensen’s regretting he said it, and he can tell by the look on Jared’s face that he’s upset, too. But they both knew they’d have to address it someday, somehow.
Jared clears his throat, shifts in his seat and says, “Fine, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“Jensen.”
He shrugs, and it's fake and arrogant. "It was just a question. I mean you do live with the guy, and share everything, and he's supposedly your best friend--"
"Supposedly?"
Jared's eyes narrow at him and he digs his nail into his palm, and he can feel the tension and anger building in not only himself but Jensen too.
Jensen looks away, "You know what I mean."
Do I?, Jared wants to say, but he knows that Jensen has all the right in the world to act like this. Hell, he would've. He knows that, even if he doesn't show it, he's pissed right now because he's been pulled into something he didn't ask for.
Jensen came with no strings attached, no love-sick best friends, and no love triangles. Jared did.
With a flick of his tongue, Jared sighs. He takes Jensen's hand, shakes it until he looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, okay?"
And he doesn't mean for it to sound so fucking forced because he really is sorry. So fucking sorry because he can see the hurt in Jensen's eyes every time he looks at him and it's killing Jared because he never meant for any of this to happen. How could he? And in the matter of 48 hours it's snowballed into something big and messy and heartbreaking for all three of them.
Jensen looks at him and he nods, "I know you're sorry, Jare. And that's why I've been avoiding it."
Avoiding it is probably the worse thing to do, but it seems right. Sometimes it seems better to just ignore it.
"We shouldn't have to avoid anything," Jared says, just under his breath, but Jensen hears him.
Jensen smiles a little, and it's like a little boy smile. Like he just heard he and his family are going to Disneyland for a week. "We."
Jared returns the smile, grips Jensen's hand a little tighter and answers, "Yeah, we."
They both like the way it sounds.
--- --- ---
They go back to Jensen's place after a night of what Jared would call near-perfect. No mention of Chad, no mention of the fucked up love triangle they're in, and no mention of work. It was just them. Jared and Jensen. Jensen and Jared. That's it.
And that felt good.
They had two beers at Rio's and then drove just because they could. Jensen drove Jared places in LA that he didn't even know existed, but then again, they were from two different lives. For as long as he could remember, up until recently, Jared's been at the most expensive places, hottest parties with the most over-priced champagne -- and most of that was Chad's fault. That's how they used to roll.
But Jensen stayed as true to his roots as he could in a big city like Los Angeles. He found small bars, homely people, and intimate connections that reminded him of Texas. And that's something Jared wished he did differently once he got to LA. But Jensen's brought that back to him.
He's like his own little piece of home.
They go to the beach, and it's pretty at night. There're scattered couples in places, walking the shoreline, holding hands. Jensen and Jared find a table in the pier and just watch the waves.
And they're both a little shaky because this is sort of surreal to both of them. Past relationships (and current ones) have fucked Jared up in the hopes of having a functional relationship, and Jensen, too timid for too many years, has never felt this way before. About anyone.
This is different -- in a good way -- for both of them.
--- --- ---
By ten-thirty, Jensen's kissing down Jared's torso, sliding his hands over his stomach and hips. The curtains are drawn, the bed a mess already, and Jared's gripping the back of Jensen's head.
Hot and wet, Jensen's mouth is. Welcoming and needy he opens up and takes Jared in as far as he can and Jared can feel him breathing on his lower abs. His tongue zigzags up the length of Jared's cock and he moans, throwing his head back mumbling, "Right there, oh my god, Jensen."
--- --- ---
As a quarter to eleven o'clock strikes, Jensen's got Jared on his hands and knees panting into the pillow. His hands grips Jared's hips, back to chest, and pushing in deep.
Jensen's hips rolled like waves, fast and strong with Jared pushing back into him. And it was hard to tell where Jensen ended and Jared began anymore. He reaches down, pulls Jared up straight and kisses his neck.
They're both out of breath but no where out of energy. Jared takes Jensen's hand guides it down his stomach until he's wrapped his fingers around his cock, stroking it as fast as he's pushing into Jared.
Jared falls back over, gripping the bed sheets and mumbling Jensen's name in the sexiest way he's ever heard.
--- --- ---
Fifteen minutes later and they've both came two times already. But now Jensen's flat on his back, Jared's legs latched around his sides, and riding him like no tomorrow. And it's almost mesmerizing the way Jared's body flows and it's almost elegant for someone so tall.
His hands press right over Jensen's heart, hair falling in his face as he goes faster. Wet friction and heat build up pressure against Jensen's cock and it's a familiar feeling. He feels his breath hitch and he reaches for Jared's arm out of impulse.
And the way Jared smiles at him is incredible.
He leans forward kisses his lips hungrily. Their mouths slide against each other, teeth clashing and tongues wrestling. And Jared's mouth is soft and almost feather-light.
Jensen grips his hair and keeps him close. He grabs his hip and pushes up harder and harder, counter-acting Jared rocking backward and he feels his muscles tightening.
"Oh fuck , Jensen..."
And he can feel Jared's whole body stiffen, blowing warm breath against Jensen's neck, and whimpering into his ear.
--- --- ---
By midnight Jared's writhing on the bed, toes curling and stomach muscles aching. His hair's a mess and Jensen likes it that way. His face is glistening along with his chest and his abs and they glimmer in the moonlight.
Jensen's on his knees with two fingers pushing in Jared's ass, which is a little sore.
His fingers are slippery, slick with his own come and they're hitting spots Jared didn't even know he had. He's shaking, panting, with his hands balled into fists. Jensen kisses his cheek and this his face and then his lips to try and quiet him a little.
"Fuck me, oh fuck , Jensen, fuck me," and it sounds like he's begging for it. Jensen licks his lips and forces three fingers in this time and watches Jared hiss in pleasure.
He's come three times already and he's not even sure if he can again. But Jensen pushes in hard and assertive with his fingers and presses open-mouthed kisses against his neck and on his collar bone; and he comes like it's the first time.
--- --- ---
Jared falls asleep listening to the sound of Jensen's heart beat. His head lay on his chest, ear right over his heart, with his arm slung over Jensen's rib cage. Jensen loses his fingers somewhere in the back of Jared's hair, sliding through his now-wavy hair, damp with sweat.
Jensen stares at the clock at watches the minutes go by and the sound of Jared breathing is soothing. It's calming and slow. He can feel Jared's stomach push out and fall in, in a smooth pattern; his whole body exhausted.
He finally lets his eyes fall shut shortly after that. He makes his breathing mirror Jared's and he falls asleep carding through his hair.
--- --- ---
Like a bad habit, Jared wakes up at a quarter to five. He squints at the clock, and the at the door. He moves Jensen's arm, sits up, and stretches. Slowly, and almost quietly, he stands up and heads for the door.
"Jared."
Jensen's voice is soft and Jared can hear the disappointment in his voice, because he can't do this again. Not after tonight. Not after what they said.
Jared mumbles, "Bathroom," sleepily over his shoulder. And Jensen laughs a little, but it's more of a sigh of relief.
A moment later, Jared's back, walking zombie-like to Jensen's bed, head low, bangs swinging. He rubs his eye, groans at the sleep that's threatening to take over him again, and Jensen smirks at his actions. And it's almost adorable the way he can resemble a six year old like that when he's tired.
Jared crawls back into bed again, rests his head back over Jensen's heart, and before Jensen knows it, he's asleep again.
The only thing Jensen could think is: He stayed.
--- --- ---
The next day, it's hard not to notice that Jared hasn't been home much. And it doesn't take a detective to figure out where he's been and who he's been with. He comes in shortly, says a soft, "Hey," in Chad's direction and heads for the shower. This time he locks the door.
And Chad doesn't know what to day.
Doesn't know what to do.
Doesn't know how to feel.
When he's in the shower, Chad reaches for his phone. He scrolls down the contact list until he stumbles upon Jensen's number and saves it into his own phone.
Jared comes out of the bathroom, changes clothes and walks into the living room again. Chad can tell he's trying to hard not to seem awkward, that it only makes things more awkward.
"I'm gonna go get the car fixed, alright?" Jared says, but it looks more like he's talking to the ground.
Chad scratches his head. "What's wrong with it?"
"Check engine light keeps coming on."
Chad nods, there's nothing else to say. He watches Jared reach for the keys and head for the door.
Not a second after he's gone he picks up his phone and dials Jensen's number.
--- --- ---
Jensen has done a lot of stupid things in his life.
There was a time when his brother convinced him that he could fly and he jumped off the roof with nothing but a blanket wrapped around him. And he remembers, quite vividly, a number of times he ate anything but edible things on numerous dares.
Agreeing to meet Chad had to be the stupidest, though. He's only just got there, spotted Chad for a mile away, but he can tell he's going to regret it.
He could just turn and walk away, but something keeps him from doing that. Something keeps telling him that maybe he needs to be here. Like if Jared honestly couldn't choose, maybe they'd have to do it for him.
But Jensen's not really all about compromise, and Chad doesn't look like he is either. Both would like to say, "Fuck off,pal," and watch the other walk in the other direction. But they both know it's not going to happen. Chad's a fighter, hardheaded, rough. And Jensen's more of the persuasive type, and, truth be told, his anger and jealousy can get the best of him from time to time.
It was no surprise that as soon as Jensen sat down, Chad jumped right in to it.
"This thing you got with Jared needs to stop."
Jensen could've laughed if he didn't see the pure certainty in Chad's eyes.
"Are you his father or something? I think he's old enough to make his own decisions," Jensen answers, fixing his jacket.
Chad shakes his head. "He's fucked up, man. Doesn't know what he wants--"
"I think we both know who he wants."
And this was beginning to sound like some debate. They resembled two high school cheerleaders fighting over the football team's quarterback. And if Jensen wasn't so sure about his feelings, he'd almost be embarrassed. But then again, Jared isn't anything to be ashamed about.
There's some things you just have to fight for.
Chad scratches the side of his head. Jensen's noticed that he does that when he's getting aggravated, and mentally pats himself on the back.
"Oh really?" Chad's voice is soft and wrapped in venom. "And who's that?"
There's no hesitation when Jensen answers, "We both know it's me."
"Really--"
"Chad, you're his best friend. That's it. Face it, man, fuck--"
Chad cuts in strong and clear to make sure Jensen hears him fully. "We weren't just friends last night in the shower."
And it takes Jensen a full minute to comprehend what Chad just said to him. A full minute of Jensen just staring at him, almost unblinkingly, mouth agape, silent. Like Chad had ripped out his lungs and his voice box. He smiles at Jensen because he knows he's got him and continues.
"And he wanted it. He wanted it bad." Chad shrugs. "Shit, he damn hear begged for it right then and there."
Chad's eyes narrow at Jensen and he says, "Guess that's what friends do, right?" but it was no where near a question. It was a quick shot to the heart for Jensen. And the worst part was he knew Chad as telling the truth. He was too cocky to just say something like this. There's a million other things and a million other ways he could've said and done to piss Jensen off.
But nothing hurts like the truth.
Jensen can feel his fists curling and it's almost shocking to him how quick his anger is taking over him. And he can literally feel himself losing control.
"Yeah, so, I'm not so sure who he wants. Seems pretty even to me."
Chad shrugs and smiles out the side of his mouth.
"Listen man, I'm just telling you facts, oka--"
Jensen's fist meets Chad's mouth hard and his face goes flying to the side. Without another word or action, Jensen stands and heads for the door.
But the sound of Chad's laughter was still ringing in his ear.
--- --- ---
Jensen drove home with his vision blurry. He drove fast, well over the speed limit with his mind in over drive and his hands on auto-pilot.
Cars beep at him as he switches lanes recklessly and shifts to the shoulder of the road. He opens his door, puts his feet on the ground, and stares at the dirt.
He feels angry, so angry he's nauseous. He coughs, and with one hands gripping the steering wheel his stomach empties all over the deep gray dirt.
And when he's done, his stomach feels better. But his heart feels the same: broken.
--- --- ---
When Jared finally comes home, newly fixed car and all, he finds Chad right where he left him. But this time with dried blood on his shirt. He's on his third beer and he's swaying in his chair like it's a boat on the lake.
"Dude what happened to you?" Jared asks, dropping the keys on the counter.
Chad shrugs. "D'nt re'ember," he slurs.
Jared shakes his head, goes into the kitchen momentarily and comes back with a damp cloth in his hand. He dabs at Chad's chin, says to him, "You're gonna be okay," and before he has a chance to say anything else, his lips are smashed with Chad's.
Chad's hand slides into his hair, keeping him still. And Jared's mind is screaming 'No, no, fucking no!' but his mouth keeps moving.
And before he knows it, he's on Chad's lap, hips rocking impulsively against Chad's, panting into his mouth.
But his lips should be fuller and his hair a little longer. His teeth should be a little straighter, frame a little thicker, and eyes greener.
Jared pulls back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and shaking his head.
"What he fuck are we doing?" His voice is soft and shaky. And now he begins to feel worse because he almost let it happen again, and this time he doesn't know why.
He stands up, still rubbing his mouth and says, "This was a mistake. All of it. It was a mistake, Chad. Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I--"
He has no words left. No way to explain himself other than he's an idiot. He's let this get too far out of hand, and it's time to put back all the pieces correctly.
Jared shakes his head again, "We can't," he starts. "We can't do this again. Not while Jensen's still in the picture. It's not fair to him, it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to me either."
Chad sits up, holds out his hand and says, "Fuck Jensen. Jared, c'mon. Jared."
Jared huffs, eyebrows raised and walks backwards. "No, fuck you, Chad."
He makes sure the door slams behind him.
--- --- ---
Jared comes back two hours later, but he's still just as mad. The door slams again, introducing his entrance and he power-walks into their room. That door slams, too.
Drunk or not, Chad's still got a conscious. Sort of.
And he knows that all of this is his fault, no matter which way you turn it. It's a shame Jared doesn't feel the same way he does, but who the fuck gave him the right to force himself on him. Selfish and brainless, he was. And maybe it was time for him to fix it.
If there's one thing Chad can't stand looking at, it's Jared upset. Because he's not just mad at him, upset about what happened and distant.
Chad sleeps on the couch that night; doesn't even try knocking on the door to get a pillow or a blanket. He doesn't deserve one, anyway.
--- --- ---
There's a hard knock on Jensen's apartment door at 9:15 in the morning. It's been three days since he's spoken to Jared. He's ignored all his calls, didn't write back to his text, and avoided all the places he could possibly be in.
After his little chat with Chad, he just wasn't ready to look at Jared. Maybe he never will be.
When the door swings open the first thing he sees is a busted lip and blond hair.
Chad.
Jensen pushes the door back toward the closed position, but Chad's had one too many door slammed in his face lately and he stops it before it shuts.
"Wait," he says, pushing inward on the door, trying to get at least a minute of Jensen's time. This time he wasn't here to fight, or argue, or taunt. He was here to do the right thing.
Jensen huffs, rolls his eyes and says, "What the fuck do you want?"
"I need to talk to you," Chad says, and Jensen can see in his eyes that his motives are totally different from the last time they met.
Chad has absolutely no way of being nice to Jensen, some wire in his brain just won't let him. But he's civil for Jared's sake. Because even if the feeling isn't mutual, Jared is still pretty much the best thing in his life.
"What I told you, what I said -- It was wrong, I--" Chad looks for his words, tries to phrase it in a way that won't end with the door slammed in his face again. "It was wrong for me to tell you in that way, or, I guess at all. Jared should've did that. It... it wasn't my place to say anything. And for that, I'm sorry."
Jensen shrugs a little, says, "Great." and tries to close the door.
Chad's foot stops it from closing.
"He loves you, you know."
Jensen almost freezes. He blinks once, twice at Chad. And he's silent, so Chad continues.
"He won't say it, but damn, he loves you. Way more than he could ever love me. And I guess I've always knew that. It's just --"
"It's hard," Jensen finishes for him. "It's hard to take in the fact that someone doesn't feel the same way you do."
Chad just nods.
Jensen looks at the floor, and suddenly there's anger in his eyes again. "Still doesn't change the fact that you fucked him."
Chad shakes his head, presses his hand on the door frame and says, "Don't blame him. If you're going to get mad at anyone for any reason, then be mad at me. He was confused and I took advantage of that. I knew what I was doing and he didn't. It's my fault, and if I could take it back, I would. It just made everything worse for everyone."
Jensen was about to answer when Chad butted in with, "Do you love him?"
"Chad--"
"No, do. You. Love. Him?" Chad drags each word into it's own sentence and Jensen can hear his voice beginning to break.
Jensen nods, and it feels like the truth, it feels right when he answers, "I do. I love him a lot."
There's a crooked, broken smile on Chad's face. He whispers, "Great."
"Take care of him, okay?" Chad's words sound like a plea, like he's giving away his most prized possession. And it's just then when Jensen notices the two bags on the ground.
"You're leaving?"
"Promise you'll look after him."
Jensen nods, says, "Of course I will," and glances at Chad's bags again.
Chad licks his lips, rubs his hand over his eyes and sighs. He turns around, reaches for one of his bags, but then stops.
He looks Jensen square in the eye and says, "If you ever hurt him...," in a warning-like tone.
His voice is almost threatening, too, but Jensen knows better than to take offense from it. Because if nothing else, Chad is one hell of a friend, cares too much for his own good.
Jensen shakes his head and answers, "I won't. I promise," with assurance written in his voice and etched in his face.
There's a moment or two of total stillness before Chad holds out his hand for Jensen to shake.
"Have a good life, Chad."
And he smiles, but it's a sad one. "You, too, Jensen."
--- --- ---
There's another knock on Jensen's door, but this one he was expecting. On the other side stands Jared and he's got a note in his hand. He looks a little shaken, his eyes are wide and his hair looks like he's been running.
Jensen takes a step back and allows him to come in.
The first thing Jared says is, "I'm sorry," he says it over and over until Jensen takes him by the shoulders and shakes him.
He leans in, kisses him softly and says, "I'm sorry, too."
"I want to be with you," Jared says, and it's the first time he's ever said it out loud but he's though it so many times in his head at night. "I want us to be happy. I want us to work together. I want us to be us "
Jensen sits next to him, intertwines his fingers with Jared's and says, "I want to be with you, too. Just... no more lying, Jare. I can't do it anymore. If you have something to tell me, then just say it."
Jared nods.
"No more lying, I promise."
Jared opens the white paper in his hand and gives it to Jensen to read. "He's gone," Jared says and his voice is small.
The note is short and to the point. Chad tells Jared that it's better off this way, and he's sorry if he's ever hurt him. He tells Jared that he's living upstate with a friend for a little while, and maybe they can meet up again -- as just friends, and he makes that point clear.
"You're gonna miss him," Jensen asks, but it sounds more like a statement. Jared nods anyway but then shrugs.
"Of course," he says toward the ground. "He's still my best friend. Nothing's going to change that."
Jensen kisses Jared softly on the lips, hugs him, and sighs. This sort of feels like a new start for both of them. Or all three of them, for that matter.
--- --- ---
He watches them sometimes. Not in a creepy way, but in a 'I still want you to be happy' kind of way. In a way that tells him that Jared will always be his best friend, even if he's fucked that up.
Jared smiles all the time now, and it's really great. There's a light in his eyes when he's with Jensen that he could never have with Chad, and now Chad realizes that.
They live together in Jensen's apartment. Jared moved out of his and Chad's about a week after Chad was gone. Must've gotten too lonely.
Chad never got a chance to say it to either of them, but he's so fucking proud of both of them, honestly. They were both casted as the leading roles Sam and Dean Winchester. And Chad can just feel that they're going to be big stars one day.
He remembers the nights he and Jared used to stay up talking about their big break to stardom. They promised once that they wouldn't do it without each other.
Promises are meant to be broken, right?
Some things just work out that way. And it's a shame, though.
Chad still knows that maybe in another life, in a different time and under different circumstances, he could've made Jared real happy.
Not everything works out the way you want, he guesses.
-END.
A/N: Thank you so much for reading. It's really, really appreciated; and I hope that you enjoyed it (:
Word Count: ~4,900
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jared/Jensen, Jared/Chad
Summary: There are some things you want. And things you want more. They both want Jared, and are willing to fight to prove it.
All’s fair in love and war, right? That’s at least how the saying goes. But no one told Jared it’d leave him with this much guilt and anger. Angry that he feels this way, that everything’s happening this way. Angry because he doesn’t know how to stop it, even if it seems so simple. Nothing’s ever simple.
He meets Jensen at a bar downtown called Rio’s. It’s calm in there considering it’s only a little after five in the afternoon. As soon as he approaches Jensen he tries to survey the look on his face. He’s smiling at him almost carefree, like what happened last night didn’t happen at all. Like he didn’t leave him at four-thirty in the morning because ‘Chad’s probably worried sick.’
And maybe that’s the downfall of Jensen as a whole. He’s such a fucking nice guy. He’s the type that puts people before himself. And he’s the type to let bygones be that, and leave it at that. But Jared’s not wired like he is. What he did is going to eat at him forever until he makes it right. And maybe even after that, because even if he’s not sure what he’s doing right now with either of them; and even though he’s confused and guilty, he can’t let them both be pulled like this. It’s not fair.
Jared’s wearing a plain white t-shirt, faded jeans, and black shoes. Jensen’s always found something sexy about a clean, plain outfit; and it’s like Jared just knows what gets him. They hug when Jared’s close enough and Jensen breathes him in. And he’s missed they way he smells. Like cool mint and Old Spice, like commitment, like Jensen’s future.
They find a table in the back of the bar, order two beers, and sit at opposite sides of the table. They avoid topics like Chad, and last night, and this whole situation and it was killing Jared because he knew that Jensen was going it on purpose. Or subconsciously, maybe. He’s doing all he can not to get hurt, and Jared knew that.
“I don’t know why it’s taking so long for them to call us back, I mean, they said we were great.” Jensen takes a sip of his beer and just watches Jared smile. And he’ll never get tired of watch that. It’s just another thing about Jared that’ll be burned into his memory forever. Jared’s left a pretty big footprint in Jensen mind, his heart, and his life already. Not bad for a couple of days, right?
But it feels like years. Like he and Jared go way back. It feels like this was meant to happen, and maybe that’s why they’re so comfortable with each other. But Jensen didn’t dare say that out loud. Be careful what you wish for.
“How’ve you been?” Jensen asks him and watches as he searches for the right thing to say.
He couldn’t say ‘I’m fine,’ because they both know that’s a lie. So he settles with , “Tired. Just tired,” and hopes Jensen leaves it at that.
Of course he doesn’t.
“And how’s Chad?”
Then there’s a heavy silence. And Jensen’s regretting he said it, and he can tell by the look on Jared’s face that he’s upset, too. But they both knew they’d have to address it someday, somehow.
Jared clears his throat, shifts in his seat and says, “Fine, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“Jensen.”
He shrugs, and it's fake and arrogant. "It was just a question. I mean you do live with the guy, and share everything, and he's supposedly your best friend--"
"Supposedly?"
Jared's eyes narrow at him and he digs his nail into his palm, and he can feel the tension and anger building in not only himself but Jensen too.
Jensen looks away, "You know what I mean."
Do I?, Jared wants to say, but he knows that Jensen has all the right in the world to act like this. Hell, he would've. He knows that, even if he doesn't show it, he's pissed right now because he's been pulled into something he didn't ask for.
Jensen came with no strings attached, no love-sick best friends, and no love triangles. Jared did.
With a flick of his tongue, Jared sighs. He takes Jensen's hand, shakes it until he looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, okay?"
And he doesn't mean for it to sound so fucking forced because he really is sorry. So fucking sorry because he can see the hurt in Jensen's eyes every time he looks at him and it's killing Jared because he never meant for any of this to happen. How could he? And in the matter of 48 hours it's snowballed into something big and messy and heartbreaking for all three of them.
Jensen looks at him and he nods, "I know you're sorry, Jare. And that's why I've been avoiding it."
Avoiding it is probably the worse thing to do, but it seems right. Sometimes it seems better to just ignore it.
"We shouldn't have to avoid anything," Jared says, just under his breath, but Jensen hears him.
Jensen smiles a little, and it's like a little boy smile. Like he just heard he and his family are going to Disneyland for a week. "We."
Jared returns the smile, grips Jensen's hand a little tighter and answers, "Yeah, we."
They both like the way it sounds.
--- --- ---
They go back to Jensen's place after a night of what Jared would call near-perfect. No mention of Chad, no mention of the fucked up love triangle they're in, and no mention of work. It was just them. Jared and Jensen. Jensen and Jared. That's it.
And that felt good.
They had two beers at Rio's and then drove just because they could. Jensen drove Jared places in LA that he didn't even know existed, but then again, they were from two different lives. For as long as he could remember, up until recently, Jared's been at the most expensive places, hottest parties with the most over-priced champagne -- and most of that was Chad's fault. That's how they used to roll.
But Jensen stayed as true to his roots as he could in a big city like Los Angeles. He found small bars, homely people, and intimate connections that reminded him of Texas. And that's something Jared wished he did differently once he got to LA. But Jensen's brought that back to him.
He's like his own little piece of home.
They go to the beach, and it's pretty at night. There're scattered couples in places, walking the shoreline, holding hands. Jensen and Jared find a table in the pier and just watch the waves.
And they're both a little shaky because this is sort of surreal to both of them. Past relationships (and current ones) have fucked Jared up in the hopes of having a functional relationship, and Jensen, too timid for too many years, has never felt this way before. About anyone.
This is different -- in a good way -- for both of them.
--- --- ---
By ten-thirty, Jensen's kissing down Jared's torso, sliding his hands over his stomach and hips. The curtains are drawn, the bed a mess already, and Jared's gripping the back of Jensen's head.
Hot and wet, Jensen's mouth is. Welcoming and needy he opens up and takes Jared in as far as he can and Jared can feel him breathing on his lower abs. His tongue zigzags up the length of Jared's cock and he moans, throwing his head back mumbling, "Right there, oh my god, Jensen."
--- --- ---
As a quarter to eleven o'clock strikes, Jensen's got Jared on his hands and knees panting into the pillow. His hands grips Jared's hips, back to chest, and pushing in deep.
Jensen's hips rolled like waves, fast and strong with Jared pushing back into him. And it was hard to tell where Jensen ended and Jared began anymore. He reaches down, pulls Jared up straight and kisses his neck.
They're both out of breath but no where out of energy. Jared takes Jensen's hand guides it down his stomach until he's wrapped his fingers around his cock, stroking it as fast as he's pushing into Jared.
Jared falls back over, gripping the bed sheets and mumbling Jensen's name in the sexiest way he's ever heard.
--- --- ---
Fifteen minutes later and they've both came two times already. But now Jensen's flat on his back, Jared's legs latched around his sides, and riding him like no tomorrow. And it's almost mesmerizing the way Jared's body flows and it's almost elegant for someone so tall.
His hands press right over Jensen's heart, hair falling in his face as he goes faster. Wet friction and heat build up pressure against Jensen's cock and it's a familiar feeling. He feels his breath hitch and he reaches for Jared's arm out of impulse.
And the way Jared smiles at him is incredible.
He leans forward kisses his lips hungrily. Their mouths slide against each other, teeth clashing and tongues wrestling. And Jared's mouth is soft and almost feather-light.
Jensen grips his hair and keeps him close. He grabs his hip and pushes up harder and harder, counter-acting Jared rocking backward and he feels his muscles tightening.
"Oh fuck , Jensen..."
And he can feel Jared's whole body stiffen, blowing warm breath against Jensen's neck, and whimpering into his ear.
--- --- ---
By midnight Jared's writhing on the bed, toes curling and stomach muscles aching. His hair's a mess and Jensen likes it that way. His face is glistening along with his chest and his abs and they glimmer in the moonlight.
Jensen's on his knees with two fingers pushing in Jared's ass, which is a little sore.
His fingers are slippery, slick with his own come and they're hitting spots Jared didn't even know he had. He's shaking, panting, with his hands balled into fists. Jensen kisses his cheek and this his face and then his lips to try and quiet him a little.
"Fuck me, oh fuck , Jensen, fuck me," and it sounds like he's begging for it. Jensen licks his lips and forces three fingers in this time and watches Jared hiss in pleasure.
He's come three times already and he's not even sure if he can again. But Jensen pushes in hard and assertive with his fingers and presses open-mouthed kisses against his neck and on his collar bone; and he comes like it's the first time.
--- --- ---
Jared falls asleep listening to the sound of Jensen's heart beat. His head lay on his chest, ear right over his heart, with his arm slung over Jensen's rib cage. Jensen loses his fingers somewhere in the back of Jared's hair, sliding through his now-wavy hair, damp with sweat.
Jensen stares at the clock at watches the minutes go by and the sound of Jared breathing is soothing. It's calming and slow. He can feel Jared's stomach push out and fall in, in a smooth pattern; his whole body exhausted.
He finally lets his eyes fall shut shortly after that. He makes his breathing mirror Jared's and he falls asleep carding through his hair.
--- --- ---
Like a bad habit, Jared wakes up at a quarter to five. He squints at the clock, and the at the door. He moves Jensen's arm, sits up, and stretches. Slowly, and almost quietly, he stands up and heads for the door.
"Jared."
Jensen's voice is soft and Jared can hear the disappointment in his voice, because he can't do this again. Not after tonight. Not after what they said.
Jared mumbles, "Bathroom," sleepily over his shoulder. And Jensen laughs a little, but it's more of a sigh of relief.
A moment later, Jared's back, walking zombie-like to Jensen's bed, head low, bangs swinging. He rubs his eye, groans at the sleep that's threatening to take over him again, and Jensen smirks at his actions. And it's almost adorable the way he can resemble a six year old like that when he's tired.
Jared crawls back into bed again, rests his head back over Jensen's heart, and before Jensen knows it, he's asleep again.
The only thing Jensen could think is: He stayed.
--- --- ---
The next day, it's hard not to notice that Jared hasn't been home much. And it doesn't take a detective to figure out where he's been and who he's been with. He comes in shortly, says a soft, "Hey," in Chad's direction and heads for the shower. This time he locks the door.
And Chad doesn't know what to day.
Doesn't know what to do.
Doesn't know how to feel.
When he's in the shower, Chad reaches for his phone. He scrolls down the contact list until he stumbles upon Jensen's number and saves it into his own phone.
Jared comes out of the bathroom, changes clothes and walks into the living room again. Chad can tell he's trying to hard not to seem awkward, that it only makes things more awkward.
"I'm gonna go get the car fixed, alright?" Jared says, but it looks more like he's talking to the ground.
Chad scratches his head. "What's wrong with it?"
"Check engine light keeps coming on."
Chad nods, there's nothing else to say. He watches Jared reach for the keys and head for the door.
Not a second after he's gone he picks up his phone and dials Jensen's number.
--- --- ---
Jensen has done a lot of stupid things in his life.
There was a time when his brother convinced him that he could fly and he jumped off the roof with nothing but a blanket wrapped around him. And he remembers, quite vividly, a number of times he ate anything but edible things on numerous dares.
Agreeing to meet Chad had to be the stupidest, though. He's only just got there, spotted Chad for a mile away, but he can tell he's going to regret it.
He could just turn and walk away, but something keeps him from doing that. Something keeps telling him that maybe he needs to be here. Like if Jared honestly couldn't choose, maybe they'd have to do it for him.
But Jensen's not really all about compromise, and Chad doesn't look like he is either. Both would like to say, "Fuck off,pal," and watch the other walk in the other direction. But they both know it's not going to happen. Chad's a fighter, hardheaded, rough. And Jensen's more of the persuasive type, and, truth be told, his anger and jealousy can get the best of him from time to time.
It was no surprise that as soon as Jensen sat down, Chad jumped right in to it.
"This thing you got with Jared needs to stop."
Jensen could've laughed if he didn't see the pure certainty in Chad's eyes.
"Are you his father or something? I think he's old enough to make his own decisions," Jensen answers, fixing his jacket.
Chad shakes his head. "He's fucked up, man. Doesn't know what he wants--"
"I think we both know who he wants."
And this was beginning to sound like some debate. They resembled two high school cheerleaders fighting over the football team's quarterback. And if Jensen wasn't so sure about his feelings, he'd almost be embarrassed. But then again, Jared isn't anything to be ashamed about.
There's some things you just have to fight for.
Chad scratches the side of his head. Jensen's noticed that he does that when he's getting aggravated, and mentally pats himself on the back.
"Oh really?" Chad's voice is soft and wrapped in venom. "And who's that?"
There's no hesitation when Jensen answers, "We both know it's me."
"Really--"
"Chad, you're his best friend. That's it. Face it, man, fuck--"
Chad cuts in strong and clear to make sure Jensen hears him fully. "We weren't just friends last night in the shower."
And it takes Jensen a full minute to comprehend what Chad just said to him. A full minute of Jensen just staring at him, almost unblinkingly, mouth agape, silent. Like Chad had ripped out his lungs and his voice box. He smiles at Jensen because he knows he's got him and continues.
"And he wanted it. He wanted it bad." Chad shrugs. "Shit, he damn hear begged for it right then and there."
Chad's eyes narrow at Jensen and he says, "Guess that's what friends do, right?" but it was no where near a question. It was a quick shot to the heart for Jensen. And the worst part was he knew Chad as telling the truth. He was too cocky to just say something like this. There's a million other things and a million other ways he could've said and done to piss Jensen off.
But nothing hurts like the truth.
Jensen can feel his fists curling and it's almost shocking to him how quick his anger is taking over him. And he can literally feel himself losing control.
"Yeah, so, I'm not so sure who he wants. Seems pretty even to me."
Chad shrugs and smiles out the side of his mouth.
"Listen man, I'm just telling you facts, oka--"
Jensen's fist meets Chad's mouth hard and his face goes flying to the side. Without another word or action, Jensen stands and heads for the door.
But the sound of Chad's laughter was still ringing in his ear.
--- --- ---
Jensen drove home with his vision blurry. He drove fast, well over the speed limit with his mind in over drive and his hands on auto-pilot.
Cars beep at him as he switches lanes recklessly and shifts to the shoulder of the road. He opens his door, puts his feet on the ground, and stares at the dirt.
He feels angry, so angry he's nauseous. He coughs, and with one hands gripping the steering wheel his stomach empties all over the deep gray dirt.
And when he's done, his stomach feels better. But his heart feels the same: broken.
--- --- ---
When Jared finally comes home, newly fixed car and all, he finds Chad right where he left him. But this time with dried blood on his shirt. He's on his third beer and he's swaying in his chair like it's a boat on the lake.
"Dude what happened to you?" Jared asks, dropping the keys on the counter.
Chad shrugs. "D'nt re'ember," he slurs.
Jared shakes his head, goes into the kitchen momentarily and comes back with a damp cloth in his hand. He dabs at Chad's chin, says to him, "You're gonna be okay," and before he has a chance to say anything else, his lips are smashed with Chad's.
Chad's hand slides into his hair, keeping him still. And Jared's mind is screaming 'No, no, fucking no!' but his mouth keeps moving.
And before he knows it, he's on Chad's lap, hips rocking impulsively against Chad's, panting into his mouth.
But his lips should be fuller and his hair a little longer. His teeth should be a little straighter, frame a little thicker, and eyes greener.
Jared pulls back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and shaking his head.
"What he fuck are we doing?" His voice is soft and shaky. And now he begins to feel worse because he almost let it happen again, and this time he doesn't know why.
He stands up, still rubbing his mouth and says, "This was a mistake. All of it. It was a mistake, Chad. Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I--"
He has no words left. No way to explain himself other than he's an idiot. He's let this get too far out of hand, and it's time to put back all the pieces correctly.
Jared shakes his head again, "We can't," he starts. "We can't do this again. Not while Jensen's still in the picture. It's not fair to him, it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to me either."
Chad sits up, holds out his hand and says, "Fuck Jensen. Jared, c'mon. Jared."
Jared huffs, eyebrows raised and walks backwards. "No, fuck you, Chad."
He makes sure the door slams behind him.
--- --- ---
Jared comes back two hours later, but he's still just as mad. The door slams again, introducing his entrance and he power-walks into their room. That door slams, too.
Drunk or not, Chad's still got a conscious. Sort of.
And he knows that all of this is his fault, no matter which way you turn it. It's a shame Jared doesn't feel the same way he does, but who the fuck gave him the right to force himself on him. Selfish and brainless, he was. And maybe it was time for him to fix it.
If there's one thing Chad can't stand looking at, it's Jared upset. Because he's not just mad at him, upset about what happened and distant.
Chad sleeps on the couch that night; doesn't even try knocking on the door to get a pillow or a blanket. He doesn't deserve one, anyway.
--- --- ---
There's a hard knock on Jensen's apartment door at 9:15 in the morning. It's been three days since he's spoken to Jared. He's ignored all his calls, didn't write back to his text, and avoided all the places he could possibly be in.
After his little chat with Chad, he just wasn't ready to look at Jared. Maybe he never will be.
When the door swings open the first thing he sees is a busted lip and blond hair.
Chad.
Jensen pushes the door back toward the closed position, but Chad's had one too many door slammed in his face lately and he stops it before it shuts.
"Wait," he says, pushing inward on the door, trying to get at least a minute of Jensen's time. This time he wasn't here to fight, or argue, or taunt. He was here to do the right thing.
Jensen huffs, rolls his eyes and says, "What the fuck do you want?"
"I need to talk to you," Chad says, and Jensen can see in his eyes that his motives are totally different from the last time they met.
Chad has absolutely no way of being nice to Jensen, some wire in his brain just won't let him. But he's civil for Jared's sake. Because even if the feeling isn't mutual, Jared is still pretty much the best thing in his life.
"What I told you, what I said -- It was wrong, I--" Chad looks for his words, tries to phrase it in a way that won't end with the door slammed in his face again. "It was wrong for me to tell you in that way, or, I guess at all. Jared should've did that. It... it wasn't my place to say anything. And for that, I'm sorry."
Jensen shrugs a little, says, "Great." and tries to close the door.
Chad's foot stops it from closing.
"He loves you, you know."
Jensen almost freezes. He blinks once, twice at Chad. And he's silent, so Chad continues.
"He won't say it, but damn, he loves you. Way more than he could ever love me. And I guess I've always knew that. It's just --"
"It's hard," Jensen finishes for him. "It's hard to take in the fact that someone doesn't feel the same way you do."
Chad just nods.
Jensen looks at the floor, and suddenly there's anger in his eyes again. "Still doesn't change the fact that you fucked him."
Chad shakes his head, presses his hand on the door frame and says, "Don't blame him. If you're going to get mad at anyone for any reason, then be mad at me. He was confused and I took advantage of that. I knew what I was doing and he didn't. It's my fault, and if I could take it back, I would. It just made everything worse for everyone."
Jensen was about to answer when Chad butted in with, "Do you love him?"
"Chad--"
"No, do. You. Love. Him?" Chad drags each word into it's own sentence and Jensen can hear his voice beginning to break.
Jensen nods, and it feels like the truth, it feels right when he answers, "I do. I love him a lot."
There's a crooked, broken smile on Chad's face. He whispers, "Great."
"Take care of him, okay?" Chad's words sound like a plea, like he's giving away his most prized possession. And it's just then when Jensen notices the two bags on the ground.
"You're leaving?"
"Promise you'll look after him."
Jensen nods, says, "Of course I will," and glances at Chad's bags again.
Chad licks his lips, rubs his hand over his eyes and sighs. He turns around, reaches for one of his bags, but then stops.
He looks Jensen square in the eye and says, "If you ever hurt him...," in a warning-like tone.
His voice is almost threatening, too, but Jensen knows better than to take offense from it. Because if nothing else, Chad is one hell of a friend, cares too much for his own good.
Jensen shakes his head and answers, "I won't. I promise," with assurance written in his voice and etched in his face.
There's a moment or two of total stillness before Chad holds out his hand for Jensen to shake.
"Have a good life, Chad."
And he smiles, but it's a sad one. "You, too, Jensen."
--- --- ---
There's another knock on Jensen's door, but this one he was expecting. On the other side stands Jared and he's got a note in his hand. He looks a little shaken, his eyes are wide and his hair looks like he's been running.
Jensen takes a step back and allows him to come in.
The first thing Jared says is, "I'm sorry," he says it over and over until Jensen takes him by the shoulders and shakes him.
He leans in, kisses him softly and says, "I'm sorry, too."
"I want to be with you," Jared says, and it's the first time he's ever said it out loud but he's though it so many times in his head at night. "I want us to be happy. I want us to work together. I want us to be us "
Jensen sits next to him, intertwines his fingers with Jared's and says, "I want to be with you, too. Just... no more lying, Jare. I can't do it anymore. If you have something to tell me, then just say it."
Jared nods.
"No more lying, I promise."
Jared opens the white paper in his hand and gives it to Jensen to read. "He's gone," Jared says and his voice is small.
The note is short and to the point. Chad tells Jared that it's better off this way, and he's sorry if he's ever hurt him. He tells Jared that he's living upstate with a friend for a little while, and maybe they can meet up again -- as just friends, and he makes that point clear.
"You're gonna miss him," Jensen asks, but it sounds more like a statement. Jared nods anyway but then shrugs.
"Of course," he says toward the ground. "He's still my best friend. Nothing's going to change that."
Jensen kisses Jared softly on the lips, hugs him, and sighs. This sort of feels like a new start for both of them. Or all three of them, for that matter.
--- --- ---
He watches them sometimes. Not in a creepy way, but in a 'I still want you to be happy' kind of way. In a way that tells him that Jared will always be his best friend, even if he's fucked that up.
Jared smiles all the time now, and it's really great. There's a light in his eyes when he's with Jensen that he could never have with Chad, and now Chad realizes that.
They live together in Jensen's apartment. Jared moved out of his and Chad's about a week after Chad was gone. Must've gotten too lonely.
Chad never got a chance to say it to either of them, but he's so fucking proud of both of them, honestly. They were both casted as the leading roles Sam and Dean Winchester. And Chad can just feel that they're going to be big stars one day.
He remembers the nights he and Jared used to stay up talking about their big break to stardom. They promised once that they wouldn't do it without each other.
Promises are meant to be broken, right?
Some things just work out that way. And it's a shame, though.
Chad still knows that maybe in another life, in a different time and under different circumstances, he could've made Jared real happy.
Not everything works out the way you want, he guesses.
-END.
A/N: Thank you so much for reading. It's really, really appreciated; and I hope that you enjoyed it (: