ALPHABET MEME: U is for Undercover
Title: A Wise Fool
Fandom: Nikita
Rating: G
Word Count: ~350
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Alex, mentions of Nikita, Amanda
Continuity: set vaguely between 1x01 and 1x11
Summary: Short piece about the lines we draw, how they blur and what reality really is-- or isn't. (Title inspired by this William Shakespeare quote: "A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.")
Disclaimer: Characters mentioned are used without permission and are trademarks of the CW (or whoever has rights to the show). I do not own them and am simply borrowing for my purposes. Please don't sue.
[Master List is here]
Special thanks to tobinsguide for moral support.
(pimped to iamnotoneofthem, nikita_tv and nikitafiction)
Sometimes, when you're alone with your eyes closed, you pretend. That's what being undercover is all about, after all-- living the lie. And you do it, day in and day out, not because you want to but because you have to. You have to.
It's almost too easy, really. Who wouldn't want to live a lie when the truth is that you're nothing more than a weapon for a questionable black ops organization?
But there's a line. Living the lie is not the same as believing the lie. That's what they forget to warn you about in training. (Or maybe it's another of Amanda's sick mind games.) That's what gets most in trouble. That's what got her into trouble.
Luckily, you know better. She taught you, she trained you, she told you what to expect and the pitfalls and everything in between. She makes sure you know never to make the same mistakes she did.
You know better, but you still make them, anyway.
That's the thing about being undercover, you think. You live the lie enough, you become the lie. You tell yourself you won't form attachments, but you do. You swear you'll never get emotional, but you can't help it.
So when you're alone you pretend. You pretend you really are the emotionless soldier for your cause that you wish you were, that you never have doubts or regrets or dreams about what it might be like if the world was just a tiny bit different than it is.
You pretend you never heard words like undercover or division and that you're happy-- that you can be happy at all.
That's not reality, though. Even reality isn't even really reality half the time-- how can it be when nothing is what it seems?
Maybe that's what being undercover is all about. Creating your own reality. Or maybe that's just a load of crap and you've seen The Matrix one too many times. Whatever the reason, whatever the cause, you stay until the job's done.
You just hope there's some of the real you left-- whoever she might be-- when you finally get to the other side.
Fandom: Nikita
Rating: G
Word Count: ~350
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Alex, mentions of Nikita, Amanda
Continuity: set vaguely between 1x01 and 1x11
Summary: Short piece about the lines we draw, how they blur and what reality really is-- or isn't. (Title inspired by this William Shakespeare quote: "A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.")
Disclaimer: Characters mentioned are used without permission and are trademarks of the CW (or whoever has rights to the show). I do not own them and am simply borrowing for my purposes. Please don't sue.
[Master List is here]
Special thanks to tobinsguide for moral support.
(pimped to iamnotoneofthem, nikita_tv and nikitafiction)
Sometimes, when you're alone with your eyes closed, you pretend. That's what being undercover is all about, after all-- living the lie. And you do it, day in and day out, not because you want to but because you have to. You have to.
It's almost too easy, really. Who wouldn't want to live a lie when the truth is that you're nothing more than a weapon for a questionable black ops organization?
But there's a line. Living the lie is not the same as believing the lie. That's what they forget to warn you about in training. (Or maybe it's another of Amanda's sick mind games.) That's what gets most in trouble. That's what got her into trouble.
Luckily, you know better. She taught you, she trained you, she told you what to expect and the pitfalls and everything in between. She makes sure you know never to make the same mistakes she did.
You know better, but you still make them, anyway.
That's the thing about being undercover, you think. You live the lie enough, you become the lie. You tell yourself you won't form attachments, but you do. You swear you'll never get emotional, but you can't help it.
So when you're alone you pretend. You pretend you really are the emotionless soldier for your cause that you wish you were, that you never have doubts or regrets or dreams about what it might be like if the world was just a tiny bit different than it is.
You pretend you never heard words like undercover or division and that you're happy-- that you can be happy at all.
That's not reality, though. Even reality isn't even really reality half the time-- how can it be when nothing is what it seems?
Maybe that's what being undercover is all about. Creating your own reality. Or maybe that's just a load of crap and you've seen The Matrix one too many times. Whatever the reason, whatever the cause, you stay until the job's done.
You just hope there's some of the real you left-- whoever she might be-- when you finally get to the other side.