Effects of empty praise

[heidi_and_colin]

So yesterday in

Comments

[criminalgrace]

interesting article, thanks for sharing it :)

[wwpostergirl]

I enjoyed the long read, but I'm not sure I agree 100% with the conclusions. That's probably because of my upbringing, where the problem was too little praise, not too much. I feel like I WAS smart but wasn't really ever told that. I was just told that I could always do better, so it felt like nothing I did was ever good enough. That is my overiding feeling about my childhood.

I understand about praising effort; I just want to avoid the trap of my kid thinking he's not good enough, because I'm always looking for him to do more. I want him to know he is loved the way he is, because I didn't feel that, and I don't think Alistair did either.

[heidi_and_colin]

I think the point of the article is that empty praise without context and specifity is a problem that has been unchecked so far - people think they have been doing well by their children but they really aren't. I also think being too critical is also a problem for some (maybe your experience?).

I do think there is a happy medium, one which doesn't offer empty praise that means nothing, or constant critism which makes a person feel inferior. What I want in the end is that the kids think they are capable of tackling tasks, and feel good about trying new things. I would rather have them really learn rather then just bring home good grades - I feel like I did a lot for the grades not even because of my parents, but because my teachers expected it and so I came to expect it. I could go on, but I am sure you know where I'll go with it. :)

[heidi_and_colin]

specificity that is... wish there was an edit on comments.