I miss you

[hedgiewan]

In the way of all things stunningly obvious, life is both amazing and hard. Amazing for cats who greet you at the door and for living above-ground again and sunsets and being able to buy shiny things and eat out just because I worked a little more than usual, and for getting to see my bosom friends again soon. But hard because I still feel like I'm

Comments

[hedgiewan]

I should be more clear:
1) I am surrounded by people who don't know him and don't know what we were to each other and I'm struggling with them not understanding or remembering the extent of my grief. It's weird, but I need people to understand that if I'm crying, it's probably about Shervie.
2) I feel like my presence in his life is erased from the official record. We spent our entire adult lives loving each other, but because I'm not the person he married (and someone else is), there were no pictures of the two of us at the memorial. I am shocked at how strong my reaction to this is. I am disappointed in everyone who thinks that he&I takes something away from him&her.

[hedgiewan]

You know, for all of that, I'm less offended if his wife needed that than if people assumed she needed that. I think she actually did. It hurts, a lot, but her hurt is just as important.

I feel more like a weird alternate-ending to Romeo and Juliet than like a widow.