Ficlet: Just a Smile
Title: Just A Smile
Fandom: Supernatural
Character: Dean W.
Genre: Angst
Rating: TEEN
Words: 440
Summary: A short tag to the end of episode 7x11, Adventures in Babysitting (currently unbeta'd because I wanted to post it right away)
Just a Smile
He tries, he really does.
He knows it’s what he needs to do; it’s the only way to keep going, but why does it have to be so hard?
After all it’s just a smile.
What’s one little smile?
The problem is, it can’t just be a smile, not for him, not right now; not with everything that’s happened.
Bobby is dead.
The man who has been like a father to him all these years, perhaps even more so than his own father, the only person he has left apart from Sam, and now he’s gone forever.
Everyone is gone.
The list is endless: Bobby, Cas, Lisa, Ben, Jo, Ellen… John… Mary…
Everyone he’s ever loved or cared about has left him. He’s even lost Sam twice now too. The first time, he sold his soul to a demon just so he wouldn’t have to live without his little brother and the second, he spent an entire year going through the motions, thinking Sammy was dead. Surely it’ll only be a matter of time now before Sam’s gone forever too… and then Dean will truly be alone.
So how on Earth can he just smile and get on with it like Frank told him he needed to?
His grief over Bobby… over everything… is so overwhelming right now that he can’t even attempt to smile without tears welling up in his eyes, without his lower lip beginning to tremble, without his chest tightening so much he can barely breathe.
It isn’t fair; none of it.
Why does he have to be the one who loses everything, who gets dealt possibly the worst hand in the world?
What does he have to live for now, huh?
Sure, he has Sammy, but as he’d said to him after the whole ‘married to Becky’ incident, Sam’s a grown-up now, he doesn’t need Dean to look out for him anymore. So if Sammy doesn’t need him anymore, Cas and Bobby are gone, and Lisa and Ben have no memory of him, then what’s left?
Is he just doomed to spend the rest of his life alone, with nothing to live for but the hunt?
He tries it again.
Just flex those facial muscles, and you’re good to go, he tells himself determinedly, even as the waterworks threaten to start up again.
It’s no good.
Have you ever tried to smile when you actually feel like your entire world is crashing down on you and you just want to burst into tears instead?
It feels wrong, doesn’t it?
Feels stupid.
And that’s why he can’t do it, at least not today.
Because it’s just wrong.
End
Notes: Not sure if it's just me, but did anyone else find it hard to watch Dean trying to smile right at the end of the episode... it seemed so awkward and wrong to see him trying to look happy :(.
Fandom: Supernatural
Character: Dean W.
Genre: Angst
Rating: TEEN
Words: 440
Summary: A short tag to the end of episode 7x11, Adventures in Babysitting (currently unbeta'd because I wanted to post it right away)
Just a Smile
He tries, he really does.
He knows it’s what he needs to do; it’s the only way to keep going, but why does it have to be so hard?
After all it’s just a smile.
What’s one little smile?
The problem is, it can’t just be a smile, not for him, not right now; not with everything that’s happened.
Bobby is dead.
The man who has been like a father to him all these years, perhaps even more so than his own father, the only person he has left apart from Sam, and now he’s gone forever.
Everyone is gone.
The list is endless: Bobby, Cas, Lisa, Ben, Jo, Ellen… John… Mary…
Everyone he’s ever loved or cared about has left him. He’s even lost Sam twice now too. The first time, he sold his soul to a demon just so he wouldn’t have to live without his little brother and the second, he spent an entire year going through the motions, thinking Sammy was dead. Surely it’ll only be a matter of time now before Sam’s gone forever too… and then Dean will truly be alone.
So how on Earth can he just smile and get on with it like Frank told him he needed to?
His grief over Bobby… over everything… is so overwhelming right now that he can’t even attempt to smile without tears welling up in his eyes, without his lower lip beginning to tremble, without his chest tightening so much he can barely breathe.
It isn’t fair; none of it.
Why does he have to be the one who loses everything, who gets dealt possibly the worst hand in the world?
What does he have to live for now, huh?
Sure, he has Sammy, but as he’d said to him after the whole ‘married to Becky’ incident, Sam’s a grown-up now, he doesn’t need Dean to look out for him anymore. So if Sammy doesn’t need him anymore, Cas and Bobby are gone, and Lisa and Ben have no memory of him, then what’s left?
Is he just doomed to spend the rest of his life alone, with nothing to live for but the hunt?
He tries it again.
Just flex those facial muscles, and you’re good to go, he tells himself determinedly, even as the waterworks threaten to start up again.
It’s no good.
Have you ever tried to smile when you actually feel like your entire world is crashing down on you and you just want to burst into tears instead?
It feels wrong, doesn’t it?
Feels stupid.
And that’s why he can’t do it, at least not today.
Because it’s just wrong.
End
Notes: Not sure if it's just me, but did anyone else find it hard to watch Dean trying to smile right at the end of the episode... it seemed so awkward and wrong to see him trying to look happy :(.