Ficathon Fic: Don't Ask, Don't Tell 3/3
Title: Don't Ask, Don't Tell
Author: wmr
wendymr
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not my characters!
Gift for:
ameretrifle
Beta:
dark_aegis, without whom I could NOT have written one character in this story.
Summary: Ask not-we cannot know-what end the gods have set for you, for me.
Prompts: At the end. Hope I succeeded in meeting them!
Chapter 1: Anomalous l Chapter 2: Separation
Chapter 3: Carpe Diem
“Where’s my daughter, Doctor? What’s happened to her?”
There’s a shrillness in Jackie’s voice that, together with her increased heart-rate, makes clear that she’s starting to panic. He can’t help the desperate glance he makes towards the front door. Oh, he’s useless at this sort of stuff. Some of his earlier incarnations were okay at the giving-comfort stuff, but not him. He wouldn’t even know where to start. But then he’s the Doctor who thought that taking Rose to see her planet explode would be a fun trip.
Guilt keeps him where he is. Awkwardly, he pats Jackie’s arm. “We’ll find her. ‘S not as if she can have gone that far.”
“How do you know?” Jackie turns terrified eyes on him. “She could’ve been abducted. By aliens! Wouldn’t put it past them. I mean you’re here, an’ trouble just follows you around, doesn’t it? She could be dead. Nearly died last time you came back. Them Slitheen an’ that bomb you made Mickey fire. She could be dead on some alien planet an’ I’ll never even know!”
“Jackie!” He catches hold of her to shake her, as well as shouting. “You gettin’ hysterical isn’t helping.”
“Yeah? Well, you got any better ideas? No? That’s right, you’re jus’ standin’ there like the useless lump you are. Don’t notice you doin’ anything to find her!”
His hands fall away from her as if he’s been burned, and he swings around, taking two long strides towards the door. What’s the point of staying around here to be insulted? It’s not as if Jackie can help him.
And then he halts, lets out a long breath and turns back. It’s what Rose would expect him to do. “I’ll find her, Jackie. I promise.”
She lets out a shuddering breath, then gulps and nods. “Yeah. S’pose I know you’ll do your best.”
“Gonna do better than that.” How, he has no idea. But he will. “Right. First, there’s no aliens around that I know of. The TARDIS would’ve told me when I was scanning for Rose. Second, if anything had happened to her, if she was hurt or... well, whatever, somewhere the scan would’ve found her.” Though that still doesn’t explain why it didn’t find her.
Jackie nods. “What did you use to scan for her again?”
“Her biosignature. Should’ve worked. It’s specific, jus’ like DNA.”
“Right.” She reaches for her tea, sitting on the sideboard where she laid it down, and takes a long drink. “But... I dunno ‘bout any of this stuff, an’ I’m just a stupid human an’ all next to you-”
He rolls his eyes. Can’t she let go of the sarcasm just for one minute?
“-but this is London. Lots of humans around. Millions. What if your ship got, I dunno, confused or something?”
“Nah. ‘S not possible. Told you, biosignatures are very specific. Couldn’t’ve-” He breaks off as realisation dawns. “Oh. Oh!” A wide beam of a smile fills his face. “Jackie Tyler, never thought I’d say this, but you are fantastic!”
“What?” Her face is a picture of shock. “You mean I’m right? I actually thought of somethin’ that you didn’t?
“Nope.” His grin fades. “I’m still right. Biosignatures are very specific. But there’s one exception. She might’ve been injured.”
Jackie pales again. “Why would that make a difference?”
“Cause if she’s hurt, her body’ll be trying to repair itself. An’ when that happens it unravels its DNA, makin’ chemicals and proteins and compounds it doesn't normally make. If she’s hurt badly enough, it could mask her biosignature.”
“So?” Her hand’s at her throat.
“So I need to try searching for something else.”
“What?”
“Come with me.” He extends a hand to her. After a pause, she takes it.
***
“If you want to know what Gallifrey’s like, you should see it for yourself. Words can’t do it justice.” The Doctor smiles again. It only makes her more sad for her own Doctor, whose smiles are so rare. “Why don’t you ask me to take you there?”
Oops. Now what? Thinking quickly, she says, “Can’t right now, though, can I? Besides, if you avoid the place, like you said, why would you?”
“Oh...” He shrugs. “It’s not the planet itself I avoid. It’s the other Time Lords.”
Ah, now that’s more like it. An opening. “Shame to let a few people you don’t like keep you away. I mean, ‘s beautiful, right?”
“Oh, it is.” He’s focused on some distant point now, obviously remembering. “Oh, Rose, just you wait till you see that horizon. Have you ever seen an orange sky? Or twin suns?”
“No.” And, of course, she won’t. “Sounds amazing, though. Like nothin’ I’ve ever even dreamed of.”
“Oh, yes.” His gaze comes back to her. “Nothing in the universe quite like it. Can you imagine? Red grass as far as the eye can see. Up on the hills, the trees have silver leaves. And the Citadel... oh, Rose, it’s beautiful. The spires, the cupolas... your heart would ache just to see it.”
Oh, god. He loves his planet, loves it so much. It’s no wonder her Doctor’s so broken. She would be, too - of course, she had that tiny second of understanding when she saw the Earth burn, but then he took her back, let her see that the Earth was still here, still safe. Everyone she loved was still alive.
He can’t go back; he told her that. It’s gone for ever.
“It’s a shame you don’t visit more,” she makes herself say. “But we’re all a bit like that, aren’t we? I mean, I’m from London. Got amazing places right on my doorstep, things that are part of history. Like... like the Globe Theatre, or that temple thing - Roman, that is.”
“The Temple of Mithras?” he supplies.
“Yeah, that. Never been to Canterbury, neither, or Windsor Castle. ‘S like my gran always said - you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone.”
Too obvious? God, she hopes not.
“Carpe diem,” he says with a faint smile.
“Carpe...” Puzzled, she frowns at him.
“Seize the day,” he explains.
“Oh!” Yeah, that’s familiar. “Right! That’s from a film, yeah? I remember watchin’ it with Mum years ago. Robin Williams. Somethin’ about poets?”
He looks amused. “Dead Poets’ Society. Yes, that was Keating’s motto. It’s actually Horace, though. Dum loquimur, fugerit invida aetas: carpe diem quam minimum credula postero. It’s from his Odes. While we speak, time is envious and is running away from us. Seize the day, put no trust in tomorrow.”
Oh, yeah. God, could that be any more true for him? “Yeah. We should all remember that a bit more. I mean, look at all those people-” She’s about to say in New York before September 11, but then remembers. This is 2001. He said September, but for all she knows it could be before that day.
Some quick thinking, and she continues. “-who died in Hurricane Mitch a few years back.” Just as well Mickey likes documentaries on natural disasters. “I mean, they were just livin’ their normal lives, right, an’ suddenly everything they knew was gone. All those thousands dead.”
“Yes.” His gaze is very direct. “And, Rose Tyler, why is it that I suspect you’re trying to tell me something? You must know that you shouldn’t. I can’t know my own future. It could cause untold harm.”
He’s not glaring at her, or talking to her as if she’s got less intelligence than a three-year-old, as her own Doctor would. Yet she feels every bit as chastised.
He can’t know his future. He’s already told her that - twice, now. And here she’s just been as good as telling him that his planet’s not going to be there for ever. What if even that hint’s enough to make things change? It might save his planet, but what else would change?
There was a war, and we lost. That’s what her Doctor told her. Why did they lose? Who won? It was against the Daleks, she knows that now. Did they win? But they can’t have, because that Dalek was the last one. The Doctor didn’t think there were any left at all.
So they both lost, the Time Lords and the Daleks. Was the Doctor’s planet the price for saving the universe from the Daleks? And, if so, what if her stupid, stupid hinting does something that lets the Daleks win? Oh, she’s an idiot. It’s a wonder her Doctor even puts up with her.
“Sorry.” She looks down at the floor. “Yeah. Shuttin’ up now.”
***
He takes Jackie into the TARDIS again, towing her over to the console. She looks around suspiciously and he has to restrain himself from ordering her not to touch anything.
“So what you gonna do now?”
“Find something else to trace.” He begins pressing buttons and setting up instructions on the console, and then reaches for his phone again. One click, and he’s dialling Rose’s mobile. Six rings and he’s through to voicemail.
“Rose. ‘S me. All right, look, the thing is we don’t know where you are. Your mum’s worried. An’... yeah, all right, so’m I. An’ if it’s just that you wanted some time on your own, that’s all right, but I wish you’d told me instead of just disappearin’ like that. Thing is, I don’t know if you’re in trouble an’ you need rescuin’, an’ cause I don’t know where you are I can’t help you. So, please, Rose, if you get this message just phone. Please. I need to know... Well. I jus’ hope you’re all right, that’s all.”
He hangs up, and only then notices that Jackie’s staring at him, a gobsmacked expression on her face.
“What?” he demands.
“You! What you jus’ said...”
He shrugs, looking away. “Course I’m worried about her.”
“Yeah.” He can hear her swallow. “I know you are.”
“Anyway,” he adds briskly, “that’s not all I was doin’. Needed something else to trace. Something unique to Rose. Could’ve used her TARDIS key, but there’s a few other people out there with keys to my TARDIS. People I used to travel with. So her phone’s better.”
“So?” She’s looking at him as if she’s barely daring to hope. “Did you find her?”
“Still workin’ on it.” He waves at the screen. And, just as he does, the characters stop scrolling and an answer appears.
The TARDIS has found her.
“Yeah,” he says slowly, raising his gaze to Jackie. “I’ve found her. But it doesn’t make any sense.”
“Why not? Where is she?”
“That’s the thing.” He peers at the screen again, as if looking a second time is going to change what he sees. “According to this, she’s here. She’s in the TARDIS.”
***
“I think...” He bangs something on the console. Hard. Another way he’s like her Doctor, yeah? “...it’s fixed.”
Her heart leaps. “Does that mean you can take me back?”
“I can.” He makes another adjustment. “Just need to set the co-ordinates, and then we’ll on our way.” Long, thin fingers fly over the control panel, and then suddenly there’s the unmistakeable sound of the dematerialisation sequence.
She’s on her way home. In a couple of minutes, she’ll be with her Doctor again. But she’s going to have to tell him what she did, isn’t she? Unless he knows already, and he will, won’t he? He’ll be furious, and he’s got every right to be.
“Rose.” Her head jerks up and she stares at the curly-haired Doctor. He’s moved out from behind the console and come over to her. “Don’t worry so much. Yes, you made a mistake. You tried to tell me about things you shouldn’t. But it’s all right. I did tell you that I’d have to make myself forget about meeting you like this. You haven’t changed my future.”
She swallows. “No, but I could have.”
“Yes, and if we all punished ourselves for things we could have done...” He gives her a crooked smile. “Just don’t do it again.”
“I won’t.”
“Good. Now, we’ll be there in a minute or two. I’ve instructed my TARDIS to find my later self’s TARDIS, so you won’t even have to go very far.”
“Thank you. And... I’m sorry, really I am.”
“You already said so, and I told you to drop it.” His head tilts to one side. “There are great things in your future, Rose Tyler. I think that more than makes up for one little slip.”
“What?” She can feel herself gaping. “How do you know that?”
“Know what?” He winks. “Come on, let’s get you back to me.”
***
“What do you mean, she’s in the TARDIS? Thought you said you looked? Anyway, I don’t see her in here.”
Jackie’s staring around the console room, her expression disbelieving. He sighs. “First of all, there’s a lot more to the TARDIS than just this room. But, second, I didn’t say she’s in the TARDIS now. Not this TARDIS, anyway.”
“What are you talkin’ about?”
Any second now, he suspects, he’s going to get a slap. “Another TARDIS. Later me, earlier me, I don’t know. But somehow she’s managed to find her way into a different TARDIS. Either there was another me in London today, or she’s actually travelled in time. Dunno how she could’ve done that, but it’s possible.”
“You’re not makin’ any sense.”
To Jackie, maybe. Far as he’s concerned, he’s talking perfect sense.
Something on the viewscreen catches his attention, and he grins at Jackie. “Well, you’re about to see for yourself. Come on!”
“Where?”
How many more times is she going to make him roll his eyes today? He grabs her hand and tows her along. “Outside.”
The other TARDIS is materialising as they step out, and Jackie’s gaping. “How...?”
“Travel in time, don’t I?” he reminds her. “This is another me.” But which one? And, unless it’s the same body, he’s now going to have to explain regeneration to Rose, always assuming the him she’s with hasn’t already done it.
The door opens, and there’s Rose, looking out at the two of them. She looks stunned, but that’s no surprise. Wouldn’t have expected to see him with her mum, would she?
There’s movement behind her, and he focuses his gaze. Ah. It’s the previous him. The one who... well, that’s not important. Not now.
“Home safely,” his former incarnation says to Rose.
She grins. “Least one of you can get his dates right!” And then she’s running, taking the few paces she needs to reach him...
...only it’s Jackie whose arms she’s run into.
He watches them embrace, and it’s like a slap in the face. He’s missed her, been worried about her, searching for her, and she’s not even bothered to acknowledge him?
Sympathetic grey eyes meet his. Oh, bloody hell, that’s all he needs.
“I’ll be off, then. Got to get back for Sam anyway,” the earlier him says, and he remembers. That day. Now it makes sense. Sam went off to see her parents, while he stayed to fix the chronometric flux redactor. And somehow, in the interim, he lost a couple of hours. They were just a blank in his mind. Now it makes sense. Made himself forget, didn’t he?
And the burnt-out flux redactor’s why he couldn’t find her by scanning for her. His TARDIS wasn’t able to detect signals from inside that one. By the time he thought to scan for her phone, he’d fixed the redactor.
His counterpart’s turned to go back into his TARDIS, but Rose has broken away from Jackie and she’s running to him now. “Going without saying goodbye?” She sounds... hurt. Huffing, he turns away, but not before he sees Rose reaching up and pressing a kiss to his earlier self’s cheek. Course, pretty boy he was then, wasn’t he? “Thanks for everything,” she says as she pulls back.
The other him’s actually blushing. Was he really that ridiculous? “My pleasure, Rose. I’ll look forward to meeting you properly. Or I would if I wasn’t going to wipe my memory of this meeting.”
“Right. Still. Thanks. An’ you take care of yourself, right?”
He doesn’t hear what the younger him says in response, but then the TARDIS door closes and the ship dematerialises. As he turns back, Rose is standing facing him, looking surprisingly uncertain. What’s that all about?
“Rose, love.” Bloody hell, can’t Jackie give them a moment’s peace.
“Yeah, Mum?”
“Goin’ up to the flat. Come up when you’re ready, all right? Both of you, if you want. I’m makin’ some tea.” She flicks him a cautious glance. It’s clear she expects him not to come. And he wouldn’t - he doesn’t do that sort of thing. But maybe it’s the fact that she expects him to refuse, or it could be that she did help him today - the worry would have been far worse if he’d been on his own - that makes him give her a quick nod. He’ll come.
Jackie’s gone, and he’s left facing Rose. “Well? Don’t I get a hello, even?”
“Course.” She steps towards him, and it’s clear she’s worried about something. What -
Oh. Oh. It’s as if a box in his mind’s just been unlocked. The memories spill out, and now he knows why she’s nervous. He tilts his head to one side. “You tried to warn me about the Time War.”
“Yeah.” She looks down at the ground.
“Why?”
Her gaze shoots up again. “I... he was so happy, Doctor. An’ he mentioned Gallifrey, and other Time Lords, an’ I realised that he was from before that happened to you. Made me see how much it hurt you - I mean, not that I didn’t know before, but it brought it home even more.” She swallows. “I wanted to - well, he said he didn’t go home much, and I just... just wanted to make him see that he shouldn’t waste his chances.”
The sincerity in her eyes warms him, even as he’s tempted to anger at what she almost did, at what could have happened if his younger self hadn’t had the good sense to wipe it all from his mind. She wanted to help. And that’s Rose all over. Her heart’s in the right place, even if she doesn’t always go about it the right way.
“I’m sorry.” Her eyes are wide and apologetic as she looks at him.
He nods. “You told me that already. An’ I told you I forgive you. Told you it was all right.”
“Yeah, you did.” She’s still watching him, standing a few feet away. “That was him, though. The earlier you.”
“Still me.” He opens his arms. “Might change bodies, but it is still me.”
She runs to him, and he closes his arms around her, holding her tightly enough that she knows, he hopes, that he doesn’t want to lose her again.
***
He’s actually coming up to her mum’s with her. That’s got to be some kind of miracle. Maybe there’s a blue moon. Or pigs are flying.
Even over tea - shepherd’s pie, and she can’t help wondering if her mum’s making a point - he’s actually nice to her mum. Talks to her as if she’s got a brain, instead of like someone who’s beneath his notice. They do still disagree about stuff, but it’s not an actual argument. Why he’s on his best behaviour she doesn’t know, but she’s glad.
“I still don’t understand, though,” her mum says. “How did Rose end up back in 2001?”
“The anomaly,” the Doctor explains, before she can. “It was a time bubble. Rose stepped into it, and there she was.”
“ ‘S weird.” Her mum shakes her head. “Like something out of a film. Steppin’ through a window an’ goin’ back in time? If I told anyone, they’d think I was crazy.”
The Doctor gives her mum a look, and she kicks him under the table. “What was that for?” he demands.
“For what you were thinkin’,” she tells him.
“Wasn’t thinkin’ anything!” he protests, but the twitch of his lips gives him away.
Her mum shakes her head. “Just for that, he can make the tea.”
She joins him in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and not bothering to hide her amusement at the fact that he can actually find everything. “You’re doin’ domestic,” she tells him.
“Am not,” he protests, scowling.
“Are too.” She grins, letting her tongue peep out around her teeth. “Something I don’t understand,” she adds then as she remembers.
“What, something else? Lot you don’t understand today, Rose Tyler.”
“Cheeky sod.” She smacks his arm. “The other you said he sent you a note. Something like an email. Should’ve appeared in your TARDIS to let you know where I was. You didn’t get it?”
He turns, and his expression’s sober. “No. Not surprisin’, though. You noticed how different the inside of that TARDIS was?”
“Yeah. Hardly looked like the same ship.”
How can even a nod look bleak? “That was the War. The TARDIS barely survived it alive. Was astounded I made it through alive too, though I regenerated. Anyway, not surprisin’ the note didn’t make it in the circumstances.”
“Oh.” For a moment, she looks away. She’s really doing a great job of stirring up bad memories for him today. “ ‘M sorry.”
“ ‘S all right.” He seems to understand what she’s apologising for. “Here, take one of these teas.”
In other words, conversation over. She takes one cup and follows him back to the sitting-room.
He’s okay after that, though, and he even smiles when he says goodbye to her mum. It’s a bigger shock when her mum tells the Doctor to look after himself.
“Got Rose to do that,” he tells her, with one of his quicksilver grins.
Back inside the TARDIS, her phone beeps. “Oh! It’s working again.”
He glances up from the controls. “Oh, yeah. That’d be the anomaly too. And the fact that you were inside one TARDIS trying to phone another.”
“Right.” Course it’d be something like that. Looking at the phone’s screen, she comments, “Huh. Got two messages.”
“Oh.” Something about his tone sounds odd, and she shoots him a glance. Is he actually looking embarrassed? “Prob’ly nothin’,” he says.
Yeah, right. She hits the key for voicemail. The first message is her mum. Should’ve expected that, of course. But - what’s that? Her mum telling her the Doctor was worried about her?
Deleting the message, she waits for the second one. It’s a shock to hear the unmistakeable voice of the Doctor. The message itself is even more unbelievable. When it comes to an end, she hesitates, then with a shaking finger selects the save option.
Putting her phone away, she moves to the console and stands beside him, waiting until he looks at her. Softly, she says, “Thank you.”
“What for?” He busies himself with something on the console, but she’s not fooled.
“For bein’ worried about me. For...” It’s a guess, but she’s pretty sure it’s true. “For missing me.”
He turns completely towards her, his eyes dark and serious as he gazes down at her. The truth’s in his face; he did miss her. “You said I’ve got you. Good job, you said. An’ it is. Then you disappear an’ I couldn’t find you anywhere. Course I missed you.”
She nods, not taking her gaze from his. “Missed you too.”
Impossible to tell who moves first, but they’re hugging each other, her head pressed to the hollow of his shoulder, his cheek against her hair.
After a while, he pulls back just far enough to look at her. “Welcome home. ‘S good to have you back.”
“ ‘S good to be back.” There’s a lump in her throat, and it’s for one reason only. He said home.
A slow grin spreads over his face then. “You kissed me, Rose Tyler.”
She feels her face grow red. Oh, god, she did, didn’t she? And he doesn’t just remember seeing it now; he remembers her doing it to him.
Well, it’s done now. Not like she can undo it. “That a problem?”
He’s laughing at her now, the git. “Nah. Unless you’re sayin’ it’s just the pretty versions of me you’d do it to.”
“That a challenge?”
“Might be.”
“Right then, you asked for it.” She has to stretch up further this time to plant a soft kiss against his cheek. It’s rougher than the other Doctor’s, but it’s nicer, too. It’s him. Her Doctor.
He lets her go as she draws back, then bends to brush a kiss against her cheek in return.
“Right, then, Rose Tyler!” He’s spun back to the console, lightning-fast. “Where next?”
~ end
for ameretrifle
Prompt 1: Reunion-- separated in the journey somewhere, Rose and Nine meeting post-Doomsday, anything's good.
Prompt 2: Carpe diem-- anything on the theme of living in the moment, because it's all you know you have. Bonus points for references to the original "carpe diem"...
Prompt 3: Normality-- preferably its good points, and the question of what the hell "normal" is, anyway; or, Rose's attempts to create a new "normal". Jackie would be awesome, too.
What to include (optional): Mention of a planet other than Earth, even tangential? Time War angst? Jackie? Ah, really, just focus on the prompt.
Author: wmr
wendymr
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not my characters!
Gift for:
ameretrifle
Beta:
dark_aegis, without whom I could NOT have written one character in this story.
Summary: Ask not-we cannot know-what end the gods have set for you, for me.
Prompts: At the end. Hope I succeeded in meeting them!
Chapter 1: Anomalous l Chapter 2: Separation
Chapter 3: Carpe Diem
“Where’s my daughter, Doctor? What’s happened to her?”
There’s a shrillness in Jackie’s voice that, together with her increased heart-rate, makes clear that she’s starting to panic. He can’t help the desperate glance he makes towards the front door. Oh, he’s useless at this sort of stuff. Some of his earlier incarnations were okay at the giving-comfort stuff, but not him. He wouldn’t even know where to start. But then he’s the Doctor who thought that taking Rose to see her planet explode would be a fun trip.
Guilt keeps him where he is. Awkwardly, he pats Jackie’s arm. “We’ll find her. ‘S not as if she can have gone that far.”
“How do you know?” Jackie turns terrified eyes on him. “She could’ve been abducted. By aliens! Wouldn’t put it past them. I mean you’re here, an’ trouble just follows you around, doesn’t it? She could be dead. Nearly died last time you came back. Them Slitheen an’ that bomb you made Mickey fire. She could be dead on some alien planet an’ I’ll never even know!”
“Jackie!” He catches hold of her to shake her, as well as shouting. “You gettin’ hysterical isn’t helping.”
“Yeah? Well, you got any better ideas? No? That’s right, you’re jus’ standin’ there like the useless lump you are. Don’t notice you doin’ anything to find her!”
His hands fall away from her as if he’s been burned, and he swings around, taking two long strides towards the door. What’s the point of staying around here to be insulted? It’s not as if Jackie can help him.
And then he halts, lets out a long breath and turns back. It’s what Rose would expect him to do. “I’ll find her, Jackie. I promise.”
She lets out a shuddering breath, then gulps and nods. “Yeah. S’pose I know you’ll do your best.”
“Gonna do better than that.” How, he has no idea. But he will. “Right. First, there’s no aliens around that I know of. The TARDIS would’ve told me when I was scanning for Rose. Second, if anything had happened to her, if she was hurt or... well, whatever, somewhere the scan would’ve found her.” Though that still doesn’t explain why it didn’t find her.
Jackie nods. “What did you use to scan for her again?”
“Her biosignature. Should’ve worked. It’s specific, jus’ like DNA.”
“Right.” She reaches for her tea, sitting on the sideboard where she laid it down, and takes a long drink. “But... I dunno ‘bout any of this stuff, an’ I’m just a stupid human an’ all next to you-”
He rolls his eyes. Can’t she let go of the sarcasm just for one minute?
“-but this is London. Lots of humans around. Millions. What if your ship got, I dunno, confused or something?”
“Nah. ‘S not possible. Told you, biosignatures are very specific. Couldn’t’ve-” He breaks off as realisation dawns. “Oh. Oh!” A wide beam of a smile fills his face. “Jackie Tyler, never thought I’d say this, but you are fantastic!”
“What?” Her face is a picture of shock. “You mean I’m right? I actually thought of somethin’ that you didn’t?
“Nope.” His grin fades. “I’m still right. Biosignatures are very specific. But there’s one exception. She might’ve been injured.”
Jackie pales again. “Why would that make a difference?”
“Cause if she’s hurt, her body’ll be trying to repair itself. An’ when that happens it unravels its DNA, makin’ chemicals and proteins and compounds it doesn't normally make. If she’s hurt badly enough, it could mask her biosignature.”
“So?” Her hand’s at her throat.
“So I need to try searching for something else.”
“What?”
“Come with me.” He extends a hand to her. After a pause, she takes it.
***
“If you want to know what Gallifrey’s like, you should see it for yourself. Words can’t do it justice.” The Doctor smiles again. It only makes her more sad for her own Doctor, whose smiles are so rare. “Why don’t you ask me to take you there?”
Oops. Now what? Thinking quickly, she says, “Can’t right now, though, can I? Besides, if you avoid the place, like you said, why would you?”
“Oh...” He shrugs. “It’s not the planet itself I avoid. It’s the other Time Lords.”
Ah, now that’s more like it. An opening. “Shame to let a few people you don’t like keep you away. I mean, ‘s beautiful, right?”
“Oh, it is.” He’s focused on some distant point now, obviously remembering. “Oh, Rose, just you wait till you see that horizon. Have you ever seen an orange sky? Or twin suns?”
“No.” And, of course, she won’t. “Sounds amazing, though. Like nothin’ I’ve ever even dreamed of.”
“Oh, yes.” His gaze comes back to her. “Nothing in the universe quite like it. Can you imagine? Red grass as far as the eye can see. Up on the hills, the trees have silver leaves. And the Citadel... oh, Rose, it’s beautiful. The spires, the cupolas... your heart would ache just to see it.”
Oh, god. He loves his planet, loves it so much. It’s no wonder her Doctor’s so broken. She would be, too - of course, she had that tiny second of understanding when she saw the Earth burn, but then he took her back, let her see that the Earth was still here, still safe. Everyone she loved was still alive.
He can’t go back; he told her that. It’s gone for ever.
“It’s a shame you don’t visit more,” she makes herself say. “But we’re all a bit like that, aren’t we? I mean, I’m from London. Got amazing places right on my doorstep, things that are part of history. Like... like the Globe Theatre, or that temple thing - Roman, that is.”
“The Temple of Mithras?” he supplies.
“Yeah, that. Never been to Canterbury, neither, or Windsor Castle. ‘S like my gran always said - you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone.”
Too obvious? God, she hopes not.
“Carpe diem,” he says with a faint smile.
“Carpe...” Puzzled, she frowns at him.
“Seize the day,” he explains.
“Oh!” Yeah, that’s familiar. “Right! That’s from a film, yeah? I remember watchin’ it with Mum years ago. Robin Williams. Somethin’ about poets?”
He looks amused. “Dead Poets’ Society. Yes, that was Keating’s motto. It’s actually Horace, though. Dum loquimur, fugerit invida aetas: carpe diem quam minimum credula postero. It’s from his Odes. While we speak, time is envious and is running away from us. Seize the day, put no trust in tomorrow.”
Oh, yeah. God, could that be any more true for him? “Yeah. We should all remember that a bit more. I mean, look at all those people-” She’s about to say in New York before September 11, but then remembers. This is 2001. He said September, but for all she knows it could be before that day.
Some quick thinking, and she continues. “-who died in Hurricane Mitch a few years back.” Just as well Mickey likes documentaries on natural disasters. “I mean, they were just livin’ their normal lives, right, an’ suddenly everything they knew was gone. All those thousands dead.”
“Yes.” His gaze is very direct. “And, Rose Tyler, why is it that I suspect you’re trying to tell me something? You must know that you shouldn’t. I can’t know my own future. It could cause untold harm.”
He’s not glaring at her, or talking to her as if she’s got less intelligence than a three-year-old, as her own Doctor would. Yet she feels every bit as chastised.
He can’t know his future. He’s already told her that - twice, now. And here she’s just been as good as telling him that his planet’s not going to be there for ever. What if even that hint’s enough to make things change? It might save his planet, but what else would change?
There was a war, and we lost. That’s what her Doctor told her. Why did they lose? Who won? It was against the Daleks, she knows that now. Did they win? But they can’t have, because that Dalek was the last one. The Doctor didn’t think there were any left at all.
So they both lost, the Time Lords and the Daleks. Was the Doctor’s planet the price for saving the universe from the Daleks? And, if so, what if her stupid, stupid hinting does something that lets the Daleks win? Oh, she’s an idiot. It’s a wonder her Doctor even puts up with her.
“Sorry.” She looks down at the floor. “Yeah. Shuttin’ up now.”
***
He takes Jackie into the TARDIS again, towing her over to the console. She looks around suspiciously and he has to restrain himself from ordering her not to touch anything.
“So what you gonna do now?”
“Find something else to trace.” He begins pressing buttons and setting up instructions on the console, and then reaches for his phone again. One click, and he’s dialling Rose’s mobile. Six rings and he’s through to voicemail.
“Rose. ‘S me. All right, look, the thing is we don’t know where you are. Your mum’s worried. An’... yeah, all right, so’m I. An’ if it’s just that you wanted some time on your own, that’s all right, but I wish you’d told me instead of just disappearin’ like that. Thing is, I don’t know if you’re in trouble an’ you need rescuin’, an’ cause I don’t know where you are I can’t help you. So, please, Rose, if you get this message just phone. Please. I need to know... Well. I jus’ hope you’re all right, that’s all.”
He hangs up, and only then notices that Jackie’s staring at him, a gobsmacked expression on her face.
“What?” he demands.
“You! What you jus’ said...”
He shrugs, looking away. “Course I’m worried about her.”
“Yeah.” He can hear her swallow. “I know you are.”
“Anyway,” he adds briskly, “that’s not all I was doin’. Needed something else to trace. Something unique to Rose. Could’ve used her TARDIS key, but there’s a few other people out there with keys to my TARDIS. People I used to travel with. So her phone’s better.”
“So?” She’s looking at him as if she’s barely daring to hope. “Did you find her?”
“Still workin’ on it.” He waves at the screen. And, just as he does, the characters stop scrolling and an answer appears.
The TARDIS has found her.
“Yeah,” he says slowly, raising his gaze to Jackie. “I’ve found her. But it doesn’t make any sense.”
“Why not? Where is she?”
“That’s the thing.” He peers at the screen again, as if looking a second time is going to change what he sees. “According to this, she’s here. She’s in the TARDIS.”
***
“I think...” He bangs something on the console. Hard. Another way he’s like her Doctor, yeah? “...it’s fixed.”
Her heart leaps. “Does that mean you can take me back?”
“I can.” He makes another adjustment. “Just need to set the co-ordinates, and then we’ll on our way.” Long, thin fingers fly over the control panel, and then suddenly there’s the unmistakeable sound of the dematerialisation sequence.
She’s on her way home. In a couple of minutes, she’ll be with her Doctor again. But she’s going to have to tell him what she did, isn’t she? Unless he knows already, and he will, won’t he? He’ll be furious, and he’s got every right to be.
“Rose.” Her head jerks up and she stares at the curly-haired Doctor. He’s moved out from behind the console and come over to her. “Don’t worry so much. Yes, you made a mistake. You tried to tell me about things you shouldn’t. But it’s all right. I did tell you that I’d have to make myself forget about meeting you like this. You haven’t changed my future.”
She swallows. “No, but I could have.”
“Yes, and if we all punished ourselves for things we could have done...” He gives her a crooked smile. “Just don’t do it again.”
“I won’t.”
“Good. Now, we’ll be there in a minute or two. I’ve instructed my TARDIS to find my later self’s TARDIS, so you won’t even have to go very far.”
“Thank you. And... I’m sorry, really I am.”
“You already said so, and I told you to drop it.” His head tilts to one side. “There are great things in your future, Rose Tyler. I think that more than makes up for one little slip.”
“What?” She can feel herself gaping. “How do you know that?”
“Know what?” He winks. “Come on, let’s get you back to me.”
***
“What do you mean, she’s in the TARDIS? Thought you said you looked? Anyway, I don’t see her in here.”
Jackie’s staring around the console room, her expression disbelieving. He sighs. “First of all, there’s a lot more to the TARDIS than just this room. But, second, I didn’t say she’s in the TARDIS now. Not this TARDIS, anyway.”
“What are you talkin’ about?”
Any second now, he suspects, he’s going to get a slap. “Another TARDIS. Later me, earlier me, I don’t know. But somehow she’s managed to find her way into a different TARDIS. Either there was another me in London today, or she’s actually travelled in time. Dunno how she could’ve done that, but it’s possible.”
“You’re not makin’ any sense.”
To Jackie, maybe. Far as he’s concerned, he’s talking perfect sense.
Something on the viewscreen catches his attention, and he grins at Jackie. “Well, you’re about to see for yourself. Come on!”
“Where?”
How many more times is she going to make him roll his eyes today? He grabs her hand and tows her along. “Outside.”
The other TARDIS is materialising as they step out, and Jackie’s gaping. “How...?”
“Travel in time, don’t I?” he reminds her. “This is another me.” But which one? And, unless it’s the same body, he’s now going to have to explain regeneration to Rose, always assuming the him she’s with hasn’t already done it.
The door opens, and there’s Rose, looking out at the two of them. She looks stunned, but that’s no surprise. Wouldn’t have expected to see him with her mum, would she?
There’s movement behind her, and he focuses his gaze. Ah. It’s the previous him. The one who... well, that’s not important. Not now.
“Home safely,” his former incarnation says to Rose.
She grins. “Least one of you can get his dates right!” And then she’s running, taking the few paces she needs to reach him...
...only it’s Jackie whose arms she’s run into.
He watches them embrace, and it’s like a slap in the face. He’s missed her, been worried about her, searching for her, and she’s not even bothered to acknowledge him?
Sympathetic grey eyes meet his. Oh, bloody hell, that’s all he needs.
“I’ll be off, then. Got to get back for Sam anyway,” the earlier him says, and he remembers. That day. Now it makes sense. Sam went off to see her parents, while he stayed to fix the chronometric flux redactor. And somehow, in the interim, he lost a couple of hours. They were just a blank in his mind. Now it makes sense. Made himself forget, didn’t he?
And the burnt-out flux redactor’s why he couldn’t find her by scanning for her. His TARDIS wasn’t able to detect signals from inside that one. By the time he thought to scan for her phone, he’d fixed the redactor.
His counterpart’s turned to go back into his TARDIS, but Rose has broken away from Jackie and she’s running to him now. “Going without saying goodbye?” She sounds... hurt. Huffing, he turns away, but not before he sees Rose reaching up and pressing a kiss to his earlier self’s cheek. Course, pretty boy he was then, wasn’t he? “Thanks for everything,” she says as she pulls back.
The other him’s actually blushing. Was he really that ridiculous? “My pleasure, Rose. I’ll look forward to meeting you properly. Or I would if I wasn’t going to wipe my memory of this meeting.”
“Right. Still. Thanks. An’ you take care of yourself, right?”
He doesn’t hear what the younger him says in response, but then the TARDIS door closes and the ship dematerialises. As he turns back, Rose is standing facing him, looking surprisingly uncertain. What’s that all about?
“Rose, love.” Bloody hell, can’t Jackie give them a moment’s peace.
“Yeah, Mum?”
“Goin’ up to the flat. Come up when you’re ready, all right? Both of you, if you want. I’m makin’ some tea.” She flicks him a cautious glance. It’s clear she expects him not to come. And he wouldn’t - he doesn’t do that sort of thing. But maybe it’s the fact that she expects him to refuse, or it could be that she did help him today - the worry would have been far worse if he’d been on his own - that makes him give her a quick nod. He’ll come.
Jackie’s gone, and he’s left facing Rose. “Well? Don’t I get a hello, even?”
“Course.” She steps towards him, and it’s clear she’s worried about something. What -
Oh. Oh. It’s as if a box in his mind’s just been unlocked. The memories spill out, and now he knows why she’s nervous. He tilts his head to one side. “You tried to warn me about the Time War.”
“Yeah.” She looks down at the ground.
“Why?”
Her gaze shoots up again. “I... he was so happy, Doctor. An’ he mentioned Gallifrey, and other Time Lords, an’ I realised that he was from before that happened to you. Made me see how much it hurt you - I mean, not that I didn’t know before, but it brought it home even more.” She swallows. “I wanted to - well, he said he didn’t go home much, and I just... just wanted to make him see that he shouldn’t waste his chances.”
The sincerity in her eyes warms him, even as he’s tempted to anger at what she almost did, at what could have happened if his younger self hadn’t had the good sense to wipe it all from his mind. She wanted to help. And that’s Rose all over. Her heart’s in the right place, even if she doesn’t always go about it the right way.
“I’m sorry.” Her eyes are wide and apologetic as she looks at him.
He nods. “You told me that already. An’ I told you I forgive you. Told you it was all right.”
“Yeah, you did.” She’s still watching him, standing a few feet away. “That was him, though. The earlier you.”
“Still me.” He opens his arms. “Might change bodies, but it is still me.”
She runs to him, and he closes his arms around her, holding her tightly enough that she knows, he hopes, that he doesn’t want to lose her again.
***
He’s actually coming up to her mum’s with her. That’s got to be some kind of miracle. Maybe there’s a blue moon. Or pigs are flying.
Even over tea - shepherd’s pie, and she can’t help wondering if her mum’s making a point - he’s actually nice to her mum. Talks to her as if she’s got a brain, instead of like someone who’s beneath his notice. They do still disagree about stuff, but it’s not an actual argument. Why he’s on his best behaviour she doesn’t know, but she’s glad.
“I still don’t understand, though,” her mum says. “How did Rose end up back in 2001?”
“The anomaly,” the Doctor explains, before she can. “It was a time bubble. Rose stepped into it, and there she was.”
“ ‘S weird.” Her mum shakes her head. “Like something out of a film. Steppin’ through a window an’ goin’ back in time? If I told anyone, they’d think I was crazy.”
The Doctor gives her mum a look, and she kicks him under the table. “What was that for?” he demands.
“For what you were thinkin’,” she tells him.
“Wasn’t thinkin’ anything!” he protests, but the twitch of his lips gives him away.
Her mum shakes her head. “Just for that, he can make the tea.”
She joins him in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and not bothering to hide her amusement at the fact that he can actually find everything. “You’re doin’ domestic,” she tells him.
“Am not,” he protests, scowling.
“Are too.” She grins, letting her tongue peep out around her teeth. “Something I don’t understand,” she adds then as she remembers.
“What, something else? Lot you don’t understand today, Rose Tyler.”
“Cheeky sod.” She smacks his arm. “The other you said he sent you a note. Something like an email. Should’ve appeared in your TARDIS to let you know where I was. You didn’t get it?”
He turns, and his expression’s sober. “No. Not surprisin’, though. You noticed how different the inside of that TARDIS was?”
“Yeah. Hardly looked like the same ship.”
How can even a nod look bleak? “That was the War. The TARDIS barely survived it alive. Was astounded I made it through alive too, though I regenerated. Anyway, not surprisin’ the note didn’t make it in the circumstances.”
“Oh.” For a moment, she looks away. She’s really doing a great job of stirring up bad memories for him today. “ ‘M sorry.”
“ ‘S all right.” He seems to understand what she’s apologising for. “Here, take one of these teas.”
In other words, conversation over. She takes one cup and follows him back to the sitting-room.
He’s okay after that, though, and he even smiles when he says goodbye to her mum. It’s a bigger shock when her mum tells the Doctor to look after himself.
“Got Rose to do that,” he tells her, with one of his quicksilver grins.
Back inside the TARDIS, her phone beeps. “Oh! It’s working again.”
He glances up from the controls. “Oh, yeah. That’d be the anomaly too. And the fact that you were inside one TARDIS trying to phone another.”
“Right.” Course it’d be something like that. Looking at the phone’s screen, she comments, “Huh. Got two messages.”
“Oh.” Something about his tone sounds odd, and she shoots him a glance. Is he actually looking embarrassed? “Prob’ly nothin’,” he says.
Yeah, right. She hits the key for voicemail. The first message is her mum. Should’ve expected that, of course. But - what’s that? Her mum telling her the Doctor was worried about her?
Deleting the message, she waits for the second one. It’s a shock to hear the unmistakeable voice of the Doctor. The message itself is even more unbelievable. When it comes to an end, she hesitates, then with a shaking finger selects the save option.
Putting her phone away, she moves to the console and stands beside him, waiting until he looks at her. Softly, she says, “Thank you.”
“What for?” He busies himself with something on the console, but she’s not fooled.
“For bein’ worried about me. For...” It’s a guess, but she’s pretty sure it’s true. “For missing me.”
He turns completely towards her, his eyes dark and serious as he gazes down at her. The truth’s in his face; he did miss her. “You said I’ve got you. Good job, you said. An’ it is. Then you disappear an’ I couldn’t find you anywhere. Course I missed you.”
She nods, not taking her gaze from his. “Missed you too.”
Impossible to tell who moves first, but they’re hugging each other, her head pressed to the hollow of his shoulder, his cheek against her hair.
After a while, he pulls back just far enough to look at her. “Welcome home. ‘S good to have you back.”
“ ‘S good to be back.” There’s a lump in her throat, and it’s for one reason only. He said home.
A slow grin spreads over his face then. “You kissed me, Rose Tyler.”
She feels her face grow red. Oh, god, she did, didn’t she? And he doesn’t just remember seeing it now; he remembers her doing it to him.
Well, it’s done now. Not like she can undo it. “That a problem?”
He’s laughing at her now, the git. “Nah. Unless you’re sayin’ it’s just the pretty versions of me you’d do it to.”
“That a challenge?”
“Might be.”
“Right then, you asked for it.” She has to stretch up further this time to plant a soft kiss against his cheek. It’s rougher than the other Doctor’s, but it’s nicer, too. It’s him. Her Doctor.
He lets her go as she draws back, then bends to brush a kiss against her cheek in return.
“Right, then, Rose Tyler!” He’s spun back to the console, lightning-fast. “Where next?”
~ end
for ameretrifle
Prompt 1: Reunion-- separated in the journey somewhere, Rose and Nine meeting post-Doomsday, anything's good.
Prompt 2: Carpe diem-- anything on the theme of living in the moment, because it's all you know you have. Bonus points for references to the original "carpe diem"...
Prompt 3: Normality-- preferably its good points, and the question of what the hell "normal" is, anyway; or, Rose's attempts to create a new "normal". Jackie would be awesome, too.
What to include (optional): Mention of a planet other than Earth, even tangential? Time War angst? Jackie? Ah, really, just focus on the prompt.