A Reason for Standing Still [Tag TVD pups, but OTA]

[prodigalsavior]

There was some sort of running cliché that ran around in vampire fiction and movies where at least one vampire had to sit around brooding, raging against whatever fate had made of him. For all his admiration of Anne Rice, Damon had often wished someone would just stake Louis and put him out of his misery

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[returningtiger]

Elena had come in looking for Damon, because she hadn't seen him and she wasn't sure why she hadn't seen him. Didn't he know by now how important he was to her?

She saw him at a table with a bottle and the worry increased. Not knowing what to do, she finally took a seat across from him.

"If I get my own glass, will you share?"

[returningtiger]

"I'm sure of a few things," she said firmly.

She almost asked him what he wasn't sure of, but didn't think he'd give her a straight forward answer.

"I talked to Stefan," she said, taking another drink.

[prodigalsavior]

He really didn't want to have this conversation, and he flashed her a look that said so as he leaned back in his chair.

"And how is dear Stefan doing with his settling in? I suppose you two had a great deal of catching up to do?"

[returningtiger]

"We talked, Damon. Nothing more. I confirmed what you told him." Or will as the thread is still being played out. "I have nothing to be ashamed of or to hide." She pinned him with a look. "I have a question for you and I want an honest answer. Please."

[prodigalsavior]

That was something he supposed, but it didn't make the defensive posture drop, or the look in his eyes dissipate, even as he held hers.

"What do you want to know?" He wasn't promising to answer, but she could ask.

[returningtiger]

"Do you plan to just toss me aside or kick me out of bed now that Stefan is here?"

[prodigalsavior]

Damon stared at her, literally dumbstruck for a few long moments, trying to make sense of senseless words.

"...What?"

[returningtiger]

"You heard me," she said quietly. Then, because she needed to so she knew she was clear in what she was telling him, she repeated the words. "Are you going to end what we've been doing and what we have now that Stefan is here? Because, if that's your plan, I'd like to know so I can prepare myself for how much that is going to hurt." She made sure she was meeting his eyes. "I don't want it to be like that, but I also can't make people do what I would like them to do." She swallowed nervously. "Because... I don't want you to go, Damon."

[prodigalsavior]

Her words still didn't make sense, but that was possibly because he was as close to drunk as he could get. Also, they were sounding like words that he should be saying if he'd ever allow himself to say anything so vulnerably honest that anyone could remember him saying, which he wouldn't, but it made it all the more confusing.

"Why would I be the one to end things simply because Saint Stefan made another blessed appearance? That would seem slightly counterproductive to all the time I spent wooing and winning..." Or whatever he'd done that finally got her in his bed willingly, without coercion and threats.

[returningtiger]

Elena's relief was visible and the tension she had been carrying in her shoulders eased. She hadn't been sure if Damon would still want her now that Stefan was here or not and she had been more worried about losing him... what part she had of him... than she had been willing to give voice to.

"Good, I'm glad," she said, giving him a smile. "Because I sure as hell wasn't planning to end things."

[prodigalsavior]

"But Stefan is here now," he said, a little quietly, eyes locking on to hers probingly, trying to peel back every surface thought to get to her soul. "You made your choice...back home. You made it very clearly..."

[returningtiger]

She let out a breath.

"Back home... I said I made a choice, but I wasn't honest with myself and I wasn't honest with the two of you. I realize that now." She brushed back her hair nervously because she wasn't sure if he would appreciate how honest she was about to be. God knows she had taken long enough to say what she felt.

She chewed her lip and then looked back at him. "I love you, Damon, and I love Stefan. But... I don't know if I can choose between you. The two of you... you're different and that's good. You both..." She looked down at the table. "God, if I say what I'm thinking I'm going to sound so stupid."

And if there was one thing Elena Gilbert hated was feeling stupid.

[prodigalsavior]

He was still watching her with that dark intensity, eyes shifting to midnight the way they could, where nothing reflected back. His fingers on the whiskey glass were taut, pressing hard enough that he was surprised the glass didn't crack.

"I think you need to say it..."

[returningtiger]

She lifted her head and looked into his face. "You both seem to finish a part of me. I can't imagine you not being there, Damon. Just like I can't imagine him not being there. But, I also don't want to hurt either one of you and I can't choose one of you over the other because I love both of you." She chewed on her lip again. "I know you're not the emotional attachment sort and me telling you this may have you running away from me as far as you can, but... you're right in that I needed to say it." She looked down. "I'm not her. I don't want to play the two of you against each other and I don't want to be the reason that you guys don't like each other."

And now? Now she was pondering leaving before Damon laughed at her.

[prodigalsavior]

Damon could have laughed, though not at her. Part of him wanted to, and he leaned back in the chair, staring at the ceiling for a long moment. The whole situation was just...

"Everything comes round 'again, doesn't it?" he asked, not really expecting an answer. "So...what? Katherine was just the wrong girl, and this time, it'll all work out differently? Stefan hated me long before Katherine came into our lives, you know. He was always watching me, all disapproving...he doesn't like how I amuse myself. He doesn't like my moral values, or lack thereof. He doesn't like that I drink human blood. He doesn't like that people like me, anyway. He's just like father that way. Always has been."

He took another sip of his whiskey, watching her, something vaguely predatory in his eyes, dangerous mood slipping in and out. "You know, when I told him about us, I told him he could always join us, just to see what he would say." He wondered what she would. Bonnie was one thing, Stefan something else.

[returningtiger]

"I'm not Katherine. She was selfish and wanted you both to do what she wanted and be what she wanted. When you didn't, she faked her death and ended up tearing your hearts out and causing you two to try to destroy each other. And Stefan doesn't hate you, Damon. No matter what you think about him or he thinks about you. He doesn't hate you." She huffed and looked around before reaching out to grab his bottle and pour some of his whiskey into her almost empty glass.

"I don't know how to get you both to see that you need each other. That's one of the things I became very well aware of when I was dying after killing her. I don't have all of the answers and I don't claim to. I just know that I'm not going to choose him over you or you over him." She tossed back a drink from her glass, and then coughed for a moment. "I was afraid to tell you how I felt because I was afraid you'd laugh at me or you and Stefan would start fighting again."

Her eyes widened slightly as she took in his last comment. "Oh? What did he say?"