Fic: Stairway To Heaven 2/? (AU Dean/Cas, R)
Title: Stairway To Heaven (2/?)
Author: heart_wrapper
Rating: R
Pairings: Dean/Castiel, implied Sam/Jess and Bobby/Ellen
Word count: WIP
Warnings: AU. Mentions of M/M sex, strong language (in some chapters), homophobia, sick!Cas.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Set in a normal, non-SPN world. Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak have been dating since they were in high school. They manage to hold it all together, but that's before their world turns upside-down and Castiel gets deathly ill. Can Dean cope with it? Dean’s POV.
Author's notes: The second chapter. Unbeta'd. Feedback would be great ♥
Chapter two
The ambulance’s siren broke the nightly silence as it screeched to a halt in front of the house, which used to belong to John and Mary Winchester. Sam was on the front lawn, signaling them that this was, indeed, the right place. The paramedics pulled out a stretcher and approached the man.
‘Quick, get inside.’
They didn’t need to be asked twice.
Dean and Jess had managed to move Castiel on the couch. He was still unconscious, but trembling, slightly feverish. Dean never let go of his hand, repeating ‘It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay, you’ll be fine, babe…’ He didn’t know if he was repeating it to himself or to Cas. Minutes later, the paramedics rushed in, Sam and Jess behind them.
‘Would you please step away, sir.’ They told Dean, who backed off, while they moved his lover on the stretcher and put an oxygen mask on him, mumbling words that he didn’t hear nor understand. When he saw the worried glances they shot each other, he understood that it wasn’t something simple or trivial. Dean had the ability to know when people were trying to hide something from him.
‘How is -‘
‘We have to get him to the hospital. There you will be able to speak with a doctor.’
The paramedics started to drive the stretcher out to the ambulance, Dean followed them suit.
‘Can I ride with him?’
‘I don’t think it’s advisable, sir.’ One of the medics replied.
‘But what if he-‘
‘He won’t be awake for the rest of the journey. You can go straight to the hospital.’
Without them saying another word, the ambulance drove off, leaving Dean on Sam’s front lawn, staring helplessly at the road. All his limbs felt numb. What the hell had just happened? Flashbacks started flowing furiously through his mind. Him and Cas. Cas making him dinner for their 6-year-anniversary. Cas, gasping beneath him, as he reaches his orgasm and his eyes look like liquid icy fire. Cas, kissing him lazily tonight.
It took a while for him to figure out that a single tear is running down his cheek. He wiped it off, angrily, and felt that Sam was pulling his sleeve.
‘Dean, come on, get in the car, I’ll drive you.’
Dean looked at his brother’s worried face.
‘Jess -‘
‘She’ll stay at the house. Dean, come on.’
‘But I -‘
‘Dean, for fuck’s sake, I’m definitely not letting you go through this alone as well!’
There was such fury and determination shooting from Sam’s eyes that the elder Winchester was scared for a moment. But then his thoughts came back to what was the most important thing to him right now. Get to the hospital. Get to Cas.
He slipped into the passenger seat of the Impala, Sam started the engine and they took off in the night.
This was the longest fucking drive in Dean Winchester’s life.
He pondered for hours, trying to find out if Castiel has shown any other symptoms, anything that could clue him for what the hell was happening to his lover. As much as he tried, he didn’t get anywhere. His knowledge of medicine and diseases was near zero, only that he knew how to treat a flu and a common cold.
‘You okay?’ Sam’s voice came from somewhere in the mist, surrounding him. For no apparent reason, the question made Dean mad.
‘No, Sammy, I’m not okay. I’m pretty fuckin’ far from ‘okay’.’
‘Dean -‘
‘No, you know what? I was just thinking today how I should get him to see a doctor for his headaches.’ His voice was shaking now. ‘It started at home. He didn’t feel okay, he said that his head hurt, we- we should have stayed there, but he wanted to go, said that -’
‘Dude! Breathe!’ Sam said with a solid voice, which shook Dean away from his panic. ‘ Don’t blame yourself. I’m sure everything will be allright.’
‘How can you be so sure?’
‘I can. Now breathe.’
Dean took a deep breath, then another, until his heart calmed down and stopped thumping furiously in his chest.
‘I’m sorry, Sam.’
‘I know you are.’
They didn’t speak a word until they arrived at the hospital.
***
‘Castiel Novak?’
‘Just a moment.’ The girl at the reception said and started tapping on her computer keyboard.
Dean fidgeted nervously, his foot tapping against the floor, pulse banging into his ears again. Then he forced himself to calm down. He was no help to Cas if he were to suffer another panic attack. The receptionist’s eyes went back to Dean and she smiled kindly.
‘Why don’t you take a seat? The doctor will come out shortly and he will speak to you.’
Doctor? He didn’t come to see no doctor.
‘Where is Cas?’
‘Sir, please …’
‘Dean,’ he heard his brother’s voice from behind his shoulder ‘let’s have a seat.’
With all the strength he could manage, Dean sank into a chair in the hospital’s waiting room. Waiting room. Sounded so scary. Dean hated waiting.
‘Why can’t she tell us anything?’
‘Dean, the doctor will be here soon. Just relax.’
No reply.
‘Want me to get some coffee?’
A shrug.
The younger Winchester sighed and took the tour to the nearest coffee machine. This was going to be a long night. Dean’s eyes followed him, a part of the man wanted to apologize to his brother, but another, sulkier and darker side of him reminded softly, that he didn’t have the mental strength to do it. Lord, when had he become such a pussy? He felt as if all life was slowly draining from him, flowing like watercolors an infant had painted over a masterpiece. He didn’t even want to think what was going on, why was it going on. The only thought circulating through his head was Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas. CasCasCasCasCas.
Sam returned after fifteen minutes with his coffee. He had taken two. Dean found it in himself to smile.
‘Thanks, Sammy, but I don’t feel like drinking coffee right now.’ More like I don’t feel I can stomach anything, he thought, but didn’t say it out loud. Sam shrugged and proceeded to his own cup, while Dean, having to do nothing better, sank into thought again. Merciless flashbacks rushed through his head. The car crash. The doctors in the same hospital, telling him, ‘We’re very sorry, but …’. His father’s funeral. The crashed car. Him, spending hours and hours of repairing it, making sure every single part went to it’s rightful place.
And Castiel.
Castiel, dragging him to the house. Letting him break some of his furniture, without a word of complaint. Holding him through the long hours of nightmares.
Now, Dean had the strange feeling of deja-vu.
He just hoped that the turnout wouldn’t be the same, he wouldn’t be able to live through it this time.
***
After an hour, which seemed like fucking weeks to Dean, a doctor came out of the clinic, his face sharp, grey eyes looking knowingly behind their glasses. The man recognized him immediately - it was Joshua Atkins, the same person who had taken his father in. Sam had dozed off in his chair, even though he ended up drinking Dean’s coffee as well.
‘Dean?’ doctor Atkins approached him, stretching his hand for a handshake. ‘Long time no see, boy. And I guess it’s for the better.’
The elder Winchester, though, didn’t have any time for small talk.
‘How is he? Can I see him?’
The doctor’s grey eyes went a shade darker.
‘Follow me.’
Without bothering to wake Sam up, Dean rushed at the clinic door after the doctor.
‘I’m sorry about the delay, m’boy.’ Atkins was talking, while walking. ‘I had to run some tests, just to be sure of the diagnosis.’
‘What is it? Is he okay?’
‘We can talk about this later. I still have to examine some of the results, before I give out my opinion.’ The doctor’s voice sounded kind of gravely, but Dean noticed he made his best effort to hide it. Uh-oh. This wasn’t anything good. ‘But the more important thing is that he’s now awake and he wants to see you.’
They paused in front of Room 167.
Dean may not have known it then, but actually, this number would change his life.
‘I gave him a single room. I know he’s kinda shy.’ Doctor Atkins winked. ‘Go on, kiddo. Go see your boy.’
Joshua Atkins has been Dean and Cas’ doctor ever since they were children. Of course, he knew all about them two.
And he was one of the few people who understood that and didn’t react immediately with hate.
Dean wondered what to say, then gave up, mumbled a ‘thank you’ and opened the door.
***
As soon as he walked into the room, he was greeted with a tired smile, but the ever-gleaming blue eyes, shining from under that black mop of hair.
‘Why, hello there, young gentleman.’ Cas smirked.
A new wave of worry hit Dean as he saw his lover in a hospital gown, wired to some systems, which were probably hydrating him. And he seemed … weary. Sick.
He rushed to Castiel’s bed and hugged him tightly, not bothering that he was totally chick-flicking right now. Cas, though, didn’t say a word, just wrapped his arms around Dean and they stayed like that for a couple of minutes.
‘God, babe - don’t scare me like that anymore, okay? One can’t suffer so many heart attacks.‘
Castiel chuckled softly. ‘I’m sorry, Dean.’
He let him go, but it was only a moment before their lips crashed together, Dean breathing desperately into his lover’s mouth and grabbing a hold of his hair. Cas’ slim and long fingers rubbed smooth circles over Dean’s back. The kiss was hungry, needy, but gentle and loving all the same. They said nothing, but just lay in each other’s arms, Dean’s panic had almost dissolved by now, as he had actually seen Cas. He’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. He’ll get through this.
The Winchester pulled a chair by the bed, not letting go of his boyfriend’s hand. Castiel didn’t ask. They both knew that whatever anyone would say, Dean would be staying here.
‘What happened, Cas?’
‘I - I don’t know.’ Castiel confessed, his brows furrowing slightly again. Dean had learned to guess by now that meant he was either in pain or confused. ‘I just remember the horrible headache, that I went to the bathroom to splash some water on my face, and then … lights out. I woke up here.’
‘The doctor didn’t tell me anything -‘
‘Me neither.’ Cas frowned for a moment. ‘He did told me though that I had to spend the night here, just in case.’
Their conversation was interrupted by Sam, who basically flew in through the door.
‘Cas!’ he rushed over to the bed and gave his friend a Sasquatch hug that almost left him breathless. ‘I’m- Damn, it’s good that you’re okay, man.’
‘Thank you too, Sam.’ Castiel blushed a little. ‘Tell Jess I’m sorry that I failed her dinner.’
‘It’s okay, Cas, just … you just worry about getting better, right?’ The younger Winchester forced a smile. This immediately rang at least a thousand alarm bells in Dean’s mind and he turned to Sam, just to see his worried and tired eyes. Something in his stomach clenched. His brother looked at least five years older.
‘Sammy, is something wrong?’
‘What … no … I - I’m just tired.’ He blurted out, but the elder Winchester saw right through the lie. Yeah, right. ‘I’m going to go home now, calm Jess down, she’s probably freaking out. We’ll both come tomorrow to see you before you check out, okay?’
Without even waiting for an answer, he flew his way back through the door. Castiel turned to Dean, his head automatically tilting to the right, a sign of his confusion.
‘Why was he in such a hurry?’
‘Probably just wanted to go back home.’ Dean flushed down his worries. He was sure that, whatever it was, Sam would tell him. Just not right now.
***
Cas was fast asleep about forty minutes after Sam had left. Well, not before he had Dean promise him that he would be there when he wakes up, of course. As if they didn’t both know that the other man wasn’t really going anywhere.
Dean knew that this whole hospital thing scared the shit out of Castiel. His mother had died here when he was sixteen. It was probably the two most painful years of both their lives, Castiel, being just a teenager, having to look after his mother, who couldn’t even recognize him in the end and Dean, who would see better than anyone how this whole thing affected him, even though the other man didn’t really show it.
But what he admired most was how his boyfriend took it all without even a whimper.
Remembering the wreck that Dean’s mind was after his father’s death…he worshipped Cas for this more than anything.
It was about an hour since Castiel was sleeping restlessly, murmuring something in his dream, when a light knock on the door attracted Dean’s attention. A young nurse popped in.
‘Rounds?’
‘Sure.’
She came in quietly not to wake the sleeping man and checked his systems.
‘Are you Dean Winchester?’ she asked.
The man nodded.
‘Doctor Atkins said he wanted to speak to you in his office. It’s room 341.’
Dean shot a quick glance at Cas’ bed.
‘But I -‘
‘Don’t worry.’ She smiled kindly. ‘This is my last round. I’ll be watching over him until you come back.’
He shot her a thankful glance and went to the said room.
When he reached the said room, he knocked slightly and came in. Doctor Atkins was behind his desk, his brows furrowed above the glasses, grey eyes scanning through different documents, which Dean vaguely recognized as X-ray photos.
‘Doc -‘
‘Ah, Dean. Please, have a seat.’
He was just about to protest about leaving Cas alone, when he remembered, that probably the doctor would finally shed some light on what the hell was actually going on. Dean sank into the chair. Judging by the doctor’s face, the news were anything but good.
‘Dean, I’ve been looking at those scans all night and, frankly, I do have a potential diagnosis, but I have to make su -‘
‘Doctor.’ Dean interrupted him abruptly. ‘I’m tired of all this lack of information. I have to know what’s wrong with him, or what you think is wrong with him, or whatever, okay? I can’t just sit in the dark anymore like that.’
‘Okay, my boy, just calm down. Look, I shared my differential diagnosis with Sam …’
‘You told Sam and not me?’
‘…and we both agreed that we should first check it’s authenticity before bothering you.’
Dean’s breath hitched in his throat. So it was bad. It was really, really bad.
‘First, I have to ask you … Dean, has Castiel suffered from disorientation? Has he complained about nausea? Does he often have mood swings, instant change in personality?’
‘I -‘ Dean focused on the questions, hard. Sure, Cas sometimes complained about feeling sick, he even remembered him vomiting in the bathroom once, when Dean mocked him about being pregnant. They’d both thought that it was something he’d eaten or a bad hangover case and didn’t talk about it. The Winchester hadn’t noticed it happening again. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t, a tiny voice in his head whispered.
‘He did feel sick once and he has been kinda ill-tempered at times, but I haven’t noticed -‘
The doctor’s gravely face made himself feel nauseous with fear.
‘Doc -, Joshua, what’s wrong?’
‘What do you see?’
He handed him over the scans he had been looking at just now. It was a human brain, even Dean with his low knowledge of biology could make that out.
A human brain with a dark spot just at the frontal lobe.
‘Doctor -‘
‘This is Castiel’s MRI scan.’ Atkins answered the unfinished question. ‘First I thought it was a mistake. A blur. I repeated it. Then repeated it again. That’s why it took so long for you to see him.’
Maybe he knew it, maybe he didn’t, but with his next words, doctor Joshua Atkins took Dean Winchester’s world and shattered it to little, sharp pieces.
‘Dean, Castiel has a brain tumor.’
Author: heart_wrapper
Rating: R
Pairings: Dean/Castiel, implied Sam/Jess and Bobby/Ellen
Word count: WIP
Warnings: AU. Mentions of M/M sex, strong language (in some chapters), homophobia, sick!Cas.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Set in a normal, non-SPN world. Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak have been dating since they were in high school. They manage to hold it all together, but that's before their world turns upside-down and Castiel gets deathly ill. Can Dean cope with it? Dean’s POV.
Author's notes: The second chapter. Unbeta'd. Feedback would be great ♥
Chapter two
The ambulance’s siren broke the nightly silence as it screeched to a halt in front of the house, which used to belong to John and Mary Winchester. Sam was on the front lawn, signaling them that this was, indeed, the right place. The paramedics pulled out a stretcher and approached the man.
‘Quick, get inside.’
They didn’t need to be asked twice.
Dean and Jess had managed to move Castiel on the couch. He was still unconscious, but trembling, slightly feverish. Dean never let go of his hand, repeating ‘It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay, you’ll be fine, babe…’ He didn’t know if he was repeating it to himself or to Cas. Minutes later, the paramedics rushed in, Sam and Jess behind them.
‘Would you please step away, sir.’ They told Dean, who backed off, while they moved his lover on the stretcher and put an oxygen mask on him, mumbling words that he didn’t hear nor understand. When he saw the worried glances they shot each other, he understood that it wasn’t something simple or trivial. Dean had the ability to know when people were trying to hide something from him.
‘How is -‘
‘We have to get him to the hospital. There you will be able to speak with a doctor.’
The paramedics started to drive the stretcher out to the ambulance, Dean followed them suit.
‘Can I ride with him?’
‘I don’t think it’s advisable, sir.’ One of the medics replied.
‘But what if he-‘
‘He won’t be awake for the rest of the journey. You can go straight to the hospital.’
Without them saying another word, the ambulance drove off, leaving Dean on Sam’s front lawn, staring helplessly at the road. All his limbs felt numb. What the hell had just happened? Flashbacks started flowing furiously through his mind. Him and Cas. Cas making him dinner for their 6-year-anniversary. Cas, gasping beneath him, as he reaches his orgasm and his eyes look like liquid icy fire. Cas, kissing him lazily tonight.
It took a while for him to figure out that a single tear is running down his cheek. He wiped it off, angrily, and felt that Sam was pulling his sleeve.
‘Dean, come on, get in the car, I’ll drive you.’
Dean looked at his brother’s worried face.
‘Jess -‘
‘She’ll stay at the house. Dean, come on.’
‘But I -‘
‘Dean, for fuck’s sake, I’m definitely not letting you go through this alone as well!’
There was such fury and determination shooting from Sam’s eyes that the elder Winchester was scared for a moment. But then his thoughts came back to what was the most important thing to him right now. Get to the hospital. Get to Cas.
He slipped into the passenger seat of the Impala, Sam started the engine and they took off in the night.
This was the longest fucking drive in Dean Winchester’s life.
He pondered for hours, trying to find out if Castiel has shown any other symptoms, anything that could clue him for what the hell was happening to his lover. As much as he tried, he didn’t get anywhere. His knowledge of medicine and diseases was near zero, only that he knew how to treat a flu and a common cold.
‘You okay?’ Sam’s voice came from somewhere in the mist, surrounding him. For no apparent reason, the question made Dean mad.
‘No, Sammy, I’m not okay. I’m pretty fuckin’ far from ‘okay’.’
‘Dean -‘
‘No, you know what? I was just thinking today how I should get him to see a doctor for his headaches.’ His voice was shaking now. ‘It started at home. He didn’t feel okay, he said that his head hurt, we- we should have stayed there, but he wanted to go, said that -’
‘Dude! Breathe!’ Sam said with a solid voice, which shook Dean away from his panic. ‘ Don’t blame yourself. I’m sure everything will be allright.’
‘How can you be so sure?’
‘I can. Now breathe.’
Dean took a deep breath, then another, until his heart calmed down and stopped thumping furiously in his chest.
‘I’m sorry, Sam.’
‘I know you are.’
They didn’t speak a word until they arrived at the hospital.
***
‘Castiel Novak?’
‘Just a moment.’ The girl at the reception said and started tapping on her computer keyboard.
Dean fidgeted nervously, his foot tapping against the floor, pulse banging into his ears again. Then he forced himself to calm down. He was no help to Cas if he were to suffer another panic attack. The receptionist’s eyes went back to Dean and she smiled kindly.
‘Why don’t you take a seat? The doctor will come out shortly and he will speak to you.’
Doctor? He didn’t come to see no doctor.
‘Where is Cas?’
‘Sir, please …’
‘Dean,’ he heard his brother’s voice from behind his shoulder ‘let’s have a seat.’
With all the strength he could manage, Dean sank into a chair in the hospital’s waiting room. Waiting room. Sounded so scary. Dean hated waiting.
‘Why can’t she tell us anything?’
‘Dean, the doctor will be here soon. Just relax.’
No reply.
‘Want me to get some coffee?’
A shrug.
The younger Winchester sighed and took the tour to the nearest coffee machine. This was going to be a long night. Dean’s eyes followed him, a part of the man wanted to apologize to his brother, but another, sulkier and darker side of him reminded softly, that he didn’t have the mental strength to do it. Lord, when had he become such a pussy? He felt as if all life was slowly draining from him, flowing like watercolors an infant had painted over a masterpiece. He didn’t even want to think what was going on, why was it going on. The only thought circulating through his head was Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas. CasCasCasCasCas.
Sam returned after fifteen minutes with his coffee. He had taken two. Dean found it in himself to smile.
‘Thanks, Sammy, but I don’t feel like drinking coffee right now.’ More like I don’t feel I can stomach anything, he thought, but didn’t say it out loud. Sam shrugged and proceeded to his own cup, while Dean, having to do nothing better, sank into thought again. Merciless flashbacks rushed through his head. The car crash. The doctors in the same hospital, telling him, ‘We’re very sorry, but …’. His father’s funeral. The crashed car. Him, spending hours and hours of repairing it, making sure every single part went to it’s rightful place.
And Castiel.
Castiel, dragging him to the house. Letting him break some of his furniture, without a word of complaint. Holding him through the long hours of nightmares.
Now, Dean had the strange feeling of deja-vu.
He just hoped that the turnout wouldn’t be the same, he wouldn’t be able to live through it this time.
***
After an hour, which seemed like fucking weeks to Dean, a doctor came out of the clinic, his face sharp, grey eyes looking knowingly behind their glasses. The man recognized him immediately - it was Joshua Atkins, the same person who had taken his father in. Sam had dozed off in his chair, even though he ended up drinking Dean’s coffee as well.
‘Dean?’ doctor Atkins approached him, stretching his hand for a handshake. ‘Long time no see, boy. And I guess it’s for the better.’
The elder Winchester, though, didn’t have any time for small talk.
‘How is he? Can I see him?’
The doctor’s grey eyes went a shade darker.
‘Follow me.’
Without bothering to wake Sam up, Dean rushed at the clinic door after the doctor.
‘I’m sorry about the delay, m’boy.’ Atkins was talking, while walking. ‘I had to run some tests, just to be sure of the diagnosis.’
‘What is it? Is he okay?’
‘We can talk about this later. I still have to examine some of the results, before I give out my opinion.’ The doctor’s voice sounded kind of gravely, but Dean noticed he made his best effort to hide it. Uh-oh. This wasn’t anything good. ‘But the more important thing is that he’s now awake and he wants to see you.’
They paused in front of Room 167.
Dean may not have known it then, but actually, this number would change his life.
‘I gave him a single room. I know he’s kinda shy.’ Doctor Atkins winked. ‘Go on, kiddo. Go see your boy.’
Joshua Atkins has been Dean and Cas’ doctor ever since they were children. Of course, he knew all about them two.
And he was one of the few people who understood that and didn’t react immediately with hate.
Dean wondered what to say, then gave up, mumbled a ‘thank you’ and opened the door.
***
As soon as he walked into the room, he was greeted with a tired smile, but the ever-gleaming blue eyes, shining from under that black mop of hair.
‘Why, hello there, young gentleman.’ Cas smirked.
A new wave of worry hit Dean as he saw his lover in a hospital gown, wired to some systems, which were probably hydrating him. And he seemed … weary. Sick.
He rushed to Castiel’s bed and hugged him tightly, not bothering that he was totally chick-flicking right now. Cas, though, didn’t say a word, just wrapped his arms around Dean and they stayed like that for a couple of minutes.
‘God, babe - don’t scare me like that anymore, okay? One can’t suffer so many heart attacks.‘
Castiel chuckled softly. ‘I’m sorry, Dean.’
He let him go, but it was only a moment before their lips crashed together, Dean breathing desperately into his lover’s mouth and grabbing a hold of his hair. Cas’ slim and long fingers rubbed smooth circles over Dean’s back. The kiss was hungry, needy, but gentle and loving all the same. They said nothing, but just lay in each other’s arms, Dean’s panic had almost dissolved by now, as he had actually seen Cas. He’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. He’ll get through this.
The Winchester pulled a chair by the bed, not letting go of his boyfriend’s hand. Castiel didn’t ask. They both knew that whatever anyone would say, Dean would be staying here.
‘What happened, Cas?’
‘I - I don’t know.’ Castiel confessed, his brows furrowing slightly again. Dean had learned to guess by now that meant he was either in pain or confused. ‘I just remember the horrible headache, that I went to the bathroom to splash some water on my face, and then … lights out. I woke up here.’
‘The doctor didn’t tell me anything -‘
‘Me neither.’ Cas frowned for a moment. ‘He did told me though that I had to spend the night here, just in case.’
Their conversation was interrupted by Sam, who basically flew in through the door.
‘Cas!’ he rushed over to the bed and gave his friend a Sasquatch hug that almost left him breathless. ‘I’m- Damn, it’s good that you’re okay, man.’
‘Thank you too, Sam.’ Castiel blushed a little. ‘Tell Jess I’m sorry that I failed her dinner.’
‘It’s okay, Cas, just … you just worry about getting better, right?’ The younger Winchester forced a smile. This immediately rang at least a thousand alarm bells in Dean’s mind and he turned to Sam, just to see his worried and tired eyes. Something in his stomach clenched. His brother looked at least five years older.
‘Sammy, is something wrong?’
‘What … no … I - I’m just tired.’ He blurted out, but the elder Winchester saw right through the lie. Yeah, right. ‘I’m going to go home now, calm Jess down, she’s probably freaking out. We’ll both come tomorrow to see you before you check out, okay?’
Without even waiting for an answer, he flew his way back through the door. Castiel turned to Dean, his head automatically tilting to the right, a sign of his confusion.
‘Why was he in such a hurry?’
‘Probably just wanted to go back home.’ Dean flushed down his worries. He was sure that, whatever it was, Sam would tell him. Just not right now.
***
Cas was fast asleep about forty minutes after Sam had left. Well, not before he had Dean promise him that he would be there when he wakes up, of course. As if they didn’t both know that the other man wasn’t really going anywhere.
Dean knew that this whole hospital thing scared the shit out of Castiel. His mother had died here when he was sixteen. It was probably the two most painful years of both their lives, Castiel, being just a teenager, having to look after his mother, who couldn’t even recognize him in the end and Dean, who would see better than anyone how this whole thing affected him, even though the other man didn’t really show it.
But what he admired most was how his boyfriend took it all without even a whimper.
Remembering the wreck that Dean’s mind was after his father’s death…he worshipped Cas for this more than anything.
It was about an hour since Castiel was sleeping restlessly, murmuring something in his dream, when a light knock on the door attracted Dean’s attention. A young nurse popped in.
‘Rounds?’
‘Sure.’
She came in quietly not to wake the sleeping man and checked his systems.
‘Are you Dean Winchester?’ she asked.
The man nodded.
‘Doctor Atkins said he wanted to speak to you in his office. It’s room 341.’
Dean shot a quick glance at Cas’ bed.
‘But I -‘
‘Don’t worry.’ She smiled kindly. ‘This is my last round. I’ll be watching over him until you come back.’
He shot her a thankful glance and went to the said room.
When he reached the said room, he knocked slightly and came in. Doctor Atkins was behind his desk, his brows furrowed above the glasses, grey eyes scanning through different documents, which Dean vaguely recognized as X-ray photos.
‘Doc -‘
‘Ah, Dean. Please, have a seat.’
He was just about to protest about leaving Cas alone, when he remembered, that probably the doctor would finally shed some light on what the hell was actually going on. Dean sank into the chair. Judging by the doctor’s face, the news were anything but good.
‘Dean, I’ve been looking at those scans all night and, frankly, I do have a potential diagnosis, but I have to make su -‘
‘Doctor.’ Dean interrupted him abruptly. ‘I’m tired of all this lack of information. I have to know what’s wrong with him, or what you think is wrong with him, or whatever, okay? I can’t just sit in the dark anymore like that.’
‘Okay, my boy, just calm down. Look, I shared my differential diagnosis with Sam …’
‘You told Sam and not me?’
‘…and we both agreed that we should first check it’s authenticity before bothering you.’
Dean’s breath hitched in his throat. So it was bad. It was really, really bad.
‘First, I have to ask you … Dean, has Castiel suffered from disorientation? Has he complained about nausea? Does he often have mood swings, instant change in personality?’
‘I -‘ Dean focused on the questions, hard. Sure, Cas sometimes complained about feeling sick, he even remembered him vomiting in the bathroom once, when Dean mocked him about being pregnant. They’d both thought that it was something he’d eaten or a bad hangover case and didn’t talk about it. The Winchester hadn’t noticed it happening again. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t, a tiny voice in his head whispered.
‘He did feel sick once and he has been kinda ill-tempered at times, but I haven’t noticed -‘
The doctor’s gravely face made himself feel nauseous with fear.
‘Doc -, Joshua, what’s wrong?’
‘What do you see?’
He handed him over the scans he had been looking at just now. It was a human brain, even Dean with his low knowledge of biology could make that out.
A human brain with a dark spot just at the frontal lobe.
‘Doctor -‘
‘This is Castiel’s MRI scan.’ Atkins answered the unfinished question. ‘First I thought it was a mistake. A blur. I repeated it. Then repeated it again. That’s why it took so long for you to see him.’
Maybe he knew it, maybe he didn’t, but with his next words, doctor Joshua Atkins took Dean Winchester’s world and shattered it to little, sharp pieces.
‘Dean, Castiel has a brain tumor.’