The Weekly Tuna SPECIAL: You and G Baby, Ain't Nothing But Mammals.
I GIVE UP WITH EXCUSES I'M JUST LAZYYYYYYYYY~ (((((((((((((( OAO) And blinded by G's sex! Because if you get nothing else from this summary, you'll get that I find G to be a ridiculously, stupendously attractive man. A SEX GOD, EVEN! A GOD OF SEX!
With that said, please take another round of mood music, which is a cheap, thinly veiled attempt to inject more lulz into this train-wreck:
We're two, count them two inheritance tests into the Primo arc, and the usual suspects have convened at Tsuna's. Lambo gloats incessantly about his awesome sauce, which for once might actually be warranted considering how much abuse the poor kid weathered. By this point, I've become rather convinced that Amano and the filler writers for the anime must think beating up five year olds is the fucking funniest thing ever because seriously why else would you be like "HI LITTLE JIMMY! WANT TO BE IN THE MAFIA? OK HERE'S A GUN GOOD LUCK! 8D)-/"
Gokudera, meanwhile, is getting restless and characteristically irate that he's been "upstaged" not only by Yamamoto, but by Lambo as well. Oh Gokudera honey, you have no idea how much upstaging you're going to get dragged through.
-ahem- AT ANY RATE, our dearest Storm Guardian thinks the obvious solution to not having his moment of glory is to shout angrily at the ceiling and demand his inheritance test. WELL, OKAY MAN, WHATEVER LUBES YOUR COCK, I GUESS.
Fon points out that screaming at invisible ancestors who may or may not be lurking in your Bossu's rafters might not be the best idea in the world. Gokudera bristles at the thought, while Fon decides to troll his pupil by ignoring the ~*RAEG*~ and telling Tsuna that he makes delicious tea.
....not going to lie, I kind of love the dynamic Fon and Gokudera have. I'm not banking on Fon to calm the kid down with his kung-fu austerities or anything, I just kind of like seeing him tick Gokudera off. :B
On his way home Gokudera bumps into a group of your average anime funny looking delinquents who look and sound like thirty-year-old chain smokers when they're actually probably 16. They seem to have some beef with Gokudera for beating up one of their nameless, faceless "bros". Gokudera, not about to rescind his title of juvenile delinquent just because he isn't funny looking and square-jawed, is more than happy to take these guys in a fight.
INVISIBLE FIGHT ENSUES! They advance on Gokudera, it fades to black, then the next thing you know they're all running and crying like babies in the "WE WON'T FORGET THAT YOU BROKE OUR TOYS BAAAW" delinquent fashion. The fade to black makes me think Gokudera must have done SOMETHING illicit like unzipping his pants and slapping them all in the face with his dick. OR SOMETHING.
Little does Gokudera know that he doesn't just have Fon-stalker today -- G-stalker has been on the roof, watching the dick slapping with an incredibly attractive but somewhat critical face! 8D
Gokudera is up so early the next morning that it isn't even light out, and he's burning with an untameable resolve to train so he can take that asshole G in a fight. Never mind that Yamamoto's test already established that a fight isn't a given with the inheritance tests! Never mind that Fon tells him that there might not be a fight. Gokudera's going to show the FUCKING WORLD how awesome he and his demon house cat are.
Said demon house cat is less than thrilled about the prospect of training, and immediately takes off into the bushes. Gokudera is--
Okay who am I kidding I just took this cap because it's Gokudera's butt. 8D)-/
While Gokudera is off crawling around on all fours and screaming for his cat, ~*A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS*~. The first sign that something is amiss is, of course, the fact that Uri abandons all aggression and general tsun-tsun-ness and rubs up against Gokudera-doppelganger's legs. Fon, apparently in on the shenanigans, says he'll keep Gokudera distracted. The reply he gets is a smooth, sexy, "Then I'll begin".
Have you ever masturbated to someone's voice?
I just did.
The next morning Gokudera doesn't appear at Tsuna's door to greet him with the usual "OHAYOU GOZAIMASU JUUDAIME!" He wasn't under the bed last night, or in the closet, or lurking awkwardly under the front porch. Tsuna is vaguely unsettled by the occurrences, and when Gokudera finally shows up late to school it's like *GASP* he's a totally different person or something. Tsuna asks if Gokudera's sick, because good golly, Gokudera is acting different and he sounds different, it's almost like there's something wrong!
Not wanting G's cover to be blown so quickly, Primo appears to seal off Tsuna's hyper intuition for the time being. And by "hyper intuition" I think he actually means common sense, because lordy lord does it really take heightened intuition to figure out that something's up when your best-stalker-friend is acting and sounding weird?
Yes, you say?
Well....okay, then.
And we find that HOURS LATER Gokudera is still crawling around the same fucking patch of shrubbery looking for Uri while Fon chucks rocks at him. I'm beginning to suspect that Uri's anger towards the kid is less utter dislike and more frustration over his complete inability to use common sense and think like a normal human being.
....but Uri, darling, it's why the rest of us love him. 8'( Cut Gokkyun some slack.
Meanwhile, at school, the Vongola Butt Buddies + G gather to discuss the situation with the inheritance tests, and G!Gokudera says a lot of things that are level-headed and reasonable, much to everyone's confusion. Uni suspects shenanigans and looks to Reborn. Reborn replies with little more than a cryptic nod, which is probably Reborn speak for "AWWW HELL YEAH GURLFREN THERE BE SOME SHENANIGANS GOIN' ON ALL UP IN HERE!"
Classes resume and Tsuna finds himself confronted with his most dreaded enemy yet -- basic middle school algebra. THE RIGHT HAND MAN IS TO THE RESCUE, and Tsuna (understandably) OHSHIT's over what just might be an impending, overly complex tutoring session. G!Gokudera just turns on the fucking charm, dons the nerd glasses, and proceeds to give Decimo some ~*LOVE TUTORING*~
In response, Tsuna blushes awkwardly, does math, looks fucking adorable, then decides that the best course of action is to proposition G!Gokudera for sum roof sex later blush awkwardly again and thank the ~*RIGHT HAND MAN*~ for his smooth smooth love tutoring.
....I'm willing to bet he's been in those same bushes for at least 10 hours now. Gokudera, sweetie, honey, there is a point where determination can quickly transform itself into blatant stupidity. That point is about 100 miles behind you by now.
On their way home, Tsuna and company take note of the fact that NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET, which is the anime's way of not-so-subtly saying "HEY GUYS. HEY GUYS. CHECK IT OUT. SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN SOON." Yamamoto takes off, and Kyoko and Uni go off to do shopping because that is what girls do all girls like to shop RITE GAIZ?, leaving Tsuna alone with G, god of sex.
Gokudera, after some verbal nudging from Fon (something along the lines of "HEY GET GOING YOU'VE BEEN CRAWLING IN BUSHES FOR HOURS NOW SRSLY KID WTF"), rushes over, revealing that *GASP* TODAY THERE ARE TWO GOKUDERAS WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!?
G decides that the jig is up and reveals himself. Fans everywhere touch themselves. Again. If they hadn't already been touching themselves from the G + megane scene.
G reveals his modus operandi: to prove to Tsuna how much Gokudera is a spaz and a fucking failure by masquerading as the ~*PERFECT RIGHT HAND MAN*~ for a day. He tells an emo-face Gokudera that there's no way someone with the common sense of a loaf of bread and the temper of a Tasmanian devil on speed can be a worthy successor to the title of the Storm Guardian, then demands Gokudera return his ring and go back to Italy
Tsuna steps in because G is being a meanie and says "WELL UH....YEAH GOKUDERA IS A FAILURE....AND A SPAZZ....AND TAKES AWKWARD NUDIES OF ME IN THE SHOWER....BUT HE GETS POINTS FOR EFFORT?"
Well ok I mean that's not exactly what he says but I took liberties and translated it from inspirational shounen manga happy friendship-speak.
G makes really really attractive faces and says Decimo a lot.
"Points for effort" is, apparently, sufficient enough reason for G to take back his decision to flunk Gokudera and grant him his inheritance. IT WAS TO TEST THE ~*BONDS*~ BETWEEN THE BOSS AND HIS GUARDIAN.
And by that I mean Gokudera's entire test involved crawling around bushes for hours, getting told that he sucks, and having Tsuna make excuses for him.
WELL PLAYED, REBORN ANIME, now I'm really convinced you hate the kid. Can't even let him participate in his own fucking test, jesus fucking christ. D: At least G is attractive?
Back at the shrine, which is apparently the Primo base of operations, Primo appears to congratulate G on a job well done. The two stop to wax nostalgic about ~*THE GOOD OLD DAYS*~ where they were, apparently, a rash band of shit-headed teenagers. G complains about how he put up with all of Primo's antics, which I take to mean that Giotto spent his younger days getting rip-roaring drunk and telling everyone in his famiglia that it would be an AWESOME IDEA to go light dog poo on fire and fling it at a rival boss's door.
Meanwhile, Gokudera is ecstatic that he passed his inheritance test without having to do jack fucking shit. Tsuna isn't quite sure what Gokudera's so happy about, thinking "I JUST SAID HE WAS MY FRIEND!" -- NO TSUNA, NO TAKE-BACKS, YOU TOTES SAID "THAT'S RIGHT" WHEN G ASKED IF GOKUDERA WOULD BE YOUR GUARDIAN. Little bitch.
Next up to bat for the inheritance tests is Hibari and Alaude -- and, much to Hibari's disdain, it doesn't look like there will be any HIBARI SMAAAAAAAASH either. Now, I'm not sure if anyone remembers this bit from when Alaude first appeared in the manga, but he was supposed to have been kind to his comrades....and I would totally pay money to see him make Hibari's test "enroll in sensitivity training".
Aww yeah. You know you want to see it too.
ALSO! \O/ By another request, here's all 100-something caps I took from this episode. Because I think G is ridiculously attractive. I'm sure no one was able to figure that out from the summary, so I'll be honest about it now: G is ridiculously attractive and I have insane character biases. He's so ridiculously attractive that I couldn't even fit the archive file into my box.net! 8D
With that said, please take another round of mood music, which is a cheap, thinly veiled attempt to inject more lulz into this train-wreck:
We're two, count them two inheritance tests into the Primo arc, and the usual suspects have convened at Tsuna's. Lambo gloats incessantly about his awesome sauce, which for once might actually be warranted considering how much abuse the poor kid weathered. By this point, I've become rather convinced that Amano and the filler writers for the anime must think beating up five year olds is the fucking funniest thing ever because seriously why else would you be like "HI LITTLE JIMMY! WANT TO BE IN THE MAFIA? OK HERE'S A GUN GOOD LUCK! 8D)-/"
Gokudera, meanwhile, is getting restless and characteristically irate that he's been "upstaged" not only by Yamamoto, but by Lambo as well. Oh Gokudera honey, you have no idea how much upstaging you're going to get dragged through.
-ahem- AT ANY RATE, our dearest Storm Guardian thinks the obvious solution to not having his moment of glory is to shout angrily at the ceiling and demand his inheritance test. WELL, OKAY MAN, WHATEVER LUBES YOUR COCK, I GUESS.
Fon points out that screaming at invisible ancestors who may or may not be lurking in your Bossu's rafters might not be the best idea in the world. Gokudera bristles at the thought, while Fon decides to troll his pupil by ignoring the ~*RAEG*~ and telling Tsuna that he makes delicious tea.
....not going to lie, I kind of love the dynamic Fon and Gokudera have. I'm not banking on Fon to calm the kid down with his kung-fu austerities or anything, I just kind of like seeing him tick Gokudera off. :B
On his way home Gokudera bumps into a group of your average anime funny looking delinquents who look and sound like thirty-year-old chain smokers when they're actually probably 16. They seem to have some beef with Gokudera for beating up one of their nameless, faceless "bros". Gokudera, not about to rescind his title of juvenile delinquent just because he isn't funny looking and square-jawed, is more than happy to take these guys in a fight.
INVISIBLE FIGHT ENSUES! They advance on Gokudera, it fades to black, then the next thing you know they're all running and crying like babies in the "WE WON'T FORGET THAT YOU BROKE OUR TOYS BAAAW" delinquent fashion. The fade to black makes me think Gokudera must have done SOMETHING illicit like unzipping his pants and slapping them all in the face with his dick. OR SOMETHING.
Little does Gokudera know that he doesn't just have Fon-stalker today -- G-stalker has been on the roof, watching the dick slapping with an incredibly attractive but somewhat critical face! 8D
Gokudera is up so early the next morning that it isn't even light out, and he's burning with an untameable resolve to train so he can take that asshole G in a fight. Never mind that Yamamoto's test already established that a fight isn't a given with the inheritance tests! Never mind that Fon tells him that there might not be a fight. Gokudera's going to show the FUCKING WORLD how awesome he and his demon house cat are.
Said demon house cat is less than thrilled about the prospect of training, and immediately takes off into the bushes. Gokudera is--
Okay who am I kidding I just took this cap because it's Gokudera's butt. 8D)-/
While Gokudera is off crawling around on all fours and screaming for his cat, ~*A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS*~. The first sign that something is amiss is, of course, the fact that Uri abandons all aggression and general tsun-tsun-ness and rubs up against Gokudera-doppelganger's legs. Fon, apparently in on the shenanigans, says he'll keep Gokudera distracted. The reply he gets is a smooth, sexy, "Then I'll begin".
Have you ever masturbated to someone's voice?
I just did.
The next morning Gokudera doesn't appear at Tsuna's door to greet him with the usual "OHAYOU GOZAIMASU JUUDAIME!" He wasn't under the bed last night, or in the closet, or lurking awkwardly under the front porch. Tsuna is vaguely unsettled by the occurrences, and when Gokudera finally shows up late to school it's like *GASP* he's a totally different person or something. Tsuna asks if Gokudera's sick, because good golly, Gokudera is acting different and he sounds different, it's almost like there's something wrong!
Not wanting G's cover to be blown so quickly, Primo appears to seal off Tsuna's hyper intuition for the time being. And by "hyper intuition" I think he actually means common sense, because lordy lord does it really take heightened intuition to figure out that something's up when your best-stalker-friend is acting and sounding weird?
Yes, you say?
Well....okay, then.
And we find that HOURS LATER Gokudera is still crawling around the same fucking patch of shrubbery looking for Uri while Fon chucks rocks at him. I'm beginning to suspect that Uri's anger towards the kid is less utter dislike and more frustration over his complete inability to use common sense and think like a normal human being.
....but Uri, darling, it's why the rest of us love him. 8'( Cut Gokkyun some slack.
Meanwhile, at school, the Vongola Butt Buddies + G gather to discuss the situation with the inheritance tests, and G!Gokudera says a lot of things that are level-headed and reasonable, much to everyone's confusion. Uni suspects shenanigans and looks to Reborn. Reborn replies with little more than a cryptic nod, which is probably Reborn speak for "AWWW HELL YEAH GURLFREN THERE BE SOME SHENANIGANS GOIN' ON ALL UP IN HERE!"
Classes resume and Tsuna finds himself confronted with his most dreaded enemy yet -- basic middle school algebra. THE RIGHT HAND MAN IS TO THE RESCUE, and Tsuna (understandably) OHSHIT's over what just might be an impending, overly complex tutoring session. G!Gokudera just turns on the fucking charm, dons the nerd glasses, and proceeds to give Decimo some ~*LOVE TUTORING*~
In response, Tsuna blushes awkwardly, does math, looks fucking adorable, then decides that the best course of action is to proposition G!Gokudera for sum roof sex later blush awkwardly again and thank the ~*RIGHT HAND MAN*~ for his smooth smooth love tutoring.
....I'm willing to bet he's been in those same bushes for at least 10 hours now. Gokudera, sweetie, honey, there is a point where determination can quickly transform itself into blatant stupidity. That point is about 100 miles behind you by now.
On their way home, Tsuna and company take note of the fact that NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET, which is the anime's way of not-so-subtly saying "HEY GUYS. HEY GUYS. CHECK IT OUT. SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN SOON." Yamamoto takes off, and Kyoko and Uni go off to do shopping because that is what girls do all girls like to shop RITE GAIZ?, leaving Tsuna alone with G, god of sex.
Gokudera, after some verbal nudging from Fon (something along the lines of "HEY GET GOING YOU'VE BEEN CRAWLING IN BUSHES FOR HOURS NOW SRSLY KID WTF"), rushes over, revealing that *GASP* TODAY THERE ARE TWO GOKUDERAS WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!?
G decides that the jig is up and reveals himself. Fans everywhere touch themselves. Again. If they hadn't already been touching themselves from the G + megane scene.
G reveals his modus operandi: to prove to Tsuna how much Gokudera is a spaz and a fucking failure by masquerading as the ~*PERFECT RIGHT HAND MAN*~ for a day. He tells an emo-face Gokudera that there's no way someone with the common sense of a loaf of bread and the temper of a Tasmanian devil on speed can be a worthy successor to the title of the Storm Guardian, then demands Gokudera return his ring and go back to Italy
Tsuna steps in because G is being a meanie and says "WELL UH....YEAH GOKUDERA IS A FAILURE....AND A SPAZZ....AND TAKES AWKWARD NUDIES OF ME IN THE SHOWER....BUT HE GETS POINTS FOR EFFORT?"
Well ok I mean that's not exactly what he says but I took liberties and translated it from inspirational shounen manga happy friendship-speak.
G makes really really attractive faces and says Decimo a lot.
"Points for effort" is, apparently, sufficient enough reason for G to take back his decision to flunk Gokudera and grant him his inheritance. IT WAS TO TEST THE ~*BONDS*~ BETWEEN THE BOSS AND HIS GUARDIAN.
And by that I mean Gokudera's entire test involved crawling around bushes for hours, getting told that he sucks, and having Tsuna make excuses for him.
WELL PLAYED, REBORN ANIME, now I'm really convinced you hate the kid. Can't even let him participate in his own fucking test, jesus fucking christ. D: At least G is attractive?
Back at the shrine, which is apparently the Primo base of operations, Primo appears to congratulate G on a job well done. The two stop to wax nostalgic about ~*THE GOOD OLD DAYS*~ where they were, apparently, a rash band of shit-headed teenagers. G complains about how he put up with all of Primo's antics, which I take to mean that Giotto spent his younger days getting rip-roaring drunk and telling everyone in his famiglia that it would be an AWESOME IDEA to go light dog poo on fire and fling it at a rival boss's door.
Meanwhile, Gokudera is ecstatic that he passed his inheritance test without having to do jack fucking shit. Tsuna isn't quite sure what Gokudera's so happy about, thinking "I JUST SAID HE WAS MY FRIEND!" -- NO TSUNA, NO TAKE-BACKS, YOU TOTES SAID "THAT'S RIGHT" WHEN G ASKED IF GOKUDERA WOULD BE YOUR GUARDIAN. Little bitch.
Next up to bat for the inheritance tests is Hibari and Alaude -- and, much to Hibari's disdain, it doesn't look like there will be any HIBARI SMAAAAAAAASH either. Now, I'm not sure if anyone remembers this bit from when Alaude first appeared in the manga, but he was supposed to have been kind to his comrades....and I would totally pay money to see him make Hibari's test "enroll in sensitivity training".
Aww yeah. You know you want to see it too.
ALSO! \O/ By another request, here's all 100-something caps I took from this episode. Because I think G is ridiculously attractive. I'm sure no one was able to figure that out from the summary, so I'll be honest about it now: G is ridiculously attractive and I have insane character biases. He's so ridiculously attractive that I couldn't even fit the archive file into my box.net! 8D