(no subject)
Title: The World Outside
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Summary: After a particularly nasty fight Draco realises he has built his entire life around Harry, but maybe its just not the case for his partner.
Warnings: None
Word Count: 2249
Authors Note: For my ever lovely beta kcstories
Draco woke up to a dead weight on his chest and puffing breath behind his ear. A muscular leg was draped across his thigh and his left eye was obscured by a mass of black hair. Having gone to bed alone, he was somewhat startled until he recognised the distinct smell of Harry’s shampoo.
So he was home.
Harry had been away for a Quidditch match in Italy for four days and he must have returned in the middle of the night specifically to use Draco as his personal pillow.
Draco tried to move his left hand and groaned when he realised that Harry had caused him to lose all feeling in his arm. He shifted none too gently, past caring whether or not he woke the oaf lying on top of him; after all, why should he?
They’d fought before Harry had left, an all out row about their relationship, about Harry always being away and treating their place like a hotel and using Draco like his personal whore.
Draco knew he’d gone too far when he’d said that; he’d seen the colour drain from Harry’s face and from the way his Adam’s apple had bobbed up and down, Draco had known he was attempting to swallow past the constricting feeling in his throat. Harry had simply stared at him and had finally asked if he really felt that way, in that choked obviously hurt voice he sometimes used, when Draco pushed him too far. His pride had made him unable to back down, and Draco had said yes, and Harry had left.
There had been no owls, no letters, not even so much as a whimper from Harry the entire time he’d been away and Draco had begun to think he wouldn’t be coming back at all, and that three months down the line, Draco would find out he’d been living with the Weasel and Granger all along.
Draco slipped out from under Harry and sat up. He stared down at his lover, his other half and sighed loudly. He hadn’t meant what he’d said. He always got this way around Quidditch season. He stupidly got used to having Harry around all summer and suddenly autumn would come around and Harry would disappear for days at a time, sometimes even weeks. Draco always forgot how quiet the house felt when Harry wasn’t there. It wasn’t like Harry stomped about, or played really loud, obnoxious music like some of their neighbours did, but without him, the house felt cold.
Draco would get up to tell Harry something interesting he’d read in the Quibbler or something stupid the Muggles had gone and written about in one of the newspapers that were delivered at the weekends, and Harry wouldn’t be there.
Draco would roll into the cold spot of their bed in the middle of the night and jolt awake to find himself alone in the darkness, and those were the nights he didn’t have those nightmares.
Harry hadn’t been entirely innocent in their recent argument. He’d called Draco spoiled and possessive. He’d said he was feeling suffocated and no wonder he disappeared all the time because all Draco ever did was nag at him.
Draco hadn’t meant to nag. He had only wanted some attention, some little clue that he was all Harry thought of on those nights he wasn’t in their bed, and if accomplishing that involved some nagging, then so be it.
Of course, he’d been stupid to think that it would actually work. Harry had never put up with his bullshit before. It should have been obvious that he wouldn’t start now, either.
It had been Draco’s own decision not to get a job. He could live comfortably off his family’s wealth and had happily been doing so since the end of the war. So it was his own fault if he was feeling bored and restless. He couldn’t expect Harry to do the same and yet, a part of him selfishly wished he had Harry to himself all the time. He had made Harry his world, but the man clearly hadn’t done the same for him and had no intention of changing that.
Harry wanted more; he wanted a life outside the house Draco spent a considerable amount of his time in; he wanted more than a nagging boyfriend to come home to. Maybe Draco would be better off alone? Then his selfishness wouldn’t affect Harry, and Harry wouldn’t feel guilty about not coming home, assuming he even did now.
Draco slipped out of bed and padded across the thickly carpeted room to the ensuite. He had been feeling rather hurt and self righteous these past few days, thinking about all the ways he would make Harry grovel for his forgiveness, but seeing Harry had made something inside him click…
Maybe Harry wasn’t the problem here at all.
Draco looked in the mirror. He appeared far too weary for someone who’d just had a relatively good night’s sleep. Things had to change, he understood that. It wasn’t the first time he and Harry had fought about these issues, or that Draco had felt hurt and jealous because Harry wasn’t there to keep him occupied all day and Draco felt he was the only person capable of doing so.
Severus had been trying to coax him into his labs for a long while now, and during their last few lunch dates, Draco had actually felt tempted. He’d been working on new revolutionary potions, practicing his favourite subject while seeing the man he most admired on a more regular basis. Maybe this was what he needed; maybe it was time he took this step to save his mental health and ultimately, his relationship.
After brushing his teeth, he made his way back into the bedroom and checked the clock, 11:45am on a Monday morning.
If he made this decision there would be no more extended lie-ins. He shuddered at the thought, but began to get dressed, hoping Severus wouldn’t be too busy to see him.
He actively avoided looking at the half naked seeker in his bed.
*
Draco returned a few hours later, feeling motivated and for the first time in a long while, genuinely happy. Not the kind of post orgasmic fog he was so used to, but actual contentment.
Severus had been delighted with Draco’s proposal of working with him. They had reached an agreement about flexible working hours and payment. Draco’s offer to work voluntarily had been met with a vicious glare and in the end he had agreed to a basic salary. He would start in two weeks, giving him enough time to psyche himself up and to read the substantial list of potions texts Severus had given him to get him up to speed with the industry.
Opening the front door, he was surprised to hear the faint sound of tea cups being moved about and hissing gas boiling their kettle. He had hoped that Harry would still be sleeping. He wasn’t sure he was ready to apologise or face the impending break-up that was bound to occur, but he had little choice in the matter when Harry emerged from the kitchen cradling a cup of steaming tea between his hands. He stopped dead in his tracks upon seeing Draco and half smiled at him.
“Hello stranger.” Harry’s voice cracked from lack of use. He obviously hadn’t been up for very long.
“Hey, yeah. Sorry I wasn’t here. I went to--- Never mind. How was it?”
Draco wasn’t ready to have this conversation. In the passageway, he motioned towards their sitting room. Harry followed him in, but didn’t answer the question.
“I’m surprised you’re even talking to me. I didn’t get so much as an owl from you while I was away. I waited and none ever came.” Harry frowned and stared into his teacup.
“I waited too.”
Harry looked at Draco sharply. “Well. I hope you weren’t expecting an apology.”
Draco blanched at the sharp edge to Harry’s voice. He really had gone too far.
“I didn’t know what to think. You just left.” Draco sighed. He suddenly felt incredibly deflated.
“What?! Did you expect me to just stand there and let you throw accusation after accusation at me? Some of the stuff you said was just wretched, Draco. How could you think those things about me, let alone say them out loud?”
Harry sounded genuinely hurt and Draco sighed in defeat. He was sick of fighting.
“I know…”
“I’ve never - ever - treated you like a whore. I love you, Draco, but I can’t keep apologising for loving my job as well.” Harry sighed, and flopped down in his favourite chair, careful not to slop his tea over himself.
“I’m just scared you’ll leave one day and never come back,” Draco admitted.
“Yeah. Well, if you keep pushing me, maybe that’s exactly what I’ll do,” Harry snapped bitterly, making Draco stare at him. This really was that make or break conversation.
“Harry I…” Draco’s voice broke and he lost his train of thought.
“What?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what, being possessive and jealous of a job? Or for accusing me of treating you like a whore?”
“Harry, I’m really trying here, okay? I said I was sorry. I’ll admit it, okay? I’m a selfish, jealous bastard who only wishes that his boyfriend were around more, so that I wouldn’t feel so damn lonely and useless all the time, because it’s gotten to the point where I don’t know anymore where you end and I begin, and I don’t quite know what to do with myself when you’re not around. You’re my entire world, you see, but I’m so obviously not yours, and I am trying, alright? I really, really am trying to be okay with that. I even went to see Severus about getting a job of my own so I wouldn’t always be sitting here waiting to nag you, because I’m so grumpy from missing you all the time and wondering if you even give me a second thought throughout your day. Alright? I’m sorry if that’s not enough for you.” Draco’s voice broke once more and he walked from the room and wandered up the stairs. Maybe he really had gone too far in what he had said. Merlin, he was stupid, he knew it, but he couldn’t help himself.
He wandered into the bedroom and kicked off his shoes and pulled his robes over his head, before climbing into bed in his shirt and trousers. It had been a very long couple of days and he wasn’t in the mood to listen to Harry shout at him some more and tell him what an awful, jealous fiend he was, and how he was holding Harry back from all the things he really wanted in life. He’d said he was sorry; he was going to try and make things right, but at this very moment, all he wanted was to get some sleep.
“Draco?”
Draco buried his face further into his pillow and tried to ignore the sound of bare feet padding crossing the room.
“Draco?”
A hand was on his shoulder and Draco bit his lip to stop himself doing anything embarrassing like letting the wetness in his eyes or the sob in his throat escape.
For the past four days, a part of him had genuinely thought that Harry wouldn’t come back, and seeing him in his bed that morning had caused him to hope ever so slightly that things would be okay. Maybe he had hoped too soon and Harry had only come back to end things properly.
An entire body was behind him now, pressed flush against his back, and an arm wound itself around his waist, pulling him back against familiar warmth.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry too,” Harry whispered softly as he tugged Draco against him for emphasis. “When you didn’t owl, not even just to give me abuse, I thought that that was really what you thought of me, that you thought I didn’t love you and that I didn’t want to be here anymore. I was terrified of coming home to an empty house. I never meant to make you feel that way, to make you feel unwanted. I guess I’ve just been taking it for granted that you’ll always be here, when I should have been showing you how grateful I am that you are. I cherish you. I cherish every single moment I spend with you because those thoughts are what get me through being away for so long, those memories keep me sane. That’s why I get so angry with you when you nag at me because I don’t want to spend what little time we have together shouting. I want to spend it here kissing you, or out doing regular things. I can’t stand it when you’re mad at me,” Harry sighed into Draco’s hair and it only took a moment for Draco to turn around and wrap his arms around Harry to pull him closer.
“I love you,” Draco whispered.
“I love you too. Don’t ever doubt it.” Harry pressed his lips to Draco’s and sighed contentedly at the feeling of soft skin against his own.
They spent much of the afternoon that way, discussing Harry’s trip and Draco’s new job, and although the world outside existed for them both, inside the room it was only them, and they existed only for each other.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Summary: After a particularly nasty fight Draco realises he has built his entire life around Harry, but maybe its just not the case for his partner.
Warnings: None
Word Count: 2249
Authors Note: For my ever lovely beta kcstories
Draco woke up to a dead weight on his chest and puffing breath behind his ear. A muscular leg was draped across his thigh and his left eye was obscured by a mass of black hair. Having gone to bed alone, he was somewhat startled until he recognised the distinct smell of Harry’s shampoo.
So he was home.
Harry had been away for a Quidditch match in Italy for four days and he must have returned in the middle of the night specifically to use Draco as his personal pillow.
Draco tried to move his left hand and groaned when he realised that Harry had caused him to lose all feeling in his arm. He shifted none too gently, past caring whether or not he woke the oaf lying on top of him; after all, why should he?
They’d fought before Harry had left, an all out row about their relationship, about Harry always being away and treating their place like a hotel and using Draco like his personal whore.
Draco knew he’d gone too far when he’d said that; he’d seen the colour drain from Harry’s face and from the way his Adam’s apple had bobbed up and down, Draco had known he was attempting to swallow past the constricting feeling in his throat. Harry had simply stared at him and had finally asked if he really felt that way, in that choked obviously hurt voice he sometimes used, when Draco pushed him too far. His pride had made him unable to back down, and Draco had said yes, and Harry had left.
There had been no owls, no letters, not even so much as a whimper from Harry the entire time he’d been away and Draco had begun to think he wouldn’t be coming back at all, and that three months down the line, Draco would find out he’d been living with the Weasel and Granger all along.
Draco slipped out from under Harry and sat up. He stared down at his lover, his other half and sighed loudly. He hadn’t meant what he’d said. He always got this way around Quidditch season. He stupidly got used to having Harry around all summer and suddenly autumn would come around and Harry would disappear for days at a time, sometimes even weeks. Draco always forgot how quiet the house felt when Harry wasn’t there. It wasn’t like Harry stomped about, or played really loud, obnoxious music like some of their neighbours did, but without him, the house felt cold.
Draco would get up to tell Harry something interesting he’d read in the Quibbler or something stupid the Muggles had gone and written about in one of the newspapers that were delivered at the weekends, and Harry wouldn’t be there.
Draco would roll into the cold spot of their bed in the middle of the night and jolt awake to find himself alone in the darkness, and those were the nights he didn’t have those nightmares.
Harry hadn’t been entirely innocent in their recent argument. He’d called Draco spoiled and possessive. He’d said he was feeling suffocated and no wonder he disappeared all the time because all Draco ever did was nag at him.
Draco hadn’t meant to nag. He had only wanted some attention, some little clue that he was all Harry thought of on those nights he wasn’t in their bed, and if accomplishing that involved some nagging, then so be it.
Of course, he’d been stupid to think that it would actually work. Harry had never put up with his bullshit before. It should have been obvious that he wouldn’t start now, either.
It had been Draco’s own decision not to get a job. He could live comfortably off his family’s wealth and had happily been doing so since the end of the war. So it was his own fault if he was feeling bored and restless. He couldn’t expect Harry to do the same and yet, a part of him selfishly wished he had Harry to himself all the time. He had made Harry his world, but the man clearly hadn’t done the same for him and had no intention of changing that.
Harry wanted more; he wanted a life outside the house Draco spent a considerable amount of his time in; he wanted more than a nagging boyfriend to come home to. Maybe Draco would be better off alone? Then his selfishness wouldn’t affect Harry, and Harry wouldn’t feel guilty about not coming home, assuming he even did now.
Draco slipped out of bed and padded across the thickly carpeted room to the ensuite. He had been feeling rather hurt and self righteous these past few days, thinking about all the ways he would make Harry grovel for his forgiveness, but seeing Harry had made something inside him click…
Maybe Harry wasn’t the problem here at all.
Draco looked in the mirror. He appeared far too weary for someone who’d just had a relatively good night’s sleep. Things had to change, he understood that. It wasn’t the first time he and Harry had fought about these issues, or that Draco had felt hurt and jealous because Harry wasn’t there to keep him occupied all day and Draco felt he was the only person capable of doing so.
Severus had been trying to coax him into his labs for a long while now, and during their last few lunch dates, Draco had actually felt tempted. He’d been working on new revolutionary potions, practicing his favourite subject while seeing the man he most admired on a more regular basis. Maybe this was what he needed; maybe it was time he took this step to save his mental health and ultimately, his relationship.
After brushing his teeth, he made his way back into the bedroom and checked the clock, 11:45am on a Monday morning.
If he made this decision there would be no more extended lie-ins. He shuddered at the thought, but began to get dressed, hoping Severus wouldn’t be too busy to see him.
He actively avoided looking at the half naked seeker in his bed.
*
Draco returned a few hours later, feeling motivated and for the first time in a long while, genuinely happy. Not the kind of post orgasmic fog he was so used to, but actual contentment.
Severus had been delighted with Draco’s proposal of working with him. They had reached an agreement about flexible working hours and payment. Draco’s offer to work voluntarily had been met with a vicious glare and in the end he had agreed to a basic salary. He would start in two weeks, giving him enough time to psyche himself up and to read the substantial list of potions texts Severus had given him to get him up to speed with the industry.
Opening the front door, he was surprised to hear the faint sound of tea cups being moved about and hissing gas boiling their kettle. He had hoped that Harry would still be sleeping. He wasn’t sure he was ready to apologise or face the impending break-up that was bound to occur, but he had little choice in the matter when Harry emerged from the kitchen cradling a cup of steaming tea between his hands. He stopped dead in his tracks upon seeing Draco and half smiled at him.
“Hello stranger.” Harry’s voice cracked from lack of use. He obviously hadn’t been up for very long.
“Hey, yeah. Sorry I wasn’t here. I went to--- Never mind. How was it?”
Draco wasn’t ready to have this conversation. In the passageway, he motioned towards their sitting room. Harry followed him in, but didn’t answer the question.
“I’m surprised you’re even talking to me. I didn’t get so much as an owl from you while I was away. I waited and none ever came.” Harry frowned and stared into his teacup.
“I waited too.”
Harry looked at Draco sharply. “Well. I hope you weren’t expecting an apology.”
Draco blanched at the sharp edge to Harry’s voice. He really had gone too far.
“I didn’t know what to think. You just left.” Draco sighed. He suddenly felt incredibly deflated.
“What?! Did you expect me to just stand there and let you throw accusation after accusation at me? Some of the stuff you said was just wretched, Draco. How could you think those things about me, let alone say them out loud?”
Harry sounded genuinely hurt and Draco sighed in defeat. He was sick of fighting.
“I know…”
“I’ve never - ever - treated you like a whore. I love you, Draco, but I can’t keep apologising for loving my job as well.” Harry sighed, and flopped down in his favourite chair, careful not to slop his tea over himself.
“I’m just scared you’ll leave one day and never come back,” Draco admitted.
“Yeah. Well, if you keep pushing me, maybe that’s exactly what I’ll do,” Harry snapped bitterly, making Draco stare at him. This really was that make or break conversation.
“Harry I…” Draco’s voice broke and he lost his train of thought.
“What?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what, being possessive and jealous of a job? Or for accusing me of treating you like a whore?”
“Harry, I’m really trying here, okay? I said I was sorry. I’ll admit it, okay? I’m a selfish, jealous bastard who only wishes that his boyfriend were around more, so that I wouldn’t feel so damn lonely and useless all the time, because it’s gotten to the point where I don’t know anymore where you end and I begin, and I don’t quite know what to do with myself when you’re not around. You’re my entire world, you see, but I’m so obviously not yours, and I am trying, alright? I really, really am trying to be okay with that. I even went to see Severus about getting a job of my own so I wouldn’t always be sitting here waiting to nag you, because I’m so grumpy from missing you all the time and wondering if you even give me a second thought throughout your day. Alright? I’m sorry if that’s not enough for you.” Draco’s voice broke once more and he walked from the room and wandered up the stairs. Maybe he really had gone too far in what he had said. Merlin, he was stupid, he knew it, but he couldn’t help himself.
He wandered into the bedroom and kicked off his shoes and pulled his robes over his head, before climbing into bed in his shirt and trousers. It had been a very long couple of days and he wasn’t in the mood to listen to Harry shout at him some more and tell him what an awful, jealous fiend he was, and how he was holding Harry back from all the things he really wanted in life. He’d said he was sorry; he was going to try and make things right, but at this very moment, all he wanted was to get some sleep.
“Draco?”
Draco buried his face further into his pillow and tried to ignore the sound of bare feet padding crossing the room.
“Draco?”
A hand was on his shoulder and Draco bit his lip to stop himself doing anything embarrassing like letting the wetness in his eyes or the sob in his throat escape.
For the past four days, a part of him had genuinely thought that Harry wouldn’t come back, and seeing him in his bed that morning had caused him to hope ever so slightly that things would be okay. Maybe he had hoped too soon and Harry had only come back to end things properly.
An entire body was behind him now, pressed flush against his back, and an arm wound itself around his waist, pulling him back against familiar warmth.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry too,” Harry whispered softly as he tugged Draco against him for emphasis. “When you didn’t owl, not even just to give me abuse, I thought that that was really what you thought of me, that you thought I didn’t love you and that I didn’t want to be here anymore. I was terrified of coming home to an empty house. I never meant to make you feel that way, to make you feel unwanted. I guess I’ve just been taking it for granted that you’ll always be here, when I should have been showing you how grateful I am that you are. I cherish you. I cherish every single moment I spend with you because those thoughts are what get me through being away for so long, those memories keep me sane. That’s why I get so angry with you when you nag at me because I don’t want to spend what little time we have together shouting. I want to spend it here kissing you, or out doing regular things. I can’t stand it when you’re mad at me,” Harry sighed into Draco’s hair and it only took a moment for Draco to turn around and wrap his arms around Harry to pull him closer.
“I love you,” Draco whispered.
“I love you too. Don’t ever doubt it.” Harry pressed his lips to Draco’s and sighed contentedly at the feeling of soft skin against his own.
They spent much of the afternoon that way, discussing Harry’s trip and Draco’s new job, and although the world outside existed for them both, inside the room it was only them, and they existed only for each other.