Expensive Tastes and Old-Fashioned Values
Title: Expensive Tastes and Old-Fashioned Values
Author: enchanted_jae
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 770
Challenge:
- Recipient: rivertea
- Keywords: foppish, ouzo, rehab
- Dialogue: "Get your scary self away from the fainting flower!"
Summary: Auror!Harry has been sent to question Draco Malfoy about his brewing of a questionable potion.
Harry sighed as he looked at Draco Malfoy, who was glaring back at him. Of all the assignments he could have been given, why had he been sent to investigate the possibility that Malfoy was brewing an illegal potion?
"There is nothing illegal about my new potion," insisted Malfoy with an airy, almost foppish, wave of his hand. "It is merely an improved version of the common calming draught. So really, there was no need to send a big, bad Auror to my door to harass me about it."
"If it's so harmless, then why have some of your customers required rehab after taking it?" Harry accused in his best no-nonsense-Auror voice.
"If you would check the medical records of those customers, I'm certain you would find they were using potions other than my own, which may have reacted with mine," sniffed Malfoy. "Would you care for tea?" he asked suddenly. "I've Earl Grey, darjeeling, and jasmine, as well as some chai and ouzo."
"No thank you," Harry responded curtly. "What I'd like is a list of the ingredients you've been using in that potion."
"Very well," sighed Malfoy, managing to sound very put upon. "If you insist."
"I'm afraid it's necessary."
Malfoy beckoned, and Harry followed him from the front parlor of his home to the kitchen and down a darkened stairwell to his potion lab in the cellar. Malfoy crossed briskly to a small desk against the far wall and picked up a piece of parchment. "Now then," he said crisply, "the potion contains the following: pure spring water, the juice of two and a half pomegranates, powdered moth wings, extract of St John's Wort, extract of a fai...Potter! Get your scary self away from the fainting flower!" snapped Malfoy.
"Wha...?" Harry asked, his hand hovering over a lovely flower of such a vivid purple hue that he had felt compelled to touch its velvety petals. As soon as his fingertips brushed the flower, it wilted, leaves and petals alike drooping.
"Potter, you stupid son of a bitch!" raged Malfoy, flinging the parchment aside in favor of fisting both hands in his hair. "Now I'll have to wait three days for that flower to come around again before I can use it to brew any more of my potion!"
Forgetting for a moment that the potion in question was questionable, Harry bit his lip and asked contritely, "Is there anything that can be done to bring it around more quickly?"
Malfoy glared at him before replying acidly, "Sperm will perk it up, so do me a favor and wank over it, will you?"
Harry stared at Malfoy, not quite believing him. "You're having me on, right?"
"If I swore I was telling the truth, would you actually wank over the fainting flower for me?"
The fact that he took the time to think it over alarmed Harry somewhat. Finally, he replied, "Er, no. I don't think I would."
"Pity," sighed Malfoy, running a hand through the hair he'd mussed a moment ago.
"Will you really have to wait three days for the flower to come back?" Harry asked.
"Yes, I will," Malfoy said, his expression conveying his frustration.
Harry didn't reply. Instead, he crossed the room and picked up the list of ingredients that Malfoy had been reading from. Scanning it quickly, he saw nothing there that was an illegal potions substance. Reaching in the pocket of his official Auror robes, Harry took out the list that included the names of people who had required rehab after using Malfoy's calming potion. He recognized many of them as repeat trouble-makers, which gave credence to Malfoy's assertion that they were likely using a different illegal substance that reacted badly when combined with his potion. It was beginning to look more and more as if he'd been sent on a wild goose chase. His irritation making him rash, Harry said, "It seems everything is in order here. Why not let me make it up to you by taking you out to dinner?"
"Are you asking me on a date, Potter?"
"Yeah, I guess I am."
"Very well," Malfoy responded, "but bear in mind that I have expensive tastes and old-fashioned values."
"In other words," said Harry, "you're telling me I'm going to be spending a lot on dinner with no hope of dessert."
"Exactly." Malfoy's grin was entirely too smug.
"Lucky for you, I don't push for sex on a first date anyway," Harry remarked.
Malfoy's smile widened. "And if you're lucky, I might consider a second date."
Author: enchanted_jae
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 770
Challenge:
- Recipient: rivertea
- Keywords: foppish, ouzo, rehab
- Dialogue: "Get your scary self away from the fainting flower!"
Summary: Auror!Harry has been sent to question Draco Malfoy about his brewing of a questionable potion.
Harry sighed as he looked at Draco Malfoy, who was glaring back at him. Of all the assignments he could have been given, why had he been sent to investigate the possibility that Malfoy was brewing an illegal potion?
"There is nothing illegal about my new potion," insisted Malfoy with an airy, almost foppish, wave of his hand. "It is merely an improved version of the common calming draught. So really, there was no need to send a big, bad Auror to my door to harass me about it."
"If it's so harmless, then why have some of your customers required rehab after taking it?" Harry accused in his best no-nonsense-Auror voice.
"If you would check the medical records of those customers, I'm certain you would find they were using potions other than my own, which may have reacted with mine," sniffed Malfoy. "Would you care for tea?" he asked suddenly. "I've Earl Grey, darjeeling, and jasmine, as well as some chai and ouzo."
"No thank you," Harry responded curtly. "What I'd like is a list of the ingredients you've been using in that potion."
"Very well," sighed Malfoy, managing to sound very put upon. "If you insist."
"I'm afraid it's necessary."
Malfoy beckoned, and Harry followed him from the front parlor of his home to the kitchen and down a darkened stairwell to his potion lab in the cellar. Malfoy crossed briskly to a small desk against the far wall and picked up a piece of parchment. "Now then," he said crisply, "the potion contains the following: pure spring water, the juice of two and a half pomegranates, powdered moth wings, extract of St John's Wort, extract of a fai...Potter! Get your scary self away from the fainting flower!" snapped Malfoy.
"Wha...?" Harry asked, his hand hovering over a lovely flower of such a vivid purple hue that he had felt compelled to touch its velvety petals. As soon as his fingertips brushed the flower, it wilted, leaves and petals alike drooping.
"Potter, you stupid son of a bitch!" raged Malfoy, flinging the parchment aside in favor of fisting both hands in his hair. "Now I'll have to wait three days for that flower to come around again before I can use it to brew any more of my potion!"
Forgetting for a moment that the potion in question was questionable, Harry bit his lip and asked contritely, "Is there anything that can be done to bring it around more quickly?"
Malfoy glared at him before replying acidly, "Sperm will perk it up, so do me a favor and wank over it, will you?"
Harry stared at Malfoy, not quite believing him. "You're having me on, right?"
"If I swore I was telling the truth, would you actually wank over the fainting flower for me?"
The fact that he took the time to think it over alarmed Harry somewhat. Finally, he replied, "Er, no. I don't think I would."
"Pity," sighed Malfoy, running a hand through the hair he'd mussed a moment ago.
"Will you really have to wait three days for the flower to come back?" Harry asked.
"Yes, I will," Malfoy said, his expression conveying his frustration.
Harry didn't reply. Instead, he crossed the room and picked up the list of ingredients that Malfoy had been reading from. Scanning it quickly, he saw nothing there that was an illegal potions substance. Reaching in the pocket of his official Auror robes, Harry took out the list that included the names of people who had required rehab after using Malfoy's calming potion. He recognized many of them as repeat trouble-makers, which gave credence to Malfoy's assertion that they were likely using a different illegal substance that reacted badly when combined with his potion. It was beginning to look more and more as if he'd been sent on a wild goose chase. His irritation making him rash, Harry said, "It seems everything is in order here. Why not let me make it up to you by taking you out to dinner?"
"Are you asking me on a date, Potter?"
"Yeah, I guess I am."
"Very well," Malfoy responded, "but bear in mind that I have expensive tastes and old-fashioned values."
"In other words," said Harry, "you're telling me I'm going to be spending a lot on dinner with no hope of dessert."
"Exactly." Malfoy's grin was entirely too smug.
"Lucky for you, I don't push for sex on a first date anyway," Harry remarked.
Malfoy's smile widened. "And if you're lucky, I might consider a second date."