Comments | hd100: May Peace Be With You

animimares in hd100

May Peace Be With You

Mar 21, 2006 15:08

Title: May Peace Be With You
Author: animimares
Challenge: Green
Word Count: 100
Summary: To you green is everything but peace…
Author’s Notes: This just demanded of me to be written. Also written in the second person’s PoV ( Read more... )

challenge: green

Comments 9

quimtessence March 21 2006, 06:19:03 UTC

Second person POV has never worked for me. However, there are a few instances when I find it quite appealing, as I do in your lovely piece. The last sentence felt a bit anticlimactic, to tell you the truth, but it didn't spoil the effect of the drabble.

~Luciana

animimares March 21 2006, 06:42:16 UTC

I'm glad I pulled the second person PoV okay, since I really like this kind of narration a lot myself.

I'm sorry the last sentence didn't do it for you. When I wrote it my intention with it was to take the beginning and the end of the drabble and tie them together as to make a whole. Besides that I liked the quietness I personally think it adds to the drabble, the kind of tiredness you feel in the mornings when your thoughts are a rumbled, sleepy mess in your head and something suddenly breaks through, but you're simply not awake enough to fully appreciate the greatness of it.

I'm happy that even thogh my intention with it didn't come through it didn't ruin the drabble for you. :)

Thanks so much for commenting!

~ animimares

quimtessence March 21 2006, 10:46:03 UTC

I got what you were trying to do with the last sentence since I'm prone to using it myself sometimes. I think I might have expected something else, that's all. As I said, it wasn't really that much of a problem.

No problem. I love commenting, but I just don't do it enough.

Luciana

ihlanya March 21 2006, 08:34:37 UTC

I liked the way you did the POV. I also liked the inner responses to his own thoughts. Your sentence structure was intriguing - it portrayed his thoughts as almost broken, somehow. And I liked that the best.

animimares March 21 2006, 09:20:55 UTC

I'm glad you liked both the PoV and the way Draco responses to his own thoughts. As I experience it that is kind of what you do when thinking - one thought leads to another and another and it is broken by little statements of your morality, dreams and soul.

The way I've written it; my sentence structure is something I've developed over some months now, and as today I do it with everything I write (though it's a trademark of mine in my Pansy/Luna fics). I'm glad you liked it as I love writing that way. It's an easy way to distinguish thoughts/feelings from events and actions that are not in italics. Normally I can make really, really long sentences like that, because the parathesises makes is easy to find out what's thoughts and feelings and what's not.

Thanks for commenting!

~ animimares

ihlanya March 21 2006, 13:09:32 UTC

Yes, I see what you mean. The inner dialogue we all have ... yes, it's interesting to have that as part of a drabble like this.

And I really did enjoy this.

alisanne March 21 2006, 14:35:14 UTC

I've had to re read this several times throughout the day. It's one of those that has to percolate, I think. I generally like second person POV, although it is difficult to do well. You used it VERY effectively here. There is a lot happening in between the sentences which makes me want to know the whole story.
Thanks. I enjoyed this.

animimares March 22 2006, 02:01:53 UTC

I'm glad you liked my way of using second person PoV - I like to do what you call "tell a story between the lines" in my drabbles. I love to write long stories, on-going and on-going and with lots of gripping images, but with drabbles you only have one moment to use, so as I see it it isn't what it actually SAYS in the 100 words that's important - it's everything that's left out that really is the intriguing.

Thank you for giving me such a nice comment. I'm glad you liked it!

~ animimares

alice_pike March 25 2006, 17:03:56 UTC

Wow. I have seen (and written) so many things on the color of Harry's eyes, and somehow, somehow you can come and write something on it that seems so powerfully original.

I love so many things about this drabble: how a few lines can basically tell you Draco's war experience, how Luna always knows what she's talking about no matter how crazy it seems at the time, how much you leave for us to speculate.

(she did look peaceful, though). And seriously, that little aside on this line tells us so much. It changes the mood of the line completely, but is thrown into Draco's mind as an afterthought, a negligible variance from what he believes to what Luna said. Awesome, awesome drabble.