FIC/ART: The Little Book of Angry
Gift for: dysonrules
Author/Artist: tari_sue
Prompt Number: 25
Title: The Little Book of Angry
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco
Summary: Draco discovers an old journal of Harry’s from when they first got together. He decides it needs annotating.
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.
Warning(s): None - unless you need warning for swearing
Epilogue compliant? no
Word Count: 5.6k
Author's Notes: This Harry can’t spell - that is my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
Thank you so much to the wonderful crazyparakiss for doing a fabulous beta even when told to ignore all SpaG mistakes from one character and not the other, thanks my lovely, you are a star! Also thanks to the original prompter for this fabulous prompt and to bootsy_mine and dysonrules for running this fest in the first place, and to phoenixacid for liking to play with fonts. An added extra double thanks to dysonrules for being awesome and brilliant and making this thing work! :D
Click the cover or click here to view the rest of the book. Alternatively, a (mostly) full transcript can be found below:
NOTE! When the page loads, quickly click the PLUS SIGN at the bottom to slow it down, or hit the pause button! Otherwise it goes really fast.
Harry,
Please don’t get cross with me, well that’s sort of the point of this, but I thought that you could write stuff down when you get pissed off rather than get into trouble with Kingsley. I know you probably think this is a stupid idea, but please give it a go?
Love Hermione x x
Oh for fuck’s sake!
This is stupid, this is the stupidest fucking idea Hermione’s ever had! I can’t sit here and write about my feelings, I’m not a sodding girl!
And why the fuck did she have to get the cover embossed! ‘Harry’s little book of angry’!? Now I’ll look like a sodding twat!
[comment Draco Malfoy: Nothing new there]
[comment Harry Potter: Draco,
fuck off and stop vandalising this book.
This is from years ago!
Wait, how much of this did you read?]
[DM: Why?]
Should I read more?]
[HP: NO!]
[DM: That’s it, I’m reading the rest.]
I’m not doing it, I’m not sodding-
well writing in this sodding book! and you can Shove that up you’re arse, Hermione!
[DM: I beg to differ, Potter, you certainly seem to be writing in it to me!]
[DM: Harry, can’t you write basic English? It’s ‘your’, not ‘you’re’. Pillock]
[HP: Sorry, are you signing yourself as ‘Pillock’ now?]
[DM: Clearly you are the pillock, Potter.
No need to be sorry, you can’t help it.]
20th Jan
Hermione, you know I love you to bits, but sometimes, just some times, I could quite cheerfully throttle you. [DM: me too] [HP: stop it] There, I used your stupid book to vent my feelings, happy now?
Seriously though, I wish everyone would stop nagging me and assuming they know what’s best for me! I’m 22, I’m an Auror, I’m not fucking stupid! Hermione seems to think she’s my substitute mother or something.
Ok, so I probably shouldn’t have hit the git, that’s gonna leave a mark, but he deserved it because he’s a stupid sodding rat-faced wanker!
[DM: I most certainly did not deserve it, you bastard! You gave me a black eye! And I am neither rat-faced or a wanker]
[HP: you so totally deserved it!]
14th March
Oh fucking hell, Ron! How difficult is it to follow simple instructions?
[DM: Honestly, Potter, you’ve known the Weasel for how long now and you still expect him not to be thick?]
[HP: I mean it, Draco, lay off my friends!]
‘Wait for my signal’, there, easy. In what way does ‘wait for my signal’ mean ‘charge in without me and fuck it all up’? We’re the laughing stock of the department - Ferret face thought it was the funniest thing he’d heard all year, what the hell were you thinking?
[DM: To be fair, it was rather amusing.
And stop calling me that, scar-head]
[HP: Ferret]
At this rate I’ll never stop being the ministry poster boy and they’ll never let me work on proper cases. They think I’m good for nothing except smiling at the cameras and telling school kids not to be naughty.
Even Malfoy is doing better than us, and he hasn’t got a partner because no one wants to partner a rat-faced bastard.
[DM: You seem to call me that a lot, you don’t really think I look like a rat, do you?]
[HP: Stop fishing for complements]
[DM: And of course I did better than you, I am better than you.]
[HP: Is that why you ran off to join the unmentionables?]
[DM: It’s unspeakables!]
16 March
NO. No, no, no, no, no! Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckety, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!
[DM: Harry, have you ever considered that you might want to expand your vocabulary?]
[HP: No. Fuck off.]
How could Ron do this to me? He’s supposed to be my best freind, best freinds do not abandon each other. They do not drop it in casually over the Sunday roast, ‘Oh, by the way, I’m quiting the Aurors and going to work for George’! Bastard!
I thought he fucking well wanted to be an Auror, I never made him do it. George has managed well enough without him till now, I refuse to believe he suddenly needs him so he has to quit. Ok, so he wasn’t doing so well at it, but he was my sodding partner and now he’s going there is only one person they can team me with and just NO!
[DM: Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!]
Oh fuck, my life is over!
18th March
Do they teach being a condesending twat at pureblood school? [DM: Would that be the same school you went to?] [HP: I bet you had special Slytherin Snob lessons] I bet they do, I bet they have special condesending prat evening classes in Slytherin where they all learn how to be a NOB!
[DM: No. And it’s condescending]
And further more, I bet Draco Malfoy came top of the class, in fact, he probably taught the class! He didn’t even need any lessons because he is naturally so fucking good at it!
[DM: No, that is definitely a class Granger would have beaten me to the top of]
[HP: Nah, its the only one where you could have beaten her]
21st March
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
[DM: I’m getting the distinct impression that you didn’t like me much at this point.]
[HP: How did you guess?]
[DM: Methinks the lady doth protest too much...]
[HP: Lady? Why exactly am I the lady?]
[DM: Harry, Harry, Harry, only you can answer that]
[HP: Ugh, you are such a wanker sometimes! Even now!]
[DM: Now, now, be a good girl and be nice to me]
[HP: piss off]
25th March
Why? Why would someone expect me to be nice to them first thing on a Monday morning? WHY? What is it about me that has ever suggested that I’d want Draco Malfoy to speak to me ever, let alone at nine fucking a.m. on a fucking Monday!
[DM: You should have just said, sorry, I’m crap in the mornings before coffee.]
[HP: uh huh, but that would involve being awake in the mornings. And I hadn’t even had coffee!]
I NEED COFFEE.
NOW!
[DM: You drink too much coffee]
[HP: so you keep telling me]
Oh YES! We have a fucking lead on that bastard Yaxley! Apparently not dead afterall - really should have been more careful about which fellow death-eater he shared that with.
Your arse is mine, mother fucker!
If Malfoy and I can pull this one off then maybe, just maybe, Robards will stop treating us like particularly slow three-year-olds! Much as it pains me to write this, Malfoy has played an absolute blinder on this one!
I’d love to see Lucius’s face when he realises it was his fault!
[DM: It wasn’t pretty]
26th March
I take it all back, Malfoy is a cunt of the highest order
[DM: You really say the sweetest things!]
[HP: only when you really deserve it]
I don’t get why he’d do something like that! the stupid bastard went to Robards and told him about our lead on Yaxley, and then Robards promptly turned around and gave the case to Baker and Proops! Apparently we don’t have enough experience to take on such a high-profile case. Well, I was good enough when they wanted me to take on Yaxley’s boss and won, how much more experience do they want? fuckers.
I joined up to be an Auror, not a fucking waste of fucking space!
[DM: To be fair, I didn’t know Gawain would do that! It was our case and our lead.]
[HP: and you just had to go running to Gawain to show off about how clever you are]
[DM: Let it drop, Harry, this was over six years ago!]
29th March
Spent the last two days at Hogwarts trying to teach the little darlings (how do you write sarcasm?) how to spot a big bad wizard. Used Malfoy as an example.
[DM: And oh boy was that fun!]
Clocks go forward this weekend, lose an hour in bed, which sucks big time.
[DM: Aww, bless, was the big nasty clock trying to deprive my poor little Potty of his precious sleep?]
[HP: I don’t complain about missed sleep nearly as much as you do, princess]
[DM: I thought we’d agreed you were the girl here?]
[HP: I agreed to nothing]
How many Hufflepuffs does it take to change a clock? None, they love it just the way it is!
[DM: That just might be the lamest joke I’ve ever heard in the entire history of lame jokes]
[HP: I know, one of the kids told it to me]
[DM: Then I shall consider the barrel well and truly scraped]
31st March
Late! Got up late, still late, going to be behind for the rest of the day! Why do we have to change the clocks all the time? Why?
[DM: some things never change]
[HP: Ah, but these days I can blame you]
And furthermore, why does Malfoy never sodding well look like he just fell out of bed? [DM: Because I am not a pleb like you! And I am naturally perfect in every way] [HP: Whatever you say, Mary Poppins] [DM: Who?] He’s always here early looking bright-eyed and bushy tailed and fucking perfect and I hate him. No bed head and pillow creases down his face for Malfoy, just perfect shiny hair and supercillious smile. [DM: You loved me even then] [HP: probably] And how the fuck do you spell supercillious anyway? [DM: with a Zed]
Mmm mm coffee, lovely lovely coffee. Sometimes, just sometimes mind, Malfoy is not a complete git. Unless he poisoned it. Or worse, gave me decaf.
1 April
Fucking Malfoy is not fucking funny !
[DM: I fucking am!]
[HP: In what way?]
[DM: Potter, I’ll have you know I’m a comic fucking genius!]
[HP: Oh come on, it wasn’t even original! I had to go out for George’s birthday with green hair!]
[DM: At least I didn’t have to get help from a Weasley]
[HP: At least ours was funny :D]
3rd April
My hair is still green! Robards won’t let me go out on assignment until it’s [DM: it’s] back to it’s [DM: its] proper colour - some shite about giving the wrong impression to members of the public.
[DM: This still amuses me greatly]
And to add insult to injury he has sent Malfoy out with Simpkins to help investigate noises up at the old Lestrange Mansion when it’s all Malfoy’s fault I have green hair in the first place!
[DM: ha ha]
That’ll teach me to accept coffee from the little ferret. These are the days when I really miss Fred -he’d know how to get him back - George was always more of the inventor than master prankster, and he isn’t the same without Fred. Might ask him anyway, it might do him good.
9th April
Weasley is our King!
I think I might be in love with George!
[DM: ewwww! Ginger pubes!]
OK, ok, so maybe love is a bit strong, [DM: good] or not like that anyway - which is just as well, Ginny might be wonderful and understanding but I don’t think she’d take too well to her ex hooking up with her brother and I remember her bat-bogey hex from school. [DM: ditto]
Seriously though, the bloke is a genius! He substituted a pot of Malfoy’s hair gel for this other stuff that looks the same, but now every time Malfoy does magic his hair goes all static and sticks up all around his head - it’s fucking hilarious! And he hasn’t realised what’s doing it yet so he keeps trying to calm it down with the hair gel and then it happens again and his face goes all red and blotchy. Revenge is so sweet
[DM: This was not at all funny! It was derivative and childish]
[HP: and hilarious]
11th April
Peace in our time
Malfoy is not talking to me after he figured it out about the hair gel - this is bliss, I must make him not talk to me more often.
I can’t believe some of the sick shite Bellatrix Lestrange had in her house! They went over the house when the Lestranges got sent to Azkaban the first time, but it seems some of it could only be found by someone of Black blood and Malfoy was that someone. I almost feel sorry for him having to see that stuff and know it was his aunt who was responsible. And I thought my Aunt was bad.
[DM: At least you never had to live with the mad bitch]
[HP: sorry]
[DM: not your fault]
14th April
If I have to open one more shop on Diagon Alley I am going to resign!
Do you hear me, Kingsley? RESIGN!
[DM: I actually used to think you liked all that crap]
That’ll look good won’t it, first term as minister and the fucking boy who lived resigns, is that what you want? I thought you were my fucking freind you bastard! Give me a god-damn case, I know it’s you telling Robards to sideline me. I joined the Aurors to beat up bad bastards, not to smile for the cameras!
Malfoy is still working on the Lestrange case, this is so fucking unfair. Everytime I complain he just sneers at me and he still won’t talk to me, I want him to fucking well talk to me! Wanker.
[DM: If you’d wanted me to talk to you you shouldn’t have messed with my hair]
[HP: What, like you messed with mine?]
[DM: Your hair is always a disaster]
16th April
Oh for fuck’s sake - this is taking it all a bit far! I didn’t sulk like this when he turned my hair green. If he can’t take it he shouldn’t dish it out. Apparently it is ‘bad form’ to continue the pranking after April Fools Day. Fuck that.
Mind you, I thought it might have worn off by now… oops!
[DM: It is bad form, wanker]
[HP: It was just a joke!]
18th April
Um, ok, the thing about communal showers…
When did Malfoy get so fucking fit?
I mean, he’s still a git and obviously I don’t fancy him or anything like that, but damn!
No wonder he thinks he’s it with a cock like that!
Must stop thinking about Malfoy’s cock
[DM: Oh my god you fucking little perv! You never told me you spied on me in the shower!]
[HP: It was accidental! And totally worth it.]
16th April
BORED. Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored
BORED!
[DM: I get the impression you might have been bored?
[HP: yeah, I was stuck doing paperwork because some arse dyed my hair green, remember?]
When the little ferret is here he pisses me off, and when he’s not here I sort of miss having someone to argue with.
[DM: aww, you missed me!]
[HP: always]
Good Friday gala tomorrow night. Don’t want to go. Hope there’s free booze
20th April
Picnic at the Weasley’s [Which Weasley was that then? Or do you mean Weasleys’ plural?] for Easter. Fucking ace day! Molly did an easter egg hunt for the kids, got to spend the day with my freinds and Teddy.
Unfortunately Andromeda brought her sister and nephew in an attempt to ‘ease relations’ - for sister and nephew translate as Malfoy’s mum and the ferret himself.
Actually, Narcissa seems ok, and I do kinda owe her my life, just wish she didn’t have to bring her ferrety son with her.
[DM: Ok? Ok? I’ll have you know my mum is amazing!]
[HP: Yes, she is]
Malfoy told Teddy that the Easter Bunny didn’t exist and bunnies don’t lay eggs anyway. Teddy cried for a full half an hour till Ron taught him how to fly a kiddy broom and then we played sort-of-quidditch. Had a good laugh for the rest of the afternoon then, forgotten how good a flyer Malfoy is. Still can’t look him in the eye since walking in on him in the shower at work though.
[DM: Well it’s true, why lie to children?]
Malfoy looks much better when he smiles real smiles.
[DM: see, you loved me]
[HP: Of course]
25 April
Great week!
Spoke to Kingsley re poster-boy issue and he’s promised to reduce the number of public appearances he makes me do so long as I promise to attend some of the bigger functions and behave myself. Apparently I drank half a bottle of rum at the one last week and ‘embarrassed myself and the ministry’. I’d have done it sooner if I’d realised this would be the result!
[DM: but I like pissed Potter, he’s fun]
Malfoy is now speaking to me since sunday -I never thought I’d see the day where I considered that a good thing, but I sort of missed the jibes. He can be quite witty when he wants to.
[DM: told you so]
Finally got a case! A proper case, not rescuing kneazles from trees or explaning to the Hogwarts kids how to spot a dark wizard or investigating fake charms. Robards got Malfoy and me to look into a bunch of complaints at Upper Flagley up in Yorkshire. Turns out that little scroat Selwyn the younger was hiding out there. I know he wasn’t one of the big fish like his brother, but he knows a lot of people who were! Turns out he’s been helping to hide death eaters and get them out of the country, and as far as we can tell Yaxley isn’t one of them, which means the fucker is still here!
I tried to tell Proops, who is convinced that Yaxley will have fled to South America by now, but he won’t have any of it. Says that there are other methods for Yaxley to leave without Selwyn’s help. That as may be, but I still say he’s going nowhere with out his kid, and the kid is tucked up safe and sound at Hogwarts.
They need to put someone on the kid.
[DM: I love it when you’re all righteous and forceful like this]
30th April
This is becoming par for the course, but Malfoy is once again not speaking to me.
[DM: Malfoys do not sleep in the Hogshead!]
[HP: So you informed me]
I finally got Robards to agree about putting a trail on Yaxley’s kid and Malfoy and I are it, so Malfoy is not speaking to me because he doesn’t want to spend the forseeable holed up in the Hogshead, which is still a shithole.
But I’m right, I bet I’m right! That first time when Baker and Proops fucked it all up Yaxley was on his way to the boy’s mother’s place, and they thought he’d stashed money there, but the boy just so happened to be at home that week because his mum was ‘sick’, allegedly. Yaxley will come back for him, I just know it. Possibly the mother too - she has to be in on it.
2nd May
Draco Malfoy admitted I might have a point today.
[DM: And you will never let me forget it]
[HP: can you blame me?]
This is momentous and should go down in history as the day Harry Potter was right.
Malfoy reckons that as a pureblood Yaxley will want to keep his son with him - what I said all along, thank you very much! Still, he was surprisingly gracious about it.
Sometimes, just sometimes mind, Malfoy is not that bad.
[DM: yeah, just sometimes though, eh Potter?]
[HP: Oh, definitely only sometimes]
four years ago today…
[DM: you killed a double hard bastard!]
[HP: Really?]
[DM: Harry, was that sarcasm? I’m so proud!]
reckon I’d rather be holed up here than where all the fuss is.
[DM: me too - nothing like the second of May to make everyone suddenly remember that they hate me]
[HP: I quite like you. Sometimes]
[DM: Again with the sometimes]
6th May
Malfoy’s mum was training to be a healer before she fell preggers with Draco and gave it all up. I wonder if she regrets it. Not having a kid I mean, even if the kid did turn out to be a ferret, but giving up her career. She could always take it up again now I suppose.
I never knew that Malfoy wanted to be an unmentionable [DM: unspeakable]. I bet he’d be really good at that - sneaking around, keeping secrets lying, making stuff work. He’s got that evil streak too. Turns out he has to do five years as an Auror before the unmentionables [DM: unspeakables] will even interview though. I think I’d sort of miss having him around.
[DM: you Aurors think you’re so fucking funny, don’t you? Unmentionables indeed.]
[HP: We are funny, that’s why you couldn’t handle it being an Auror]
[DM: Why? Because you lot were too funny for me? As if!]
8th May
THis is boring.
Malfoy does a mean impression of Professor Snape though. Laughed my arse off. Why was he never this much fun at school?
[DM: I was, you just never noticed.]
[HP: Ah, I see - you were going for subtley fun hidden by a thick layer of gittiness?]
[DM: Someone is clearly tired of sex]
It’s a shame really. If he wasn’t Malfoy he’d be really slightly attractive.
[DM: Yeah, if I wasn’t me I’d definitely be less attractive]
[HP: True]
[DM: It’s too late to suck up now, Potter. No sex for you]
I wonder if he has a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend
[DM: Yes, he does, his name’s Harry, you might have heard of him]
[HP: Harry? Nah, never heard of him.]
Oh fuck it, what the hell? Why should I care if Draco Malfoy has a boyfriend, it’s not like I want it to be me, this is Malfoy!
[DM: No, not much you didn’t. Practically begged me to go out with you]
[HP: Only in your strange little brain]
[DM: And in that little place called reality]
10th May
Yaxley’s son is definately [DM: It’s definitely, Potter, with an i not an a] behaving suspicisously. He’s in the third year, so he’s allowed to visit on Hogsmeade weekends, like today.
He did the usual, went to Honeydukes and Zonko’s, but he also managed to ditch his mates and disappear off to Dervish and Banges where he bought a small green basket, a quick-stove and five energy bars, all of which he stashed behind Madam Puddifoot’s before heading back to the Three Broomsticks.
Malfoy is keeping survellance on the stash while I trailed the boy back to school.
13th May
Got the bastard! Yaxley had to come out of hiding eventually - none of them fucking believed me (except Malfoy, weirdly enough) but I was proved right!
He came back for his son, and when he did we were waiting for him
Maybe Kingsley and Robards will take us fucking seriously now! I know we can do this job, Baker and Proops have been on this case for ages and got nowhere! They are a bit pissed off with us for stealing the case out from under them, but hey, piss or get off the pot - the new boys are in town and we’re better than you!
[DM: Baker and Proops are a pair of fucking mullets]
[HP: It’s muppets not mullets, with two ps, not two ls]
[DM: mullets, muppets, whatever. Stupid Muggle expressions]
Couldn’t have done it with out the git, not that I’d ever tell him that.
[DM: you just did]
Deer diry.
deery beery diry
Tequila is good
Malfoy is pretty and tequila
is good and ron is ace and sos george anddd droco is prety too.
Kebabs rule, why don’t we eat kebabs more often?
Draco is gay. How did I never no this? Very improntnt infomaton.
Wanna go slep now
[DM: See? I love pissed Potter!]
May the somethingth
My head hurts.
Note to self - never ever drink tequila again, tequila is evil and makes you sick.
[DM: I’ve seen your face go green at the very thought of tequila]
[HP: eug, horrible stuff]
[DM: And you didn’t even get the worm]
Must kill Ron and George. And Malfoy, obviously.
[DM: Obviously]
Should my tounge be furry?
Going back to bed, calling in dead.
Hmm, DraMalfoy makes a mean hangover potion. Nice of him to owl it to me.
[DM: ah, the first of many]
Work back to normal today, but you can’t catch a bastard all the time.
did I kiss HIM last night? Please someone tell me I didn’t
[HP: best mistake of my life!]
[DM: You definitely did - bwa ha ha ha ha ha]
15th May
I kissed Draco Malfoy.
I kissed Draco Malfoy.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
[DM: no, we did that much later]
[HP: and often]
shit damn bugger fuck. oh fuckety fucking fuck, I’m fucked
Why didn’t Ron stop me?
My life is over.
I have to go and kill myself now.
[DM: I for one am quite glad you decided not to do this]
[HP: yeah, me too]
17th May
I can’t stop thinking about it. How did I never notice how kissable his mouth is before? Every time he talks I find myself watching his mouth.
[DM: Are you aware that you still do this?]
[HP: Shit, do I? Is it very obvious?]
[DM: Only to me]
I’m doomed. Doomed I tell you!
22nd May
I need to get laid.
[DM: you only had to ask]
[HP: fancy a shag?]
[DM: I told you, no sex for you]
[HP: Like you could last for even a day with out it!]
[DM: Bet I could last longer than you]
[HP: That is so not a bet I’m taking you up on - whatever the outcome I’d be getting better aquainted with my hand!]
[DM: Hello Harry’s hand, this is Harry’s cock. You two are about to be spending more time together because I can go without sex for longer than Harry and he won’t last for even an hour before having a wank]
[HP: You’re on. I give you till bedtime. Winner tops]
[DM: You will soon be begging me to shag you.]
[HP: You will soon be begging to get shagged by me]
[DM: You won’t be able to sit comfortably for a week]
24th May
I wonder what Malfoy is like in bed. [DM: brilliant] [HP: and modest] I bet he just lies there and thinks of Slytherin.
Either that or that’s when he lets go and you get to see the real Draco, the one who’s all fun and sexy and likes to take charge.
I wonder if he’s a top or bottom? In an ideal world he likes both.
[DM: didn’t you turn out to be the lucky one?]
Oh Merlin, I can’t believe I’m thinking like this about Draco Malfoy of all people. I think I must be ill
Malfoy does have a nice cock though.
[DM: Yes he does. Want to suck it?]
[HP: Is that you begging me already?]
[DM: In your dreams]
[HP: You couldn’t handle my dreams]
[DM: Dreams are all you’re getting]
[HP: Why exactly was I getting no sex in the first place?]
[DM: I can’t actually remember, but you’re not anyway]
5th June
Malfoy brought in doughnuts and promised they weren’t hexed. Still did a quick check before I ate one though.
[DM: Cheeky little sod!]
[HP: What did you expect? Green hair, remember?]
6th June
Why did no one tell me that yesterday was the git’s birthday? Now I feel like a total tosser
[DM: You were a total tosser, fancy forgetting your boyfriend’s birthday]
[HP: You weren’t actually my boyfriend then]
[DM: I nearly was]
He’s asked us all out to the Dragon’s Head tomorrow night. I guess that as his partner it would look really bad if I didn’t go…
[DM: yes]
Is the Dragon’s head posh? [DM: again, yes. When have you ever known me to go anywhere chavvy?] [HP: Very true, the posher and more expensive the better in Draco world] What am I supposed to wear? Better call Gin.
Should I get him a gift?
[DM: yes!]
7th June
Ginny won’t come to Malfoy’s do with me tonight. She said she is sick of being my ‘beard’ and I should just man up and ask Malfoy out. Bitch.
[DM: Ah yes, Weaselette was always my favourite of your friends]
[HP: apart from when she dated me]
[DM: Yes, well, she needs to learn to keep her hands to herself]
[HP: You were jealous!]
[DM: Shut up]
She did, however, sort me out with a decent outfit for tonight, so maybe she’s forgiven.
Why am I so fucking nervous?
This is not a date, it’s just the pub and the rest of the department will probably be there. I wonder if I can get away with sloping off early?
[DM: No]
8th June
I really wish I had a hangover.
If I had I hangover I could pretend that I was drunk last night.
I kissed Malfoy. Again. And loads of people saw me do it, including Bozo Dobbs, who will now put it in the Prophet.
And to make matters worse, he kissed me back.
[DM: Who? Bozo? He’d better not have!]
[HP: ewww! That image will make it much easier for me to win our bet!]
And he’s a really good kisser.
[DM: Ah no, must have been me then]
I’m so fucked.
[DM: You will be]
[HP: No, you will]
Top ten reasons why I can’t date DraMalfoy
1. He’s a git [DM: Not true]
2. He hates me [DM: Not true - to a point]
3. He’s a pointy-faced ferret [DM: Very much not true]
4. I hate him [DM: Not true]
5. He’s Malfoy [DM: True]
6. He’s evil [DM: Probably true]
7. He’s Malfoy [DM: Still true]
8. He’s probably planning my death [DM: Possibly]
9. He hates all my freinds [DM: Most of them]
10. HE’S MALFOY [DM: You may have already used this point...]
Top ten reasons why I want to date Malfoy [DM: Draco]
1. He’s fit [DM: True]
2. He’s a damn good kisser [DM: True]
3. He’s got a good sense of humour [DM: True]
4. He’s smart [DM: True]
5. He has nice [DM: fabulous] hair [DM: True]
6. He has luscious lips [DM: True]
7. He has a big cock [DM: Very true]
8. He can be almost nice sometimes [DM: That’s libel, take that back!]
9. He’ll never be boring [DM: True]
10. I’m slightly obsessed with him [DM: Always have been always will be - get used to it]
[HP: True]
14 June
I have finally gone insane.
Have agreed to go on a date with Malfoy tonight to some posh restaurant.
[DM: Agreed? You pleaded with me to go with you!]
[HP: It was a mutual arrangement]
[DM: Pizza Express is not posh]
[HP: It’s posh for a pizza place!]
[DM: I honestly despair of you sometimes, Harry]
I think I’m going to puke.
Must call Ginny
15th June
Well. Um.
Yeah
You know, Malfoy’s really not that bad underneath it all.
[DM: Wow, thanks!]
[HP: No probs]
He can be surprisingly nice when he wants to be.
[DM: No, really Potter, stop with the compliments, you’re making me blush!]
And he’s kinda witty, who knew?
1st July
Apparently, if you’ve been on loads of dates with just one bloke and you’re not seeing anyone else and your sleeping with him then he’s your boyfreind or something and you are officially a couple. That’s what Hermione reckons anyway.
Draco’s my boyfreind.
[DM: I can’t believe it took you so long to realise that!]
I think I sort of like the sound of that. “Hi, have you met my boyfreind Draco?” “This is Draco, my boyfreind” “The goodlooking blonde over there? Yes, he’s my lover. Get your mitts off”
[DM: blond. I am not a girl]
[HP: wanna bet?]
[DM: I love it when you get all possessive like this]
31st July
Draco organised a surprise party for me and he invited a whole load of my friends, including all the Weasleys, even though I know he can’t stand them. He even made an effort to get on with them, I actually saw him joking around with George and talking to Ginny. Now if I can just get him to talk to Ron and Hermione…
[DM: Fat chance]
Is it too early in this relationship to say I think I might be in love? [DM: Love you too] Or is that just the beer talking?
[DM: Is this the last page? Why did you stop? I was just getting into it.]
[HP: I guess I just didn’t need the book anymore]
[DM: Why?]
[HP: I had you, I suppose]
[DM: But I make you more angry, not less]
[HP: No, you infuriate the hell out of me, but you make me talk and you’re good for me and I love you.]
[DM: Marry me?]
[HP: YES!]
[DM: Then take me to bed]
Note from dysonrules: I had no idea when she sent this in that it was for me, so I was seething with envy for the recipient as I formatted and uploaded it. Until I opened the spreadsheet to find out what lucky person would be receiving this gift. LOL! I AM THAT LUCKY PERSON, OMG!!! *flails* I am seriously blown away by this. Thank you so much, tari_sue, it's AWESOME!!! <3<3<3<3<3
Author/Artist: tari_sue
Prompt Number: 25
Title: The Little Book of Angry
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco
Summary: Draco discovers an old journal of Harry’s from when they first got together. He decides it needs annotating.
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.
Warning(s): None - unless you need warning for swearing
Epilogue compliant? no
Word Count: 5.6k
Author's Notes: This Harry can’t spell - that is my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
Thank you so much to the wonderful crazyparakiss for doing a fabulous beta even when told to ignore all SpaG mistakes from one character and not the other, thanks my lovely, you are a star! Also thanks to the original prompter for this fabulous prompt and to bootsy_mine and dysonrules for running this fest in the first place, and to phoenixacid for liking to play with fonts. An added extra double thanks to dysonrules for being awesome and brilliant and making this thing work! :D
Click the cover or click here to view the rest of the book. Alternatively, a (mostly) full transcript can be found below:
NOTE! When the page loads, quickly click the PLUS SIGN at the bottom to slow it down, or hit the pause button! Otherwise it goes really fast.
Harry,
Please don’t get cross with me, well that’s sort of the point of this, but I thought that you could write stuff down when you get pissed off rather than get into trouble with Kingsley. I know you probably think this is a stupid idea, but please give it a go?
Love Hermione x x
Oh for fuck’s sake!
This is stupid, this is the stupidest fucking idea Hermione’s ever had! I can’t sit here and write about my feelings, I’m not a sodding girl!
And why the fuck did she have to get the cover embossed! ‘Harry’s little book of angry’!? Now I’ll look like a sodding twat!
[comment Draco Malfoy: Nothing new there]
[comment Harry Potter: Draco,
fuck off and stop vandalising this book.
This is from years ago!
Wait, how much of this did you read?]
[DM: Why?]
Should I read more?]
[HP: NO!]
[DM: That’s it, I’m reading the rest.]
I’m not doing it, I’m not sodding-
well writing in this sodding book! and you can Shove that up you’re arse, Hermione!
[DM: I beg to differ, Potter, you certainly seem to be writing in it to me!]
[DM: Harry, can’t you write basic English? It’s ‘your’, not ‘you’re’. Pillock]
[HP: Sorry, are you signing yourself as ‘Pillock’ now?]
[DM: Clearly you are the pillock, Potter.
No need to be sorry, you can’t help it.]
20th Jan
Hermione, you know I love you to bits, but sometimes, just some times, I could quite cheerfully throttle you. [DM: me too] [HP: stop it] There, I used your stupid book to vent my feelings, happy now?
Seriously though, I wish everyone would stop nagging me and assuming they know what’s best for me! I’m 22, I’m an Auror, I’m not fucking stupid! Hermione seems to think she’s my substitute mother or something.
Ok, so I probably shouldn’t have hit the git, that’s gonna leave a mark, but he deserved it because he’s a stupid sodding rat-faced wanker!
[DM: I most certainly did not deserve it, you bastard! You gave me a black eye! And I am neither rat-faced or a wanker]
[HP: you so totally deserved it!]
14th March
Oh fucking hell, Ron! How difficult is it to follow simple instructions?
[DM: Honestly, Potter, you’ve known the Weasel for how long now and you still expect him not to be thick?]
[HP: I mean it, Draco, lay off my friends!]
‘Wait for my signal’, there, easy. In what way does ‘wait for my signal’ mean ‘charge in without me and fuck it all up’? We’re the laughing stock of the department - Ferret face thought it was the funniest thing he’d heard all year, what the hell were you thinking?
[DM: To be fair, it was rather amusing.
And stop calling me that, scar-head]
[HP: Ferret]
At this rate I’ll never stop being the ministry poster boy and they’ll never let me work on proper cases. They think I’m good for nothing except smiling at the cameras and telling school kids not to be naughty.
Even Malfoy is doing better than us, and he hasn’t got a partner because no one wants to partner a rat-faced bastard.
[DM: You seem to call me that a lot, you don’t really think I look like a rat, do you?]
[HP: Stop fishing for complements]
[DM: And of course I did better than you, I am better than you.]
[HP: Is that why you ran off to join the unmentionables?]
[DM: It’s unspeakables!]
16 March
NO. No, no, no, no, no! Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckety, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!
[DM: Harry, have you ever considered that you might want to expand your vocabulary?]
[HP: No. Fuck off.]
How could Ron do this to me? He’s supposed to be my best freind, best freinds do not abandon each other. They do not drop it in casually over the Sunday roast, ‘Oh, by the way, I’m quiting the Aurors and going to work for George’! Bastard!
I thought he fucking well wanted to be an Auror, I never made him do it. George has managed well enough without him till now, I refuse to believe he suddenly needs him so he has to quit. Ok, so he wasn’t doing so well at it, but he was my sodding partner and now he’s going there is only one person they can team me with and just NO!
[DM: Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!]
Oh fuck, my life is over!
18th March
Do they teach being a condesending twat at pureblood school? [DM: Would that be the same school you went to?] [HP: I bet you had special Slytherin Snob lessons] I bet they do, I bet they have special condesending prat evening classes in Slytherin where they all learn how to be a NOB!
[DM: No. And it’s condescending]
And further more, I bet Draco Malfoy came top of the class, in fact, he probably taught the class! He didn’t even need any lessons because he is naturally so fucking good at it!
[DM: No, that is definitely a class Granger would have beaten me to the top of]
[HP: Nah, its the only one where you could have beaten her]
21st March
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
I hate Draco Malfoy
[DM: I’m getting the distinct impression that you didn’t like me much at this point.]
[HP: How did you guess?]
[DM: Methinks the lady doth protest too much...]
[HP: Lady? Why exactly am I the lady?]
[DM: Harry, Harry, Harry, only you can answer that]
[HP: Ugh, you are such a wanker sometimes! Even now!]
[DM: Now, now, be a good girl and be nice to me]
[HP: piss off]
25th March
Why? Why would someone expect me to be nice to them first thing on a Monday morning? WHY? What is it about me that has ever suggested that I’d want Draco Malfoy to speak to me ever, let alone at nine fucking a.m. on a fucking Monday!
[DM: You should have just said, sorry, I’m crap in the mornings before coffee.]
[HP: uh huh, but that would involve being awake in the mornings. And I hadn’t even had coffee!]
I NEED COFFEE.
NOW!
[DM: You drink too much coffee]
[HP: so you keep telling me]
Oh YES! We have a fucking lead on that bastard Yaxley! Apparently not dead afterall - really should have been more careful about which fellow death-eater he shared that with.
Your arse is mine, mother fucker!
If Malfoy and I can pull this one off then maybe, just maybe, Robards will stop treating us like particularly slow three-year-olds! Much as it pains me to write this, Malfoy has played an absolute blinder on this one!
I’d love to see Lucius’s face when he realises it was his fault!
[DM: It wasn’t pretty]
26th March
I take it all back, Malfoy is a cunt of the highest order
[DM: You really say the sweetest things!]
[HP: only when you really deserve it]
I don’t get why he’d do something like that! the stupid bastard went to Robards and told him about our lead on Yaxley, and then Robards promptly turned around and gave the case to Baker and Proops! Apparently we don’t have enough experience to take on such a high-profile case. Well, I was good enough when they wanted me to take on Yaxley’s boss and won, how much more experience do they want? fuckers.
I joined up to be an Auror, not a fucking waste of fucking space!
[DM: To be fair, I didn’t know Gawain would do that! It was our case and our lead.]
[HP: and you just had to go running to Gawain to show off about how clever you are]
[DM: Let it drop, Harry, this was over six years ago!]
29th March
Spent the last two days at Hogwarts trying to teach the little darlings (how do you write sarcasm?) how to spot a big bad wizard. Used Malfoy as an example.
[DM: And oh boy was that fun!]
Clocks go forward this weekend, lose an hour in bed, which sucks big time.
[DM: Aww, bless, was the big nasty clock trying to deprive my poor little Potty of his precious sleep?]
[HP: I don’t complain about missed sleep nearly as much as you do, princess]
[DM: I thought we’d agreed you were the girl here?]
[HP: I agreed to nothing]
How many Hufflepuffs does it take to change a clock? None, they love it just the way it is!
[DM: That just might be the lamest joke I’ve ever heard in the entire history of lame jokes]
[HP: I know, one of the kids told it to me]
[DM: Then I shall consider the barrel well and truly scraped]
31st March
Late! Got up late, still late, going to be behind for the rest of the day! Why do we have to change the clocks all the time? Why?
[DM: some things never change]
[HP: Ah, but these days I can blame you]
And furthermore, why does Malfoy never sodding well look like he just fell out of bed? [DM: Because I am not a pleb like you! And I am naturally perfect in every way] [HP: Whatever you say, Mary Poppins] [DM: Who?] He’s always here early looking bright-eyed and bushy tailed and fucking perfect and I hate him. No bed head and pillow creases down his face for Malfoy, just perfect shiny hair and supercillious smile. [DM: You loved me even then] [HP: probably] And how the fuck do you spell supercillious anyway? [DM: with a Zed]
Mmm mm coffee, lovely lovely coffee. Sometimes, just sometimes mind, Malfoy is not a complete git. Unless he poisoned it. Or worse, gave me decaf.
1 April
Fucking Malfoy is not fucking funny !
[DM: I fucking am!]
[HP: In what way?]
[DM: Potter, I’ll have you know I’m a comic fucking genius!]
[HP: Oh come on, it wasn’t even original! I had to go out for George’s birthday with green hair!]
[DM: At least I didn’t have to get help from a Weasley]
[HP: At least ours was funny :D]
3rd April
My hair is still green! Robards won’t let me go out on assignment until it’s [DM: it’s] back to it’s [DM: its] proper colour - some shite about giving the wrong impression to members of the public.
[DM: This still amuses me greatly]
And to add insult to injury he has sent Malfoy out with Simpkins to help investigate noises up at the old Lestrange Mansion when it’s all Malfoy’s fault I have green hair in the first place!
[DM: ha ha]
That’ll teach me to accept coffee from the little ferret. These are the days when I really miss Fred -he’d know how to get him back - George was always more of the inventor than master prankster, and he isn’t the same without Fred. Might ask him anyway, it might do him good.
9th April
Weasley is our King!
I think I might be in love with George!
[DM: ewwww! Ginger pubes!]
OK, ok, so maybe love is a bit strong, [DM: good] or not like that anyway - which is just as well, Ginny might be wonderful and understanding but I don’t think she’d take too well to her ex hooking up with her brother and I remember her bat-bogey hex from school. [DM: ditto]
Seriously though, the bloke is a genius! He substituted a pot of Malfoy’s hair gel for this other stuff that looks the same, but now every time Malfoy does magic his hair goes all static and sticks up all around his head - it’s fucking hilarious! And he hasn’t realised what’s doing it yet so he keeps trying to calm it down with the hair gel and then it happens again and his face goes all red and blotchy. Revenge is so sweet
[DM: This was not at all funny! It was derivative and childish]
[HP: and hilarious]
11th April
Peace in our time
Malfoy is not talking to me after he figured it out about the hair gel - this is bliss, I must make him not talk to me more often.
I can’t believe some of the sick shite Bellatrix Lestrange had in her house! They went over the house when the Lestranges got sent to Azkaban the first time, but it seems some of it could only be found by someone of Black blood and Malfoy was that someone. I almost feel sorry for him having to see that stuff and know it was his aunt who was responsible. And I thought my Aunt was bad.
[DM: At least you never had to live with the mad bitch]
[HP: sorry]
[DM: not your fault]
14th April
If I have to open one more shop on Diagon Alley I am going to resign!
Do you hear me, Kingsley? RESIGN!
[DM: I actually used to think you liked all that crap]
That’ll look good won’t it, first term as minister and the fucking boy who lived resigns, is that what you want? I thought you were my fucking freind you bastard! Give me a god-damn case, I know it’s you telling Robards to sideline me. I joined the Aurors to beat up bad bastards, not to smile for the cameras!
Malfoy is still working on the Lestrange case, this is so fucking unfair. Everytime I complain he just sneers at me and he still won’t talk to me, I want him to fucking well talk to me! Wanker.
[DM: If you’d wanted me to talk to you you shouldn’t have messed with my hair]
[HP: What, like you messed with mine?]
[DM: Your hair is always a disaster]
16th April
Oh for fuck’s sake - this is taking it all a bit far! I didn’t sulk like this when he turned my hair green. If he can’t take it he shouldn’t dish it out. Apparently it is ‘bad form’ to continue the pranking after April Fools Day. Fuck that.
Mind you, I thought it might have worn off by now… oops!
[DM: It is bad form, wanker]
[HP: It was just a joke!]
18th April
Um, ok, the thing about communal showers…
When did Malfoy get so fucking fit?
I mean, he’s still a git and obviously I don’t fancy him or anything like that, but damn!
No wonder he thinks he’s it with a cock like that!
Must stop thinking about Malfoy’s cock
[DM: Oh my god you fucking little perv! You never told me you spied on me in the shower!]
[HP: It was accidental! And totally worth it.]
16th April
BORED. Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored
BORED!
[DM: I get the impression you might have been bored?
[HP: yeah, I was stuck doing paperwork because some arse dyed my hair green, remember?]
When the little ferret is here he pisses me off, and when he’s not here I sort of miss having someone to argue with.
[DM: aww, you missed me!]
[HP: always]
Good Friday gala tomorrow night. Don’t want to go. Hope there’s free booze
20th April
Picnic at the Weasley’s [Which Weasley was that then? Or do you mean Weasleys’ plural?] for Easter. Fucking ace day! Molly did an easter egg hunt for the kids, got to spend the day with my freinds and Teddy.
Unfortunately Andromeda brought her sister and nephew in an attempt to ‘ease relations’ - for sister and nephew translate as Malfoy’s mum and the ferret himself.
Actually, Narcissa seems ok, and I do kinda owe her my life, just wish she didn’t have to bring her ferrety son with her.
[DM: Ok? Ok? I’ll have you know my mum is amazing!]
[HP: Yes, she is]
Malfoy told Teddy that the Easter Bunny didn’t exist and bunnies don’t lay eggs anyway. Teddy cried for a full half an hour till Ron taught him how to fly a kiddy broom and then we played sort-of-quidditch. Had a good laugh for the rest of the afternoon then, forgotten how good a flyer Malfoy is. Still can’t look him in the eye since walking in on him in the shower at work though.
[DM: Well it’s true, why lie to children?]
Malfoy looks much better when he smiles real smiles.
[DM: see, you loved me]
[HP: Of course]
25 April
Great week!
Spoke to Kingsley re poster-boy issue and he’s promised to reduce the number of public appearances he makes me do so long as I promise to attend some of the bigger functions and behave myself. Apparently I drank half a bottle of rum at the one last week and ‘embarrassed myself and the ministry’. I’d have done it sooner if I’d realised this would be the result!
[DM: but I like pissed Potter, he’s fun]
Malfoy is now speaking to me since sunday -I never thought I’d see the day where I considered that a good thing, but I sort of missed the jibes. He can be quite witty when he wants to.
[DM: told you so]
Finally got a case! A proper case, not rescuing kneazles from trees or explaning to the Hogwarts kids how to spot a dark wizard or investigating fake charms. Robards got Malfoy and me to look into a bunch of complaints at Upper Flagley up in Yorkshire. Turns out that little scroat Selwyn the younger was hiding out there. I know he wasn’t one of the big fish like his brother, but he knows a lot of people who were! Turns out he’s been helping to hide death eaters and get them out of the country, and as far as we can tell Yaxley isn’t one of them, which means the fucker is still here!
I tried to tell Proops, who is convinced that Yaxley will have fled to South America by now, but he won’t have any of it. Says that there are other methods for Yaxley to leave without Selwyn’s help. That as may be, but I still say he’s going nowhere with out his kid, and the kid is tucked up safe and sound at Hogwarts.
They need to put someone on the kid.
[DM: I love it when you’re all righteous and forceful like this]
30th April
This is becoming par for the course, but Malfoy is once again not speaking to me.
[DM: Malfoys do not sleep in the Hogshead!]
[HP: So you informed me]
I finally got Robards to agree about putting a trail on Yaxley’s kid and Malfoy and I are it, so Malfoy is not speaking to me because he doesn’t want to spend the forseeable holed up in the Hogshead, which is still a shithole.
But I’m right, I bet I’m right! That first time when Baker and Proops fucked it all up Yaxley was on his way to the boy’s mother’s place, and they thought he’d stashed money there, but the boy just so happened to be at home that week because his mum was ‘sick’, allegedly. Yaxley will come back for him, I just know it. Possibly the mother too - she has to be in on it.
2nd May
Draco Malfoy admitted I might have a point today.
[DM: And you will never let me forget it]
[HP: can you blame me?]
This is momentous and should go down in history as the day Harry Potter was right.
Malfoy reckons that as a pureblood Yaxley will want to keep his son with him - what I said all along, thank you very much! Still, he was surprisingly gracious about it.
Sometimes, just sometimes mind, Malfoy is not that bad.
[DM: yeah, just sometimes though, eh Potter?]
[HP: Oh, definitely only sometimes]
four years ago today…
[DM: you killed a double hard bastard!]
[HP: Really?]
[DM: Harry, was that sarcasm? I’m so proud!]
reckon I’d rather be holed up here than where all the fuss is.
[DM: me too - nothing like the second of May to make everyone suddenly remember that they hate me]
[HP: I quite like you. Sometimes]
[DM: Again with the sometimes]
6th May
Malfoy’s mum was training to be a healer before she fell preggers with Draco and gave it all up. I wonder if she regrets it. Not having a kid I mean, even if the kid did turn out to be a ferret, but giving up her career. She could always take it up again now I suppose.
I never knew that Malfoy wanted to be an unmentionable [DM: unspeakable]. I bet he’d be really good at that - sneaking around, keeping secrets lying, making stuff work. He’s got that evil streak too. Turns out he has to do five years as an Auror before the unmentionables [DM: unspeakables] will even interview though. I think I’d sort of miss having him around.
[DM: you Aurors think you’re so fucking funny, don’t you? Unmentionables indeed.]
[HP: We are funny, that’s why you couldn’t handle it being an Auror]
[DM: Why? Because you lot were too funny for me? As if!]
8th May
THis is boring.
Malfoy does a mean impression of Professor Snape though. Laughed my arse off. Why was he never this much fun at school?
[DM: I was, you just never noticed.]
[HP: Ah, I see - you were going for subtley fun hidden by a thick layer of gittiness?]
[DM: Someone is clearly tired of sex]
It’s a shame really. If he wasn’t Malfoy he’d be really slightly attractive.
[DM: Yeah, if I wasn’t me I’d definitely be less attractive]
[HP: True]
[DM: It’s too late to suck up now, Potter. No sex for you]
I wonder if he has a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend
[DM: Yes, he does, his name’s Harry, you might have heard of him]
[HP: Harry? Nah, never heard of him.]
Oh fuck it, what the hell? Why should I care if Draco Malfoy has a boyfriend, it’s not like I want it to be me, this is Malfoy!
[DM: No, not much you didn’t. Practically begged me to go out with you]
[HP: Only in your strange little brain]
[DM: And in that little place called reality]
10th May
Yaxley’s son is definately [DM: It’s definitely, Potter, with an i not an a] behaving suspicisously. He’s in the third year, so he’s allowed to visit on Hogsmeade weekends, like today.
He did the usual, went to Honeydukes and Zonko’s, but he also managed to ditch his mates and disappear off to Dervish and Banges where he bought a small green basket, a quick-stove and five energy bars, all of which he stashed behind Madam Puddifoot’s before heading back to the Three Broomsticks.
Malfoy is keeping survellance on the stash while I trailed the boy back to school.
13th May
Got the bastard! Yaxley had to come out of hiding eventually - none of them fucking believed me (except Malfoy, weirdly enough) but I was proved right!
He came back for his son, and when he did we were waiting for him
Maybe Kingsley and Robards will take us fucking seriously now! I know we can do this job, Baker and Proops have been on this case for ages and got nowhere! They are a bit pissed off with us for stealing the case out from under them, but hey, piss or get off the pot - the new boys are in town and we’re better than you!
[DM: Baker and Proops are a pair of fucking mullets]
[HP: It’s muppets not mullets, with two ps, not two ls]
[DM: mullets, muppets, whatever. Stupid Muggle expressions]
Couldn’t have done it with out the git, not that I’d ever tell him that.
[DM: you just did]
Deer diry.
deery beery diry
Tequila is good
Malfoy is pretty and tequila
is good and ron is ace and sos george anddd droco is prety too.
Kebabs rule, why don’t we eat kebabs more often?
Draco is gay. How did I never no this? Very improntnt infomaton.
Wanna go slep now
[DM: See? I love pissed Potter!]
May the somethingth
My head hurts.
Note to self - never ever drink tequila again, tequila is evil and makes you sick.
[DM: I’ve seen your face go green at the very thought of tequila]
[HP: eug, horrible stuff]
[DM: And you didn’t even get the worm]
Must kill Ron and George. And Malfoy, obviously.
[DM: Obviously]
Should my tounge be furry?
Going back to bed, calling in dead.
Hmm, DraMalfoy makes a mean hangover potion. Nice of him to owl it to me.
[DM: ah, the first of many]
Work back to normal today, but you can’t catch a bastard all the time.
did I kiss HIM last night? Please someone tell me I didn’t
[HP: best mistake of my life!]
[DM: You definitely did - bwa ha ha ha ha ha]
15th May
I kissed Draco Malfoy.
I kissed Draco Malfoy.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
[DM: no, we did that much later]
[HP: and often]
shit damn bugger fuck. oh fuckety fucking fuck, I’m fucked
Why didn’t Ron stop me?
My life is over.
I have to go and kill myself now.
[DM: I for one am quite glad you decided not to do this]
[HP: yeah, me too]
17th May
I can’t stop thinking about it. How did I never notice how kissable his mouth is before? Every time he talks I find myself watching his mouth.
[DM: Are you aware that you still do this?]
[HP: Shit, do I? Is it very obvious?]
[DM: Only to me]
I’m doomed. Doomed I tell you!
22nd May
I need to get laid.
[DM: you only had to ask]
[HP: fancy a shag?]
[DM: I told you, no sex for you]
[HP: Like you could last for even a day with out it!]
[DM: Bet I could last longer than you]
[HP: That is so not a bet I’m taking you up on - whatever the outcome I’d be getting better aquainted with my hand!]
[DM: Hello Harry’s hand, this is Harry’s cock. You two are about to be spending more time together because I can go without sex for longer than Harry and he won’t last for even an hour before having a wank]
[HP: You’re on. I give you till bedtime. Winner tops]
[DM: You will soon be begging me to shag you.]
[HP: You will soon be begging to get shagged by me]
[DM: You won’t be able to sit comfortably for a week]
24th May
I wonder what Malfoy is like in bed. [DM: brilliant] [HP: and modest] I bet he just lies there and thinks of Slytherin.
Either that or that’s when he lets go and you get to see the real Draco, the one who’s all fun and sexy and likes to take charge.
I wonder if he’s a top or bottom? In an ideal world he likes both.
[DM: didn’t you turn out to be the lucky one?]
Oh Merlin, I can’t believe I’m thinking like this about Draco Malfoy of all people. I think I must be ill
Malfoy does have a nice cock though.
[DM: Yes he does. Want to suck it?]
[HP: Is that you begging me already?]
[DM: In your dreams]
[HP: You couldn’t handle my dreams]
[DM: Dreams are all you’re getting]
[HP: Why exactly was I getting no sex in the first place?]
[DM: I can’t actually remember, but you’re not anyway]
5th June
Malfoy brought in doughnuts and promised they weren’t hexed. Still did a quick check before I ate one though.
[DM: Cheeky little sod!]
[HP: What did you expect? Green hair, remember?]
6th June
Why did no one tell me that yesterday was the git’s birthday? Now I feel like a total tosser
[DM: You were a total tosser, fancy forgetting your boyfriend’s birthday]
[HP: You weren’t actually my boyfriend then]
[DM: I nearly was]
He’s asked us all out to the Dragon’s Head tomorrow night. I guess that as his partner it would look really bad if I didn’t go…
[DM: yes]
Is the Dragon’s head posh? [DM: again, yes. When have you ever known me to go anywhere chavvy?] [HP: Very true, the posher and more expensive the better in Draco world] What am I supposed to wear? Better call Gin.
Should I get him a gift?
[DM: yes!]
7th June
Ginny won’t come to Malfoy’s do with me tonight. She said she is sick of being my ‘beard’ and I should just man up and ask Malfoy out. Bitch.
[DM: Ah yes, Weaselette was always my favourite of your friends]
[HP: apart from when she dated me]
[DM: Yes, well, she needs to learn to keep her hands to herself]
[HP: You were jealous!]
[DM: Shut up]
She did, however, sort me out with a decent outfit for tonight, so maybe she’s forgiven.
Why am I so fucking nervous?
This is not a date, it’s just the pub and the rest of the department will probably be there. I wonder if I can get away with sloping off early?
[DM: No]
8th June
I really wish I had a hangover.
If I had I hangover I could pretend that I was drunk last night.
I kissed Malfoy. Again. And loads of people saw me do it, including Bozo Dobbs, who will now put it in the Prophet.
And to make matters worse, he kissed me back.
[DM: Who? Bozo? He’d better not have!]
[HP: ewww! That image will make it much easier for me to win our bet!]
And he’s a really good kisser.
[DM: Ah no, must have been me then]
I’m so fucked.
[DM: You will be]
[HP: No, you will]
Top ten reasons why I can’t date DraMalfoy
1. He’s a git [DM: Not true]
2. He hates me [DM: Not true - to a point]
3. He’s a pointy-faced ferret [DM: Very much not true]
4. I hate him [DM: Not true]
5. He’s Malfoy [DM: True]
6. He’s evil [DM: Probably true]
7. He’s Malfoy [DM: Still true]
8. He’s probably planning my death [DM: Possibly]
9. He hates all my freinds [DM: Most of them]
10. HE’S MALFOY [DM: You may have already used this point...]
Top ten reasons why I want to date Malfoy [DM: Draco]
1. He’s fit [DM: True]
2. He’s a damn good kisser [DM: True]
3. He’s got a good sense of humour [DM: True]
4. He’s smart [DM: True]
5. He has nice [DM: fabulous] hair [DM: True]
6. He has luscious lips [DM: True]
7. He has a big cock [DM: Very true]
8. He can be almost nice sometimes [DM: That’s libel, take that back!]
9. He’ll never be boring [DM: True]
10. I’m slightly obsessed with him [DM: Always have been always will be - get used to it]
[HP: True]
14 June
I have finally gone insane.
Have agreed to go on a date with Malfoy tonight to some posh restaurant.
[DM: Agreed? You pleaded with me to go with you!]
[HP: It was a mutual arrangement]
[DM: Pizza Express is not posh]
[HP: It’s posh for a pizza place!]
[DM: I honestly despair of you sometimes, Harry]
I think I’m going to puke.
Must call Ginny
15th June
Well. Um.
Yeah
You know, Malfoy’s really not that bad underneath it all.
[DM: Wow, thanks!]
[HP: No probs]
He can be surprisingly nice when he wants to be.
[DM: No, really Potter, stop with the compliments, you’re making me blush!]
And he’s kinda witty, who knew?
1st July
Apparently, if you’ve been on loads of dates with just one bloke and you’re not seeing anyone else and your sleeping with him then he’s your boyfreind or something and you are officially a couple. That’s what Hermione reckons anyway.
Draco’s my boyfreind.
[DM: I can’t believe it took you so long to realise that!]
I think I sort of like the sound of that. “Hi, have you met my boyfreind Draco?” “This is Draco, my boyfreind” “The goodlooking blonde over there? Yes, he’s my lover. Get your mitts off”
[DM: blond. I am not a girl]
[HP: wanna bet?]
[DM: I love it when you get all possessive like this]
31st July
Draco organised a surprise party for me and he invited a whole load of my friends, including all the Weasleys, even though I know he can’t stand them. He even made an effort to get on with them, I actually saw him joking around with George and talking to Ginny. Now if I can just get him to talk to Ron and Hermione…
[DM: Fat chance]
Is it too early in this relationship to say I think I might be in love? [DM: Love you too] Or is that just the beer talking?
[DM: Is this the last page? Why did you stop? I was just getting into it.]
[HP: I guess I just didn’t need the book anymore]
[DM: Why?]
[HP: I had you, I suppose]
[DM: But I make you more angry, not less]
[HP: No, you infuriate the hell out of me, but you make me talk and you’re good for me and I love you.]
[DM: Marry me?]
[HP: YES!]
[DM: Then take me to bed]
Note from dysonrules: I had no idea when she sent this in that it was for me, so I was seething with envy for the recipient as I formatted and uploaded it. Until I opened the spreadsheet to find out what lucky person would be receiving this gift. LOL! I AM THAT LUCKY PERSON, OMG!!! *flails* I am seriously blown away by this. Thank you so much, tari_sue, it's AWESOME!!! <3<3<3<3<3