[fic] What To Expect When You're Expecting, Atlantis Edition
Title: What To Expect When You're Expecting, Atlantis Edition
Author havocthecat
Rating: PG
Pairing: Teyla Emmagan/Evan Lorne
Warnings: Pregnancy. Snark. Everyone freaking.
Author's Summary: I blame the joint fic-inspiring efforts of purple_cube and medie, for they are evil. This fic involves pregnancy, people, so if you don't like that sort of thing, I'm perfectly okay with you clicking the back button. It's set in some kind of a generic future where there are no bad fourth season casting spoilers making half the fandom explode with wank unhappy. Thank you to medie and amitee for betareading!
***
We will be trapped for some time," said Teyla, turning to face Major Lorne. "According to Dr. McKay, it will be some time before anyone will be available to remove the damaged crystals and override the control panel for this door."
"Lucky, lucky us," said Lorne. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed, and grinned at Teyla. "Could be worse. You could be trapped in here solo."
"I wished to explore this section of Atlantis alone this morning," said Teyla. She settled herself on the ground, her legs crossed, and her forearms resting gently on her thighs.
"So you said," said Lorne. He shrugged. "Hard to say no to your CO, though, and I got extra-special orders from Sheppard to take good care of you today, Teyla."
Teyla sighed. "I understand, Major," she said. "Perhaps John and I should have a discussion regarding protocol for exploration in areas of the city which have previously been marked as safe."
"Or maybe you could hit him really hard during one of those stick-fighting sessions you guys have," said Lorne. "You could even sell tickets."
"I wished to be alone so that I would have time to think in silence," said Teyla, frowning up at Lorne. "I most especially needed time when you were not around, and now--"
"Something wrong?" asked Lorne, his grin fading. "You didn't say last night you were upset about anything."
"I am with child, Evan," blurted Teyla.
Lorne's eyes went wide. "Sheppard's gonna kill me. You know that, right?"
"John will do no such thing," said Teyla. "I-- I am not certain how I feel about this."
Lorne slid down the wall so that he was sitting across from Teyla. He ducked his head and ran one hand through his hair as he took a shaky breath. "Me either," he said. "So, ah, what're we gonna do?"
"You assume that the child is yours?" asked Teyla, raising one eyebrow as she gave him a skeptical look.
"We've been a thing for a while now," said Lorne. "I'm gonna have to set up an alarm system in my quarters so Ronon doesn't kill me in my sleep, aren't I?"
"If there is anyone who will kill you over this pregnancy," said Teyla firmly. "It will be me. Though I may give Elizabeth the opportunity to stand as witness."
"She'd cheer you on," muttered Lorne. "I'm going to be called back to Earth to get tag-team lectured by Dr. 'Never Shuts Up' Jackson and General O'Neill. Please don't tell me you want me to buy you a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting?"
"A copy of what?" asked Teyla, looking confused.
"It's a book on Earth," said Lorne. "It's supposed to help you know what's going to happen to your body as the pregnancy goes along."
"Why not simply ask a woman who has already experienced it?" asked Teyla. "That is what I plan to do."
"I don't know, because we like books on Earth," said Lorne, shrugging. "Because someone wanted to make money publishing it."
"We like books here as well," said Teyla. "However, they are not particularly portable, so my people do not possess many of them. Certainly we have none that duplicate information one may obtain by asking another person."
"So I guess we need to figure out what we're gonna do, huh?" asked Lorne.
"We will need to wait until we are no longer stuck in this room," said Teyla. She scooted along the floor until she was sitting next to Lorne, then leaned against him.
Lorne wrapped one arm around Teyla and hugged her tightly to him. "You're not gonna barf all over me, are you?"
Teyla chuckled. "I am not suffering from nausea yet," she said. "Though I am unusually fatigued."
"We should maybe--" Lorne paused and glanced down at Teyla. "I could move in. To be there in case you need something. Sheppard'll get over it, and you can protect me in case Ronon gets homicidal. Besides, McKay wouldn't dare cut the power to your quarters."
"I will consider it," said Teyla slowly. "But there are ceremonies that must be observed if you are to do so."
Lorne nodded. "Okay, then," he said. "Just tell me--"
He went silent as the door whirred open, to show Rodney standing there, frowning in irritation at his tablet. He looked up, took a step back. "Are you two cuddling? I spend all this time working on the doors, and you two are having nookie time while I work? My life is so completely unfair!"
Lorne rolled his eyes as he stood. He moved to help Teyla up, but held his hands up as she glared at him. "Oh, please," he said. "McKay, working on electronics is as good as nookie time gets for you."
"Evan!" said Teyla.
"Right," said Lorne. "So, who do you want to talk to first?"
"We will gather in the conference room," said Teyla. "I will speak first with Elizabeth."
"I'm missing something," said Rodney. "What am I missing?"
"You'll find out later," said Lorne. "I'm gonna go check out a flak vest or two from the armory, okay, Teyla?"
Teyla chuckled. "I believe that is a wise choice."
"Why does no one ever tell me anything?" asked Rodney, following them out.
***
"You're what?" Elizabeth leaned back in her chair. "Since when? With who?"
"You know that Major Lorne and I have been close. Would you--" said Teyla, breaking off and eyeing Elizabeth's coffee. "The smell is rather strong."
"Oh." Elizabeth nodded, then reached for her coffee mug and drained it. "Better?"
"Much," said Teyla. "Elizabeth, there is much that must be decided on, but first I need to tell John, Rodney, and Ronon."
"Shall I start preparing for Atlantis' first shotgun wedding?" asked Elizabeth. She shook her head and set her mug back down on her desk. "Have you decided on how to tell them yet?"
"I thought perhaps if we were in the conference room, things would not grow too heated," said Teyla.
Elizabeth chuckled. "We can hope," she said. "Well, congratulations, Teyla."
"My position on John's team is not compromised, I hope?" asked Teyla.
"As long as you have regular medical exams, and Carson or Dr. Biro approve, I don't see why it would be," said Elizabeth. "We'll revisit the issue when you get too big to move properly."
Teyla groaned. "I am not looking forward to that," she said.
"I wouldn't either, if I were you," said Elizabeth. "Shall we call them?"
***
"You're what?" asked John.
"Oh, God, this explains so much," blurted Rodney.
"She's what?" growled Ronon. He was staring angrily at Lorne, who rolled his eyes.
"Ronon!" snapped Teyla. "As I was an active partner in this, you may direct your complaints at us both."
"Everyone just calm down," said Elizabeth, planting her palms on the conference table and rising to her feet. "This is a happy occasion, and it will be treated like one." An unspoken 'or I'll send you all to bed without supper' hung in the air.
Teyla gave Elizabeth an amused look. "I am quite calm," she said.
"I wasn't talking to you, Teyla," said Elizabeth.
"Of course not," said Teyla. "Now, then," she said, standing and moving next to Elizabeth. "I am with child. Evan is the father. My relationship with Evan is none of your business--"
"He's my second-in-command and you're on my team, damn straight it's my business!" snapped John.
"No, John, it is not," said Teyla. "You will all get over this surprise, and then you will be pleased."
"That's not the point here, Teyla. We're already happy for you," said Rodney. "The point is that you're pregnant and it's an Earth tradition for the closest male relatives of a pregnant, unmarried woman to threaten the guy that got her pregnant!"
"Huh," said Ronon, leaning back in his chair. "Satedan too. That's a first."
"I am assured by Dr. Biro that such behavior is considered boorish and chauvinistic," said Teyla.
"Dr. Biro's right," said Elizabeth quickly, nodding. "I see no reason for this to affect Teyla's position on John's team, barring any future medical issues."
"Right," said John. "I can handle that."
"Elizabeth, among my people, we have a tradition," said Teyla, turning to Elizabeth. "It is similar to Earth's tradition of godparents, I believe. I would be honored if you would stand in as foster mother to my child."
"I...uh..." Elizabeth gave Teyla a skeptical look. "Are you sure? I'm not very good with children. I mean, I'd be honored, but--"
"Then it is settled," said Teyla. "I will speak with Kate later as well."
"Who's gonna be the godfather?" asked John. He glanced around, his gaze lighting on Lorne, who winced. "There are three guys in here that aren't going to be doing extra paperwork for a year. Plus I think Carson's gonna want to be under consideration."
"Perhaps I shall put names in a bag and choose at random," said Teyla. "Now, I believe Evan and I would like some time alone."
***
"That could've gone worse," said Lorne, when the conference room was empty.
"Much worse," agreed Teyla. "After all of this, do you still wish to move your belongings into my quarters?"
Lorne nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Like I said, you can protect me when Ronon tries to murder me in my sleep."
"Then you will need to become my husband by the rites of my people," said Teyla. "And you will also need to order a bigger bed to be shipped here from Earth." She grimaced. "I will not carry a child and sleep with you on the small pallets the Ancestors used."
"I just have to hit send on the requisition form," said Lorne. "Uh, about that whole wedding issue, can we get married by Earth standards too? It'll make doing my taxes a whole lot easier, and if you ever visit Earth, the paperwork for the intergalactic passport will already be done." He smirked. "Not to mention the SGC's accountants are gonna have fits, and I'm kinda looking forward to it."
"Of course," said Teyla. She glanced down at her hands. "But I do not wear rings, as I have observed is often done by your people when they marry."
"I'm sure we can come up with something else," said Lorne. "Uh. You like jewelry, though, right?"
"I would find a necklace quite pleasing," said Teyla, smiling at him. "I have noticed that you keep a catalogue of jewelry hidden in your quarters. The one you marked on page thirty-three is beautiful."
"I'm doomed," said Lorne, grinning. He leaned forward, threaded his fingers through Teyla's hair, and brushed a soft kiss against her mouth. "I don't think I mind all that much, though."
"Nor do I," said Teyla softly.
Author havocthecat
Rating: PG
Pairing: Teyla Emmagan/Evan Lorne
Warnings: Pregnancy. Snark. Everyone freaking.
Author's Summary: I blame the joint fic-inspiring efforts of purple_cube and medie, for they are evil. This fic involves pregnancy, people, so if you don't like that sort of thing, I'm perfectly okay with you clicking the back button. It's set in some kind of a generic future where there are no bad fourth season casting spoilers making half the fandom explode with wank unhappy. Thank you to medie and amitee for betareading!
***
We will be trapped for some time," said Teyla, turning to face Major Lorne. "According to Dr. McKay, it will be some time before anyone will be available to remove the damaged crystals and override the control panel for this door."
"Lucky, lucky us," said Lorne. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed, and grinned at Teyla. "Could be worse. You could be trapped in here solo."
"I wished to explore this section of Atlantis alone this morning," said Teyla. She settled herself on the ground, her legs crossed, and her forearms resting gently on her thighs.
"So you said," said Lorne. He shrugged. "Hard to say no to your CO, though, and I got extra-special orders from Sheppard to take good care of you today, Teyla."
Teyla sighed. "I understand, Major," she said. "Perhaps John and I should have a discussion regarding protocol for exploration in areas of the city which have previously been marked as safe."
"Or maybe you could hit him really hard during one of those stick-fighting sessions you guys have," said Lorne. "You could even sell tickets."
"I wished to be alone so that I would have time to think in silence," said Teyla, frowning up at Lorne. "I most especially needed time when you were not around, and now--"
"Something wrong?" asked Lorne, his grin fading. "You didn't say last night you were upset about anything."
"I am with child, Evan," blurted Teyla.
Lorne's eyes went wide. "Sheppard's gonna kill me. You know that, right?"
"John will do no such thing," said Teyla. "I-- I am not certain how I feel about this."
Lorne slid down the wall so that he was sitting across from Teyla. He ducked his head and ran one hand through his hair as he took a shaky breath. "Me either," he said. "So, ah, what're we gonna do?"
"You assume that the child is yours?" asked Teyla, raising one eyebrow as she gave him a skeptical look.
"We've been a thing for a while now," said Lorne. "I'm gonna have to set up an alarm system in my quarters so Ronon doesn't kill me in my sleep, aren't I?"
"If there is anyone who will kill you over this pregnancy," said Teyla firmly. "It will be me. Though I may give Elizabeth the opportunity to stand as witness."
"She'd cheer you on," muttered Lorne. "I'm going to be called back to Earth to get tag-team lectured by Dr. 'Never Shuts Up' Jackson and General O'Neill. Please don't tell me you want me to buy you a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting?"
"A copy of what?" asked Teyla, looking confused.
"It's a book on Earth," said Lorne. "It's supposed to help you know what's going to happen to your body as the pregnancy goes along."
"Why not simply ask a woman who has already experienced it?" asked Teyla. "That is what I plan to do."
"I don't know, because we like books on Earth," said Lorne, shrugging. "Because someone wanted to make money publishing it."
"We like books here as well," said Teyla. "However, they are not particularly portable, so my people do not possess many of them. Certainly we have none that duplicate information one may obtain by asking another person."
"So I guess we need to figure out what we're gonna do, huh?" asked Lorne.
"We will need to wait until we are no longer stuck in this room," said Teyla. She scooted along the floor until she was sitting next to Lorne, then leaned against him.
Lorne wrapped one arm around Teyla and hugged her tightly to him. "You're not gonna barf all over me, are you?"
Teyla chuckled. "I am not suffering from nausea yet," she said. "Though I am unusually fatigued."
"We should maybe--" Lorne paused and glanced down at Teyla. "I could move in. To be there in case you need something. Sheppard'll get over it, and you can protect me in case Ronon gets homicidal. Besides, McKay wouldn't dare cut the power to your quarters."
"I will consider it," said Teyla slowly. "But there are ceremonies that must be observed if you are to do so."
Lorne nodded. "Okay, then," he said. "Just tell me--"
He went silent as the door whirred open, to show Rodney standing there, frowning in irritation at his tablet. He looked up, took a step back. "Are you two cuddling? I spend all this time working on the doors, and you two are having nookie time while I work? My life is so completely unfair!"
Lorne rolled his eyes as he stood. He moved to help Teyla up, but held his hands up as she glared at him. "Oh, please," he said. "McKay, working on electronics is as good as nookie time gets for you."
"Evan!" said Teyla.
"Right," said Lorne. "So, who do you want to talk to first?"
"We will gather in the conference room," said Teyla. "I will speak first with Elizabeth."
"I'm missing something," said Rodney. "What am I missing?"
"You'll find out later," said Lorne. "I'm gonna go check out a flak vest or two from the armory, okay, Teyla?"
Teyla chuckled. "I believe that is a wise choice."
"Why does no one ever tell me anything?" asked Rodney, following them out.
***
"You're what?" Elizabeth leaned back in her chair. "Since when? With who?"
"You know that Major Lorne and I have been close. Would you--" said Teyla, breaking off and eyeing Elizabeth's coffee. "The smell is rather strong."
"Oh." Elizabeth nodded, then reached for her coffee mug and drained it. "Better?"
"Much," said Teyla. "Elizabeth, there is much that must be decided on, but first I need to tell John, Rodney, and Ronon."
"Shall I start preparing for Atlantis' first shotgun wedding?" asked Elizabeth. She shook her head and set her mug back down on her desk. "Have you decided on how to tell them yet?"
"I thought perhaps if we were in the conference room, things would not grow too heated," said Teyla.
Elizabeth chuckled. "We can hope," she said. "Well, congratulations, Teyla."
"My position on John's team is not compromised, I hope?" asked Teyla.
"As long as you have regular medical exams, and Carson or Dr. Biro approve, I don't see why it would be," said Elizabeth. "We'll revisit the issue when you get too big to move properly."
Teyla groaned. "I am not looking forward to that," she said.
"I wouldn't either, if I were you," said Elizabeth. "Shall we call them?"
***
"You're what?" asked John.
"Oh, God, this explains so much," blurted Rodney.
"She's what?" growled Ronon. He was staring angrily at Lorne, who rolled his eyes.
"Ronon!" snapped Teyla. "As I was an active partner in this, you may direct your complaints at us both."
"Everyone just calm down," said Elizabeth, planting her palms on the conference table and rising to her feet. "This is a happy occasion, and it will be treated like one." An unspoken 'or I'll send you all to bed without supper' hung in the air.
Teyla gave Elizabeth an amused look. "I am quite calm," she said.
"I wasn't talking to you, Teyla," said Elizabeth.
"Of course not," said Teyla. "Now, then," she said, standing and moving next to Elizabeth. "I am with child. Evan is the father. My relationship with Evan is none of your business--"
"He's my second-in-command and you're on my team, damn straight it's my business!" snapped John.
"No, John, it is not," said Teyla. "You will all get over this surprise, and then you will be pleased."
"That's not the point here, Teyla. We're already happy for you," said Rodney. "The point is that you're pregnant and it's an Earth tradition for the closest male relatives of a pregnant, unmarried woman to threaten the guy that got her pregnant!"
"Huh," said Ronon, leaning back in his chair. "Satedan too. That's a first."
"I am assured by Dr. Biro that such behavior is considered boorish and chauvinistic," said Teyla.
"Dr. Biro's right," said Elizabeth quickly, nodding. "I see no reason for this to affect Teyla's position on John's team, barring any future medical issues."
"Right," said John. "I can handle that."
"Elizabeth, among my people, we have a tradition," said Teyla, turning to Elizabeth. "It is similar to Earth's tradition of godparents, I believe. I would be honored if you would stand in as foster mother to my child."
"I...uh..." Elizabeth gave Teyla a skeptical look. "Are you sure? I'm not very good with children. I mean, I'd be honored, but--"
"Then it is settled," said Teyla. "I will speak with Kate later as well."
"Who's gonna be the godfather?" asked John. He glanced around, his gaze lighting on Lorne, who winced. "There are three guys in here that aren't going to be doing extra paperwork for a year. Plus I think Carson's gonna want to be under consideration."
"Perhaps I shall put names in a bag and choose at random," said Teyla. "Now, I believe Evan and I would like some time alone."
***
"That could've gone worse," said Lorne, when the conference room was empty.
"Much worse," agreed Teyla. "After all of this, do you still wish to move your belongings into my quarters?"
Lorne nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Like I said, you can protect me when Ronon tries to murder me in my sleep."
"Then you will need to become my husband by the rites of my people," said Teyla. "And you will also need to order a bigger bed to be shipped here from Earth." She grimaced. "I will not carry a child and sleep with you on the small pallets the Ancestors used."
"I just have to hit send on the requisition form," said Lorne. "Uh, about that whole wedding issue, can we get married by Earth standards too? It'll make doing my taxes a whole lot easier, and if you ever visit Earth, the paperwork for the intergalactic passport will already be done." He smirked. "Not to mention the SGC's accountants are gonna have fits, and I'm kinda looking forward to it."
"Of course," said Teyla. She glanced down at her hands. "But I do not wear rings, as I have observed is often done by your people when they marry."
"I'm sure we can come up with something else," said Lorne. "Uh. You like jewelry, though, right?"
"I would find a necklace quite pleasing," said Teyla, smiling at him. "I have noticed that you keep a catalogue of jewelry hidden in your quarters. The one you marked on page thirty-three is beautiful."
"I'm doomed," said Lorne, grinning. He leaned forward, threaded his fingers through Teyla's hair, and brushed a soft kiss against her mouth. "I don't think I mind all that much, though."
"Nor do I," said Teyla softly.