Dear Nothing - Chapter 17 {All Time Low, Sing It Loud and Bring Me the Horizon}
Title: Dear Nothing
Author: havah24601
Rating: M
Characters: Jack Barakat (All Time Low), Pat Brown (Sing It Loud), Nate Flynn (Sing It Loud), Alex Gaskarth (All Time Low), Zack Merrick (All Time Low), Oli Sykes (Bring Me the Horizon), Tom Sykes
Pairings: Zack Merrick/Alex Gaskarth, Nate Flynn/Pat Brown (other pairings still undetermined)
Warnings: Abuse, violence, psychological torture, kidnap
POV: 1st Person, switches between all characters, as the story is written in journal entries.
Summary: A wealthy 16 year old boy goes missing only six months after a boy who had been presumed dead for over a year turned up unconscious outside of his school, unable to recall the majority of the past 17 months. Another boy tries to reclaim the love that he lost when the first boy disappeared while a fourth boy searches tirelessly to find the first. A young man finds himself growing up too fast, harming others in an attempt to protect the only person that he truly loves while a teenage boy works to keep both himself and the people around him sane as he balances the weight of the situation on his shoulders.
Disclaimer: Thank GOD this is fictional!
Author's Note: This is the second to last chapter! I hope that you have enjoyed this so far!
Dear Tom,
I’m sorry. I don’t know how I can say that any other way, but dear god, I am so, so sorry for bringing you into all of this. My one regret with everything is that I could never be the brother you needed. You have always been the most important thing to me and I wanted so badly to be there for you, but things…they don’t always go the way we want. I don’t want to be cliché and say that if you’re reading this, I’m dead, but it’s true, Tom.
The men that I got myself involved with, they wouldn’t have stopped until I was dead and they would have hurt you to get to me. The only way to ensure that you were safe was to die and I didn’t want to die at their hands, so I’ll die at my own. I know that you don’t want to hear this, that you don’t want to believe, but Tom, it’s for everyone’s well being. I was never a good person and I’d dug myself in too deep to get out.
I can assure that it didn’t hurt me at all, that I wasn’t in any pain and that the last thing on my mind was you. I’m not gone, I’m just not on earth with you anymore. You bet your ass I’m watching from hell, because we both know I can’t make it to heaven. I know that you must feel alone right now, betrayed beyond belief that I’ve left you, but look, Tom, you have a future and I want you to grab hold of that. You’re not alone, because I’ve left you with someone who I know will take care of you. Jack’s a good guy, and I know that he’s not me, but Tom, he’s better than me.
Trust me, Tommy, when I say that I’ve left you with someone who would never, ever let anything bad happen to you, not the way I did. I’ve only spoken to him for a short time, but I know that he wouldn’t let you get hurt, I know that he’ll help you heal. Your life so far has been one terrible thing after another, and this is where that ends. You are going to pick yourself up from this, Tom, and become the amazing young man that you’ve always had the potential to be, an option I never had.
I would give anything to make sure that you have the chance to grow up into a kind, caring, smart gentleman, and at this point, that means my life. I don’t want you to give up, Tom. Don’t make my sacrifice a waste. You can mourn if you like, but not forever. Move past this, go to your university, graduate, and if you like, marry someone, have kids and don’t let your past bring you down. You’ve got something that I never had, you’ve got this kindness about you and I don’t ever want that to leave you.
I love you more than anything in my life, Tom Sykes, and for the love of god, you had better not let anything go to waste. I know that what’s happened in the past and what’s happening right now is all awful, but you can grow from it, become stronger, even if you have to be weak first. Turn to Jack, let him hold you, let him take care of you, but in the end, don’t stop living the life I’ve always wanted for you.
Love forever,
Your brother, Oli
Dear Anyone, Dear Whoever,
He’s gone. My brother is gone. He gave me a letter, well Jack gave me a letter, he sent it to Jack and Jack passed it on, but it’s over. I feel numb. Utterly and completely numb. This is the first time that I’ve been alone all day; Jack’s afraid to leave me by myself, he has been ever since he called the police and gave them the location that Oli left him. They found his body. They want me to go ID it and Jack said that he would take me tomorrow, but to be honest, I’m not sure that I can.
There was a journal with the letter, Jack said that Oli left it when he went away and when Jack gave it to me, I almost killed him. I feel terrible for what I did, but he knew that Oli wasn’t going to come back, he fucking knew it and he didn’t tell me, he just gave me a letter and a journal.
Oli wrote Dear Whoever at the top of all of his entries, he thought that no one was reading so it didn’t matter. I’ve only read the first entry, quite frankly, I’m afraid to read the rest. I have this image of Oli in my mind and I know that because of the events that have been happening recently, that’s not the Oli who truly existed. I’m afraid of the things he may have written, the dark truths that were so much of his life, the ones he worked so hard to keep hidden from me.
On the other hand, he wanted me to have the book, he wanted me to read it, to know the truth, and it would be wrong to ignore his last request. He was my brother, the only person I really had on my side for years, and now he’s gone. He killed himself to protect me and I know that I should be thankful, that I should be glad he gave me a chance to live, but I’m scared. I don’t want to be alone.
He told me in his letter that Jack would take care of me, but how long will it be before Jack doesn’t want me anymore? He won’t care for me forever, no one could ask that of him, not even Oli. I’m scared, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with myself. Oli wanted me to go for the future I had always wanted, the one that he had always wanted for me, and a part of me wants to do that, but another part of me just wants to give up.
It’s like all of a sudden I have nothing left and I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. What am I supposed to do now?
-T.S.
Author: havah24601
Rating: M
Characters: Jack Barakat (All Time Low), Pat Brown (Sing It Loud), Nate Flynn (Sing It Loud), Alex Gaskarth (All Time Low), Zack Merrick (All Time Low), Oli Sykes (Bring Me the Horizon), Tom Sykes
Pairings: Zack Merrick/Alex Gaskarth, Nate Flynn/Pat Brown (other pairings still undetermined)
Warnings: Abuse, violence, psychological torture, kidnap
POV: 1st Person, switches between all characters, as the story is written in journal entries.
Summary: A wealthy 16 year old boy goes missing only six months after a boy who had been presumed dead for over a year turned up unconscious outside of his school, unable to recall the majority of the past 17 months. Another boy tries to reclaim the love that he lost when the first boy disappeared while a fourth boy searches tirelessly to find the first. A young man finds himself growing up too fast, harming others in an attempt to protect the only person that he truly loves while a teenage boy works to keep both himself and the people around him sane as he balances the weight of the situation on his shoulders.
Disclaimer: Thank GOD this is fictional!
Author's Note: This is the second to last chapter! I hope that you have enjoyed this so far!
Dear Tom,
I’m sorry. I don’t know how I can say that any other way, but dear god, I am so, so sorry for bringing you into all of this. My one regret with everything is that I could never be the brother you needed. You have always been the most important thing to me and I wanted so badly to be there for you, but things…they don’t always go the way we want. I don’t want to be cliché and say that if you’re reading this, I’m dead, but it’s true, Tom.
The men that I got myself involved with, they wouldn’t have stopped until I was dead and they would have hurt you to get to me. The only way to ensure that you were safe was to die and I didn’t want to die at their hands, so I’ll die at my own. I know that you don’t want to hear this, that you don’t want to believe, but Tom, it’s for everyone’s well being. I was never a good person and I’d dug myself in too deep to get out.
I can assure that it didn’t hurt me at all, that I wasn’t in any pain and that the last thing on my mind was you. I’m not gone, I’m just not on earth with you anymore. You bet your ass I’m watching from hell, because we both know I can’t make it to heaven. I know that you must feel alone right now, betrayed beyond belief that I’ve left you, but look, Tom, you have a future and I want you to grab hold of that. You’re not alone, because I’ve left you with someone who I know will take care of you. Jack’s a good guy, and I know that he’s not me, but Tom, he’s better than me.
Trust me, Tommy, when I say that I’ve left you with someone who would never, ever let anything bad happen to you, not the way I did. I’ve only spoken to him for a short time, but I know that he wouldn’t let you get hurt, I know that he’ll help you heal. Your life so far has been one terrible thing after another, and this is where that ends. You are going to pick yourself up from this, Tom, and become the amazing young man that you’ve always had the potential to be, an option I never had.
I would give anything to make sure that you have the chance to grow up into a kind, caring, smart gentleman, and at this point, that means my life. I don’t want you to give up, Tom. Don’t make my sacrifice a waste. You can mourn if you like, but not forever. Move past this, go to your university, graduate, and if you like, marry someone, have kids and don’t let your past bring you down. You’ve got something that I never had, you’ve got this kindness about you and I don’t ever want that to leave you.
I love you more than anything in my life, Tom Sykes, and for the love of god, you had better not let anything go to waste. I know that what’s happened in the past and what’s happening right now is all awful, but you can grow from it, become stronger, even if you have to be weak first. Turn to Jack, let him hold you, let him take care of you, but in the end, don’t stop living the life I’ve always wanted for you.
Love forever,
Your brother, Oli
Dear Anyone, Dear Whoever,
He’s gone. My brother is gone. He gave me a letter, well Jack gave me a letter, he sent it to Jack and Jack passed it on, but it’s over. I feel numb. Utterly and completely numb. This is the first time that I’ve been alone all day; Jack’s afraid to leave me by myself, he has been ever since he called the police and gave them the location that Oli left him. They found his body. They want me to go ID it and Jack said that he would take me tomorrow, but to be honest, I’m not sure that I can.
There was a journal with the letter, Jack said that Oli left it when he went away and when Jack gave it to me, I almost killed him. I feel terrible for what I did, but he knew that Oli wasn’t going to come back, he fucking knew it and he didn’t tell me, he just gave me a letter and a journal.
Oli wrote Dear Whoever at the top of all of his entries, he thought that no one was reading so it didn’t matter. I’ve only read the first entry, quite frankly, I’m afraid to read the rest. I have this image of Oli in my mind and I know that because of the events that have been happening recently, that’s not the Oli who truly existed. I’m afraid of the things he may have written, the dark truths that were so much of his life, the ones he worked so hard to keep hidden from me.
On the other hand, he wanted me to have the book, he wanted me to read it, to know the truth, and it would be wrong to ignore his last request. He was my brother, the only person I really had on my side for years, and now he’s gone. He killed himself to protect me and I know that I should be thankful, that I should be glad he gave me a chance to live, but I’m scared. I don’t want to be alone.
He told me in his letter that Jack would take care of me, but how long will it be before Jack doesn’t want me anymore? He won’t care for me forever, no one could ask that of him, not even Oli. I’m scared, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with myself. Oli wanted me to go for the future I had always wanted, the one that he had always wanted for me, and a part of me wants to do that, but another part of me just wants to give up.
It’s like all of a sudden I have nothing left and I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. What am I supposed to do now?
-T.S.