[fic] All of You 1/7
Title: All of You
Pairings: YunJae
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, romance, smut, angst
Chapters: 1/7
Summary: Abandoned by his parents at the age of 6, Jaejoong's life has been nothing but a great downfall. Getting sent to prison might have meant the end to some - but for Jaejoong, it's falling in love with a mystery called Jung Yunho.
A/N: It's been a while since my last chaptered story but here it is~ I will post a new chapter weekly, with two fanarts as usual ^^ This story was inspired by this lovely picture of Jaejoong...
Hope you guys enjoy reading! <3
Chapter 1
By the time the cops had surrounded me I knew it was over. I was riding my motorcycle with a package that seemed to contain something that was about to become my downfall hidden in my back pack, cornered by at least dozen police cars. I was breathing fast, squeezing the handlebar with my both fists, but I had absolutely no chance in escaping. The game was over and I had lost. It had been a good chase.
"Step away, kid!" one the cops shouted when he saw me pondering my options. I could try running, try to make it to the nearest bridge and jump to the water, but the distance was at least a hundred meters and they could easily stop me by shooting me in the leg. I didn't want to end up with a shattered kneecap, so that option was out of the question.
I could also try to speed up the bike and jump over the police cars that had been parked across the road to stop me from crossing the river, but in reality, I could never make it. That only happened in action movies and this was real life. I had no choice but to surrender and so, I lifted both of my hands in the air and got off the motorbike, hoping that the package in my back bag would turn out to actually contain something other than drugs. I didn't know what I was carrying. I never asked questions - that wasn't my policy and it had gotten me far - but this was the end for me.
The cops kept their guns directed at me as they approached me with handcuffs. I didn't have a gun, my bike was my only weapon, so I was pretty much defenseless against them. Somehow they had found out, somehow they had found me.
When the men reached me, grabbed me and pushed me to the asphalt while shouting me my rights, my whole life flashed before my eyes. My eyes were momentarily blinded by the brightness of their headlights as my head collided painfully with the ground and I tasted blood in my mouth. The crushing feeling of defeat filled my heart and took me back to my most painful memory.
My parents had left me at the train station when I had been only 6 years old. I could still remember it like it was yesterday. My mother had kissed my forehead, wrapped her scarf around my shoulders and told me I was to wait in the lobby until she returned. Like the good boy I had been, I sat there, patiently waiting as hours after hours went by. I used to love trains so I wasn't bored. I watched people get on trains, say goodbye to loved ones or just hurry through the bustling crowd with cups of take away coffee. After a few hours a nice lady from the ticket counter came to ask me what I was doing there alone.
I told her I was waiting for my parents to come and get me, but I was so young I didn't notice the worry in her features. She bought me a cup of chocolate milk and a sandwich, and I sat there together with the lady, staring at the giant time table on the wall. She asked me a bunch of questions but I didn't know anything. I didn't know if they had taken a train somewhere or what time they should be arriving - I didn't even have any money on me. By the time the evening came, they had made several announcements for my parents to come fetch me and then, eventually the police had to be called.
I was tired and kept refusing to go with them because my mom had made me promise I would wait there but in the end, I couldn't refuse no longer. I spent the night at the station and from there on, my memory started getting blurry. I remember going to the station every day to sit at the same spot and wait for my mom with a police officer, and they searched for my mom and dad everywhere. Of course there was no luck and at first I believed something bad had happened to them but as I got older, I gradually understood my parents had left me and disappeared completely. My only relative was my grandma who had Alzheimer's and had been locked in an institute ages ago and so, I was sent to foster care.
It didn't work for me - I started to become more and more rebellious as I grew older, and it didn't take me that many years to run away and start making a living on my own. I knew some people who knew people, and got a job delivering packages from one person to another. At first it was small, just delivering stolen items from the seller to the buyer but as I grew older, I got more and more dangerous jobs. I didn't work for any organization - it was just me and I made my own rules, which was something the people who hired me appreciated. I got enough money to rent a small basement apartment. The bike had been given to me by a very powerful customer who's name still remained a mystery.
I didn't know what I was delivering and I didn't care. I hadn't cared until now that I was lying down on the ground, defeated, handcuffed and dragged into a police car. The weight of the world was on my shoulders and for the first time in my life, I felt like dying. Maybe the judge would take pity of my pathetic life and only assign me community service. I sat in the police car, listening as the cops opened my back pack and pulled out the package I had been delivering. Based on the noise they were making, it was something big.
I was simply too afraid to turn around and look, and so, I sat there with the taste of blood in my mouth and my head spinning. I had never been caught before.
"What's your name, kid?" the police officer sitting on the front seat of the car asked me. He looked like catching me was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
"Kim Jaejoong," I replied honestly, mainly because I was a horrible liar.
"Are you aware of the amount of heroin you were carrying?" he continued with a very serious tone. "It's enough to get you locked up for good, kid."
"I was only told to deliver the package," I held my head high and answered him, "I don't ask questions, that's the way I work."
"Who ordered you to deliver the package?"
"An anonymous organization, I wasn't in direct contact with them."
There was a long pause as the police officer spoke to someone through the radio, and told the person on the other line what I had just said to him.
"We don't have a previous record of you," he turned to talk to me again, "How old are you?"
"I just turned nineteen."
"Great, they start even younger these days," the cop mumbled, turning back to the steering wheel and starting the car. Another officer opened the backdoor and sat down next to me, making sure I wasn't going to try anything funny. Like I was ever going to win over two, fairly tall and muscular cops. With my current body weight it would be the same as a fly trying to push over an elephant.
The car started moving and I rested my head against the coolness of the window, forcing myself to remain calm. I knew I wouldn't be put away for that long because I didn't have a criminal record but there was a big chance I would still be sentenced to jail. My 19th birthday had been a little over a week ago, and I was finally an adult in the eyes of society. At this point I would have given anything to be underage again.
"We're going to drop you off at the station where you're going to be questioned," the cop next to me said loud and clear, "Telling the truth will greatly benefit you."
"I don't have anything to hide, I don't know anything," I looked back to meet the officer's eyes and explained to him, "My clients are very skilled in hiding all the evidence that might lead back to them."
"We'll see about that."
I spent the next few days in jail. They took away all my possessions and made me dress in a white t-shirt and sweatpants, gave me my one phone call - which I didn't make because there was no-one to call - and took me to questionings after questionings. I truly didn't know anything so I kept being completely honest. I had been very throughout to ignore and forget all the details that might have proved to be useful for the police, and so, telling the truth was easy.
When the day of my trial arrived, I wasn't nervous. I already knew I wasn't going to get away with nothing and the length of my sentence would depend only on the judge - there was nothing I could do when I had already told everything there was to tell. It was a small, closed function with only a few lawyers, the judge, the clerical officer, and me. For some reason one of the policemen involved in my capture had taken a liking in me and was present as well, and he was also the one who walked me back to my cell after hearing the verdict.
Six months, only six months. I knew I was very lucky.
I didn't tell anyone about having to go to jail because my only two friends were Hyungjoong, who forged documents and ids for a living and was out of country at the time, or my childhood friend Boa I had distanced myself from after running away from my foster family at the age of fifteen.
"Listen Jaejoong," the officer told me on the night before my transfer to prison, "You're young and you still have your whole life to look forward to. This isn't the end, but prison isn't going to be easy."
I nodded, listening closely.
"You're too young and too pretty to walk around without someone to protect you. I suggest you stay close to the guards at all times, they can't help you if you stand out too much or start picking a fight. And even if something bad happens, you always have to tell the guards, okay?"
I hadn't been nervous before my trial but I was completely petrified on the day of my transfer. I had heard so many horror stories from what went on inside prison walls, but I didn't know what part of it was made up just to scare me and what part was actually true. I wasn't exactly weak but my weight was closer to fifty kilograms than a hundred, and in a fight, I could easily be struck down. I had never really gotten into a fight either because my legs had always been fast enough to run away from even the most dangerous situations I had been in, but there was no place to run when locked inside the prison walls. On top of all that, I was gay.
It wasn't that obvious and I was pretty sure nobody knew about it, but other prisoners could be fast to pick it up in that kind of a closed environment. My love life so far had been as non-existent as my relationship with my parents - probably because I had trust issues related to my mother - but I wasn't ready or eager to explore that part of myself just yet. I would have to spent six months pretending I was straight and pretty much act like I didn't exist. I definitely didn't want to attract any unwanted attention. On the night before I had even taken a pair of scissors and cut my hair shorter to appear less feminine.
They made me change from my white jail clothes to the blue clothing of the prison, and took me there by police van. I sat at the back, feeling like my heart was going to stop any beating any moment now from being so nervous. Would I be completely alone for the next six months? Or even worse, would I have a cell mate? Would I have to walk around the yard in circles like they did in the movies, or would I get to choose if I wanted to stay in my cell the whole time and never get out? I could probably pass time by reading as much as possible and staying away from whatever went on in the prison.
I arrived in the afternoon, and was taken in by a few guards that were even bigger than the policemen who had caught me. They guided me to the office where all the necessary documents were signed and everything was explained to me, but I was too nervous to actually process most of the information. When I was finally took to my cell before eating dinner, I was relieved my cell mate wasn't there. He had obviously occupied the upper bunk bed because there were pictures of what seemed to be the guy's family taped to the wall, and a big pile of comic books. I sat down on the lower bed and placed my spare clothes and towels on the blanket next to me. I could finally take a deep breath and try to calm down.
It wasn't as bad as I had imagined. The room was spacier than my old apartment and there was even a fairly large window with a view of the courtyard where prisoners were either sitting in the sun or having what seemed to be a friendly basketball match. I couldn't help but think if one of those men were to become my new roommate for six months, but I had to stop because the thought made me nervous. I hoped to God he wasn't a killer or a rapist, but I would soon find out. I also hoped he wouldn't dislike me because I had taken away his privilege to a private cell.
"So, you're Yunho's new cellmate."
I heard the voice from behind me and turned my head to face the speaker. It was a man, probably a few years older than me, who had long hair that was tied to a ponytail at the back of his head.
"What?" I said dumbly as I stood up from the bed and tried to seem bigger than I was which obviously didn't work. The guy smiled at me like a shark.
"If I were you I'd tiptoe around him," the man explained, still grinning, "He's not really used to having company."
"Good, I'm not either," I stated.
"So, you got caught delivering heroin," the guy continued like he already knew everything about me, "I heard your name's Jaejoong."
"That would be correct."
"I'm Yoochun," he introduced himself and stepped closer to offer me a hand. I didn't take it.
"How do you know all this?"
"I'm fucking one of the guards," he replied like it was no big deal, "His name is Junsu and he's got the sweetest ass."
"Oh," I replied, completely horrified. The first person I was actually speaking with was already talking about everything I was afraid of. If the inmates were even having sex with the guards, what kind of place would this be?
I turned away from the strange man and crossed my arms over my chest.
"I'm not getting involved."
A sudden, loud sound of a bell interrupted our chatting.
"That means it's dinner time," Yoochun kindly explained after seeing the confused look on my face, "Now would you like to eat with me and my cell mate or would you rather be a little bitch and eat by yourself?"
"I'll eat with you guys," I said a little too quickly because going to the cafeteria alone would be even more embarrassing than going with some people who already knew how things worked around here. The faster I could fit in to the crowd, the better it would be.
"Let's go then, I bet Changmin is already keeping us seats."
"Does everyone around here know I arrived today?" I asked while walking beside Yoochun down the stairs to the next floor where the cafeteria was located at. When they arrived to the large dining room, I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I wasn't sure if I was imagining it, but as we walked towards the counter to get our trays, I found it hard to stop myself from rudely staring at other prisoners.
"Pretty much," Yoochun smiled as he lead me towards a table where another, quite young man was sitting with the biggest portion of rice and meat I had probably ever seen. He seemed very tall even though he was sitting down and he was wearing glasses he had pushed to his forehead - probably to avoid getting food on them at least based on the messy way he was consuming his dinner.
"This is Changmin," Yoochun said, and the man in question lifted his gaze to give me an almost undetectable nod. "Changmin, this is Jaejoong."
I sat down opposite of him and nervously took a hold of my chopsticks. I still felt like everyone was staring and it wasn't a very pleasant feeling. Yoochun sat down too, and started talking - which I liked because that meant I wouldn't have to say anything myself.
"Changmin is a hacker. He looks dumb when he eats but he's really a genius," the long haired man told me excitedly, "He got three years for hacking onto the government system but he's a first timer like you. Never been caught before."
"Are you a drug addict?" Changmin lifted his gaze from his dinner that had decreased noticeably. "I don't like drug addicts, they're weak."
"I'm not!" I denied instantly, "I was just transferring the package from place A to place B, I didn't even know what I was carrying."
"Right..." Changmin rolled his eyes like he didn't believe me. "You've got those crazy eyes, I can tell you've been using some-"
"You're a terrible judge in character," Yoochun interrupted the other man, "Jaejoong's far too pretty to be an addict. Look at those rosy cheeks!"
"I can't tell," Changmin shook his head when Yoochun reached over the table and tried to pinch my cheeks. I pulled back and gave him a death glare, but Yoochun only seemed to find it amusing.
"You're going to find him very pretty in... Lets say a year when you've been here long enough."
"I like women! You know those things with breasts?" Changmin almost shouted, causing the people sitting at the table behind us to turn around and stare. I had managed to find the two noisiest and most obnoxious people in the entire cafeteria to sit with, and it definitely didn't belong to my plan.
"Would you guys please keep it down," I tried to say, but the other two completely ignored me and so, I decided to change the subject. "So Yoochun, why are you here?"
"Insurance fraud," he said briefly, "I was in debts and needed to get out, so I burned my house down. It didn't go as well as planned because the apartment next door to mine also caught fire and some people got pretty badly injured."
"What about..." I started, fearing the answer was going to be something I wasn't going to like, "What about him?"
"Yunho?" Yoochun exchanged looks with Changmin before leaning in closer to whisper me,
"He's a murderer."
By the time I had managed to slowly force down my dinner and returned to my cell for the evening, I was completely sure Yunho was going to murder me in my sleep. Yoochun and Changmin had told me that he was strong, got into fights often and didn't really care about anyone else and even though I had never even met him, I was already scared shitless. Why couldn't they have put me together with Changmin, or even Yoochun who's horrible greasiness at least wouldn't turn out to be fatal for me. I liked Changmin - he seemed very smart and normal - where as the stories I had heard about Yunho, made me extremely worried. Living with someone who was in prison for breaking into some government records would be a piece of cake compared to living with a killer.
All of my worst fears came true when I saw the cell wasn't empty. He was lying down on my bed, nose buried into a book and failed to notice my presence on the doorway to our cell. The first thing I noticed where his exceptionally long and beautiful fingers that held the book delicately like it was something very valuable. I stood there for a long moment until he finally lowered the book and turned his eyes on me. The second thing I noticed about him was a tiny mole on the side of his lip. The third thing was that he was absolutely gorgeous.
Changmin and Yoochun had somehow forgotten to mention that Yunho wasn't a creepy, trigger-happy old man, but a young extremely attractive guy. He smiled, and corrected his posture, flashing me a grin of his pearly white teeth. I certainly hadn't been expecting that and for some reason, my knees felt horribly weak.
"Jaejoong?" he called my name softly as I stood there frozen from both shock and sudden lust. He stood up, approached me, and stopped to look down on my shorter body. He carried himself in a certain way that was full of charisma, causing my legs to shake.
"Yes?" I meeped, unsure of what to do. Yunho's eyes were shaped like almonds and his chest was wide and strong like he'd spent a lot of time exercising out on the yard.
"I hope you don't mind that I was looking through your things," he shifted his weight from one foot to another and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his pants. "I had to find out what kind of a guy you were."
"You couldn't wait until I got back from dinner so you could actually ask me in person?" I was surprised how strong my voice came out, but it was probably because I was offended. Yunho didn't seem to care though.
"Oh, I already know everything about you," he said with a syrupy voice, "Inside and out."
"Congratulations," I said dumbly, and once again, folded my arms across my chest to protect me from him. Yunho was standing awfully close, and it both bothered and turned me on.
"You're the lucky one," Yunho laughed and stepped back, leaning against the bunk beds, "No-one's going to disturb you because you're my cell mate. Except me, of course."
"I heard you killed someone," I felt a sudden need to talk back to him, "Why would they put you in together with a minor offender like me?"
"Three years of good behavior," Yunho said proudly and tapped his chest with his fist. "Let's keep it that way."
"Listen, I really just want to keep a low profile and get out when I'm done serving. I really don't want any trouble."
"I can respect that," Yunho said much to my relief, but there was something in his eyes that made me question if he was serious. He turned away and climbed to his own bed and so, I sat down and put the books I had brought with me back to my little box of personal items. Yunho had been reading an old romance novel that had once belonged to my mother (I had received some things after the cops had taken me back to my old home after my parents had abandoned me) and the spread that was opened was a very steamy love scene. I closed the book, blushing slightly, and put everything away under my bed.
I heard heavy breathing from above me - Yunho had luckily fallen asleep - and I layed down on my bed, staring up at the top bunk. Soon the guards came to lock the doors and make sure everyone was in, but I wasn't even close to sleeping. It was late, and some distant snoring coming from the other side of the hall was making it even harder to close my eyes and stop thinking. The fact that Yunho was so gorgeous made me even more afraid, both for my safety and sanity. I lied awake, thinking about having to change my clothes and using the small bathroom stall in our cell in his presence, and the mere thought made my stomach turn with stress.
The next thing I thought about was the complete opposite. What if Yunho was going to change his clothes in front of me, how would I react? What if I got a huge boner and Yunho noticed it, and what if... I had to physically shake my head to get those thoughts out of my head. Out of all the bad ideas I'd had in my life, the worst idea was to even think about having feelings for someone who was probably sitting a life sentence for murder. Was it even normal to be so attracted to a killer? What if he had killed several people? I didn't really know that much about him. All my information was based on what Yoochun and Changmin had told me earlier, and it could all be hearsay for all I knew.
I spent at least a good few hours thinking until my head hurt. The sound of Yunho's heavy breathing had stopped but I didn't realize he was awake until I felt the bed move. He threw his legs over the edge and completely silently, lowered his body down to the ground. He was wearing a white tank top and underwear, giving me the full view of his very toned and muscular body. I turned my head away in fear, sure about the fact that he was going to rape me or worse.
"Can't sleep?" he asked softly and even though I was facing the other way I felt his eyes on me. I was suddenly very aware of how the blanket had slipped down and revealed my barely clothed form to him and stayed still, until I realized I was acting like an idiot. I turned my head and rolled to my back, meeting his gaze. God, I had such a hard time keeping my eyes off his body.
"The first night is always the worst," Yunho said kindly and sat down on my bed. I almost gasped in horror, pulling my blanket up like it would protect me from him - which was utterly childish and stupid.
"Don't worry, I'm not into that shit," he continued and while I was wondering what that shit meant, he dug up something from under my mattress. It was a small joint and before I had managed to process the information, Yunho had pulled out a lighter and inhaled a big lungful of smoke.
"It'll help you relax," he said before letting the smoke out through his nostrils.
"Help me relax for what?" I asked suspiciously but pushed myself up to a sitting position. Yunho handed me the joint and gave me a pointed look.
"I'm not going to rape you or anything, I told you I'm not into that shit," he repeated and observed me closely as I slowly sucked in the sweet scented smoke. I held the smoke inside my lungs for a moment and passed the joint back to him while slowly exhaling.
"You have no idea what I had to do to get this," Yunho grinned while smoking and passing again to me, "I figured I would share it with you to make sure you won't tell no-one."
"Did you have to suck someone off?" I asked, completely serious. Yunho gave me a deadpan look and then, exploded in laughter. He covered his face with his hand and shook with amusement, trying to cover the sound with his palm. I started laughing too, and suddenly, I felt like I was back in high school sleeping over at a friend's house, smoking blunts in secret, and things started looking that much funnier.
Yunho's laughter was so out of control I couldn't help but laugh with him. He threw the remains of the smoked joint to the bathroom and returned to my bed side, almost crying from laughing too hard.
"Oh man, you should have seen your face!"
"Aren't you afraid of getting caught?" I managed to ask, wiping tears of laughter from my eyes and the other man shook his head, seemingly relaxed.
"I'm already going to be stuck here for years, a couple more months aren't going to feel like anything," Yunho said like it wasn't a big deal, and climbed back up to his own bed.
I lied down again, closing my eyes and breathing in deeply. I was totally high but at least I felt good - and it was all thanks to Yunho. Was he trying to lull me into a false sense of security or was he genuinely trying to be nice? He didn't seem that much older than me, so he could probably still remember what it had felt like to be sentenced to prison. Who exactly had he killed and how had he done it? Was there a good reason? Maybe it would just be for the better for me to accept things as they were, and try to act like him being a murderer didn't bother me.
I pulled the blanket up to my chin and turned to my side to get more comfortable before I whispered a quiet thank you.
Yunho didn't say anything back but I knew he had heard it.
Free Hit Counter
Pairings: YunJae
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, romance, smut, angst
Chapters: 1/7
Summary: Abandoned by his parents at the age of 6, Jaejoong's life has been nothing but a great downfall. Getting sent to prison might have meant the end to some - but for Jaejoong, it's falling in love with a mystery called Jung Yunho.
A/N: It's been a while since my last chaptered story but here it is~ I will post a new chapter weekly, with two fanarts as usual ^^ This story was inspired by this lovely picture of Jaejoong...
Hope you guys enjoy reading! <3
Chapter 1
By the time the cops had surrounded me I knew it was over. I was riding my motorcycle with a package that seemed to contain something that was about to become my downfall hidden in my back pack, cornered by at least dozen police cars. I was breathing fast, squeezing the handlebar with my both fists, but I had absolutely no chance in escaping. The game was over and I had lost. It had been a good chase.
"Step away, kid!" one the cops shouted when he saw me pondering my options. I could try running, try to make it to the nearest bridge and jump to the water, but the distance was at least a hundred meters and they could easily stop me by shooting me in the leg. I didn't want to end up with a shattered kneecap, so that option was out of the question.
I could also try to speed up the bike and jump over the police cars that had been parked across the road to stop me from crossing the river, but in reality, I could never make it. That only happened in action movies and this was real life. I had no choice but to surrender and so, I lifted both of my hands in the air and got off the motorbike, hoping that the package in my back bag would turn out to actually contain something other than drugs. I didn't know what I was carrying. I never asked questions - that wasn't my policy and it had gotten me far - but this was the end for me.
The cops kept their guns directed at me as they approached me with handcuffs. I didn't have a gun, my bike was my only weapon, so I was pretty much defenseless against them. Somehow they had found out, somehow they had found me.
When the men reached me, grabbed me and pushed me to the asphalt while shouting me my rights, my whole life flashed before my eyes. My eyes were momentarily blinded by the brightness of their headlights as my head collided painfully with the ground and I tasted blood in my mouth. The crushing feeling of defeat filled my heart and took me back to my most painful memory.
My parents had left me at the train station when I had been only 6 years old. I could still remember it like it was yesterday. My mother had kissed my forehead, wrapped her scarf around my shoulders and told me I was to wait in the lobby until she returned. Like the good boy I had been, I sat there, patiently waiting as hours after hours went by. I used to love trains so I wasn't bored. I watched people get on trains, say goodbye to loved ones or just hurry through the bustling crowd with cups of take away coffee. After a few hours a nice lady from the ticket counter came to ask me what I was doing there alone.
I told her I was waiting for my parents to come and get me, but I was so young I didn't notice the worry in her features. She bought me a cup of chocolate milk and a sandwich, and I sat there together with the lady, staring at the giant time table on the wall. She asked me a bunch of questions but I didn't know anything. I didn't know if they had taken a train somewhere or what time they should be arriving - I didn't even have any money on me. By the time the evening came, they had made several announcements for my parents to come fetch me and then, eventually the police had to be called.
I was tired and kept refusing to go with them because my mom had made me promise I would wait there but in the end, I couldn't refuse no longer. I spent the night at the station and from there on, my memory started getting blurry. I remember going to the station every day to sit at the same spot and wait for my mom with a police officer, and they searched for my mom and dad everywhere. Of course there was no luck and at first I believed something bad had happened to them but as I got older, I gradually understood my parents had left me and disappeared completely. My only relative was my grandma who had Alzheimer's and had been locked in an institute ages ago and so, I was sent to foster care.
It didn't work for me - I started to become more and more rebellious as I grew older, and it didn't take me that many years to run away and start making a living on my own. I knew some people who knew people, and got a job delivering packages from one person to another. At first it was small, just delivering stolen items from the seller to the buyer but as I grew older, I got more and more dangerous jobs. I didn't work for any organization - it was just me and I made my own rules, which was something the people who hired me appreciated. I got enough money to rent a small basement apartment. The bike had been given to me by a very powerful customer who's name still remained a mystery.
I didn't know what I was delivering and I didn't care. I hadn't cared until now that I was lying down on the ground, defeated, handcuffed and dragged into a police car. The weight of the world was on my shoulders and for the first time in my life, I felt like dying. Maybe the judge would take pity of my pathetic life and only assign me community service. I sat in the police car, listening as the cops opened my back pack and pulled out the package I had been delivering. Based on the noise they were making, it was something big.
I was simply too afraid to turn around and look, and so, I sat there with the taste of blood in my mouth and my head spinning. I had never been caught before.
"What's your name, kid?" the police officer sitting on the front seat of the car asked me. He looked like catching me was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
"Kim Jaejoong," I replied honestly, mainly because I was a horrible liar.
"Are you aware of the amount of heroin you were carrying?" he continued with a very serious tone. "It's enough to get you locked up for good, kid."
"I was only told to deliver the package," I held my head high and answered him, "I don't ask questions, that's the way I work."
"Who ordered you to deliver the package?"
"An anonymous organization, I wasn't in direct contact with them."
There was a long pause as the police officer spoke to someone through the radio, and told the person on the other line what I had just said to him.
"We don't have a previous record of you," he turned to talk to me again, "How old are you?"
"I just turned nineteen."
"Great, they start even younger these days," the cop mumbled, turning back to the steering wheel and starting the car. Another officer opened the backdoor and sat down next to me, making sure I wasn't going to try anything funny. Like I was ever going to win over two, fairly tall and muscular cops. With my current body weight it would be the same as a fly trying to push over an elephant.
The car started moving and I rested my head against the coolness of the window, forcing myself to remain calm. I knew I wouldn't be put away for that long because I didn't have a criminal record but there was a big chance I would still be sentenced to jail. My 19th birthday had been a little over a week ago, and I was finally an adult in the eyes of society. At this point I would have given anything to be underage again.
"We're going to drop you off at the station where you're going to be questioned," the cop next to me said loud and clear, "Telling the truth will greatly benefit you."
"I don't have anything to hide, I don't know anything," I looked back to meet the officer's eyes and explained to him, "My clients are very skilled in hiding all the evidence that might lead back to them."
"We'll see about that."
I spent the next few days in jail. They took away all my possessions and made me dress in a white t-shirt and sweatpants, gave me my one phone call - which I didn't make because there was no-one to call - and took me to questionings after questionings. I truly didn't know anything so I kept being completely honest. I had been very throughout to ignore and forget all the details that might have proved to be useful for the police, and so, telling the truth was easy.
When the day of my trial arrived, I wasn't nervous. I already knew I wasn't going to get away with nothing and the length of my sentence would depend only on the judge - there was nothing I could do when I had already told everything there was to tell. It was a small, closed function with only a few lawyers, the judge, the clerical officer, and me. For some reason one of the policemen involved in my capture had taken a liking in me and was present as well, and he was also the one who walked me back to my cell after hearing the verdict.
Six months, only six months. I knew I was very lucky.
I didn't tell anyone about having to go to jail because my only two friends were Hyungjoong, who forged documents and ids for a living and was out of country at the time, or my childhood friend Boa I had distanced myself from after running away from my foster family at the age of fifteen.
"Listen Jaejoong," the officer told me on the night before my transfer to prison, "You're young and you still have your whole life to look forward to. This isn't the end, but prison isn't going to be easy."
I nodded, listening closely.
"You're too young and too pretty to walk around without someone to protect you. I suggest you stay close to the guards at all times, they can't help you if you stand out too much or start picking a fight. And even if something bad happens, you always have to tell the guards, okay?"
I hadn't been nervous before my trial but I was completely petrified on the day of my transfer. I had heard so many horror stories from what went on inside prison walls, but I didn't know what part of it was made up just to scare me and what part was actually true. I wasn't exactly weak but my weight was closer to fifty kilograms than a hundred, and in a fight, I could easily be struck down. I had never really gotten into a fight either because my legs had always been fast enough to run away from even the most dangerous situations I had been in, but there was no place to run when locked inside the prison walls. On top of all that, I was gay.
It wasn't that obvious and I was pretty sure nobody knew about it, but other prisoners could be fast to pick it up in that kind of a closed environment. My love life so far had been as non-existent as my relationship with my parents - probably because I had trust issues related to my mother - but I wasn't ready or eager to explore that part of myself just yet. I would have to spent six months pretending I was straight and pretty much act like I didn't exist. I definitely didn't want to attract any unwanted attention. On the night before I had even taken a pair of scissors and cut my hair shorter to appear less feminine.
They made me change from my white jail clothes to the blue clothing of the prison, and took me there by police van. I sat at the back, feeling like my heart was going to stop any beating any moment now from being so nervous. Would I be completely alone for the next six months? Or even worse, would I have a cell mate? Would I have to walk around the yard in circles like they did in the movies, or would I get to choose if I wanted to stay in my cell the whole time and never get out? I could probably pass time by reading as much as possible and staying away from whatever went on in the prison.
I arrived in the afternoon, and was taken in by a few guards that were even bigger than the policemen who had caught me. They guided me to the office where all the necessary documents were signed and everything was explained to me, but I was too nervous to actually process most of the information. When I was finally took to my cell before eating dinner, I was relieved my cell mate wasn't there. He had obviously occupied the upper bunk bed because there were pictures of what seemed to be the guy's family taped to the wall, and a big pile of comic books. I sat down on the lower bed and placed my spare clothes and towels on the blanket next to me. I could finally take a deep breath and try to calm down.
It wasn't as bad as I had imagined. The room was spacier than my old apartment and there was even a fairly large window with a view of the courtyard where prisoners were either sitting in the sun or having what seemed to be a friendly basketball match. I couldn't help but think if one of those men were to become my new roommate for six months, but I had to stop because the thought made me nervous. I hoped to God he wasn't a killer or a rapist, but I would soon find out. I also hoped he wouldn't dislike me because I had taken away his privilege to a private cell.
"So, you're Yunho's new cellmate."
I heard the voice from behind me and turned my head to face the speaker. It was a man, probably a few years older than me, who had long hair that was tied to a ponytail at the back of his head.
"What?" I said dumbly as I stood up from the bed and tried to seem bigger than I was which obviously didn't work. The guy smiled at me like a shark.
"If I were you I'd tiptoe around him," the man explained, still grinning, "He's not really used to having company."
"Good, I'm not either," I stated.
"So, you got caught delivering heroin," the guy continued like he already knew everything about me, "I heard your name's Jaejoong."
"That would be correct."
"I'm Yoochun," he introduced himself and stepped closer to offer me a hand. I didn't take it.
"How do you know all this?"
"I'm fucking one of the guards," he replied like it was no big deal, "His name is Junsu and he's got the sweetest ass."
"Oh," I replied, completely horrified. The first person I was actually speaking with was already talking about everything I was afraid of. If the inmates were even having sex with the guards, what kind of place would this be?
I turned away from the strange man and crossed my arms over my chest.
"I'm not getting involved."
A sudden, loud sound of a bell interrupted our chatting.
"That means it's dinner time," Yoochun kindly explained after seeing the confused look on my face, "Now would you like to eat with me and my cell mate or would you rather be a little bitch and eat by yourself?"
"I'll eat with you guys," I said a little too quickly because going to the cafeteria alone would be even more embarrassing than going with some people who already knew how things worked around here. The faster I could fit in to the crowd, the better it would be.
"Let's go then, I bet Changmin is already keeping us seats."
"Does everyone around here know I arrived today?" I asked while walking beside Yoochun down the stairs to the next floor where the cafeteria was located at. When they arrived to the large dining room, I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I wasn't sure if I was imagining it, but as we walked towards the counter to get our trays, I found it hard to stop myself from rudely staring at other prisoners.
"Pretty much," Yoochun smiled as he lead me towards a table where another, quite young man was sitting with the biggest portion of rice and meat I had probably ever seen. He seemed very tall even though he was sitting down and he was wearing glasses he had pushed to his forehead - probably to avoid getting food on them at least based on the messy way he was consuming his dinner.
"This is Changmin," Yoochun said, and the man in question lifted his gaze to give me an almost undetectable nod. "Changmin, this is Jaejoong."
I sat down opposite of him and nervously took a hold of my chopsticks. I still felt like everyone was staring and it wasn't a very pleasant feeling. Yoochun sat down too, and started talking - which I liked because that meant I wouldn't have to say anything myself.
"Changmin is a hacker. He looks dumb when he eats but he's really a genius," the long haired man told me excitedly, "He got three years for hacking onto the government system but he's a first timer like you. Never been caught before."
"Are you a drug addict?" Changmin lifted his gaze from his dinner that had decreased noticeably. "I don't like drug addicts, they're weak."
"I'm not!" I denied instantly, "I was just transferring the package from place A to place B, I didn't even know what I was carrying."
"Right..." Changmin rolled his eyes like he didn't believe me. "You've got those crazy eyes, I can tell you've been using some-"
"You're a terrible judge in character," Yoochun interrupted the other man, "Jaejoong's far too pretty to be an addict. Look at those rosy cheeks!"
"I can't tell," Changmin shook his head when Yoochun reached over the table and tried to pinch my cheeks. I pulled back and gave him a death glare, but Yoochun only seemed to find it amusing.
"You're going to find him very pretty in... Lets say a year when you've been here long enough."
"I like women! You know those things with breasts?" Changmin almost shouted, causing the people sitting at the table behind us to turn around and stare. I had managed to find the two noisiest and most obnoxious people in the entire cafeteria to sit with, and it definitely didn't belong to my plan.
"Would you guys please keep it down," I tried to say, but the other two completely ignored me and so, I decided to change the subject. "So Yoochun, why are you here?"
"Insurance fraud," he said briefly, "I was in debts and needed to get out, so I burned my house down. It didn't go as well as planned because the apartment next door to mine also caught fire and some people got pretty badly injured."
"What about..." I started, fearing the answer was going to be something I wasn't going to like, "What about him?"
"Yunho?" Yoochun exchanged looks with Changmin before leaning in closer to whisper me,
"He's a murderer."
By the time I had managed to slowly force down my dinner and returned to my cell for the evening, I was completely sure Yunho was going to murder me in my sleep. Yoochun and Changmin had told me that he was strong, got into fights often and didn't really care about anyone else and even though I had never even met him, I was already scared shitless. Why couldn't they have put me together with Changmin, or even Yoochun who's horrible greasiness at least wouldn't turn out to be fatal for me. I liked Changmin - he seemed very smart and normal - where as the stories I had heard about Yunho, made me extremely worried. Living with someone who was in prison for breaking into some government records would be a piece of cake compared to living with a killer.
All of my worst fears came true when I saw the cell wasn't empty. He was lying down on my bed, nose buried into a book and failed to notice my presence on the doorway to our cell. The first thing I noticed where his exceptionally long and beautiful fingers that held the book delicately like it was something very valuable. I stood there for a long moment until he finally lowered the book and turned his eyes on me. The second thing I noticed about him was a tiny mole on the side of his lip. The third thing was that he was absolutely gorgeous.
Changmin and Yoochun had somehow forgotten to mention that Yunho wasn't a creepy, trigger-happy old man, but a young extremely attractive guy. He smiled, and corrected his posture, flashing me a grin of his pearly white teeth. I certainly hadn't been expecting that and for some reason, my knees felt horribly weak.
"Jaejoong?" he called my name softly as I stood there frozen from both shock and sudden lust. He stood up, approached me, and stopped to look down on my shorter body. He carried himself in a certain way that was full of charisma, causing my legs to shake.
"Yes?" I meeped, unsure of what to do. Yunho's eyes were shaped like almonds and his chest was wide and strong like he'd spent a lot of time exercising out on the yard.
"I hope you don't mind that I was looking through your things," he shifted his weight from one foot to another and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his pants. "I had to find out what kind of a guy you were."
"You couldn't wait until I got back from dinner so you could actually ask me in person?" I was surprised how strong my voice came out, but it was probably because I was offended. Yunho didn't seem to care though.
"Oh, I already know everything about you," he said with a syrupy voice, "Inside and out."
"Congratulations," I said dumbly, and once again, folded my arms across my chest to protect me from him. Yunho was standing awfully close, and it both bothered and turned me on.
"You're the lucky one," Yunho laughed and stepped back, leaning against the bunk beds, "No-one's going to disturb you because you're my cell mate. Except me, of course."
"I heard you killed someone," I felt a sudden need to talk back to him, "Why would they put you in together with a minor offender like me?"
"Three years of good behavior," Yunho said proudly and tapped his chest with his fist. "Let's keep it that way."
"Listen, I really just want to keep a low profile and get out when I'm done serving. I really don't want any trouble."
"I can respect that," Yunho said much to my relief, but there was something in his eyes that made me question if he was serious. He turned away and climbed to his own bed and so, I sat down and put the books I had brought with me back to my little box of personal items. Yunho had been reading an old romance novel that had once belonged to my mother (I had received some things after the cops had taken me back to my old home after my parents had abandoned me) and the spread that was opened was a very steamy love scene. I closed the book, blushing slightly, and put everything away under my bed.
I heard heavy breathing from above me - Yunho had luckily fallen asleep - and I layed down on my bed, staring up at the top bunk. Soon the guards came to lock the doors and make sure everyone was in, but I wasn't even close to sleeping. It was late, and some distant snoring coming from the other side of the hall was making it even harder to close my eyes and stop thinking. The fact that Yunho was so gorgeous made me even more afraid, both for my safety and sanity. I lied awake, thinking about having to change my clothes and using the small bathroom stall in our cell in his presence, and the mere thought made my stomach turn with stress.
The next thing I thought about was the complete opposite. What if Yunho was going to change his clothes in front of me, how would I react? What if I got a huge boner and Yunho noticed it, and what if... I had to physically shake my head to get those thoughts out of my head. Out of all the bad ideas I'd had in my life, the worst idea was to even think about having feelings for someone who was probably sitting a life sentence for murder. Was it even normal to be so attracted to a killer? What if he had killed several people? I didn't really know that much about him. All my information was based on what Yoochun and Changmin had told me earlier, and it could all be hearsay for all I knew.
I spent at least a good few hours thinking until my head hurt. The sound of Yunho's heavy breathing had stopped but I didn't realize he was awake until I felt the bed move. He threw his legs over the edge and completely silently, lowered his body down to the ground. He was wearing a white tank top and underwear, giving me the full view of his very toned and muscular body. I turned my head away in fear, sure about the fact that he was going to rape me or worse.
"Can't sleep?" he asked softly and even though I was facing the other way I felt his eyes on me. I was suddenly very aware of how the blanket had slipped down and revealed my barely clothed form to him and stayed still, until I realized I was acting like an idiot. I turned my head and rolled to my back, meeting his gaze. God, I had such a hard time keeping my eyes off his body.
"The first night is always the worst," Yunho said kindly and sat down on my bed. I almost gasped in horror, pulling my blanket up like it would protect me from him - which was utterly childish and stupid.
"Don't worry, I'm not into that shit," he continued and while I was wondering what that shit meant, he dug up something from under my mattress. It was a small joint and before I had managed to process the information, Yunho had pulled out a lighter and inhaled a big lungful of smoke.
"It'll help you relax," he said before letting the smoke out through his nostrils.
"Help me relax for what?" I asked suspiciously but pushed myself up to a sitting position. Yunho handed me the joint and gave me a pointed look.
"I'm not going to rape you or anything, I told you I'm not into that shit," he repeated and observed me closely as I slowly sucked in the sweet scented smoke. I held the smoke inside my lungs for a moment and passed the joint back to him while slowly exhaling.
"You have no idea what I had to do to get this," Yunho grinned while smoking and passing again to me, "I figured I would share it with you to make sure you won't tell no-one."
"Did you have to suck someone off?" I asked, completely serious. Yunho gave me a deadpan look and then, exploded in laughter. He covered his face with his hand and shook with amusement, trying to cover the sound with his palm. I started laughing too, and suddenly, I felt like I was back in high school sleeping over at a friend's house, smoking blunts in secret, and things started looking that much funnier.
Yunho's laughter was so out of control I couldn't help but laugh with him. He threw the remains of the smoked joint to the bathroom and returned to my bed side, almost crying from laughing too hard.
"Oh man, you should have seen your face!"
"Aren't you afraid of getting caught?" I managed to ask, wiping tears of laughter from my eyes and the other man shook his head, seemingly relaxed.
"I'm already going to be stuck here for years, a couple more months aren't going to feel like anything," Yunho said like it wasn't a big deal, and climbed back up to his own bed.
I lied down again, closing my eyes and breathing in deeply. I was totally high but at least I felt good - and it was all thanks to Yunho. Was he trying to lull me into a false sense of security or was he genuinely trying to be nice? He didn't seem that much older than me, so he could probably still remember what it had felt like to be sentenced to prison. Who exactly had he killed and how had he done it? Was there a good reason? Maybe it would just be for the better for me to accept things as they were, and try to act like him being a murderer didn't bother me.
I pulled the blanket up to my chin and turned to my side to get more comfortable before I whispered a quiet thank you.
Yunho didn't say anything back but I knew he had heard it.
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