Ueda's memory [Chapter III _ Part one]
Title: Ueda's memory [chapter III]
Author: Haruna
Genre: Angst, Tragedy, Romance, Friendship
Pairing: TaNaka, KoKame (main), JunDa, AkaMe, JinRu (friendship/onesided)
Rating: R/NC-17 (On some chapters)
Summary: When You relized your friend is hiding somethinf from you, maybe you're too late...
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Just the plot, if I own one of them you should call me Mrs. KoKameRuNishiJunDa!! X
Note - still un-beta-ed gomen!!!
I can't stand this place Yucchi!
Why did you end up here?
I really hate this, it smells of sadness, loneliness and... Death... I don't like to visit you here.
Gomen... It's a long time since I came and I'm complaining so much.
I miss you... I miss you so badly I'm hating myself. I'm quite sure you want to know why...
Well let me seat here for a little, I'm tired of work and I have a lot to say to you.
Yucchi when you left us without saying a word, our, my world stopped. I know you did it to protect us from sorrow, but sadness reached us, maybe more than what you expected.
Our world was Nakamaru centric, even if we weren't aware of it.
You were the one who knew us better, the one who was able to tie us together, the mood maker, you were always able to say the right words in the right time...
It hurts Yucchi... The choice you made, leaving me behind out of your life and problems, hurts so much I can't not cry when I think about you.
Why Yucchi? We were best friends...I could have helped if only you gave me a chance.
Why have you always been so careless when it came to your own problems and health?
You've always been in first line to help us, but you held back when YOU were the one who should have stopped and rest a little.
Do you know?
You were damn selfish... You chose this path without asking us, without letting us help you, and I can't forgive you for this. It's unfair... Because you can't answer back, you can't ask me to forgive you... This sucks Yucchi.
Now it seems like I hate you, but really this isn't the truth. It's just that I miss you very badly...
Yesterday I went to the lavender fields where we went together before you disappeared.
Junno came with me, but it wasn't like when you were there with me...
Yucchi that was our special place... I can't go there with someone different from you.
Ahahah Probably now I'm talking like a lover, well I can't image my life without Junno, but that was definitely our place. Mine and my best friend's place...
It was so sad Yucchi... No flowers, no plants... Everything was dead and cold. I know, it's because right now we are in winter but... Somehow I felt so empty, that's why I came here to talk a little with you.
I remember that day... I still dream it. I was so worried about you, and you took me to the lavender fields to reassure me, I fell in you trick.
Damn.. You have always known me so well, and I?
I thought I knew you too, but I let you go away, I didn't figure out in time how serious your situation was.
I'm sorry Yucchi...
Everyone is trying his hardest, and I'm doing my best as their "new" leader, but I'm not good enough, nobody can replace you..
I've come to think that you arranged things so everyone of us would have someone by his side when you decided to leave.
Baka... You 've always been too much caring.
Aaah... I have something for you, even if you don't deserve it at all.
Well... Look, these were really hard to find but I did it!
Lavender flowers, you favourites, and well... I brought some Lilies too, I'm mad at you, but you're still the dearest friend I've ever had.
Yuichi... I want you back.
Everyone says I'm stubborn, that I'm not accepting the reality, but I want you back, no matter what.
I'm begging you... Let's walk on the stages together again...
********
The week was ended, time to go back to work.
Even though he rested and slept a lot he wasn't feeling better at all.
“Geez.. Maybe I still have a little flu” sighed Maru on the way work.
KAT-TUN will leave that day for a short Summer Tour, this year they will perform only in July, because finally everyone was able to debut with a solo concert.
The leader was so proud of his band mates, they did it!
They were at the top and they will finally walk on their own feet.
This thought was the only thing which could make him bear the sorrow that was slowly consuming his soul.
It didn't take so long and the tall guy reached the meeting place.
He got off the subway and leaded towards the building where KAT-TUN will meet. He stepped in the hall and recognized some staff members. As the polite man he was he greeted them and took the elevator.
Suddenly everything seemed so strange, as something will happen quickly.
Maru felt shivers running down his spine and winced for a moment. He didn't pay attention to that sensation and stepped in the room where he gladly find everyone.
“Ohayou minna!!”
The other guys turned towards him, they didn't hear his steps and looked at him surprised.
Something was definitely wrong with him.
Just a week ago he was the portrait of sadness and now? Now he was standing on the door with his usual huge and bright smile placed on his face.
“Yucchi...” whispered Ueda still in a sort of shock.
Just some days ago, along with Jin, Kame and Junno, he realized that their leader was not in his usual form. He was forcing himself to smile and act happy, but that day he was surprisingly in a good mood.
The four guys squinted their eyes almost in synchrony and looked at him.
“Na-nani? Minna... You're scaring me... Are you all right?”
A puzzled expression took place on Maru's face, the brunette was confused about what was wrong with his friends.
He entered the room and stopped right in front of Ueda.
“Tat-chan? Diajoubu?” he was really worried and, leaving his bag on the ground, rose his hand and checked the smaller guy's forehead, thinking he could have a fever.
“Did I infected you guys with my flu?”
Ueda pulled himself together and moved, a little too harshly, Maru's hand from his forehead.
“Yucchi stop this act I should ask you if you are all right!”
Maru was really confused now and looked at him with wide open eyes, placed his hands on Ueda's shoulders and asked
“What's wrong Tat-chan? It was just a flu, I'm okay now.”
“Stop the act Yucchi, I can't stand it - he released his body from the other's hold- it's more than a month that you are forcing yourself. We are a group and we need to solve this kind of problems ALL together”
Just for a second Yucchi's sadness came back, all together, suffocating him, he held it back again, as he used to for the last three month and smiled the more serene he could.
Maru patted friendly Ueda's shoulder and reassured everyone.
“Minna don't worry, the doctor said the flu was latent, that's why I was always tired and in a bad mood. - he walked in the centre of the room and bowed - Gomen, I worried you all. I'm sorry”
Everybody was surprised by the current scene, it wasn't so easily to see he bow so deeply. Even if he was a polite and respectful person he had a string pride, especially since when he became the leader.
Maru walked closer to Ueda and grabbed his bag, whispering him something
“I'll explain later, let's just leave now...”
The smaller guy nodded, satisfied that finally Maru will give him an explanation.
KAT-TUN were ready to leave for their short summer tour. They got in the van and it started, their last tour before their solo debuts, their last tour together with him....
********
Since the tour was short they had a hard time, a total of 25 dates in 30 days, held in 10 different cities. Even if they were used to long live sessions this was the hardest for them.
Finally the last concert night was almost over, the audience was going crazy, KAT-TUN were tired but satisfied.
The last song claimed by the fans was RESCUE, Maru was happy about that, in the end it was his dorama opening. He was tired, his chest was hurting more then the other days, he thought it was because of the cough he still had after the flu.
They went to the dressing room to change into RESCUE PV clothes and he took some medicines, Ueda saw him and noticed how pale his friend was.
“Yucchi... Are you all right?”
The other just nodded and smiled a little, obliviously he wasn't okay, Ueda knew it.
“You still owe me an explanation” added a little sour.
“Later Tat-chan, this is the last performing day” said the leader firm and dragging Ueda with him walked on the stage back.
******
“I will give my all in this last song”
I remember when you said it... That really was your last song. I can't believe it was the last time we had so much fun together.
When I recall what happened later I still feel the fear, the concern...
******
Summer tour was officially over, KAT-TUN were happy, satisfied and well, exhausted. The six guys were laying on the floor of their changing room, every single muscle of their body was aching, no one had the strength to stand up and celebrate their great success; but suddenly Maru stood up, the unpleasant urge of vomit possessed him along with a terrible burden pressing his chest. He run towards the toilette as fast as he could, for what his tired body allowed him to.
“What's with Yucchi?” blabbed Jin, unable to move a single muscle.
“Dunno..” replied a cold Koki, who was laying next to Kame. The youngest guy looked at his lover with incredulous eyes. Not long time before he would have gathered all his last energies and run after his friend, to check his conditions. Definitely there was something wrong with him.
“Maybe he's feeling sick, I'll go to check over him” Kame stood up with fatigue and walked towards the exit, but Ueda stopped him.
“I'll go”
The younger guy looked at him with a puzzled face, he didn't understand why suddenly Ueda stopped him, he just blabbed a positive response and sat back on the floor.
Everyone thought something was wrong with them, with them all.
Jin and Kame weren't talking to each other really much, Koki seemed like hating Maru, and this last one was acting in the strangest way.
Jin knew he was taking medicines secretly from the others and when he tried to face the other and have a proper speech, their leader just shut him up saying he was the older, and that Jin should have more respect of his private life. Then he didn't try to ask anything more.
In the room a heavy silence fell on the guys, sure they were tired, but there was a time when even if they were totally worn out they laughed about each other mistakes or they counted how many girls fainted when they touched their hands.. But this seemed to happen ages ago...
******
“Urgh... I can't handle this longer” blabbed Maru coming back from the bathroom.
This last month has been too tiring for him. He was worried about his health too. The burden and the pain in his chest worsen day after day. Vomit episodes too, everyday they increased in number and intensity. Maru's mind was filled with worried thoughts, he was walking back to the changing room slowly, and suddenly he felt strong and piercing pains in his chest. Maru stopped, leant against the corridor wall, looking for a firm backing; his legs became weak, his sight was foggy, his throat dried up, he recognized that sensation very well, quickly his breath shortened and felt his legs weaker then before, he let his weight leaning on the wall and slowly slid down on the ground.
He squeezed tightly the flesh above his heart and felt how his senses slowly left him, out of consciousness, fainted on the floor.
[N/A: Hello Minna! I'm sorry about this short chapter... I'm not satisfied again sighs I'm running out of time, on Sept 7th there'll be university entrance exam and I'm trying to study... but there too many things that distract me... Luckly I have my loved TaNaka angsty fic that helps me ;)
For the same reason though I just wrote the first part of chapter III... Gomen >_< I'll update after the exam!! Pinky promise!! See you soon my dear reader and friends! ^__^
I'll miss you! Jya- Haru!]