Force-feeding

[haru_kurofai]

Time for some KuroFai fanfic lol
This plot has been plaguing me for days!! <333
Can't believe I wrote this (around 2200 words) in 2 hours XDDD
Wish I wrote my dissertation with half that speed.... m(_ _)m

Title: Force-feeding
Author: haru_kurofai
Pairings: Kurogane x Fai
Warnings: Angtsy KuroFai smex in Infinity
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Spoilers for

Comments

[lunahonou]

i love how Fai is lost by Kuro-sama's gentleness with him <3
but the one that had the most impact to me was Kurogane's words at the last line... the "Open your heart" thing <3

it's so fitting :3
nice job >3 *thumbs up*

[haru_kurofai]

I was lost in Kuro-sama's gentleness when I was writing it too XDDD
"Open your heart".. I was really pleased with this line XD it sums up Kuro-sama's feelings so well.. straight to the point XD
I'm glad you liked it <333

[yuui_nyanko]

aaah this is so good~!

you have the characters' personalities down perfectly, i don't think there's anything i could say to improve this~!

well, i know english isn't your first language, so the few errors i noticed are perfectly acceptible, but you tend to switch tenses mid sentence, which tends to break the flow of the story up somewhat.

for example: "Before Fai could blink, Kurogane’s lips have crushed onto his in a demanding kiss."

in present tense, this would be "before Fai can blink, kurogane's lips have crushed his in a demanding kiss"

in past tense: "before Fai could blink, Kurogane's lips had crushed his in a demanding kiss"

that wasn't the best example, as it wasn't really a major issue for that sentence, but it was the only one i could recall XD

sorry for the huge comment, but i hope this helps~!

[haru_kurofai]

/////////// I'm so clumsy.. I've read through it 3 times and still missed it m(_ _)m
I duno why but I just change tenses so "naturally"... orz
Thanks for your comment! It's really helpful =3
And I'm so glad you liked it <333 *hugs*

[seizansha]

damn! this is so in chara it's not even funny. i don't think it's that kuro-pii is a closet softie, it's just being ninja you can't afford to show your emotions. but fai's making him realize what it really does to you.

and the flow is amazing too. you smoothly explained kuro-pii's force-feeding technique, them so easily slipping back to any intimate contact.

please keep writing!

[haru_kurofai]

oh >////////< I'm so happy to hear they're in-character!
Kuro-rin is a clever ninja XDDD
I just thought they must be missing each other SO MUCH at that point of the story.. <33
Who can resist a gentle, affectionate Kuro-sama anyway? XD *shot*
Thank you so much for your compliment!
I'm glad you liked it <33 *hugs*

[caroline_chan]

Whoa, you wrote that in about two hours? *A* That's so cool! It was really great, especially since English isn't your first language! I loved the bittersweet ending, because I always imagined that Fai would never really have the heart to lay in bed with him afterwards. :/ Too much self-hatred... Oh, angst, why do we love you so? ;o;

Anyway, great job! You should write more! ^o^

[haru_kurofai]

The plot bunnies just attacked my brain XDDDDD
I know.. but now, I hope they can have a cuddle afterwards, since everything's out in the open now <33
Oh I just love angst so much ;A;
Glad you liked it <33 *hugs*

[areyamadatme]

Awww. Fai why are you in denial? DDD:

OH AND vampire!fai was hot especially when he was uh drinking blood >///>
And smex scenes were pretty *O*
I thought you were american *laughs*

Oh, and uh.. LJ cut >o>;
My mom was right behind me :D;
♥ your fic. Write MOAR. LIEK NAO.

[haru_kurofai]

Fai's in denial.. because he's Fai! LOL
I guess that's one of the reasons why Kuro-sama is so determined to help him get over his self-hatred <33
Vampire Fai is HOT!! XDDD
I really liked the smex scene too, Kuro-tan is always gentle and sweet, no matter how mean he might look/act <333
No I'm not American XDD;;
OMG I hope your mum didn't read it XDD
I'm glad you liked my fic <333 *hugs*