Breakdown
Title: Breakdown
Author: Terion
Disclaimer: Not. Mine.
Rating: Caution for screaming fits, raging, and character death.
Book or TV verse: Book verse...sequel to Beautiful Day, Tread Lightly, Web Weaving, Life Refreshed, Soul Repair, Loss of Faith, Faerie Fire, Life Anew, Secrets, and My Defending Angel.
Summary: There are days when the world feels like it’s going to fall apart around you. And sometimes...it does.
There are days when the world feels like it’s going to fall apart around you.
When my dad died, I felt like that.
When I nearly lost everything with Murph, I thought that.
When my kids were kidnapped, I felt that before the rage hit.
I haven’t felt like that in a long while.
And I don’t miss it.
But…sometimes, I guess those kind of days miss us.
I was down in the lab with Nick showing him just how to make potions, with Bob making jokes throughout it all. And telling about all of my horrible mock-up’s of potions over the years.
Nick, fourteen now and all gangly limbs, laughed at the stories but paid attention to what I was showing him. Elizabeth had been more distracted by Bob at this point when I was teaching her. But her little brother was much more eager of a student and ready to learn.
When Mouse barked from upstairs, I knew someone was at the door. Leaving Nick with Bob to watch over him - not the brightest idea but I knew I could trust my son not to blow up the lab too much - I headed upstairs. Pushing Mouse back from the door, I opened it and blinked at who stood on the other side.
“Um…hi. You’re…Polenski?”
“Polanski,” corrected the young man. He smiled sheepishly and took off his hat, revealing an early balding scalp. “Um…Mister Dresden…”
“Yes?”
I knew the kid well enough from seeing him around SI. Murph had gotten her top spot over the department back when Stallings retired and Polanski was the newest of the lot. Good kid. He’d helped out a lot from what she’d said.
“There’s…something’s happened, sir.”
A thousand things raced through my mind at that moment then settled on one possibility. All I could think then was, Don’t let it be that. Anything but that.
“What?” I asked. When he looked nervously at the ground, I lost my temper a bit and snapped, “C’mon, kid, I don’t have all day!”
His gaze snapped up to mine and I knew what had happened before he even said the words. I hissed out a breath and closed my eyes as he said it.
“The Lieutenant…she, she got shot, sir. We…we tried to get her to the hospital but…I’m sorry.”
“How?” I asked, my voice bare of emotion but low.
“N-nothing weird, sir. Just a routine sweep we’ve got orders to do. We didn’t know a bank robber had been holed up in there.”
“Did you get him?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good.”
“Sir,” said Polanski. I lifted my gaze to meet his and he took a step back with a gasp. “I’m sorry.”
I watched him as he ran up the steps to the street, practically fleeing from me. Then I slowly closed the door and stood there, my hand clenching on the doorknob spasmodically.
Murph.
My Murph.
Dead.
I closed my eyes again and bowed my head, feeling the tears come. My shoulders shook and I sank against the door. I wanted to scream, to howl, to rage.
I wanted some emotion except the grief.
It wouldn’t come.
It wouldn’t come.
All that came were the tears and my heart breaking.
I heard footsteps coming up out of the subbasement and Nick called, “Dad? What was Mouse barking about?”
He reached the top of the stairs and saw me, stopping in his tracks. I could see the look on his face without glancing at him.
“Dad?”
Pushing myself away from the door, I lifted my head to look at him. He stared at me, the expression on his face telling me he knew what had happened but didn’t want to believe it. Wanted me to tell him it was all a lie.
I wanted someone to tell me that too.
“No,” he breathed, shaking his head.
I just nodded, feeling hollow. My throat was suddenly dry and felt rough, like I had been screaming.
Nick closed his eyes and his thin shoulders shook. I wanted to go over and hug him, to tell him everything would be okay. But I couldn’t.
My feet wouldn’t move.
And I couldn’t lie to him like that.
My brain kicked into gear without me and I walked back down to the lab, mechanically turning off the burner and dumping the potion. Bob didn’t ask what had happened. He just breathed, “Harry, I’m sorry.”
He’d heard. And he’d probably been the one to tell Nick to go upstairs.
I trudged back up the stairs and saw Nick sitting on the couch, holding a picture in his hand. Mouse sat next to him, his big head resting on his knee, and whining every few moments. After every whine, spidery fingers ran over the picture and fresh tears spilled down my son’s face.
I wanted to go to him.
But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t help him with his grief when I couldn’t get over my own.
Instead I walked into our - mine now, only mine - bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. For a moment I lay there, only feeling the numbness.
Then every emotion welled up and I howled animally, my fingers clutching at the blankets. I screamed until my throat really was raw and I kept going until I could make no noise. Then I just lay there, choking and sobbing amongst the sheets.
She was gone.
What did I have left now?
“You have your son,” said a voice next to me. Phantasmal fingers ran through my hair and I opened my eyes to see Lasciel there, perched on the edge of the bed wearing black instead of white. She looked at me sorrowfully and breathed, “I am sorry, wizard. I truly am.”
When she leaned forward, I feared for a moment she would take on Murphy’s appearance. But she only kissed my forehead, a sensation that wasn’t real, and murmured, “Truly I am sorry.”
Then she was gone.
I closed my eyes again and buried my face in the blankets, breathing in the scent of Murphy that was still there. Tried to remember it for always because I knew it would fade.
Everything of her would fade.
She was gone.
And my heart was dead.
As I lay there and started to lose consciousness, I heard Nick pick up the phone. After a moment, he choked down a sob then spoke.
“Uncle Thomas…come over. Please. I…I need your help.”
“M-Mom. Mom’s d-de…”
He lost it and started crying then, a noise that shattered me into even more pieces. I heard the phone hit the floor then all left was the sound of him wailing, Mouse echoing it with a mournful howl a moment later.
I curled up into a ball and breathed, “Lasciel. Please.”
This will not make the pain go away.
“I know.”
She appeared again and laid her hand on my forehead, her touch cool though it wasn’t real.
“Sleep,” she whispered.
And everything stopped.
**POV CHANGE**
“Nicky.”
I sniffed and looked up to see my sister standing over me, equally red-eyed and dressed in black. She sank down on the curb next to me outside of the funeral home and took my hands gingerly in hers.
“Where’s the baby?” I asked softly, not wanting to dwell on why we were here.
“With Paul,” she replied, her voice choked. “God, Nicky, I…”
I ducked my head and said, “Lizzy, don’t.”
“Don’t what?” she asked. Her voice took on a slightly shrill tone as she continued, “Don’t try to comfort you? Mom’s…”
“I know!” I snarled at her. My temper - Dad’s temper - flared and I spat, “I was there when they told Dad, damnit! Do…” I choked as I tried to continue speaking. “Do you know how much it hurt to see him?”
“As much as it does now?”
“More,” I breathed. My shoulders shook as more tears tried to come. “Why?” I hissed. “Why’d that bastard have to shoot Mom? Why not someone else?”
Elizabeth touched my face and said, “Nicky, don’t think like that.”
“Why not?! Why didn’t he? Why did he have to shoot her, huh?! Why did he…why…why…”
I broke down sobbing in her arms and she started crying with me too. When she kept going, I stopped. I choked down the tears and pulled away from her, wiping my eyes on my sleeves. She stared at me and said, “Nicky…”
“No,” I hissed, closing my eyes. “No, I can’t do this anymore.”
“You can’t stop grieving, Nicky!”
Snarling, I opened my eyes and glared at her. She pulled back slightly and blinked at me, biting her lip.
“For Dad I can,” I spat. I rose then and looked down at her, finishing, “And I will.”
Then I turned and walked away, hearing her rise behind me. She called out, “You can’t carry the world on your shoulders, Nicky!”
“Watch me,” I growled as I kept walking.
My Dad needed me.
Lizzy was gone, moved out and had her own little family now.
I was all Dad had left.
And I wasn’t going to let him down, damnit.
When I strode into the funeral home, I ran into Uncle Thomas, who was slouched in a chair with an arm around Molly. I didn’t know her well as she’d finished her apprenticeship with Dad years before I was born but I had seen her. She’d come by the apartment to hang out with Lizzy and occasionally ask Dad something about magic.
We were the only one’s in the entrance to the place. Uncle Thomas’ eyes fixed on me and I walked towards him, cringing when Molly looked up, her blue eyes strained and red.
“Hi, Nick,” she said softly. “You okay?”
When I glowered at her, she winced and breathed, “Stupid question. I’m sorry.”
At her look, so lost and confused, I sighed. Shoulders slumped, I said, “S’alright. You’re not the only one that’s asked.”
Uncle Thomas peered at me and said, “You look…determined.”
How the heck could he see that?!
My surprise must’ve shown on my face because he chuckled - a hollow sound that made Molly and I cringe.
“You’ve got your dad’s look,” he explained. Then he glanced up behind me and I turned to see Dad there, looking like a ghost next to the man I knew to be Molly’s father. I remembered him vaguely carrying me on an armored shoulder as Lizzy and I ran from the thing that had kidnapped us. The thing Dad had fought for us.
Glancing at Dad again, I almost starting tearing up for what seemed like the hundredth time since this whole sorry thing had started. He was a pale shadow of the man I knew as my dad and didn’t look like he was here at all. His mind was gone but his body had been left behind.
“Michael,” said Uncle Thomas, trying not to look at Dad at all. “Is it time?”
“Almost,” replied the Knight.
“Then lets go inside,” said Lizzy’s voice from behind me as she came in. I stiffened briefly then was pushed forward by my sister’s hand on one shoulder and my uncle’s on the other.
The funeral I don’t remember. I blocked it from my mind. The only thing I couldn’t remove was the image of Dad, standing there like a ghost.
That one wouldn’t go away because I had to live with it.
Dad’s old mentor came to stay with us a few days after that. I’d heard Dad talk about him before and Hog Hollow. It had sounded nice.
Mom had suggested we take a vacation and go there this summer.
A summer she’d never see.
I was cooking when he arrived, wispy white hair wrapped in a cloak with a gnarled old staff. He blinked at me as I opened the door and said, “You’ve gotten taller since I last saw you.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I replied. “I don’t remember you.”
“I’d imagine not,” he said as he came in, the wards not making a peep about it. He hung up his cloak and leaned his staff next to Dad’s before moving further into the apartment. I ignored him and let him do what he wanted, heading back to the kitchen to continue cooking.
“What are you making?”
“Soup,” I replied. “It’s…it’s the only thing Mom would let me cook.”
“I see.”
Turning, I saw him standing by the fireplace staring into it with a solemn expression. With a snort, I moved the pot off the eye and turned off the stove, snapping a lid down over the soup so the heat wouldn’t escape. Then I stalked over and planted myself in front of him, snarling, “Just what are you doing here?”
“I’m here to teach you,” he replied, still staring past me at the fire. “And to keep an eye on Hoss.”
Dad. He was here to watch Dad.
“Why?” I growled. “We don’t need anyone to help us.”
He looked up at me and smiled, shaking his head.
“You really are your father’s son.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”
“Is that how you were taught to speak to your elders?”
I stiffened and spat, “No.”
He arched an eyebrow and I finished, “Sir.”
“Better. My name is Ebenezar if Hoss didn’t tell you. The Council wants someone to keep an eye on him…and you. I happened to volunteer.”
“Why?” I hissed. I’d been to a Council meeting - once. When I’d turned ten and all of my magic had started developing. Dad had taken me there to tell them he was taking me on as an apprentice - they’d sneered at us and I’d heard none too few muttering horrible things.
I hated them.
They didn’t care about my family.
Why should I give a shit about them and their rules?
I’d asked Dad that when we’d gotten back in the Beetle. He’d just frowned and told me that I was right…they didn’t care about us. But if we didn’t follow the rules, they’d know it. And they weren’t afraid to mete out a death sentence on a child.
I hated them.
Because they scared the shit out of me.
“Because they think he’ll snap?” I continued with a snarl. “Why don’t they just go ahead and kill him since they seem to be continually sitting their with the axe at the ready?!”
“Because they are scared of him.” Ebenezar turned away from me as I stood there, stunned, then said, “They always have been. And they have always been expecting him to slip up and fall.”
“Dad would never.”
“Never before now.”
“He would never,” I screamed, losing my temper. My fists lashed out before I could quite stop them and I only managed to just before I hit the old wizard. My knees went weak a second later and I slumped to the floor, hugging myself and snarling, “Dad would never do that. Not now, not ever.”
“Lad…”
“No, no, no!” I howled, shaking my head as wildly as Mouse did when his fur was wet. “He wouldn’t. I know it. Shut up, shut up, shut up!”
Ebenezar sighed and said, “Lizbeth was right. You are very much like him.”
I lifted my head at that and snarled, “So what?”
“Its not a bad thing, lad. In fact…it’s something to be proud of. Being like your father is nothing to fault. Just be careful; what he has passed on to you are what have gotten him into so much trouble over the years.”
“Mistakes get made,” I said in a tired voice. The anger was draining away, leaving me as empty as I’d been when I heard Mom had died. “No matter what we do, they do. If I make them, so be it.”
“I want to do what’s right. I want to believe in people. I want to help them. I want…I want…” I trailed off and closed my eyes against the tears that wanted to come. “I want my dad back.”
Ebenezar laid his hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him, seeing understanding and compassion in his eyes.
“I know, lad,” he said softly, an accent coming into his voice. “We’ll work on that. I’m here for him too.”
“But…you said…”
“My official reason. I taught him. I know him. And I’m here to help him if I can.”
I frowned, biting my lip.
“And me?”
“And you.”
Ebenezar smiled then extended his other hand to help me up. I stared at it for a moment then glanced towards the door that led to where my dad lay in a daze.
Then I took the old wizard’s hand and let him pull me up.
Pull me up to stand and be strong again.
I had to be.
Dad needed me to be.
And…and I needed me to be.
** I broke my heart writing this. Didn't want to. But...it was just the way the story wanted to go. I let it. :(
Author: Terion
Disclaimer: Not. Mine.
Rating: Caution for screaming fits, raging, and character death.
Book or TV verse: Book verse...sequel to Beautiful Day, Tread Lightly, Web Weaving, Life Refreshed, Soul Repair, Loss of Faith, Faerie Fire, Life Anew, Secrets, and My Defending Angel.
Summary: There are days when the world feels like it’s going to fall apart around you. And sometimes...it does.
There are days when the world feels like it’s going to fall apart around you.
When my dad died, I felt like that.
When I nearly lost everything with Murph, I thought that.
When my kids were kidnapped, I felt that before the rage hit.
I haven’t felt like that in a long while.
And I don’t miss it.
But…sometimes, I guess those kind of days miss us.
I was down in the lab with Nick showing him just how to make potions, with Bob making jokes throughout it all. And telling about all of my horrible mock-up’s of potions over the years.
Nick, fourteen now and all gangly limbs, laughed at the stories but paid attention to what I was showing him. Elizabeth had been more distracted by Bob at this point when I was teaching her. But her little brother was much more eager of a student and ready to learn.
When Mouse barked from upstairs, I knew someone was at the door. Leaving Nick with Bob to watch over him - not the brightest idea but I knew I could trust my son not to blow up the lab too much - I headed upstairs. Pushing Mouse back from the door, I opened it and blinked at who stood on the other side.
“Um…hi. You’re…Polenski?”
“Polanski,” corrected the young man. He smiled sheepishly and took off his hat, revealing an early balding scalp. “Um…Mister Dresden…”
“Yes?”
I knew the kid well enough from seeing him around SI. Murph had gotten her top spot over the department back when Stallings retired and Polanski was the newest of the lot. Good kid. He’d helped out a lot from what she’d said.
“There’s…something’s happened, sir.”
A thousand things raced through my mind at that moment then settled on one possibility. All I could think then was, Don’t let it be that. Anything but that.
“What?” I asked. When he looked nervously at the ground, I lost my temper a bit and snapped, “C’mon, kid, I don’t have all day!”
His gaze snapped up to mine and I knew what had happened before he even said the words. I hissed out a breath and closed my eyes as he said it.
“The Lieutenant…she, she got shot, sir. We…we tried to get her to the hospital but…I’m sorry.”
“How?” I asked, my voice bare of emotion but low.
“N-nothing weird, sir. Just a routine sweep we’ve got orders to do. We didn’t know a bank robber had been holed up in there.”
“Did you get him?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good.”
“Sir,” said Polanski. I lifted my gaze to meet his and he took a step back with a gasp. “I’m sorry.”
I watched him as he ran up the steps to the street, practically fleeing from me. Then I slowly closed the door and stood there, my hand clenching on the doorknob spasmodically.
Murph.
My Murph.
Dead.
I closed my eyes again and bowed my head, feeling the tears come. My shoulders shook and I sank against the door. I wanted to scream, to howl, to rage.
I wanted some emotion except the grief.
It wouldn’t come.
It wouldn’t come.
All that came were the tears and my heart breaking.
I heard footsteps coming up out of the subbasement and Nick called, “Dad? What was Mouse barking about?”
He reached the top of the stairs and saw me, stopping in his tracks. I could see the look on his face without glancing at him.
“Dad?”
Pushing myself away from the door, I lifted my head to look at him. He stared at me, the expression on his face telling me he knew what had happened but didn’t want to believe it. Wanted me to tell him it was all a lie.
I wanted someone to tell me that too.
“No,” he breathed, shaking his head.
I just nodded, feeling hollow. My throat was suddenly dry and felt rough, like I had been screaming.
Nick closed his eyes and his thin shoulders shook. I wanted to go over and hug him, to tell him everything would be okay. But I couldn’t.
My feet wouldn’t move.
And I couldn’t lie to him like that.
My brain kicked into gear without me and I walked back down to the lab, mechanically turning off the burner and dumping the potion. Bob didn’t ask what had happened. He just breathed, “Harry, I’m sorry.”
He’d heard. And he’d probably been the one to tell Nick to go upstairs.
I trudged back up the stairs and saw Nick sitting on the couch, holding a picture in his hand. Mouse sat next to him, his big head resting on his knee, and whining every few moments. After every whine, spidery fingers ran over the picture and fresh tears spilled down my son’s face.
I wanted to go to him.
But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t help him with his grief when I couldn’t get over my own.
Instead I walked into our - mine now, only mine - bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. For a moment I lay there, only feeling the numbness.
Then every emotion welled up and I howled animally, my fingers clutching at the blankets. I screamed until my throat really was raw and I kept going until I could make no noise. Then I just lay there, choking and sobbing amongst the sheets.
She was gone.
What did I have left now?
“You have your son,” said a voice next to me. Phantasmal fingers ran through my hair and I opened my eyes to see Lasciel there, perched on the edge of the bed wearing black instead of white. She looked at me sorrowfully and breathed, “I am sorry, wizard. I truly am.”
When she leaned forward, I feared for a moment she would take on Murphy’s appearance. But she only kissed my forehead, a sensation that wasn’t real, and murmured, “Truly I am sorry.”
Then she was gone.
I closed my eyes again and buried my face in the blankets, breathing in the scent of Murphy that was still there. Tried to remember it for always because I knew it would fade.
Everything of her would fade.
She was gone.
And my heart was dead.
As I lay there and started to lose consciousness, I heard Nick pick up the phone. After a moment, he choked down a sob then spoke.
“Uncle Thomas…come over. Please. I…I need your help.”
“M-Mom. Mom’s d-de…”
He lost it and started crying then, a noise that shattered me into even more pieces. I heard the phone hit the floor then all left was the sound of him wailing, Mouse echoing it with a mournful howl a moment later.
I curled up into a ball and breathed, “Lasciel. Please.”
This will not make the pain go away.
“I know.”
She appeared again and laid her hand on my forehead, her touch cool though it wasn’t real.
“Sleep,” she whispered.
And everything stopped.
**POV CHANGE**
“Nicky.”
I sniffed and looked up to see my sister standing over me, equally red-eyed and dressed in black. She sank down on the curb next to me outside of the funeral home and took my hands gingerly in hers.
“Where’s the baby?” I asked softly, not wanting to dwell on why we were here.
“With Paul,” she replied, her voice choked. “God, Nicky, I…”
I ducked my head and said, “Lizzy, don’t.”
“Don’t what?” she asked. Her voice took on a slightly shrill tone as she continued, “Don’t try to comfort you? Mom’s…”
“I know!” I snarled at her. My temper - Dad’s temper - flared and I spat, “I was there when they told Dad, damnit! Do…” I choked as I tried to continue speaking. “Do you know how much it hurt to see him?”
“As much as it does now?”
“More,” I breathed. My shoulders shook as more tears tried to come. “Why?” I hissed. “Why’d that bastard have to shoot Mom? Why not someone else?”
Elizabeth touched my face and said, “Nicky, don’t think like that.”
“Why not?! Why didn’t he? Why did he have to shoot her, huh?! Why did he…why…why…”
I broke down sobbing in her arms and she started crying with me too. When she kept going, I stopped. I choked down the tears and pulled away from her, wiping my eyes on my sleeves. She stared at me and said, “Nicky…”
“No,” I hissed, closing my eyes. “No, I can’t do this anymore.”
“You can’t stop grieving, Nicky!”
Snarling, I opened my eyes and glared at her. She pulled back slightly and blinked at me, biting her lip.
“For Dad I can,” I spat. I rose then and looked down at her, finishing, “And I will.”
Then I turned and walked away, hearing her rise behind me. She called out, “You can’t carry the world on your shoulders, Nicky!”
“Watch me,” I growled as I kept walking.
My Dad needed me.
Lizzy was gone, moved out and had her own little family now.
I was all Dad had left.
And I wasn’t going to let him down, damnit.
When I strode into the funeral home, I ran into Uncle Thomas, who was slouched in a chair with an arm around Molly. I didn’t know her well as she’d finished her apprenticeship with Dad years before I was born but I had seen her. She’d come by the apartment to hang out with Lizzy and occasionally ask Dad something about magic.
We were the only one’s in the entrance to the place. Uncle Thomas’ eyes fixed on me and I walked towards him, cringing when Molly looked up, her blue eyes strained and red.
“Hi, Nick,” she said softly. “You okay?”
When I glowered at her, she winced and breathed, “Stupid question. I’m sorry.”
At her look, so lost and confused, I sighed. Shoulders slumped, I said, “S’alright. You’re not the only one that’s asked.”
Uncle Thomas peered at me and said, “You look…determined.”
How the heck could he see that?!
My surprise must’ve shown on my face because he chuckled - a hollow sound that made Molly and I cringe.
“You’ve got your dad’s look,” he explained. Then he glanced up behind me and I turned to see Dad there, looking like a ghost next to the man I knew to be Molly’s father. I remembered him vaguely carrying me on an armored shoulder as Lizzy and I ran from the thing that had kidnapped us. The thing Dad had fought for us.
Glancing at Dad again, I almost starting tearing up for what seemed like the hundredth time since this whole sorry thing had started. He was a pale shadow of the man I knew as my dad and didn’t look like he was here at all. His mind was gone but his body had been left behind.
“Michael,” said Uncle Thomas, trying not to look at Dad at all. “Is it time?”
“Almost,” replied the Knight.
“Then lets go inside,” said Lizzy’s voice from behind me as she came in. I stiffened briefly then was pushed forward by my sister’s hand on one shoulder and my uncle’s on the other.
The funeral I don’t remember. I blocked it from my mind. The only thing I couldn’t remove was the image of Dad, standing there like a ghost.
That one wouldn’t go away because I had to live with it.
Dad’s old mentor came to stay with us a few days after that. I’d heard Dad talk about him before and Hog Hollow. It had sounded nice.
Mom had suggested we take a vacation and go there this summer.
A summer she’d never see.
I was cooking when he arrived, wispy white hair wrapped in a cloak with a gnarled old staff. He blinked at me as I opened the door and said, “You’ve gotten taller since I last saw you.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I replied. “I don’t remember you.”
“I’d imagine not,” he said as he came in, the wards not making a peep about it. He hung up his cloak and leaned his staff next to Dad’s before moving further into the apartment. I ignored him and let him do what he wanted, heading back to the kitchen to continue cooking.
“What are you making?”
“Soup,” I replied. “It’s…it’s the only thing Mom would let me cook.”
“I see.”
Turning, I saw him standing by the fireplace staring into it with a solemn expression. With a snort, I moved the pot off the eye and turned off the stove, snapping a lid down over the soup so the heat wouldn’t escape. Then I stalked over and planted myself in front of him, snarling, “Just what are you doing here?”
“I’m here to teach you,” he replied, still staring past me at the fire. “And to keep an eye on Hoss.”
Dad. He was here to watch Dad.
“Why?” I growled. “We don’t need anyone to help us.”
He looked up at me and smiled, shaking his head.
“You really are your father’s son.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”
“Is that how you were taught to speak to your elders?”
I stiffened and spat, “No.”
He arched an eyebrow and I finished, “Sir.”
“Better. My name is Ebenezar if Hoss didn’t tell you. The Council wants someone to keep an eye on him…and you. I happened to volunteer.”
“Why?” I hissed. I’d been to a Council meeting - once. When I’d turned ten and all of my magic had started developing. Dad had taken me there to tell them he was taking me on as an apprentice - they’d sneered at us and I’d heard none too few muttering horrible things.
I hated them.
They didn’t care about my family.
Why should I give a shit about them and their rules?
I’d asked Dad that when we’d gotten back in the Beetle. He’d just frowned and told me that I was right…they didn’t care about us. But if we didn’t follow the rules, they’d know it. And they weren’t afraid to mete out a death sentence on a child.
I hated them.
Because they scared the shit out of me.
“Because they think he’ll snap?” I continued with a snarl. “Why don’t they just go ahead and kill him since they seem to be continually sitting their with the axe at the ready?!”
“Because they are scared of him.” Ebenezar turned away from me as I stood there, stunned, then said, “They always have been. And they have always been expecting him to slip up and fall.”
“Dad would never.”
“Never before now.”
“He would never,” I screamed, losing my temper. My fists lashed out before I could quite stop them and I only managed to just before I hit the old wizard. My knees went weak a second later and I slumped to the floor, hugging myself and snarling, “Dad would never do that. Not now, not ever.”
“Lad…”
“No, no, no!” I howled, shaking my head as wildly as Mouse did when his fur was wet. “He wouldn’t. I know it. Shut up, shut up, shut up!”
Ebenezar sighed and said, “Lizbeth was right. You are very much like him.”
I lifted my head at that and snarled, “So what?”
“Its not a bad thing, lad. In fact…it’s something to be proud of. Being like your father is nothing to fault. Just be careful; what he has passed on to you are what have gotten him into so much trouble over the years.”
“Mistakes get made,” I said in a tired voice. The anger was draining away, leaving me as empty as I’d been when I heard Mom had died. “No matter what we do, they do. If I make them, so be it.”
“I want to do what’s right. I want to believe in people. I want to help them. I want…I want…” I trailed off and closed my eyes against the tears that wanted to come. “I want my dad back.”
Ebenezar laid his hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him, seeing understanding and compassion in his eyes.
“I know, lad,” he said softly, an accent coming into his voice. “We’ll work on that. I’m here for him too.”
“But…you said…”
“My official reason. I taught him. I know him. And I’m here to help him if I can.”
I frowned, biting my lip.
“And me?”
“And you.”
Ebenezar smiled then extended his other hand to help me up. I stared at it for a moment then glanced towards the door that led to where my dad lay in a daze.
Then I took the old wizard’s hand and let him pull me up.
Pull me up to stand and be strong again.
I had to be.
Dad needed me to be.
And…and I needed me to be.
** I broke my heart writing this. Didn't want to. But...it was just the way the story wanted to go. I let it. :(