Twilight Effect: self-insertion and wish fulfillment

[harleycooper]

I'm still on HIATUS, don't be deceived. However, I just wanted to discuss something with anybody that concerns this issue. I tried to ignore this nagging, self-loathesome feeling for months now. I just have to let it out because it seems like I need to hear other people's thoughts.

Some of you know that I write in Death Note fanfiction back in the

Comments

[viola_canina]

I'll have to re-read your story in order to say something specific (I'll try to do it during weekend!), but honestly? Revision is never a bad thing. And you don't have to kill them if you still care about them. You've become more mature as a writer... I think you can use their potential to create an even better story. If you lack the motivation, well, that's another question and it's all up to you, but I personally don't want you to just kill them. x3; Old materials are still valuable and you can make them evolve into something great. Um, like I've said, I need time to think about it. ;;;

[harleycooper]

Thank you very much for the advice and concern. It would also upset me if I just kill my darlings >.< Nothing can be more frustrating when you realize you've been doing something wrong in your writing and you have to fix it. Maybe I will. I hope the avid readers of the fic won't complain. The public demand for this fic's update can also get tiresome. But I understand since many of my readers do love it. I sort of started despising it when I re-read it but it's not entirely hateful. And, please do read it, if it's not too much to ask! I need to know how you think about this too, Viola-chan, since I also consider you one of my pillars of support Tezuka-centric, much? here in LJ ^^;

[viola_canina]

I'm still re-reading the fic (I'm sorry! >.< I'm just... trying to do everything at once, as usual |D;;;), but I guess I can agree with some things that have already been said here by other people. Your characters are not bad at all, I don't think so, but the canon ones don't always seem quite like themselves, I'm going to second Nana's words here. But I think it's possible to rework them since your newer works are much stronger in the characterization department. You're evolving as an original writer AND as a fic writer, so I think you can do it, really.

[harleycooper]

You're evolving as an original writer AND as a fic writer, so I think you can do it, really.

*sighs* I guess you're right. Yes, the canon-quality of the Death Note characters are off, as I'm examining it right now. I think I will be revising it and I will post the draft here so I can ask my F-list to check out and suggest somethings that I might have overlooked. I hope you will do that for me as well!~ I'll be so grateful! :3

[diluted_thought]

I'm so sorry, darling, but I won't be able to read your story! DD= At least not soon; life is getting too hectic for me, and I would like to devote all my attention to reading when I do. =/ Please forgive me! ♥ I would really love to. I'll get to it as soon as I can. If it escapes me, please do not hesitate to remind me.

I can relate to what you said about being worried about Mary Sues. I'm in the process of (as in, on hiatus?) of writing a fic for the novel Companions of the Night. It involves vampires also, and because of that, I'm afraid that my portrayal of the heroine, Kerry Nowicki, is going to slip into Bella Swan mode. Dx The stories are vastly different, but there is always that nagging feeling of What if I turn out to be just as bad as Stephanie Meyer? I'm constantly revising my dialogue for Kerry and trying to build on her character without making her sound like a Sue

[harleycooper]

I do not want to cause grim inconvenience so all is well, Cassie-san! ^^ I do sincerely hope you can find time in the future to read the fic even though right now I'm having bitter thoughts about its quality. But no matter, thank you for responding to my message! I really need all the advice I can get to discern how I will move forward with this literary crisis.

You know, I'm starting to think that there is a positive impact on struggling young writers due to the unfairness of Meyer's popularity and credibility. I've learned to look at my fics and ask myself the same question that you also asked. Mary Sue labels...I never really take them seriously. But I don't want to stun the growth of my story and characters. And yes, ever since Meyer got published, it was a rude awakening for me: Mary Sue is real. Too painfully real, if you ask me

[angels_burn]

I haven't read it yet so my advice might not help you directly, but you can come so far in only two years time, and if the story is worth it--if it was that popular and you loved it that much--as a writer, you might take the critc you get and definitely revise it. Maybe not rewrite it but tweak it. I'm very curious to go read it. It's difficult and challenging to write outside of a canon storyline. If you did L and an OC and made it work, then kudos to you for doing so and putting your all into it. ♥

And I will probably come back with feedback once I have read this fic. x)

[harleycooper]

It is indeed very nice of you to share your thoughts!

I am in love with L Lawliet for the longest time and he was the main reason I decided to write for Death Note fandom. I wanted to do something special with him in a story so I did. As much as I have doubts about Appetite for Enigma it is generally likable. I had fun writing it, making the characters real and reading the positive reviews afterwards. But this year, I somehow realized that I do want to strive for quality, to be taken seriously. I've received fan mails from readers who said that I help them fuel their own writing and that AFE meant something to them. I think I will revise the story for these people because they also helped me with their sweet affirmations. Writing is not only a tool but a gift.

And it would be very generous of you if you did find time to read the story. Thank you once again for your advice! ^^

[harleycooper]

Thank you deepest for the kind words and insights, Rex-san. It touches me deeply that my grave fears are acknowledged with sensitivity. You just spoke out what I've been thinking for the longest time, about the way my main OC seems whimsically-conceived. I do agree now because as far as I can remember, I seem to have written her for my own pleasure and not for anything that resembles literary quality. I also got my ego inflated because of the praises I get from reviews. But now that I somehow learned in my two years of FFnet experience, I realized that Appetite for Enigma is distasteful. It has potential to develop better and I'm actually working on a revised version and only halfway through. But then I don't know how to explain myself to the readers who followed the story through and even got themselves fighting the people who bash in the reviews page. Many have liked it a lot so far and it puzzles me sometimes and yet it warms me all throughout my delicate pride as a writer. It would definitely break their hearts so I wish to

[harleycooper]

It's so endearing that I've met someone who shares my fascination for Kyouya Ootori. So I want to do something special to celebrate that!!~~

And yes, I will let you read the draft because I would certainly like to hear something from you. I'm keeping my OC Francesca but the next time around, I won't screw her up beyond realistic recognition. ^^;

[sadisticupid]

I haven't read the story, so this just what I think based on the entry.

If you are unhappy with it then I think you should rewrite it. I'm not sure if you would do just bits, or the whole thing, but if you do I think you should have some sort of plan before you start editing.

You said characterization was a problem. I was thinking maybe use one of those RP help communities like what_the_L (which I noticed you are a member of lol).

While I find bits of this review rude and uncalled for, I think you should try to learn something from it. But don't let it haunt you.

When/if you rewrite get a beta reader or two. Feedback before being posted is always nice.

[harleycooper]

I've read all the entries in what_the_l and have gotten pretty good insights on the L roleplayers themselves as how to correctly portray L. I'm a big spectator of the rper dubia_lux I love how she plays L.

Thank you very much for the sincere words and honesty!

Can Hotaru-san be generous and allow herself to read the draft for the revised version I'm working on, that is if it's not too much to ask. ^^; I strive to get more insights and critic because I do not want to take for granted Appetite for Enigma because I think there's so much to it that I just need to work on.

And I do now that you and I both like Misa Amane and I love writing about her so much. I'm pretty sure I writer her just fine but...I guess I never know unless I hear it otherwise from somebody else. Or is this too much self-doubt? >.

[sadisticupid]

Of course I will! You want me to just read what is already posted on FF? I'll go a chapter at time. Would you like me to PM you the critique?

I think I write Misa pretty well, although I don't ever really think about it, although no one has ever told me if I ever did have her out of character. Is Misa in Appetite for Enigma at all or in other stories? It may be self-doubt because of review.

[harleycooper]

I was thinking that I'll post the draft here in LJ and then people can comment and give suggestion so I can furnish it before finally posting it in FFNet. If it's not too much to ask.

People told me that they like Misa in my stories Her God is my Enemy where she is paired to a nineteen-year old Near, aftermath of Kira reign and in the L/Misa flick I'm a PERVERT?

I was going to write her in Appetite for Enigma in the later chapters but didn't get to it. The critique I posted was old, two years ago, and I never really paid much attention to it but this year, I reread AFE and I realized that it was horrible in some chapters. And something needs to be done. Self-doubt can help too because I don't want my arrogance to outweigh my talent.

And oh, btw, will you make more Misa icons, Hotaru-san?