Comments | hardtime100: HT100 Challenge #11: One to Grow On: Hope

rileyc in hardtime100

HT100 Challenge #11: One to Grow On: Hope

Jun 12, 2003 13:02

Hard Time: Free-for-All ( Read more... )

Comments 5

actizera June 13 2003, 08:50:58 UTC

I loved seeing all this from Toby's perspective this time. And even though this incident brings about their long-awaited reconciliation, you've done a great job of conveying the sadness behind it: "Ronnie’s meager belongings," "Chris sitting by himself on the hard metal stairs, weary defeat readable in every line of his body," "the childish games that had stolen so much time"...I think you've captured the tone perfectly. *sob*

snarkhunt June 13 2003, 10:17:46 UTC

Sorry for the childish games that had stolen so much time, sorry for not having enough faith when it mattered most.

Oh, wow, heartbreaking Rebecca. That total angst, the regret of things lost, wonderfully captured. And then counterbalanced by that glimpse of hope, I love how they communicate with small gestures, so subtle.

rowanfairchild June 13 2003, 17:28:19 UTC

Mmmm, yeah. I'm with Actizera -- it's so cool to see this from Toby's POV. Lovely stuff.

maverick4oz June 13 2003, 21:19:40 UTC

He watched Chris listen to his words, felt a different twinge in his belly as those blue eyes warmed up with a flicker of hope, and felt that stir to life in himself as Chris’ hand covered his and squeezed.

Ok, lj needs to get that crying wah emoticon because this made me tear up. So sad yet hopeful which is the combination I love best when talking about our boys.

Excellant continuation Rebecca. Thanks

lisacali June 14 2003, 22:30:39 UTC

Love seeing the same scene from different points of view. And this shows how they've both changed. Chris is the last one not being 'turned on' by Toby's touch, and now Toby rejecting his guilt in an attempt to help Chris.

“I’m sorry,” he said and watched Chris turn to look at him, the wariness in his eyes slicing into Toby’s belly sharp as any shank.

nice phrasing, and very sad.