Blueprints 003: Wolverine-mean
Action: Morning, 1450 Mitchell Road and around.
(Engie's just happily working on his sentries again on the lawn. All seems well with the Texan. Wanna say hi?)
Action: Afternoon Around town
(Engie's now walking around town on his way to work. He's just opened the door to the bakery, actually.)
Action, locked to the BLU Sniper: Later, Garage(There' ( Read more... )
(Engie's just happily working on his sentries again on the lawn. All seems well with the Texan. Wanna say hi?)
Action: Afternoon Around town
(Engie's now walking around town on his way to work. He's just opened the door to the bakery, actually.)
Action, locked to the BLU Sniper: Later, Garage(There' ( Read more... )
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(There was no use in lying when she had witnessed all of that.)
..it's not somethin' you can get help for, Doc. And it wasn't you. It was me.
(He's calmer, yes. But now there's feelings of regret, shame and frustration. Engie thought he had whatever it was under control. Usually, he wouldn't react so badly when friends got hurt; he's seen his RED mates get blown up into the sky plenty of times. But this time round, the clone had made it so personal by bringing up his own failed family history. Maybe that was part of the reason why he snapped.
Whatever it was, he still blames himself for acting so out of hand, especially when Ilsa was still hurt.)
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It's not common, but not unknown in my time, that there are people who have predispositions to certain behaviors. It doesn't excuse the behavior, but it does help the person with it learn to control it.
[ Keeping her eyes on his, Ilsa is calm. ]
You have a firm control, up to a point. I'm willing to help you with strengthening your control, if you'll let me.
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(He can't bring himself to say "monster". He takes a deep breath; his emotions were all knots and tangles, but somehow, he was feeling, well, not better, but less conflicted? He couldn't place a word for it.)
I just don't think there's anythin' that can be done. I don't even know what the problem is, and if I don't, then I can't fix it.
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[ Still wearing down the sharp points on his emotions, to help him talk out the problem. ]
...though if you don't believe in yourself, it's going to be harder to make progress.
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(Engie throws that word out with heaps of bitterness.)
I don't wanna, but I just...do. It wasn't so bad, back before I was workin' for RED, before...before the whole thing blew up in my face. Now, I hardly even flinch when my sentries rip holes through the BLUs. I mean, I KNOW it ain't permanent, that they'll be back the next day, but...it frightens me how that's become the way I solve my problems. Not with human reasonin', but with...with guns.
That...that ain't the way it should be. It sure as hell wasn't the way I was raised. It doesn't fit in with what I believe. And yet I just...I just can't stop it.
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[ Ilsa is pulling back on the projections, slowly, trying to let him stabilize. ]
The part where you've put it into a protection subroutine, instead of just a sudden rampage, that took a lot of work. I can't promise that it will be pleasant work, but the end result would be worth it.
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(Engie can hardly dare to hope, but he wants to.)
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[ Ilsa pats his shoulder, ] Think of it as another project, to run concurrent with getting us all out of here. Not going to be finished overnight, but worth the effort.
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(There's a smile on his face; a real genuine one filled with relief and gratitude. If what he had was something Ilsa's dealt with before, than surely she'd know how to help him deal with it.)
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It isn't an overnight cure. Even in my time, we still have to deal with a lot of problems that are hidden in post-combat stress disorders. Someone who has an illness that wasn't seen before they went into combat, and is much worse when they have to stand down can be treated, but it takes time and work.
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Doc, I can honestly tell ya that this goes way back before my time in RED. But the whole story's gonna take awhile ta get through, and we don't have time for that now.
If it's alright with ya, I'd like ta meet up with ya some time after all this hoohah is over. I...I need time ta think this through. Do a lil soul-searchin', if ya don't mind.
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Long time building, so a long time healing. Not to worry, as long as I'm here, I'll be available to talk.
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Guess we should get goin' though; there's still folk who need help 'round these parts. Ya shoulder alright now?
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[ She rotates the shoulder. ]
Good work on that dispenser. I think it'll work for what i use it for.
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And, umm, one last thing. Would'ya...would ya mind not tellin' anyone else about this? It's...just not the sorta thing ya want others ta know about. I won't try ta hide it, but I'm not ready...ta tell everyone. Not yet.
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