I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? (Sam/Dean, R)

[hansbekhart]

Title: I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?
Author: hansbekhart
Rating: R for excessive vomit and use of the F-word.
Summary: Dean is cursed vegan, which makes him puke a lot. And cry. Big, pussy, vegan tears.
Notes: So I was looking for a story to write for my sister's birthday, and sevenfists posted this idea, like, CURSED VEGETARIAN and CRYING DEAN and I thought, hey! My

Comments

[ginnytonnick]

I think this is hysterical.

[hansbekhart]

Heehee, thank you!

[dodificus]

Ok, I'm a vegetarian and I still found this unbelievably *hilarious*!

Also, this is totally my criteria of what I wont eat:

The instant I put anything in my mouth that used to have a face,

Ummm...does PETA really say that thing about choosing the life of an animal rather than the life of a child? 'Cos that's kinda crazy:(

[hansbekhart]

Hah! I say it all with love, man, I really do. We discussed thoroughly in chat what, exactly, Dean would be able to eat - if he was vegan, then no crackers, no pizza, no beer ... nothing with a face seemed like a decent compromise. And yeah. The founder of PETA has been quoted many times that he would rather save, say, a pig or a dog from drowning then a human child. PETA sucks. Thank you for reading, though!

[billythecad]

::pipes up:: PETA also says that you shouldn't use animal products even to make medicine, such as insulin. The absolutely hilarious thing is? One of the founders is a diabetic who is on animal-harvested insulin. Of course, she says that she deserves to use insulin because she helps 'fight the good fight' or something like that.

Oh, and their mass euthanasia of animals that they've 'rescued' from such horrible places such as animal shelters and pet stores.

Oh, and the PETA-sanctioned desecration of a grave because the poor woman was buried with a fur coat on.

Yeah, not a lot of PETA-love here.

[hansbekhart]

HAH! I didn't know that about the insulin thing, that's hilarious.

Fucking PETA, man. It's a wonder that they get any support at all, because while their message, sometimes/every once in a while, may be positive ... man, they suck.

[cdeacon]

Okay, I haven't read this yet because I suspect it will be gross (er, no offense!) but reading the summary made me laugh hysterically. You are awesome.

[hansbekhart]

Hah! It's not gross, actually - all of the puking mostly takes place off camera and is not described at all! I know, I show unusual restraint, considering how I normally write. Thank you!

[goodnight]

Dean has started crying in the bathroom after meals. He forces Sam to order the meatiest, greasiest thing on the menu and then watches him eat with the most awful expression on his face.

“It’s the same look he gets when he’s watching porn, like, really filthy porn. Gangbangs and double penetration and animals, you know?” Sam says over the phone.

AHAHAHHAA omg, best ever.

and, happy bday!!

[hansbekhart]

**giggles** Thank you for reading, and thanks so much for the birthday wishes!!

[layne67]

That was great! Poor Dean. And poor Sam, too.

Every time he’d hit a growth spurt, Dad would take him out for target practice, with Sam starring as the target.

ROFL that's hilarious. I'd imagine that Dean would have fun using Sam as target practice, too!

Love this :DD

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!. Are you wearing your new boots now?

[hansbekhart]

Oh man, Dean would use Sam as target practice any time Dad'd let him. Poor kiddo!

Thank you!! For reading and the birthday wishes! No - I've actually got my cowboy boots on tonight because they go with my pretty dress better. Hah! I still need to post pictures of those boots, though - my mother-in-law took pictures and I just haven't gotten them from her.