Erase Me
Title: Erase Me
Pairing: Alvin (Alexander/Kevin)
Summary: It’s war and everyone is fighting to live to see the next sunrise.
Rating: R
Warning: Violence. AU-ish.
Notes: This was inspired by the recent happenings in Korea. War really isn’t the answer to things but well, we’re only human, though I do wish everyone would show some semblance of control and talk things out in a civilized manner. Well, it really broke my heart writing this but well… on with the story.
__
It’s only been two months since North Korea has managed to take over the south but it feels like years and years to the ones stuck in the country. The army from the North was strict, setting out curfews and time slots for the people to go out and get necessities. Those who had to work could continue working unless the person in charge deemed their shop or work place ‘bad’.
The government of the South had managed to negotiate with the North and entertainment companies were still allowed to fly their idols out and air music shows provided they notified the head 2 weeks prior. Idols were protected and given some leeway. They had no curfew because they still had to continue their schedules and they were allowed to go out thrice a week for necessities. Still, they had the soldiers breathing down their necks and it scared them so everyone remained on their best behavior.
Idols that were outside the country during the whole ‘dominate South Korea’ process were told to stay away and find somewhere else to go. They had their freedom so why make them suffer the same fate? U-Kiss is one of the few unlucky idol groups that weren’t part of the emergency evacuation because they allowed the girl groups to leave first. Who knows what the soldiers will do to defenseless girls?
“It’s almost time for our grocery day,” Kevin says softly, curled up against Alexander as the older watches the television unseeingly. Dongho is on the floor, a large teddy bear sitting on his lap as he concentrates on his game. Kibum is in his room, on the phone with his hyung and Kiseop, Eli and Soohyun are pacing.
“Is it?” Alexander says absently, eyes trained on the TV. “I’ve stopped counting the days,” It earns a bitter smile from Eli who then turns to Soohyun, a questioning look on his face. “Whose turn is it to go out and get the necessities?”
“You, Kibum and me obviously,” Soohyun replies almost immediately, eyes falling on the maknae who seems to be in his own world. “I don’t get why you won’t let me and Xander-hyung go for once,” Kiseop says, frustrated, glaring at Soohyun.
“Kiseop-ah, can we please go one week without arguing about this again?” Soohyun sighs, looking at the taller pleadingly. Kiseop stares back defiantly. “We’re more than capable of looking after ourselves Soohyun! I know taekwondo and Xander, well; he’s got his own style of defending himself if the need arises.
“Seop, we’ve talked about this. Both of you look feminine, who knows what the soldiers might do,” Eli says, finally adding himself to the argument. This argument is one that occurs every time grocery day nears and there is never a time where Alexander and Kiseop are allowed out.
“What about me? I can’t just let you hyung-deul do all the work,” Dongho pipes up, putting down his game and looking up at the three older ones. Alexander reaches down and places a hand on Dongho’s neck and the younger pouts, placing his head on Alexander’s lap.
“Seop, don’t argue. Soohyun and Elison just want to do what’s best,” Alexander says tiredly, looking older than he actually is. Kiseop sighs in frustration, pulling at his hair before turning on his heels and going off to his room. “Thanks,” Soohyun says gratefully and Alexander shrugs, hands playing with Kevin’s brown strands.
“You don’t usually just give in like that Xan,” Kevin says eventually when Soohyun and Eli have gone to see what they need to make a list. Alexander shrugs. “You know something,” Kevin says accusingly, eyes narrowed suspiciously at his friend.
“I don’t,” Alexander replies shortly, careful of the sleeping maknae in his lap. Kevin straightens up and pokes the older’s shoulder. “Tell me,” he demands. The older ignores him and just flips the channel, mouth pressed into a thin line. Kevin glares balefully at him before disappearing off to where Eli is.
“Why don’t you just tell him hyung?” Dongho asks from Alexander’s lap. Alexander smiles down at the maknae but doesn’t reply. “Just sleep Dongho-ah,” he says instead and Dongho does, sighing contentedly before he drifts off to dreamland.
Because I love him too much.
__
Grocery day.
“Take Kiseop with you,” Alexander says to Manager Shin. Manager Shin stares at Alexander for a moment before nodding mutely. Soohyun opens his mouth to argue but is silenced but the look Alexander gives him. “Get Kiseop, Eli,” Manager Shin says curtly and Eli does so without complain, giving the oldest of the group a sad, understanding look as he passed him by.
Kiseop is happy to go, giving Alexander a hug before skipping out the door, talking to Kibum excitedly in hushed tones. It’s been so long since any of them has had the chance to go out without the weight of their schedules on their shoulders.
Dongho peeks out from his room when the grocery team’s left and he stares at Alexander mutely. “Hyung, what time?” he asks quietly, mindful of Kevin who is in the room opposite. “15 minutes. Lock and barricade your door okay?” Alexander replies, voice hushed.
“What’s going on in 15 minutes?” Kevin’s voice comes quite suddenly, sharp and angry. Dongho lets out a squeak before disappearing back into his room, the click of his lock heard in the sudden silence.
“Nothing Binnie. Just go back to your room and remember to lock it,” Alexander says easily, pushing Kevin back to his room. “Stop it Xan! Don’t lie to me!” Kevin snaps, swatting away the older’s hand. The doorbell rings at that moment and Alexander’s breath catches in his throat.
“Please Kevin, listen to me and go back to your room,” Alexander says fervently, pushing Kevin again with more force and desperation behind his actions. Kevin struggles but Alexander somehow manages to shove him into the room and pulls the door close, taking out a key from his pocket and locking the door. He slides the key under the door and says, “Barricade your room door Kevin, please,” before going off to answer the door.
Kevin cries in frustration inside his locked room, doing as told because he’s seen the desperation in Alexander’s eyes. When he’s done, he slumps to the floor, crying mutely into his hands. He tries to figure out why Alexander is trying so hard to get him to stay in the room and his mind freezes when he recalls what Alexander is wearing.
Skin-tight leather pants and a low cut shirt, his hair falling freely around his face, making him look more feminine than normal. “It’s raid day today,” Kevin whispers in horror, a gasp escaping his suddenly dry throat. He holds his breath when he hears Alexander’s velvety voice speaking to someone at the door and he strains his ears to catch the conversation.
“Annyeonghaseyo,” Alexander says. There’s a low grunt as people enter their dorm, heavy footfalls crossing the doorway. Kevin figures there’s about three or four of them.
“You’re the only one here?” one man asks roughly.
“Yes,” Alexander replies back politely and Kevin can see him with his head bent down in respect, eyes kept to the floor. There’s another grunt before another man speaks, “Where are the rest?”
“It’s grocery day today Jung-nim,” Alexander says respectfully. Jung-nim makes an ‘mm’ sound and Kevin feels his stomach turns when he hears the quiet footsteps of a person pacing. ‘Jung-nim is checking him out,’ Kevin mind says in horror.
“You’re pretty. Very pretty but there’s another one isn’t there? The American one,” Jung-nim says eventually.
“Yes, but he’s sick so our manager took him to the doctor’s,” Alexander says, making sure to keep his voice from shaking and Kevin can’t take it any longer. He quietly moves aside his bedside table away from the door and unlocks it silently, peeking out of the small crack and he sees Alexander’s chin grasped tightly in Jung-nim’s hand.
Kevin can read the fear in Alexander’s eyes as his head is turn this way and that, the low chortles of the other three lower-ranked soldiers reaching his ears. Jung-nim lets him go and steps back. “Search the house, make sure he isn’t lying,” Kevin hurriedly locks his door and moves his table back, holding his breath as he slips under the bed.
He hears the soldiers coming closer and fear surrounds him when he sees the doorknob jiggling. “Jung-nim, the doors here are locked,” a soldier calls out. Jung-nim turns and glares at Alexander.
“Why are they locked?” he snarls. Alexander resists the urge to flinch as he replies, “We always lock the rooms before we leave Jung-nim,” Jung-nim backhands Alexander and Kevin hears the soldiers retreating back to the living room. He unlocks the door and moves aside the table once more, peeking out and he has to hold back a gasp when he sees Alexander on his knees, one side of his face swelling.
“Take him,” Jung-nim waves his hand and three soldiers who have been waiting at the side closes in, raining blows on Alexander’s frail body, laughing and jeering all the while. Kevin bites on his fist to keep from crying out loud and he can tell Dongho is too because he can hear everything.
They hear the cries of pain that slip past Alexander’s bloodied lips as merciless blows are rained on him. Kevin tries hard not to scream when he hears the unmistakable sound of zippers being unzipped. The screams intensify before they are muffled and Kevin peeks back out, regretting it instantly as he heaves up his breakfast.
These soldiers were monsters. They were tearing Alexander open from the inside with their manhood’s, one of which was stuffed mercilessly into the older’s mouth. Kevin cries when he sees Alexander gagging, blood slipping down his tanned thighs as the two soldiers pound into him like animals from behind, his body trying to arch away from the intrusion.
A foot is slammed down on his back to keep him from moving and Kevin can see Jung-nim smirking sadistically from the sidelines. Kevin very nearly screams in relief when the front door opens and the grocery team comes back. Everything after that is a blur and all Kevin hears is the screams of outrage as Eli pulls the soldiers off of Alexander, punching them and fighting them off.
There are gunshots and shouts and Kevin can no longer stay where he is. He hurriedly pushes aside the barricade and stumbles out of his room, a baseball bat in hand. He’s satisfied when he manages to catch one of the soldiers unaware and bashes his head in. Kevin throws aside the bat in favor of taking Alexander into his lap.
“Xan, Xan, stay with me. Don’t fall asleep,” he says desperately, patting the older’s gaunt cheeks desperately. ‘When did he get so thin?’ he thinks in his mind. Alexander’s breathing is shallow as he coughs up blood, staring at Kevin through half-lidded eyes, ignoring the dead bodies in their living room.
“Binnie, you… safe?” he slurs sluggishly. Kevin nods fervently, tears dripping down on Alexander’s bloodied face. “We’re all safe you goon. W-Why did you have to be so bloody self sacrificing?” he cries, hugging Alexander, dimly registering Kibum calling for an ambulance.
“Please don’t fall asleep,” Kevin begs crying harder when he feels the heartbeat under his palm growing fainter. Alexander smiles, placing a cold hand on his cheek.
“Because I love you Kevin Woo,” he gasps out. Kevin chokes pressing a kiss to Alexander’s lips. “If you love me then fight! Please!”
Alexander shakes his head weakly. “I can’t Kevin. I’m so tired. So, so tired,”
“Then go to sleep hyung,” Dongho says, taking on of Alexander’s hand. It seemed to trigger something in the other members because then Kibum’s phone falls to the ground as he tries to get to Alexander too. “Can… Can we have a group hug before I go to sleep?” the oldest asks tiredly, tears running down his cheeks as well and everyone closes in, holding on to each other desperately, tears pouring down their cheeks.
“So… warm…” Alexander whispers. “Binnie,”
“Y-yea?” he chokes out.
“Remember to wake me up won’t you? I’ve gotta… gotta make… breakfast,”
“I will Xan, don’t worry, I will,” he sobs. “Sweet dreams,”
And there’s one last feeble beat of his heart before it stops, the hand on Kevin’s cheek dropping to ground as his head flops to the side, eyes staring at the hardwood floor sightlessly, a soft gasp of air escaping his mouth and Kevin cries when he hears the last words of, “Erase me,” from the now dead Alexander. Everyone is crying, blood smeared all over their clothes as Eli reaches out shakily, sliding Alexander’s eyes close, a strangled noise escaping his throat.
Days after that were dull and colorless. Everyone is glad to get out of the country to go to Macau for a concert, U-Kiss still continuing on without their King Kong. They pack up everything and get on the plane before the North Korea soldiers could ambush them.
Three days after they are in Macau, news of South Korea finally free of the North’s hold reaches them and they go on stage, hearts lighter. When they dance, there’s an empty space where a once loud, bubbly and brash person danced and rapped, emanation charisma. But to the fans, it seemed, as though that person was never there, was never part of the once seven-member group. He was gone from their lives and minds.
U-Kiss is still around 6 years after the tragedy and on the night of Alexander’s death anniversary, Kevin remembers a wish made by the oldest quite suddenly.
‘I wish for U-Kiss to be successful without Kevin~’
“How wrong you were Xan,” Kevin says sadly, clutching something tightly in his hand. “We’re successful now with me but without you,” He stands up and drops the thing he was holding onto the coffee table before retreating to the room.
As moonlight streams through the open window, it illuminates a frog eraser, black heart-shaped lips painted on its wide smile.
.end
Pairing: Alvin (Alexander/Kevin)
Summary: It’s war and everyone is fighting to live to see the next sunrise.
Rating: R
Warning: Violence. AU-ish.
Notes: This was inspired by the recent happenings in Korea. War really isn’t the answer to things but well, we’re only human, though I do wish everyone would show some semblance of control and talk things out in a civilized manner. Well, it really broke my heart writing this but well… on with the story.
__
It’s only been two months since North Korea has managed to take over the south but it feels like years and years to the ones stuck in the country. The army from the North was strict, setting out curfews and time slots for the people to go out and get necessities. Those who had to work could continue working unless the person in charge deemed their shop or work place ‘bad’.
The government of the South had managed to negotiate with the North and entertainment companies were still allowed to fly their idols out and air music shows provided they notified the head 2 weeks prior. Idols were protected and given some leeway. They had no curfew because they still had to continue their schedules and they were allowed to go out thrice a week for necessities. Still, they had the soldiers breathing down their necks and it scared them so everyone remained on their best behavior.
Idols that were outside the country during the whole ‘dominate South Korea’ process were told to stay away and find somewhere else to go. They had their freedom so why make them suffer the same fate? U-Kiss is one of the few unlucky idol groups that weren’t part of the emergency evacuation because they allowed the girl groups to leave first. Who knows what the soldiers will do to defenseless girls?
“It’s almost time for our grocery day,” Kevin says softly, curled up against Alexander as the older watches the television unseeingly. Dongho is on the floor, a large teddy bear sitting on his lap as he concentrates on his game. Kibum is in his room, on the phone with his hyung and Kiseop, Eli and Soohyun are pacing.
“Is it?” Alexander says absently, eyes trained on the TV. “I’ve stopped counting the days,” It earns a bitter smile from Eli who then turns to Soohyun, a questioning look on his face. “Whose turn is it to go out and get the necessities?”
“You, Kibum and me obviously,” Soohyun replies almost immediately, eyes falling on the maknae who seems to be in his own world. “I don’t get why you won’t let me and Xander-hyung go for once,” Kiseop says, frustrated, glaring at Soohyun.
“Kiseop-ah, can we please go one week without arguing about this again?” Soohyun sighs, looking at the taller pleadingly. Kiseop stares back defiantly. “We’re more than capable of looking after ourselves Soohyun! I know taekwondo and Xander, well; he’s got his own style of defending himself if the need arises.
“Seop, we’ve talked about this. Both of you look feminine, who knows what the soldiers might do,” Eli says, finally adding himself to the argument. This argument is one that occurs every time grocery day nears and there is never a time where Alexander and Kiseop are allowed out.
“What about me? I can’t just let you hyung-deul do all the work,” Dongho pipes up, putting down his game and looking up at the three older ones. Alexander reaches down and places a hand on Dongho’s neck and the younger pouts, placing his head on Alexander’s lap.
“Seop, don’t argue. Soohyun and Elison just want to do what’s best,” Alexander says tiredly, looking older than he actually is. Kiseop sighs in frustration, pulling at his hair before turning on his heels and going off to his room. “Thanks,” Soohyun says gratefully and Alexander shrugs, hands playing with Kevin’s brown strands.
“You don’t usually just give in like that Xan,” Kevin says eventually when Soohyun and Eli have gone to see what they need to make a list. Alexander shrugs. “You know something,” Kevin says accusingly, eyes narrowed suspiciously at his friend.
“I don’t,” Alexander replies shortly, careful of the sleeping maknae in his lap. Kevin straightens up and pokes the older’s shoulder. “Tell me,” he demands. The older ignores him and just flips the channel, mouth pressed into a thin line. Kevin glares balefully at him before disappearing off to where Eli is.
“Why don’t you just tell him hyung?” Dongho asks from Alexander’s lap. Alexander smiles down at the maknae but doesn’t reply. “Just sleep Dongho-ah,” he says instead and Dongho does, sighing contentedly before he drifts off to dreamland.
Because I love him too much.
__
Grocery day.
“Take Kiseop with you,” Alexander says to Manager Shin. Manager Shin stares at Alexander for a moment before nodding mutely. Soohyun opens his mouth to argue but is silenced but the look Alexander gives him. “Get Kiseop, Eli,” Manager Shin says curtly and Eli does so without complain, giving the oldest of the group a sad, understanding look as he passed him by.
Kiseop is happy to go, giving Alexander a hug before skipping out the door, talking to Kibum excitedly in hushed tones. It’s been so long since any of them has had the chance to go out without the weight of their schedules on their shoulders.
Dongho peeks out from his room when the grocery team’s left and he stares at Alexander mutely. “Hyung, what time?” he asks quietly, mindful of Kevin who is in the room opposite. “15 minutes. Lock and barricade your door okay?” Alexander replies, voice hushed.
“What’s going on in 15 minutes?” Kevin’s voice comes quite suddenly, sharp and angry. Dongho lets out a squeak before disappearing back into his room, the click of his lock heard in the sudden silence.
“Nothing Binnie. Just go back to your room and remember to lock it,” Alexander says easily, pushing Kevin back to his room. “Stop it Xan! Don’t lie to me!” Kevin snaps, swatting away the older’s hand. The doorbell rings at that moment and Alexander’s breath catches in his throat.
“Please Kevin, listen to me and go back to your room,” Alexander says fervently, pushing Kevin again with more force and desperation behind his actions. Kevin struggles but Alexander somehow manages to shove him into the room and pulls the door close, taking out a key from his pocket and locking the door. He slides the key under the door and says, “Barricade your room door Kevin, please,” before going off to answer the door.
Kevin cries in frustration inside his locked room, doing as told because he’s seen the desperation in Alexander’s eyes. When he’s done, he slumps to the floor, crying mutely into his hands. He tries to figure out why Alexander is trying so hard to get him to stay in the room and his mind freezes when he recalls what Alexander is wearing.
Skin-tight leather pants and a low cut shirt, his hair falling freely around his face, making him look more feminine than normal. “It’s raid day today,” Kevin whispers in horror, a gasp escaping his suddenly dry throat. He holds his breath when he hears Alexander’s velvety voice speaking to someone at the door and he strains his ears to catch the conversation.
“Annyeonghaseyo,” Alexander says. There’s a low grunt as people enter their dorm, heavy footfalls crossing the doorway. Kevin figures there’s about three or four of them.
“You’re the only one here?” one man asks roughly.
“Yes,” Alexander replies back politely and Kevin can see him with his head bent down in respect, eyes kept to the floor. There’s another grunt before another man speaks, “Where are the rest?”
“It’s grocery day today Jung-nim,” Alexander says respectfully. Jung-nim makes an ‘mm’ sound and Kevin feels his stomach turns when he hears the quiet footsteps of a person pacing. ‘Jung-nim is checking him out,’ Kevin mind says in horror.
“You’re pretty. Very pretty but there’s another one isn’t there? The American one,” Jung-nim says eventually.
“Yes, but he’s sick so our manager took him to the doctor’s,” Alexander says, making sure to keep his voice from shaking and Kevin can’t take it any longer. He quietly moves aside his bedside table away from the door and unlocks it silently, peeking out of the small crack and he sees Alexander’s chin grasped tightly in Jung-nim’s hand.
Kevin can read the fear in Alexander’s eyes as his head is turn this way and that, the low chortles of the other three lower-ranked soldiers reaching his ears. Jung-nim lets him go and steps back. “Search the house, make sure he isn’t lying,” Kevin hurriedly locks his door and moves his table back, holding his breath as he slips under the bed.
He hears the soldiers coming closer and fear surrounds him when he sees the doorknob jiggling. “Jung-nim, the doors here are locked,” a soldier calls out. Jung-nim turns and glares at Alexander.
“Why are they locked?” he snarls. Alexander resists the urge to flinch as he replies, “We always lock the rooms before we leave Jung-nim,” Jung-nim backhands Alexander and Kevin hears the soldiers retreating back to the living room. He unlocks the door and moves aside the table once more, peeking out and he has to hold back a gasp when he sees Alexander on his knees, one side of his face swelling.
“Take him,” Jung-nim waves his hand and three soldiers who have been waiting at the side closes in, raining blows on Alexander’s frail body, laughing and jeering all the while. Kevin bites on his fist to keep from crying out loud and he can tell Dongho is too because he can hear everything.
They hear the cries of pain that slip past Alexander’s bloodied lips as merciless blows are rained on him. Kevin tries hard not to scream when he hears the unmistakable sound of zippers being unzipped. The screams intensify before they are muffled and Kevin peeks back out, regretting it instantly as he heaves up his breakfast.
These soldiers were monsters. They were tearing Alexander open from the inside with their manhood’s, one of which was stuffed mercilessly into the older’s mouth. Kevin cries when he sees Alexander gagging, blood slipping down his tanned thighs as the two soldiers pound into him like animals from behind, his body trying to arch away from the intrusion.
A foot is slammed down on his back to keep him from moving and Kevin can see Jung-nim smirking sadistically from the sidelines. Kevin very nearly screams in relief when the front door opens and the grocery team comes back. Everything after that is a blur and all Kevin hears is the screams of outrage as Eli pulls the soldiers off of Alexander, punching them and fighting them off.
There are gunshots and shouts and Kevin can no longer stay where he is. He hurriedly pushes aside the barricade and stumbles out of his room, a baseball bat in hand. He’s satisfied when he manages to catch one of the soldiers unaware and bashes his head in. Kevin throws aside the bat in favor of taking Alexander into his lap.
“Xan, Xan, stay with me. Don’t fall asleep,” he says desperately, patting the older’s gaunt cheeks desperately. ‘When did he get so thin?’ he thinks in his mind. Alexander’s breathing is shallow as he coughs up blood, staring at Kevin through half-lidded eyes, ignoring the dead bodies in their living room.
“Binnie, you… safe?” he slurs sluggishly. Kevin nods fervently, tears dripping down on Alexander’s bloodied face. “We’re all safe you goon. W-Why did you have to be so bloody self sacrificing?” he cries, hugging Alexander, dimly registering Kibum calling for an ambulance.
“Please don’t fall asleep,” Kevin begs crying harder when he feels the heartbeat under his palm growing fainter. Alexander smiles, placing a cold hand on his cheek.
“Because I love you Kevin Woo,” he gasps out. Kevin chokes pressing a kiss to Alexander’s lips. “If you love me then fight! Please!”
Alexander shakes his head weakly. “I can’t Kevin. I’m so tired. So, so tired,”
“Then go to sleep hyung,” Dongho says, taking on of Alexander’s hand. It seemed to trigger something in the other members because then Kibum’s phone falls to the ground as he tries to get to Alexander too. “Can… Can we have a group hug before I go to sleep?” the oldest asks tiredly, tears running down his cheeks as well and everyone closes in, holding on to each other desperately, tears pouring down their cheeks.
“So… warm…” Alexander whispers. “Binnie,”
“Y-yea?” he chokes out.
“Remember to wake me up won’t you? I’ve gotta… gotta make… breakfast,”
“I will Xan, don’t worry, I will,” he sobs. “Sweet dreams,”
And there’s one last feeble beat of his heart before it stops, the hand on Kevin’s cheek dropping to ground as his head flops to the side, eyes staring at the hardwood floor sightlessly, a soft gasp of air escaping his mouth and Kevin cries when he hears the last words of, “Erase me,” from the now dead Alexander. Everyone is crying, blood smeared all over their clothes as Eli reaches out shakily, sliding Alexander’s eyes close, a strangled noise escaping his throat.
Days after that were dull and colorless. Everyone is glad to get out of the country to go to Macau for a concert, U-Kiss still continuing on without their King Kong. They pack up everything and get on the plane before the North Korea soldiers could ambush them.
Three days after they are in Macau, news of South Korea finally free of the North’s hold reaches them and they go on stage, hearts lighter. When they dance, there’s an empty space where a once loud, bubbly and brash person danced and rapped, emanation charisma. But to the fans, it seemed, as though that person was never there, was never part of the once seven-member group. He was gone from their lives and minds.
U-Kiss is still around 6 years after the tragedy and on the night of Alexander’s death anniversary, Kevin remembers a wish made by the oldest quite suddenly.
‘I wish for U-Kiss to be successful without Kevin~’
“How wrong you were Xan,” Kevin says sadly, clutching something tightly in his hand. “We’re successful now with me but without you,” He stands up and drops the thing he was holding onto the coffee table before retreating to the room.
As moonlight streams through the open window, it illuminates a frog eraser, black heart-shaped lips painted on its wide smile.
.end