Happy birthday, nekare! // HP fic: Ashtrays fill with sleepless nights
To the wonderful nekare
I'm sorry for the lateness my dear but I came home late yesterday.
My present is my very first Sirius/Remus story - didn't have the chance to get it beta read so forgive all the mistakes. I'm still a little dazed from my cold.
All the best wishes for you! *hugs*
Written for 50lyricsfanfic
Dedicated to nekare
Title: Ashtrays fill with sleepless nights
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Remus/Sirius, Harry/Draco, implies Remus/Tonks
Prompt: 019. and where I go//you'll be there with me//forever you'll be right here with me
Spoilers/Setting: war fic, no spoilers
Warnings/Genre: quite angsty, hurt/comfort characters death, slash ;), not beta'd - I'm sorry
Summary: Remus remembers Sirius
Rating: let's say 15
Word Count: 677
Author's Notes: The title is stolen take from the quoted poem 'My Love Left On A Saturday' by Michael Perez.
Ashtrays fill with sleepless nights
My belt loosens slowly.
Reminders of you stay fresh
in murky ponds of suffocating tadpoles.
Wake me in the morning,
when the sun shines again.
My Love Left On A Saturday by Michael Perez
Remus remembers Sirius.
Every day something happens which brings back all these painful, wonderful memories.
A dog that crosses the streets. Tonks hair that turns black on his command. Arthur’s nearly childish joy as he finds an old motorcylce. Hermione who works with Minerva on extending the Marauder’s Map on Grimmauld Place and later on Voldemort’s headquarter.
There’s a war raging outside of Remus’ head but the werewolf can’t stop the dead from coming back each day. Sometimes he thinks he can’t stop them because of the war.
He remembers Sirius with perfect black hair and pale skin, with his sharp tongue and biting humour, with all the ‘I love you’s he ever said.
Harry reminds him a lot of his dead lover because even if he has James’ appearance and Lily’s eyes, Sirius’ sadness seems like a weight on his shoulders. Something no 18 year old boy should’ve to carry.
Every catfight Sirius’ godson has with Draco Malfoy is another reminder of their own past. These are good memories because fighting with Sirius was always passionate and just another kind of foreplay.
So Remus wonders when Harry will give in to it because Draco is part of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black just like Sirius had been and he knows how to replace Harry’s sadness with burning rage or sarcastic banter.
The Malfoy heir reminds Harry what he’s fighting for because ’if you dare to lose this stupid war I’ll kill you with my bare hands. No matter where your place in hell is I’ll find you there. Got it?’ - ‘Mind your own business, Malfoy. I’ve a world to save, so could you just kindly fuck off.’
Since Draco came he hears his dead best friends’ son laugh and shout more than during the previous months.
Remus seeks for comfort in his memories of Sirius because he can’t remember being not happy with his former lover. Despite all the fights and disappointments and pain Sirius was always lying close next to time.
He’s betraying Tonks one way or another. Even on the day of her death Remus cannot forget the moment he lost Sirius. Lupin offers comfort for Andromeda because after her daughter’s death she’s alone and Remus knows how it feels if your family leaves you once and for all. They end up talking about the war because it’s tragedies are ever present and crawling under their skins.
So Remus tells the older witch about the famous Harry Potter and what’s behind the name. He talks about Draco Malfoy too and Bellatrix’s older sister smiles the first time in days. Remus doesn’t think about Sirius then but Andromedas hair seems even darker against the paleness of her skin.
As he gets back to Number 12 Grimmauld Place that afternoon Harry tells him how sorry he is for the loss of Tonks but it’s been a week since she died and Remus can’t remember missing her. So he asks where Draco is but Harry pretends to be not interested and tells the older wizard that”the git is probably sulking in his room like he always does.”
It’s the night right before the first full moon of the month so Remus spends it outside sitting on the rotten porch. The two boys join him for a while because Grimmauld Place Number 12 has always been a lonely place. As Draco raises to get back in the house his former professor offers him his condolences for the loss of his cousin and advises him to visit Andromeda. Because she is literally the only family Draco has left but Lupin doesn’t say that. The Slytherin thanks him quietly and leaves.
Remus sits with Harry in silence watching the moon. He doesn’t miss the frightened look on the Boy-Who-Lived face and tells him to follow the blonde because we both know the memories will haunt him at night. Harry doesn’t look scared anymore and leaves trying to give Lupin a reassuring smile but fails.
Remus remembers Sirius then like every night because there’s a war raging outside.
~ fini ~
05/50
I'm sorry for the lateness my dear but I came home late yesterday.
My present is my very first Sirius/Remus story - didn't have the chance to get it beta read so forgive all the mistakes. I'm still a little dazed from my cold.
All the best wishes for you! *hugs*
Written for 50lyricsfanfic
Dedicated to nekare
Title: Ashtrays fill with sleepless nights
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Remus/Sirius, Harry/Draco, implies Remus/Tonks
Prompt: 019. and where I go//you'll be there with me//forever you'll be right here with me
Spoilers/Setting: war fic, no spoilers
Warnings/Genre: quite angsty, hurt/comfort characters death, slash ;), not beta'd - I'm sorry
Summary: Remus remembers Sirius
Rating: let's say 15
Word Count: 677
Author's Notes: The title is stolen take from the quoted poem 'My Love Left On A Saturday' by Michael Perez.
Ashtrays fill with sleepless nights
My belt loosens slowly.
Reminders of you stay fresh
in murky ponds of suffocating tadpoles.
Wake me in the morning,
when the sun shines again.
My Love Left On A Saturday by Michael Perez
Remus remembers Sirius.
Every day something happens which brings back all these painful, wonderful memories.
A dog that crosses the streets. Tonks hair that turns black on his command. Arthur’s nearly childish joy as he finds an old motorcylce. Hermione who works with Minerva on extending the Marauder’s Map on Grimmauld Place and later on Voldemort’s headquarter.
There’s a war raging outside of Remus’ head but the werewolf can’t stop the dead from coming back each day. Sometimes he thinks he can’t stop them because of the war.
He remembers Sirius with perfect black hair and pale skin, with his sharp tongue and biting humour, with all the ‘I love you’s he ever said.
Harry reminds him a lot of his dead lover because even if he has James’ appearance and Lily’s eyes, Sirius’ sadness seems like a weight on his shoulders. Something no 18 year old boy should’ve to carry.
Every catfight Sirius’ godson has with Draco Malfoy is another reminder of their own past. These are good memories because fighting with Sirius was always passionate and just another kind of foreplay.
So Remus wonders when Harry will give in to it because Draco is part of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black just like Sirius had been and he knows how to replace Harry’s sadness with burning rage or sarcastic banter.
The Malfoy heir reminds Harry what he’s fighting for because ’if you dare to lose this stupid war I’ll kill you with my bare hands. No matter where your place in hell is I’ll find you there. Got it?’ - ‘Mind your own business, Malfoy. I’ve a world to save, so could you just kindly fuck off.’
Since Draco came he hears his dead best friends’ son laugh and shout more than during the previous months.
Remus seeks for comfort in his memories of Sirius because he can’t remember being not happy with his former lover. Despite all the fights and disappointments and pain Sirius was always lying close next to time.
He’s betraying Tonks one way or another. Even on the day of her death Remus cannot forget the moment he lost Sirius. Lupin offers comfort for Andromeda because after her daughter’s death she’s alone and Remus knows how it feels if your family leaves you once and for all. They end up talking about the war because it’s tragedies are ever present and crawling under their skins.
So Remus tells the older witch about the famous Harry Potter and what’s behind the name. He talks about Draco Malfoy too and Bellatrix’s older sister smiles the first time in days. Remus doesn’t think about Sirius then but Andromedas hair seems even darker against the paleness of her skin.
As he gets back to Number 12 Grimmauld Place that afternoon Harry tells him how sorry he is for the loss of Tonks but it’s been a week since she died and Remus can’t remember missing her. So he asks where Draco is but Harry pretends to be not interested and tells the older wizard that”the git is probably sulking in his room like he always does.”
It’s the night right before the first full moon of the month so Remus spends it outside sitting on the rotten porch. The two boys join him for a while because Grimmauld Place Number 12 has always been a lonely place. As Draco raises to get back in the house his former professor offers him his condolences for the loss of his cousin and advises him to visit Andromeda. Because she is literally the only family Draco has left but Lupin doesn’t say that. The Slytherin thanks him quietly and leaves.
Remus sits with Harry in silence watching the moon. He doesn’t miss the frightened look on the Boy-Who-Lived face and tells him to follow the blonde because we both know the memories will haunt him at night. Harry doesn’t look scared anymore and leaves trying to give Lupin a reassuring smile but fails.
Remus remembers Sirius then like every night because there’s a war raging outside.
~ fini ~
05/50