Original Fiction: "Gone"

[halfshellvenus]

Title: Gone
Fandom: Original Fiction
Rating: PG
Summary: They never talked about him
Author's Notes: For the writerverse prompt of "Middle Sibling

Comments

[tsuki_no_bara]

i get a whiff of creepy from the man who takes peter - it's the gray clothes and the way grandma's farm is suddenly fruitful - but the thing i really like is grandma's later reaction. (or lack of reaction, i guess.) she had to do a thing to save her family, and there's no point in wondering or worrying about what might have been. it's very pragmatic.

[halfshellvenus]

Yay-- the man in gray is supposed to be creepy, as well as the nature of his request. What he gives in return can only make that worse-- no ordinary human could fulfill such a promise. :O

[riverotter1951]

That is haunting and sad. It reminds me of fairy tales with a similar theme. Survival has a heavy price.

[halfshellvenus]

Yay-- I was going for something fairytale-like here, with a story that has a sense of magic and sorrow and something sinister as well.

[muchtooarrogant]

The best part about coming back to LJ is always the great stories I'm able to read again!

This was excellent, and I thought the length really worked with the story you were telling. Just enough detail to shape what happened for the reader, with lots left to the imagination.

My favorite line was, "Are you allowed to miss someone you chose to betray?"

Very well done!

Dan

[halfshellvenus]

I'm glad you liked this!

That is also my favorite line, partly because it's unexpected and also because it cements the direction the truth will take. When the unthinkable becomes 'thinkable,' someone will pay the price of that choice forever.

[desertport]

Oooooh. Everything about this is so understated and chilling. I really like it.

[halfshellvenus]

Thank you! Understated is an approach I like for dark or horror-related stories. It's like something sneaking up on you that you don't even notice, and then dragging you underground to your doom.

Thanks for reading!

[riverotter1951]

A great use of the prompt middle sibling. I enjoy seeing how different people use the prompts.

[halfshellvenus]

The prompts have been a struggle for me lately (the song/video-came/movie references usually just stymie me). I didn't want to write this one at first (I wasn't in the mood to write about 'middle child' syndrome), but then a looser interpretation suggested itself. Thank goodness!