Nothing But the Earth and Sky 6/9
Title: Nothing But the Earth & Sky, Chapter 6 of 9 (Part Three of All That the Universe Allows)
Pairing/Characters: Steve, Danny
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 1602 for this chapter
Rating: R
Warnings/Spoilers: None for the show; beware of angst!
Disclaimer: I have not suddenly been gifted with rights; I make up these stories for free
Beta: siluria once again helped me more than she realizes.
Summary: In the last part, Steve crashed his truck and ended up badly concussed, which affected his memories of the last few months. In this part we start off where Danny, having re-confessed his own feelings for Steve, has just found out how Steve really feels about him
Author’s Notes: This is the third and final part to my series, All That the Universe Allows, in which Steve has been involved with Pete, a guy 15 years younger than him, to Danny's initial disapproval. This part alternates between Danny and Steve's POVs, and is nine completed chapters long.
NB: this chapter can also be read here at AO3
Enough was enough. Steve wasn't doing himself any good by hanging around home any longer, no matter what the doctor said or anyone else thought. His headaches were lessening, and a broken arm wasn't enough on it's own to stop him from working.
And he'd spent enough time feeling sorry for himself too.
Monday morning, after a jog along the beach (swimming was still out due to the cast) and a good, healthy breakfast, he showered and got dressed for a normal day with Five-0. He headed for the truck - his brand new replacement truck that was virtually identical, albeit a newer model, to the truck he'd crashed off the road that fateful day a few weeks back.
Behind the wheel for the first time since the accident, Steve took a breath, feeling suddenly claustrophobic, and wound down the window. It was a beautiful Hawaiian morning; nothing like the downpour he'd been in that day. Hesitating for only a moment longer, he pushed the key in and started the vehicle.
"See?" he muttered to himself, and before he could picture anything disturbing or consider what could happen on his way to work, he put the truck in gear and pulled away from the house.
~//~
Steve was first into HQ, which he supposed shouldn't have been unexpected, considering the hour, and as far as he knew, they didn't have a case, but somehow he was more than a little surprised that Danny wasn't already there.
Feeling at a loss after so long away, Steve headed for the break room, putting coffee on to brew while he waited for the team to arrive. When they still hadn't shown up by the time the coffee was ready, Steve sat at the table there, nervous about approaching his own office, and concerned that Danny and the others had already gone out to a crime scene that he hadn't been contacted about because no one knew he was back on the job.
The door to the room opened quietly some minutes later, and Steve looked up from his coffee, heart thumping at the sight of Danny in the doorway.
"What are you doing here?"
Steve let go of his coffee and rubbed his hands awkwardly on the legs of his cargoes, half-smiling nervously. "I can't sit at home alone any more. The headaches are… gone, and I figured I'd be better off working than staying there alone, feeling sorry for myself."
Danny had come into the room properly while Steve was speaking, pouring coffee for himself and leaning back against the counter to study Steve. "The doc cleared you?"
"Uh, sure, yeah," Steve offered without meeting Danny's eyes.
Danny nodded and drank coffee. "Sure he did. But let's face it, if you didn't ignore the rules and do whatever gets you into danger, you wouldn't be the Steve McGarrett we all know and love."
There was a silence that Steve didn't know how to fill as Danny finished speaking, both of them awkwardly aware of how much things had changed since they had last tried to exchange such banter.
Steve couldn't look at Danny, but he was aware of Danny practically holding his breath for a little longer than was natural.
Propelled into action by acute embarrassment, Steve pushed away from the table and stood up. "I should uh… I need to…" he gestured towards the door, finally stealing a glance at Danny who had straightened up from where he was leaning.
Danny looked as lost as Steve felt.
"We got a case?" Steve asked, hoping like hell they did so there was something - anything - to talk about that didn't allude to their erstwhile friendship.
"Actually, no," Danny managed. "Steve, I…"
Steve shook his head, backing out the door. He couldn't face this now.
Idiot that he was for thinking it was time he was back at work, he fled.
~//~
Steve found himself parked at the side of the road staring out across the space where he'd left the road that wet afternoon all those weeks earlier. He hadn't been back there since, and wasn't sure what had drawn him there now, except to get away from the increasing discomfort between him and Danny.
How quickly things could change. He'd met Pete before he'd known how Danny felt about him; how close the depth of emotion that ran between them really was. He'd apparently come to love Pete, and finding out what Danny wanted at completely the wrong time had led to Steve running himself off the road… he snorted to himself and shook his head. It still seemed like a dream sometimes; he could remember so little of the last few months up to and including the accident.
The sound of another vehicle slowing to a stop behind his truck made Steve frown. This wasn't a well-travelled road and he hadn't expected anyone else to be out here. Glancing in the rear-vision mirror, he muttered to himself, "Of all the…" and opened the door to the vehicle.
Climbing out, he folded his arms awkwardly, mindful of his cast, and waited until Danny approached.
Danny pushed a hand into a pocket and gestured at the drop beside the road with the other. "Anything coming back?"
"You didn't need to follow me," Steve said instead of answering, a nudge of anger behind the words. "I wasn't about to repeat the exercise, if that was what you were worried about."
Danny smiled tightly. "I didn't think you would. I just figured - once I realized where you were going - that you thought you might remember something if you came out here. I know it must be frustrating-"
"You have no idea how it feels!" Steve bit back any further pained words as he backed away, turning to move closer to the gap in the foliage where his truck had gone over the bank. "Not being able to remember any of it… to even know how I felt about Pete, or what I was feeling that day when I drove out here…" He managed a look back at Danny, who had followed him and was now standing a few paces away, looking pained. "What I wanted… what I was planning to do… I don't even know, Danny, and now… I feel like my whole world is unraveling. I feel like a completely different person."
Danny's whisper was quiet, but in the soft afternoon breeze it carried to Steve perfectly. "Let me help you find your way back?"
Steve spun on his heel and looked at Danny properly. The words held strength; a bedrock of security from the one person he'd always trusted - before the sorry mess they'd found themselves entangled in - but Steve still wasn't sure that Danny was wise to return that trust.
"I may never remember any of it, Danny."
"I can help you try. If that's what you need, babe. It's killing me, seeing how much this is destroying you. I…" Danny lifted his hands up, painting a motion of despair. "While a part of me is scared stiff that if you and I get together now, it'll all be over as soon as you get back to normal - normal for you, anyway…" He shook his head lightly, waving one hand in a very Danny-like way and quirking his lip up at one side as he gazed at Steve. "And I couldn't go through that. Not after everything that's happened."
Steve didn't know what to say. He hadn't imagined for a single second that Danny had entertained thoughts of them being together since the second time he'd found out how Danny felt. He'd simply assumed that everything had changed after the accident and that Danny was done with thinking they could be together; was past feeling that way about him.
"I can't be your rebound," Danny went on when Steve didn't speak. "But…" He paused, licking at his lip and gazing away across the unruly growth that was beginning to sprawl across the space where Steve's truck had been dragged back up. He met Steve's eyes again. "I can't live like this either, with this…" He waved a hand back and forth, indicating them both. "This - whatever this is - hanging between us; making us… no longer friends."
Steve frowned, his mind swirling with thoughts. "I thought… that's what you wanted; for our friendship to be… over."
"God, no!" Danny moved a step closer. "I… I want… I don't even know how to tell you."
Steve's head hurt. The confusion he felt about the whole situation had him so uncertain about his own feelings that he couldn't begin to make sense of what Danny meant. "I don't know what to do."
"I can see that, babe. But it won't be like this forever. You can get through this." Danny held out a hand. "Let me help? Please?"
Steve looked into Danny's eyes and then at the hand he held out. He'd always trusted Danny to have his back before; why should this be any different? "Okay," he finally agreed, taking hold of Danny's hand.
Danny squeezed his fingers tight, a hesitant grin finding its way onto his face as he pulled Steve in, and then they were hugging, holding on tight to each other. Steve closed his eyes, pressing his face into the curve of Danny's neck and trying not to let the tears out.
Danny stroked his back, spreading a warmth through Steve that he'd thought he'd never feel again. All he wanted was for the moment to last forever, with neither past nor future able to hurt him; the present all he needed for now.
~//~//~
Chapter 7
Pairing/Characters: Steve, Danny
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 1602 for this chapter
Rating: R
Warnings/Spoilers: None for the show; beware of angst!
Disclaimer: I have not suddenly been gifted with rights; I make up these stories for free
Beta: siluria once again helped me more than she realizes.
Summary: In the last part, Steve crashed his truck and ended up badly concussed, which affected his memories of the last few months. In this part we start off where Danny, having re-confessed his own feelings for Steve, has just found out how Steve really feels about him
Author’s Notes: This is the third and final part to my series, All That the Universe Allows, in which Steve has been involved with Pete, a guy 15 years younger than him, to Danny's initial disapproval. This part alternates between Danny and Steve's POVs, and is nine completed chapters long.
NB: this chapter can also be read here at AO3
Enough was enough. Steve wasn't doing himself any good by hanging around home any longer, no matter what the doctor said or anyone else thought. His headaches were lessening, and a broken arm wasn't enough on it's own to stop him from working.
And he'd spent enough time feeling sorry for himself too.
Monday morning, after a jog along the beach (swimming was still out due to the cast) and a good, healthy breakfast, he showered and got dressed for a normal day with Five-0. He headed for the truck - his brand new replacement truck that was virtually identical, albeit a newer model, to the truck he'd crashed off the road that fateful day a few weeks back.
Behind the wheel for the first time since the accident, Steve took a breath, feeling suddenly claustrophobic, and wound down the window. It was a beautiful Hawaiian morning; nothing like the downpour he'd been in that day. Hesitating for only a moment longer, he pushed the key in and started the vehicle.
"See?" he muttered to himself, and before he could picture anything disturbing or consider what could happen on his way to work, he put the truck in gear and pulled away from the house.
~//~
Steve was first into HQ, which he supposed shouldn't have been unexpected, considering the hour, and as far as he knew, they didn't have a case, but somehow he was more than a little surprised that Danny wasn't already there.
Feeling at a loss after so long away, Steve headed for the break room, putting coffee on to brew while he waited for the team to arrive. When they still hadn't shown up by the time the coffee was ready, Steve sat at the table there, nervous about approaching his own office, and concerned that Danny and the others had already gone out to a crime scene that he hadn't been contacted about because no one knew he was back on the job.
The door to the room opened quietly some minutes later, and Steve looked up from his coffee, heart thumping at the sight of Danny in the doorway.
"What are you doing here?"
Steve let go of his coffee and rubbed his hands awkwardly on the legs of his cargoes, half-smiling nervously. "I can't sit at home alone any more. The headaches are… gone, and I figured I'd be better off working than staying there alone, feeling sorry for myself."
Danny had come into the room properly while Steve was speaking, pouring coffee for himself and leaning back against the counter to study Steve. "The doc cleared you?"
"Uh, sure, yeah," Steve offered without meeting Danny's eyes.
Danny nodded and drank coffee. "Sure he did. But let's face it, if you didn't ignore the rules and do whatever gets you into danger, you wouldn't be the Steve McGarrett we all know and love."
There was a silence that Steve didn't know how to fill as Danny finished speaking, both of them awkwardly aware of how much things had changed since they had last tried to exchange such banter.
Steve couldn't look at Danny, but he was aware of Danny practically holding his breath for a little longer than was natural.
Propelled into action by acute embarrassment, Steve pushed away from the table and stood up. "I should uh… I need to…" he gestured towards the door, finally stealing a glance at Danny who had straightened up from where he was leaning.
Danny looked as lost as Steve felt.
"We got a case?" Steve asked, hoping like hell they did so there was something - anything - to talk about that didn't allude to their erstwhile friendship.
"Actually, no," Danny managed. "Steve, I…"
Steve shook his head, backing out the door. He couldn't face this now.
Idiot that he was for thinking it was time he was back at work, he fled.
~//~
Steve found himself parked at the side of the road staring out across the space where he'd left the road that wet afternoon all those weeks earlier. He hadn't been back there since, and wasn't sure what had drawn him there now, except to get away from the increasing discomfort between him and Danny.
How quickly things could change. He'd met Pete before he'd known how Danny felt about him; how close the depth of emotion that ran between them really was. He'd apparently come to love Pete, and finding out what Danny wanted at completely the wrong time had led to Steve running himself off the road… he snorted to himself and shook his head. It still seemed like a dream sometimes; he could remember so little of the last few months up to and including the accident.
The sound of another vehicle slowing to a stop behind his truck made Steve frown. This wasn't a well-travelled road and he hadn't expected anyone else to be out here. Glancing in the rear-vision mirror, he muttered to himself, "Of all the…" and opened the door to the vehicle.
Climbing out, he folded his arms awkwardly, mindful of his cast, and waited until Danny approached.
Danny pushed a hand into a pocket and gestured at the drop beside the road with the other. "Anything coming back?"
"You didn't need to follow me," Steve said instead of answering, a nudge of anger behind the words. "I wasn't about to repeat the exercise, if that was what you were worried about."
Danny smiled tightly. "I didn't think you would. I just figured - once I realized where you were going - that you thought you might remember something if you came out here. I know it must be frustrating-"
"You have no idea how it feels!" Steve bit back any further pained words as he backed away, turning to move closer to the gap in the foliage where his truck had gone over the bank. "Not being able to remember any of it… to even know how I felt about Pete, or what I was feeling that day when I drove out here…" He managed a look back at Danny, who had followed him and was now standing a few paces away, looking pained. "What I wanted… what I was planning to do… I don't even know, Danny, and now… I feel like my whole world is unraveling. I feel like a completely different person."
Danny's whisper was quiet, but in the soft afternoon breeze it carried to Steve perfectly. "Let me help you find your way back?"
Steve spun on his heel and looked at Danny properly. The words held strength; a bedrock of security from the one person he'd always trusted - before the sorry mess they'd found themselves entangled in - but Steve still wasn't sure that Danny was wise to return that trust.
"I may never remember any of it, Danny."
"I can help you try. If that's what you need, babe. It's killing me, seeing how much this is destroying you. I…" Danny lifted his hands up, painting a motion of despair. "While a part of me is scared stiff that if you and I get together now, it'll all be over as soon as you get back to normal - normal for you, anyway…" He shook his head lightly, waving one hand in a very Danny-like way and quirking his lip up at one side as he gazed at Steve. "And I couldn't go through that. Not after everything that's happened."
Steve didn't know what to say. He hadn't imagined for a single second that Danny had entertained thoughts of them being together since the second time he'd found out how Danny felt. He'd simply assumed that everything had changed after the accident and that Danny was done with thinking they could be together; was past feeling that way about him.
"I can't be your rebound," Danny went on when Steve didn't speak. "But…" He paused, licking at his lip and gazing away across the unruly growth that was beginning to sprawl across the space where Steve's truck had been dragged back up. He met Steve's eyes again. "I can't live like this either, with this…" He waved a hand back and forth, indicating them both. "This - whatever this is - hanging between us; making us… no longer friends."
Steve frowned, his mind swirling with thoughts. "I thought… that's what you wanted; for our friendship to be… over."
"God, no!" Danny moved a step closer. "I… I want… I don't even know how to tell you."
Steve's head hurt. The confusion he felt about the whole situation had him so uncertain about his own feelings that he couldn't begin to make sense of what Danny meant. "I don't know what to do."
"I can see that, babe. But it won't be like this forever. You can get through this." Danny held out a hand. "Let me help? Please?"
Steve looked into Danny's eyes and then at the hand he held out. He'd always trusted Danny to have his back before; why should this be any different? "Okay," he finally agreed, taking hold of Danny's hand.
Danny squeezed his fingers tight, a hesitant grin finding its way onto his face as he pulled Steve in, and then they were hugging, holding on tight to each other. Steve closed his eyes, pressing his face into the curve of Danny's neck and trying not to let the tears out.
Danny stroked his back, spreading a warmth through Steve that he'd thought he'd never feel again. All he wanted was for the moment to last forever, with neither past nor future able to hurt him; the present all he needed for now.
~//~//~
Chapter 7