Siwon, the Model and the Man
What do you get when you take a secret-but-not!OTP and add a plot conceit blatantly pilfered from a manga and droves upon droves of fandom clichés? A birthday present, it seems. Happy birthday, Cate-I hope you like it!
Siwon, the Model and the Man
pairing: Hyukjae/Siwon
He had ordered it as a joke. Well, sort of. When he had stumbled across the website-it didn't technically count as porn, so it would be a stretch to say he had been looking for it-his first thought was that it would make the perfect gag gift for Kibum's birthday. What better present for a ladykiller roommate, after all, than a life-sized, anatomically correct, frighteningly realistic male sex doll? Just imagining the look on Kibum's face when he opened the box was enough to justify the expense, and when he considered that once rejected, the gift would become his, he had immediately clicked the "Build Your Own Boy Toy!" button.
He quickly discovered, however, that building his own boy toy would be a more complicated affair than simply clicking a button. There had been question after question about his preferences for the doll's specifications: height, weight, body type, skin tone, facial shape, individual features, even scent (he eventually went with Moderately Musky). After what seemed like hours of deciding between pictures of cruelly thin and lusciously full lips and providing pages worth of detail about what, to him, constituted the ideal penis, he had finally reached the end, only to have the website inform him that he had been randomly chosen for an upgrade to a new and improved beta version and assault him with yet more questions. This took even longer, and delved ridiculously deeply into the minutiae of his sexual behavior. Was he a top or a bottom? What was his favorite position? Did he like to have his ass slapped? With what level of force (if possible, as expressed in joules/cm)? Did he like his partner to talk dirty to him? Before, after, or concurrently with the ass slapping? He had nearly given up when it had asked him if he preferred "Say my name!" or "Who's your daddy?" but the promise of a free upgrade had proven too difficult to pass up, and he had soldiered on until the end, placed his order and tried not to think about what some of his answers suggested about him. (Did he really have that much of an oral fixation?)
In fact, he had succeeded in entirely forgetting about the doll until it arrived at his apartment three days later.
"What the hell is in this thing?" the chubby delivery man asked, wiping sweat from his brow as he maneuvered the gigantic crate into the living room.
"Oh, um," he said, and laughed nervously. "It's a surprise for my roommate, actually. A new, uh, chair."
"Fuckin' heavy chair," the delivery man grumbled, and shoved the clipboard at him for his signature. He signed, gave the man a generous tip on his way out, and then plopped down on the edge of the sofa and stared at the crate.
He felt strangely nervous. The doll was inside that crate. The life-sized, anatomically correct, frighteningly realistic, built-to-order male sex doll was in that crate. Just...there. In a crate. In his living room.
After a considerable amount of hesitation, he gingerly pried open the lid and peeked inside. There was a foot. A beautiful, perfect foot. He flung the rest of the cover off and gasped.
There beneath was the man of his wet dreams. Tall, dark and handsome, with tanned, unblemished skin, an ass you could bounce a quarter off of and abs that could cut diamonds, curled up in the fetal position, in a crate, in his living room. He leaned in closer and felt a chill run through him. It was eerie how real it looked. With its eyes closed like that, it was hard to believe it wasn't an honest-to-goodness sleeping man.
He poked it in the side and immediately jerked his finger back at the uncanny feel of warm skin. After a second, he poked it again, longer this time. Ok, yes, it felt like skin, but it was just a doll. Just a doll. As if to prove it to himself, he smacked the doll's ass, silently daring it to react, but the only response he received was a pleasant jiggle. He smiled. This was fun. Pulling aside one of the doll's curled up legs, he revealed its cock resting on the other thigh. It was soft, but he had read on the website that you could use these things to fuck yourself, so he figured there must be a way to get it hard. Maybe they reacted to heat? He wrapped his hand around it experimentally.
Then the funniest thing happened.
"Hello, Lee Hyukjae," the doll said. He froze, then turned his head ever so slowly to find the doll smiling pleasantly at him, eyes wide open. "Would you like to have sex?" it asked.
His mouth dropped open, and then he leapt back and screamed the scream he typically reserved for Japanese horror movies, the one that Kibum told him was queeny enough to keep him forever single and lonely. He didn't care. The doll had talked to him. The doll had propositioned him.
The doll stood up and stepped out of the crate, and Hyukjae amended the thought once more-the very naked doll had propositioned him. "I...you...what?" he stammered.
"Lee Hyukjae, I would like to have sex with you. Would you like to have sex with me?" it said, smiling very pleasantly indeed.
"I...what?" he said again, and at that time his cell phone began to ring. "Yes?" he said distractedly as he held it up to his ear, eyes never leaving the doll's pleasantly smiling face.
"Is this Mr. Lee Hyukjae?" came the deep voice out of the phone.
"Good. Then we will have sex," said the doll at the same time, and began advancing on him.
"Um, yes?" he said into the phone, voice cracking as the doll approached. He shook his head frantically at it, tried to signal it to stop with his free hand, backed away until he was cornered against the wall behind the armchair and the doll was decidedly within his personal space bubble and holy shit but it was gorgeous.
"Mr. Lee, this is Lee Sungmin of Adonis Creations. I'm the project coordinator for the Build Your Own Boy Toy 2.0 beta, and we've just received the signal indicating that your model has been delivered and activated. Could you confirm that for me, sir?"
"I...um, yeah, it's pretty active," Hyukjae said as the doll caressed his hips and sucked lightly on his neck.
"Excellent, sir. Would this be a good time for me to explain the new model's upgraded functions?"
"I think I've figured some of them out," Hyukjae said faintly as the doll began to massage his cock through his pants, "but um, yeah, sure, explain away."
"Well, sir, the new model is a not just a doll, but a robot programmed with all of the sexual behavior information you provided us with. He is designed to be the ideal lover for you and only you."
"Uh huh," Hyukjae said, more than slightly distracted as he watched the doll-no, the robot (did that make it any less strange?) fell to its knees and unzip his pants.
"Now, as this model is still in beta, there may still be some bugs in his programming, but our ultimate goal is to provide perfectly for our clients' sexual needs, so we'd like to ask you to really put him through the paces. Indulge any sexual desire you might have and let us know what works and what doesn't. In exchange for your help in this beta testing, we're giving you one free month with the model; if at the end of the month you'd like to keep him, you can do so for a low monthly charge of only 2,000,000 won, and if not, you can return him and receive free of charge a non-robotic model built to your specifications. Does that sound acceptable, sir?"
"Oh, yeah," Hyukjae gasped as the robot deftly took his cock all the way into its mouth.
"Great, sir. If you have any questions, I can be reached at this number twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, so please don't hesitate to call. Otherwise, I'll be getting in contact with you again as your initial month draws to a close to see how your experience has been and what you'd like to do at that juncture, alright?"
"Yeah," Hyukjae sighed, leaning his head back against the wall. The robot really was good at this.
"Ok, sir. I hope you enjoy your time with your Boy Toy."
"Yeah, bye," Hyukjae said, snapped his phone shut, and came.
***
The rest of the day was dedicated to extremely satisfying robot sex. The robot fucked him on his bed, on the floor, against the wall, on the dining table, in the shower and on the veranda, and it fucked him very well. It also kissed him very well, and touched him very well, and jerked him and blew him and rimmed him very well, and by the time he fell asleep that night, exhausted but completely sated, he had already decided to keep it forever. He would figure out how he could scrape up the 2,000,000-won-a-month later.
***
The next morning, he woke up feeling deliciously sore in all the right places. He stretched, scratched himself, and then walked out of his room to find the robot cooking eggs stark naked in the kitchen alcove and Kibum standing right next to his door, staring as him in disbelief.
"Is that...is that yours?" Kibum asked, voice hushed.
Well, this would be interesting. "I...yeah," he answered, feeling his cheeks redden.
"Hyukjae," his roommate said. "Hyukjae, man, way to go! I didn't think you had it in you!" Kibum grinned and threw an arm around his shoulder. "I mean...I'm sure you had it in you," and with this, Kibum poked him in the ribs and he felt himself turn several shades of red brighter, "but I didn't think you had it in you, you know? Where did you pick this guy up?"
Where did he-oh. Right. "Um, just, you know, out at some bar."
"Hyukkie, I am impressed. Forget what I said about you being sad and alone forever; some of my game must've rubbed off on you."
Hyukjae laughed nervously, not knowing what to say.
"Well? Aren't you going to introduce us?"
Oh shit. Think, Hyukjae, think.
He was still trying to come up with something when a look of surprised recognition dawned on Kibum's face. "Don't tell me you brought him home without even finding out his name?" Hyukjae felt the nervous laughter bubble out again-technically, he supposed that was what had happened-and Kibum gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder. "Hyukkie, you pimp! Don't worry about it-I'll go figure it out for you." And before Hyukjae could stop him, Kibum was walking over to his sex robot to introduce himself.
"Hi, I'm Kibum, Hyukjae's roommate," he said, holding out his hand.
The robot turned to him, nudging the frying pan's handle with his very exposed cock in the process and smiling very pleasantly all the while, and clasped Kibum's hand in his. "Hello, Hyukjae's roommate Kibum. I am model C1-"
"He's a model. His name is, uh, Siwon," Hyukjae blurted out, rushing up to avert further humiliation. "He's Chinese, so it's sometimes hard to understand what he's saying with his accent." Kibum, his back to the robot as he listened to Hyukjae, mouthed Hot foreign model? and then what looked to Hyukjae like I'm buying you a drink tonight, then turned back to the robot.
"Nice to meet you, Siwon," Kibum said.
"It is nice to meet you too, Hyukjae's roommate Kibum. Would you like to join us for a three-"
"For breakfast?" Hyukjae cut in semi-hysterically, hoping the robot hadn't been about to suggest what he thought it had been about to suggest. "Yeah, Kibum, that'd be great, but don't you have work today?"
"Fuck, you're right!" Kibum swore, face darkening, and raced back to his room, emerging seconds later with his jacket and bag. "I'll see you tonight, Hyuk. Play safe," he added with a wink as he disappeared out the door. Hyukjae collapsed into a chair at the dining table.
"Your roommate Kibum is very attractive," the robot said, setting the now-finished eggs down on the table. "Would you like to have a threesome with him?"
So that was what it had been about to suggest. Hyukjae didn't even know where to start. He jabbed a fork violently into the eggs as he tried to collect his thoughts. "I...listen, first of all, Kibum is not that attractive, and I definitely don't want to have a threesome with him or anyone else, and-holy fuck, these eggs taste like shit!"
The robot smiled pleasantly at him. "That is strange. He fits nearly all of your criteria for attractiveness, and 'threesome' is at the top of the list you provided of what you would like to do with attractive people. I'm sorry about the quality of the eggs-you didn't specify that I cook well, just that I cook nude."
Hyukjae hid his face behind his hands. "Can you just fuck me now?"
"Of course," said the robot, and Hyukjae could hear the pleasant smile even without seeing it. "It's what I was made for."
***
The sex was great; the rest, less so. When Sungmin called again a month later, Hyukjae had plenty to tell him.
"Take him back. Take him back now. Siwon has made more trouble for me-"
"I'm sorry, sir, what?"
"Siwon. That's what I call him, because he keeps introducing himself to people as model C1 no matter how many times I tell him that he is not to talk to anyone, and then I have to explain that he's a Chinese model that-ok, never mind that, that's the least of his problems. He answered the phone when we were having sex and told my mother that I would call her back after we finished fucking. My mother. Can you imagine how awkward that is?"
"I'd imagine it's rather awkward, sir."
"Yes. Yes it is. Almost as awkward as the time he showed up at my office over lunch wearing assless chaps and told the receptionist he was there to play Slutty Cowboys with me."
"I'm very sorry about that, sir. It seems to be the consensus so far that these new models are somewhat lacking in...social graces."
"If by that you mean that they keep trying to arrange threesomes with their owners' straight roommates, then yeah, I'd have to agree."
"I deeply apologize for any inconvenience model C1 might have caused you, sir. I'll send someone over to retrieve him and deliver your survey and non-robotic model-"
"No! No, I don't want a non-robotic model. It would just remind me of, er..."
"...the sex was that good, huh?"
"...yeah. It was...yeah."
"Thank you, sir. That will be all."
***
It was two weeks later when Siwon approached him at a bar one night and asked if he could buy him a drink. Hyukjae barely managed to keep from spitting out the drink he had bought himself all over the bar counter.
"I...you!" he said, gaping, he was sure, like a fish out of water, but not caring in the slightest, because what?
"Yes, me. Would it be alright if I bought you a drink?" Siwon's mouth quirked and his eyebrows furrowed eloquently in amusement.
Hyukjae thought about this. He was not willing to go through Siwon's special brand of humiliation even once more. It was just too painful. Then again, if they had let him out again, they must have made some improvements. And there was also the matter of the phenomenal sex. "Ok, sure," he said.
So Siwon bought him a drink, and they sat down together at a table and talked. They talked about sports and music and their jobs (he would've had a hard time keeping a straight face during this part of the conversation if the back story the company had provided Siwon hadn't been so interesting-who knew modeling could be so nuanced?) and Hyukjae found himself genuinely enjoying himself. Siwon was polite, well-spoken, engaging, and above all, at no point was he ever simply pleasant. Sure, he would occasionally say something so naïve it made Hyukjae throw his head back and laugh, and a few of Hyukjae's more subtle jokes flew completely over his head, but the fact that he had been programmed to be slightly less than perfect actually made him all the more charming.
After his fourth drink, Hyukjae couldn't take it anymore. "Hey," he said, leaning in conspiratorially, "let's go back to my place and fuck."
Siwon's eyes grew as wide as saucers, and Hyukjae thought it was cute that they had made him a little less brazen. "Um...ok," Siwon said.
So they did, and it was slightly different from the way Hyukjae had remembered it. Siwon's kisses were sloppy, and his hands were grabby, and he thrust like an overexcited jackrabbit. Hyukjae would have wondered what had happened, but he was too busy having the best sex of his life.
***
Later, when Siwon was sleeping soundly (and even snoring lightly-the realism was astounding), Hyukjae crept from his room, cell phone in hand, sat down on the living room couch and placed a call.
"Adonis Creations, Beta Project Coordinator Lee Sungmin speaking." The voice was all too chipper for three in the morning.
"Er, yeah, hi. This is Lee Hyukjae."
"Ah, Mr. Lee, sir, very good to hear from you. Let me apologize again for the inconvenience we caused you."
"No, no, that's alright. I'm just calling to say that I got the upgraded, er, upgrade, and I'd like to buy it."
A pause.
"I'm sorry, sir?"
"The-you know, the new one. With the social skills. With the charming and the smile..."
"...I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, sir. We scrapped your model. In fact, it looks like we may be scrapping the entire project."
"You...wait, what?"
"Well, sir, most of our other beta testers had problems similar to yours, so the designers may not receive any more funding. Even if they do, they'll be starting over from square one."
"Oh. So you didn't-oh."
"Now what were you saying, sir? Something about an upgraded upgrade?"
"I...never mind. I think I must've been confused."
"I see, sir. Will that be all?"
"Yeah, that's it."
"Goodnight then, sir."
***
When Hyukjae woke the next morning, Siwon was standing by the bed, pulling on his coat.
"Look, about last night..." he began, feeling painfully awkward and trying to at least sit up properly, and then Siwon bent down and kissed him. It was too hard and too wet and Siwon's mouth tasted like morning breath; it made Hyukjae shiver with pleasure.
"Listen," Siwon said, "I really want to see you again, and I'm afraid you're going to tell me you don't feel the same way if I let you talk, so don't say anything, ok? I left my number on the night stand, so...ok. Bye."
He began to turn to leave, and without thinking Hyukjae grabbed two fistfuls of his jacket and pulled him in for another kiss. When they finally broke apart, both were panting.
"So you'll call, then?" Siwon asked, brows raised. Hyukjae nodded breathlessly.
He walked Siwon out, kissed him again as they waited for the elevator to come, and then wandered back into his apartment in a daze. Kibum was waiting for him.
"I thought you broke up with that guy weeks ago," he said, puzzled.
"Oh, Kibum," Hyukjae said, leaning against the door and smiling faintly. "It's different now. He's a whole new man."
Siwon, the Model and the Man
pairing: Hyukjae/Siwon
He had ordered it as a joke. Well, sort of. When he had stumbled across the website-it didn't technically count as porn, so it would be a stretch to say he had been looking for it-his first thought was that it would make the perfect gag gift for Kibum's birthday. What better present for a ladykiller roommate, after all, than a life-sized, anatomically correct, frighteningly realistic male sex doll? Just imagining the look on Kibum's face when he opened the box was enough to justify the expense, and when he considered that once rejected, the gift would become his, he had immediately clicked the "Build Your Own Boy Toy!" button.
He quickly discovered, however, that building his own boy toy would be a more complicated affair than simply clicking a button. There had been question after question about his preferences for the doll's specifications: height, weight, body type, skin tone, facial shape, individual features, even scent (he eventually went with Moderately Musky). After what seemed like hours of deciding between pictures of cruelly thin and lusciously full lips and providing pages worth of detail about what, to him, constituted the ideal penis, he had finally reached the end, only to have the website inform him that he had been randomly chosen for an upgrade to a new and improved beta version and assault him with yet more questions. This took even longer, and delved ridiculously deeply into the minutiae of his sexual behavior. Was he a top or a bottom? What was his favorite position? Did he like to have his ass slapped? With what level of force (if possible, as expressed in joules/cm)? Did he like his partner to talk dirty to him? Before, after, or concurrently with the ass slapping? He had nearly given up when it had asked him if he preferred "Say my name!" or "Who's your daddy?" but the promise of a free upgrade had proven too difficult to pass up, and he had soldiered on until the end, placed his order and tried not to think about what some of his answers suggested about him. (Did he really have that much of an oral fixation?)
In fact, he had succeeded in entirely forgetting about the doll until it arrived at his apartment three days later.
"What the hell is in this thing?" the chubby delivery man asked, wiping sweat from his brow as he maneuvered the gigantic crate into the living room.
"Oh, um," he said, and laughed nervously. "It's a surprise for my roommate, actually. A new, uh, chair."
"Fuckin' heavy chair," the delivery man grumbled, and shoved the clipboard at him for his signature. He signed, gave the man a generous tip on his way out, and then plopped down on the edge of the sofa and stared at the crate.
He felt strangely nervous. The doll was inside that crate. The life-sized, anatomically correct, frighteningly realistic, built-to-order male sex doll was in that crate. Just...there. In a crate. In his living room.
After a considerable amount of hesitation, he gingerly pried open the lid and peeked inside. There was a foot. A beautiful, perfect foot. He flung the rest of the cover off and gasped.
There beneath was the man of his wet dreams. Tall, dark and handsome, with tanned, unblemished skin, an ass you could bounce a quarter off of and abs that could cut diamonds, curled up in the fetal position, in a crate, in his living room. He leaned in closer and felt a chill run through him. It was eerie how real it looked. With its eyes closed like that, it was hard to believe it wasn't an honest-to-goodness sleeping man.
He poked it in the side and immediately jerked his finger back at the uncanny feel of warm skin. After a second, he poked it again, longer this time. Ok, yes, it felt like skin, but it was just a doll. Just a doll. As if to prove it to himself, he smacked the doll's ass, silently daring it to react, but the only response he received was a pleasant jiggle. He smiled. This was fun. Pulling aside one of the doll's curled up legs, he revealed its cock resting on the other thigh. It was soft, but he had read on the website that you could use these things to fuck yourself, so he figured there must be a way to get it hard. Maybe they reacted to heat? He wrapped his hand around it experimentally.
Then the funniest thing happened.
"Hello, Lee Hyukjae," the doll said. He froze, then turned his head ever so slowly to find the doll smiling pleasantly at him, eyes wide open. "Would you like to have sex?" it asked.
His mouth dropped open, and then he leapt back and screamed the scream he typically reserved for Japanese horror movies, the one that Kibum told him was queeny enough to keep him forever single and lonely. He didn't care. The doll had talked to him. The doll had propositioned him.
The doll stood up and stepped out of the crate, and Hyukjae amended the thought once more-the very naked doll had propositioned him. "I...you...what?" he stammered.
"Lee Hyukjae, I would like to have sex with you. Would you like to have sex with me?" it said, smiling very pleasantly indeed.
"I...what?" he said again, and at that time his cell phone began to ring. "Yes?" he said distractedly as he held it up to his ear, eyes never leaving the doll's pleasantly smiling face.
"Is this Mr. Lee Hyukjae?" came the deep voice out of the phone.
"Good. Then we will have sex," said the doll at the same time, and began advancing on him.
"Um, yes?" he said into the phone, voice cracking as the doll approached. He shook his head frantically at it, tried to signal it to stop with his free hand, backed away until he was cornered against the wall behind the armchair and the doll was decidedly within his personal space bubble and holy shit but it was gorgeous.
"Mr. Lee, this is Lee Sungmin of Adonis Creations. I'm the project coordinator for the Build Your Own Boy Toy 2.0 beta, and we've just received the signal indicating that your model has been delivered and activated. Could you confirm that for me, sir?"
"I...um, yeah, it's pretty active," Hyukjae said as the doll caressed his hips and sucked lightly on his neck.
"Excellent, sir. Would this be a good time for me to explain the new model's upgraded functions?"
"I think I've figured some of them out," Hyukjae said faintly as the doll began to massage his cock through his pants, "but um, yeah, sure, explain away."
"Well, sir, the new model is a not just a doll, but a robot programmed with all of the sexual behavior information you provided us with. He is designed to be the ideal lover for you and only you."
"Uh huh," Hyukjae said, more than slightly distracted as he watched the doll-no, the robot (did that make it any less strange?) fell to its knees and unzip his pants.
"Now, as this model is still in beta, there may still be some bugs in his programming, but our ultimate goal is to provide perfectly for our clients' sexual needs, so we'd like to ask you to really put him through the paces. Indulge any sexual desire you might have and let us know what works and what doesn't. In exchange for your help in this beta testing, we're giving you one free month with the model; if at the end of the month you'd like to keep him, you can do so for a low monthly charge of only 2,000,000 won, and if not, you can return him and receive free of charge a non-robotic model built to your specifications. Does that sound acceptable, sir?"
"Oh, yeah," Hyukjae gasped as the robot deftly took his cock all the way into its mouth.
"Great, sir. If you have any questions, I can be reached at this number twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, so please don't hesitate to call. Otherwise, I'll be getting in contact with you again as your initial month draws to a close to see how your experience has been and what you'd like to do at that juncture, alright?"
"Yeah," Hyukjae sighed, leaning his head back against the wall. The robot really was good at this.
"Ok, sir. I hope you enjoy your time with your Boy Toy."
"Yeah, bye," Hyukjae said, snapped his phone shut, and came.
***
The rest of the day was dedicated to extremely satisfying robot sex. The robot fucked him on his bed, on the floor, against the wall, on the dining table, in the shower and on the veranda, and it fucked him very well. It also kissed him very well, and touched him very well, and jerked him and blew him and rimmed him very well, and by the time he fell asleep that night, exhausted but completely sated, he had already decided to keep it forever. He would figure out how he could scrape up the 2,000,000-won-a-month later.
***
The next morning, he woke up feeling deliciously sore in all the right places. He stretched, scratched himself, and then walked out of his room to find the robot cooking eggs stark naked in the kitchen alcove and Kibum standing right next to his door, staring as him in disbelief.
"Is that...is that yours?" Kibum asked, voice hushed.
Well, this would be interesting. "I...yeah," he answered, feeling his cheeks redden.
"Hyukjae," his roommate said. "Hyukjae, man, way to go! I didn't think you had it in you!" Kibum grinned and threw an arm around his shoulder. "I mean...I'm sure you had it in you," and with this, Kibum poked him in the ribs and he felt himself turn several shades of red brighter, "but I didn't think you had it in you, you know? Where did you pick this guy up?"
Where did he-oh. Right. "Um, just, you know, out at some bar."
"Hyukkie, I am impressed. Forget what I said about you being sad and alone forever; some of my game must've rubbed off on you."
Hyukjae laughed nervously, not knowing what to say.
"Well? Aren't you going to introduce us?"
Oh shit. Think, Hyukjae, think.
He was still trying to come up with something when a look of surprised recognition dawned on Kibum's face. "Don't tell me you brought him home without even finding out his name?" Hyukjae felt the nervous laughter bubble out again-technically, he supposed that was what had happened-and Kibum gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder. "Hyukkie, you pimp! Don't worry about it-I'll go figure it out for you." And before Hyukjae could stop him, Kibum was walking over to his sex robot to introduce himself.
"Hi, I'm Kibum, Hyukjae's roommate," he said, holding out his hand.
The robot turned to him, nudging the frying pan's handle with his very exposed cock in the process and smiling very pleasantly all the while, and clasped Kibum's hand in his. "Hello, Hyukjae's roommate Kibum. I am model C1-"
"He's a model. His name is, uh, Siwon," Hyukjae blurted out, rushing up to avert further humiliation. "He's Chinese, so it's sometimes hard to understand what he's saying with his accent." Kibum, his back to the robot as he listened to Hyukjae, mouthed Hot foreign model? and then what looked to Hyukjae like I'm buying you a drink tonight, then turned back to the robot.
"Nice to meet you, Siwon," Kibum said.
"It is nice to meet you too, Hyukjae's roommate Kibum. Would you like to join us for a three-"
"For breakfast?" Hyukjae cut in semi-hysterically, hoping the robot hadn't been about to suggest what he thought it had been about to suggest. "Yeah, Kibum, that'd be great, but don't you have work today?"
"Fuck, you're right!" Kibum swore, face darkening, and raced back to his room, emerging seconds later with his jacket and bag. "I'll see you tonight, Hyuk. Play safe," he added with a wink as he disappeared out the door. Hyukjae collapsed into a chair at the dining table.
"Your roommate Kibum is very attractive," the robot said, setting the now-finished eggs down on the table. "Would you like to have a threesome with him?"
So that was what it had been about to suggest. Hyukjae didn't even know where to start. He jabbed a fork violently into the eggs as he tried to collect his thoughts. "I...listen, first of all, Kibum is not that attractive, and I definitely don't want to have a threesome with him or anyone else, and-holy fuck, these eggs taste like shit!"
The robot smiled pleasantly at him. "That is strange. He fits nearly all of your criteria for attractiveness, and 'threesome' is at the top of the list you provided of what you would like to do with attractive people. I'm sorry about the quality of the eggs-you didn't specify that I cook well, just that I cook nude."
Hyukjae hid his face behind his hands. "Can you just fuck me now?"
"Of course," said the robot, and Hyukjae could hear the pleasant smile even without seeing it. "It's what I was made for."
***
The sex was great; the rest, less so. When Sungmin called again a month later, Hyukjae had plenty to tell him.
"Take him back. Take him back now. Siwon has made more trouble for me-"
"I'm sorry, sir, what?"
"Siwon. That's what I call him, because he keeps introducing himself to people as model C1 no matter how many times I tell him that he is not to talk to anyone, and then I have to explain that he's a Chinese model that-ok, never mind that, that's the least of his problems. He answered the phone when we were having sex and told my mother that I would call her back after we finished fucking. My mother. Can you imagine how awkward that is?"
"I'd imagine it's rather awkward, sir."
"Yes. Yes it is. Almost as awkward as the time he showed up at my office over lunch wearing assless chaps and told the receptionist he was there to play Slutty Cowboys with me."
"I'm very sorry about that, sir. It seems to be the consensus so far that these new models are somewhat lacking in...social graces."
"If by that you mean that they keep trying to arrange threesomes with their owners' straight roommates, then yeah, I'd have to agree."
"I deeply apologize for any inconvenience model C1 might have caused you, sir. I'll send someone over to retrieve him and deliver your survey and non-robotic model-"
"No! No, I don't want a non-robotic model. It would just remind me of, er..."
"...the sex was that good, huh?"
"...yeah. It was...yeah."
"Thank you, sir. That will be all."
***
It was two weeks later when Siwon approached him at a bar one night and asked if he could buy him a drink. Hyukjae barely managed to keep from spitting out the drink he had bought himself all over the bar counter.
"I...you!" he said, gaping, he was sure, like a fish out of water, but not caring in the slightest, because what?
"Yes, me. Would it be alright if I bought you a drink?" Siwon's mouth quirked and his eyebrows furrowed eloquently in amusement.
Hyukjae thought about this. He was not willing to go through Siwon's special brand of humiliation even once more. It was just too painful. Then again, if they had let him out again, they must have made some improvements. And there was also the matter of the phenomenal sex. "Ok, sure," he said.
So Siwon bought him a drink, and they sat down together at a table and talked. They talked about sports and music and their jobs (he would've had a hard time keeping a straight face during this part of the conversation if the back story the company had provided Siwon hadn't been so interesting-who knew modeling could be so nuanced?) and Hyukjae found himself genuinely enjoying himself. Siwon was polite, well-spoken, engaging, and above all, at no point was he ever simply pleasant. Sure, he would occasionally say something so naïve it made Hyukjae throw his head back and laugh, and a few of Hyukjae's more subtle jokes flew completely over his head, but the fact that he had been programmed to be slightly less than perfect actually made him all the more charming.
After his fourth drink, Hyukjae couldn't take it anymore. "Hey," he said, leaning in conspiratorially, "let's go back to my place and fuck."
Siwon's eyes grew as wide as saucers, and Hyukjae thought it was cute that they had made him a little less brazen. "Um...ok," Siwon said.
So they did, and it was slightly different from the way Hyukjae had remembered it. Siwon's kisses were sloppy, and his hands were grabby, and he thrust like an overexcited jackrabbit. Hyukjae would have wondered what had happened, but he was too busy having the best sex of his life.
***
Later, when Siwon was sleeping soundly (and even snoring lightly-the realism was astounding), Hyukjae crept from his room, cell phone in hand, sat down on the living room couch and placed a call.
"Adonis Creations, Beta Project Coordinator Lee Sungmin speaking." The voice was all too chipper for three in the morning.
"Er, yeah, hi. This is Lee Hyukjae."
"Ah, Mr. Lee, sir, very good to hear from you. Let me apologize again for the inconvenience we caused you."
"No, no, that's alright. I'm just calling to say that I got the upgraded, er, upgrade, and I'd like to buy it."
A pause.
"I'm sorry, sir?"
"The-you know, the new one. With the social skills. With the charming and the smile..."
"...I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, sir. We scrapped your model. In fact, it looks like we may be scrapping the entire project."
"You...wait, what?"
"Well, sir, most of our other beta testers had problems similar to yours, so the designers may not receive any more funding. Even if they do, they'll be starting over from square one."
"Oh. So you didn't-oh."
"Now what were you saying, sir? Something about an upgraded upgrade?"
"I...never mind. I think I must've been confused."
"I see, sir. Will that be all?"
"Yeah, that's it."
"Goodnight then, sir."
***
When Hyukjae woke the next morning, Siwon was standing by the bed, pulling on his coat.
"Look, about last night..." he began, feeling painfully awkward and trying to at least sit up properly, and then Siwon bent down and kissed him. It was too hard and too wet and Siwon's mouth tasted like morning breath; it made Hyukjae shiver with pleasure.
"Listen," Siwon said, "I really want to see you again, and I'm afraid you're going to tell me you don't feel the same way if I let you talk, so don't say anything, ok? I left my number on the night stand, so...ok. Bye."
He began to turn to leave, and without thinking Hyukjae grabbed two fistfuls of his jacket and pulled him in for another kiss. When they finally broke apart, both were panting.
"So you'll call, then?" Siwon asked, brows raised. Hyukjae nodded breathlessly.
He walked Siwon out, kissed him again as they waited for the elevator to come, and then wandered back into his apartment in a daze. Kibum was waiting for him.
"I thought you broke up with that guy weeks ago," he said, puzzled.
"Oh, Kibum," Hyukjae said, leaning against the door and smiling faintly. "It's different now. He's a whole new man."