Only John Knows What's Wrong
Disclaimer: I Do Not Own The Beatles!!!
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: john/paul
Warning: some cursing, some violence, all products of an angry Lennon
John was a temperamental person.
Never one to think things through or try to understand the other person's perspective, John allowed himself to rage uncontrolled whenever he saw fit. Paul knew this for a fact and made it his business to calm the rhythm guitarist whenever he threw his notorious temper tantrums, after all, it was another well known fact that Mr. Mccartney was probably the only person who could calm a raging Lennon.
Unfortunately, at this very moment, the young bassist was unable to do the very thing he did so well. As it turns out, John was mad at young Paul- and when we said "mad", we meant "furious".
"Paul, what the hell do you think you're doing?" John yelled at the top of his lungs. At the exclamation, Paul took a step back slowly. The young bassist's mind reeled as he pondered what could have possibly set the guitarist off now.
"What are you on now, John?" Paul responded curtly, ignoring John's glare. It was all he could do to hide his growing unease at his bandmate's temperament. He was used to John getting mad but was rarely at the receiving end of his anger, something that was quite a feat in itself.
His response, however, only made John angrier. Taking a threatening step towards the bassist, he decided to let all his frustration do the talking for him. Paul watched the guitarist nervously. He still did not have any idea why John was mad at him. All he knew was that he had to get out of their room before the guitarist decided to get physical. Eyeing the door behind him as if it were a lifeline, the bassist decided to make a run for it. When he was in arm's length of the door, he was suddenly pulled back by an unknown force. Turnng his head slowly, he found himself face to face with a livid Lennon.
"How could you, Mccartney?!?" he shouted suddenly, causing Paul to take another step backwards. However, John kept his grip firm on the bassist's arm, preventing such a movement.
"What did I do, Lennon?" the bassist bit out hurriedly. At that moment, he started to hate John and his silly mood swings. The guitarist chose that moment to tighten his grip on Paul's arm, causing him to emit a pained gasp. The action, however, did not go unnoticed by the angry man.
"Did I hurt you, Macca?" he asked in a cruel manner. "Well you fuckin' deserve it you cunt!"
In that instant, Paul decided he very well had enough. Sure he could handle an angry Lennon but at this moment in time, he was too tired and annoyed to deal with John. Gathering all the strength he could, he pulled his arm out of the rhythm guitarist's grip, causing him to stumble back. Then before John could regain control, Paul forced him into a wall, pinning him.
"Get off..." John continued to struggle against his bandmate, angered at his position. He was impressed that Paul had quickly gained control of the situation. However, it was a well known fact that Mr. Lennon hated to be trapped. Even as a child in Liverpool, he was often used to winning fights against other boys in the neighborhood. Now, as he stared into the eyes of his furious bandmate, John hated losing even more and continued to thrash underneath the bassist despite the unusual feeling growing in his chest.
"John..." Paul called his name calmly, shocked that his bandmate calmed down to meet his gaze. "Can you please tell me what is wrong?"
Brown.
John always loved to look into Paul's eyes. It was, as if, they offered some small comfort that the rhythm guitarist couldn't find on his own. They were always bright and optimistic, just like their owner but now they were slightly dull- a sign that his bandmate was frustrated and worried. John bit his lip, ashamed. He was the one who attacked Paul and yet the bassist was worried about him.
"John?"
The guitarist suddenly found himself back in the room they shared. Looking up at Paul, he held his gaze for what seemed like an eternity until his vision started to blur. As Paul stared into his bandmates face, he became even more worried.
It was not everyday that John cried. Paul knew this and yet he found himself more scared than ever as tears descended from the eyes of the older man. What was going on in his bandmate's head? All Paul knew was that it had something to do with him, otherwise John would have never gotten angry at him.
"John, are you o-"
"Shut up Macca", John shouted, cutting him off in an instant. The bassist did just that, watching his bandmate curiously. Before Paul knew it, he was forced off of the rhythm guitarist in haste. Scrambling backwards at his loss of balance, he, fortunately landed on one of the beds in the room. Sitting up, he watched as John paced around the room, resembling a crazed man.
"John?" Paul called his bandmate, perturbed. He found himself scared at his bandmate's actions. He tried to call him again, but to no avail. Trying to rise from the bed, he found himself shoved back onto it by John. Apparently, he did not want the bassist to move a muscle.
"Why do I feel this way?"
Paul stared at John. His statement had left Paul more confused than ever.
"What are you-"
Paul was once again cut off by John.
"You make me feel this way, Macca!" the rhythm guitarist yelled, grabbing his head in emphasis.
"What way John?"
"You make me feel crazy, Mccartney! You make me feel light when you smile yet you crush me when you shag fans. You make me feel complete when you finish my songs yet you make me feel empty when you look at other people."
Paul looked down, only to have his cheeks clutched in cold hands. His head was then turned to meet the face of a very flustered John Lennon. At their close proximity, he blushed. His older bandmate had laid some very heavy stuff on the younger man and he still had some difficulty absorbing it all.
"I do not know what it is Paul, but I need you... Now!!!"
John choked back a sob as he eyed his bandmate warily.
This was Paul...his salvation....his damnation....his clarity....his madness and he had decided he could not wait any longer.
"John I-" Paul started but for the third and final time that day he was cut off as John's lips descended upon his own in a rush.