BSG/SGA - And You May Find Yourself Living in a Shotgun Shack (PG-13)
I was gonna have a big old explanation and then I said fuck it. This is crack. Crack needs no explanation.
Battlestar Galactica/Stargate: Atlantis
Multiple pairings (m/m, m/f)
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Title from 'Once in a Lifetime' by the Talking Heads.
Summary: And you may find yourself asking, how did I get here?
ETA: Now with art by slodwick. Yay, Slod!
And You May Find Yourself Living in a Shotgun Shack
The shaking floors were the first sign.
The lights became a bit brighter in the mess hall. That was the second sign.
Both Dee and Laura turned their chairs to the most advantageous angles in readiness. Cally raised her cup of Athosian tea to her mouth and watched over the rim of her mug as Ronon Dex came jogging by.
Cally wasn't a morning person. After living on the Galactica where everything was a shift and you never saw any physical evidence of the day changing, it had taken three weeks of living in Atlantis for her to be convinced that the sun would still rise the next day. But only a crazy woman would miss the chance to watch the Charge of the Hot Brigade (™ Lieutenant Laura Cadman) taking their daily laps around Atlantis.
Ronon's hair bounced behind him and sweat was just beginning to form along his shoulders. His brown legs looked longer than a Viper fin and Dee made a wheezing noise in the back of her throat, which Cally seconded on principle.
Ronon was a fine specimen of man. The sort of man who made your ovaries hurt.
Right on Ronon's heels was Helo, looking just as adorable and squeezable as ever. If it hadn't been for his knocked-up toaster predilection, Cally might've wanted to frak him herself.
Judging by Laura's bouncing leg, she didn't care about toasters one way or another.
Right after Helo came Colonel Sheppard, his hair flopping up and down with every step. The hair looked slightly bouncer than normal, and Katie Brown and Cally exchanged a knowing grin.
The Colonel nodded towards their table, and Cally sighed into her tea.
Colonel John Sheppard was hot. His hair clearly had issues -- it probably needed to see Doc Cottle, or better yet, the Atlantis therapist, Heightmeyer -- but the Colonel was just hot.
Jogging along at the Colonel's right was Starbuck, blond hair tied back, grinning at something the Colonel said. The tribal tattoo on her bicep, a gift from Ronon and Teyla after her first Wraith kill, stood out in stark relief to her pale skin.
Flanking Sheppard's other side was Apollo, concentration etched in every pore, although whether he was concentrating on his run or the Colonel's ass was the subject of serious debate and many bets.
Since the Galactica had landed in Atlantis, Sheppard and Apollo had been spending a lot of time together talking about planes and jumpers and vipers and some guy named Johnny Cash. Nobody spent that much time together unless they were locked in a room or frakking -- and the city was refusing to be bribed or begged or harassed into locking them up together in some random storeroom.
Cally knew of at least three people who had asked.
There were even rumors of Sheppard adding Apollo to his off-world team, which according to Miko, was like them getting married. Of course Miko also thought that Dr. Rodney McKay was the best thing since freeze-dried loomaberries, which made her judgment rather questionable. Everybody knew that Dr. McKay was the Atlantis crackpot, and the Galactica already had Dr. Baltar -- they didn't need Miko losing her grip on reality too.
After the parade had passed, Dee and Laura turned their chairs back around slowly and let out their breath equally slowly. "Did you see how Apollo was running?" Katie asked. "He was definitely taking it easy -- that's not like him at all."
"And the Colonel's hair was looking very happy this morning," Dee agreed.
Laura and Cally nodded knowingly.
"They are so doing it," Katie said authoritatively.
Cally was working on Jumper Six when the call came in. Well, it wasn't as much a call as it was a shudder from the Jumper, followed by a crackle of a com, and then Dr. Zelenka cursing in his language, and then a crystal dropped on Cally's head, and that hurt.
"Hey, person down here," she reminded Dr. Zelenka, grabbing the crystal and sticking her head up from the guts of the jumper. Dr. Zelenka's shoes were right at her eye level, and she craned her head back and gave him a raised eyebrow.
"I am sorry, Callendra," he said bowing slightly, even as he wiped his hands on his BDUs, "but there is a problem in the sparring room, and I must be getting there."
"But I thought you were the other kind of doctor!" Cally called to Zelenka's hastily retreating form. He was the only person alive who called her by her full name.
"Is not an accident," he called over his shoulder. "Is Teyla and your Kara wrestling!"
Cally rolled her eyes and looked at the crystal in her hand. Jumper or wrestling… jumper or wrestling… As long as Kara was alive, there would be wrestling, but jumper six was Cally's baby.
Cally tapped her com. "Hey, Katie?"
It took a moment for Katie to answer, and when she did Cally could hardly hear her for the whooping and hollering. "Cal, where are you?"
"Playing with my favorite toy," Cally said, crouching back into the bowels of the jumper.
"What did I tell you about sharing your sex life?" Katie chided over a particularly loud holler. It sounded a lot like Helo.
Cally glanced around the empty jumper. "I would have to be having sex for there to be a sex life," she pointed out.
"Galen's a smart man, he'll get it eventually."
"Maybe with a sign from the gods, but I'm not holding --" There was a spectacular crash, and Katie yelped shrilly in Cally's ear. "If I'm deaf I can't fix you up with Gaeta, I'm reminding you of this. Anyway, can you put me down for twenty cubits on Teyla?"
There was another huge crash, this time like the sound a table cracking, and Cally winced.
"Too late," Katie said after a moment. "Game over."
Cally shrugged. "Frak it. I'll get in next time."
For the first month after they'd emerged from the wormhole and into the Pegasus Galaxy -- more specifically into the airspace above Atlantis -- the Galactica crew had stayed on the Galactica.
There had been all sorts of political issues between the President and Admiral Adama and Atlantis' Dr. Weir. Who were they (both groups asked that a lot), what year was it, how did they just appear in the sky one day, what was a Cylon, what was a Wraith, who was being hunted by the scarier group of aliens, who had the better pilots (Galactica, obviously), what had happened to the other half of the ships, and where were all these people going to live? It was just a big mess.
There was a lot of asking of "how the frak did we get here?"
The fact of the matter was that nobody knew what had happened. One minute Cally's whole life had been about the Galactica and staying alive and would Galen ask her out today, finally, and the next moment they were on a whole other planet.
It took some adjusting.
Katie Brown was the first friend Cally made in Atlantis. Katie had taken Cally on a tour of the greenhouse her third day in Atlantis proper, and she let Cally touch the plants since Cally hadn't seen a plant since Caprica and her mother's vegetable garden, which was probably just ash now.
Cally hadn't cried in front of Katie; Galactica survivors didn't do stupid things like crying, even when the man they loved pined for a stupid toaster.
Even when people left them little welcome plants outside their quarters in the bottom of the east tower.
Katie and Cally bonded over the little Athosian flower which bloomed yellow and pink and blue and liked it when Cally told it stupid 'knock knock' jokes from a book that Chuck had given her.
Today though, the only jokes Katie and Cally were hearing were from the table across the aisle where Ronon was cleaning his nails with a knife he'd pulled from his hair while Helo and Starbuck arm wrestled for a container of blue Jell-o.
It was too much testosterone in one place; after this Cally was going to have to go do something feminine like tinker under one of the Vipers and get oil in weird places.
"Okay," said Ronon sliding the knife back into his mass of hair. Katie made a weird sighing noise beside her. "What's a Celery again?"
Teyla patted his arm. "Cylon, Ronon. Cylon."
"Right, Cylon."
Starbuck snorted, using both of her arms against Helo's one. "It's a toaster."
Teyla's brow furrowed. "Toaster?"
"It's a robot. Robots are bad, except for Sharon." Helo spoke slowly, but then again, Helo always spoke slowly. He didn't seem to be interested in overexerting himself, unlike Kara.
"Your Sharon was a toaster?" Ronon countered. "I don't understand -- didn't you say that toasters are bad?"
"We have the Genii," Teyla said cordially. "The Genii are frequently not to be trusted."
Helo looked confused, but Helo always looked confused. "Genies? Like in a bottle?"
"No, Genii, mercenaries," Teyla explained.
Starbuck suddenly released Helo's arm which went smack into a plate of piled-up greenish mashed potato type-things. "Please, we're mercenaries, try again."
"I'm sure that your rudimentary knowledge is all well and good, although whether you're good enough to actually be from the most holy of all planets is debatable. Surely the gods of Earth would not just accept some -- well, desperate times and all that. I'm here now, though, you can feel safe."
Cally was not predisposed to eavesdropping, especially if Dr. Baltar were talking to himself outside the science labs. That was just Dr. Baltar.
Except someone was sputtering, and Cally didn't think that even Baltar could talk and sputter at the same time, but who knew? The Lords of Kobol had obviously been having an off-day when they created him.
"And furthermore, I'll have you know that I won the Euclid prize four years running. I am the foremost authority on Cylon genome processing and --"
"Look you pompous, greasy airbag, I don't know what backwater your brain is still inhabiting that makes you think you're smarter than I am, but I can assure you that's not the case. Just because you fell, by accident," a very recognizable voice heaped plenty of scorn on the last word, "through a black hole --"
Cally paused. So Dr. Baltar wasn't talking to himself for a change. Cally wasn't sure if talking to Dr. McKay was much better. Dr. McKay was pretty cracked too.
"We didn't fall --" Dr. Baltar interrupted.
"You fell. It was an accident. You never even saw it coming. I, on the other hand, have single-handedly saved this galaxy on numerous occasions. I bet you've never mastered a time dilation field, or worked out how to draw zero point energy from a parallel space time."
There was a moment of silence -- Cally assumed it was Dr. McKay waiting for Dr. Baltar's applause. He's going to have a long wait. "You would be surprised what I can do, Rodney. May I call you Rodney?"
"No."
"Splendid, Rodney."
The initial transition and integration between the Galactica and the Atlantis contingents hadn't necessarily gone badly. For the most part things had gone really well. The Athosians had been pretty great about letting the Galactica's civilians settle near them and teaching them how to farm the land. They had loved President Roslin and sent all their children to the New Atlantis School.
The problems had come when the various militaries had first tried to live in Atlantis together. There had been a lot of rank confusion and a lot of scuffles over stupid things like who ate the last of the blue Jell-o, but Kara had promised to stop taunting Dr. McKay, and he'd eventually put hot water back on in the east tower, and everything after that had seemed pretty tame to Cally.
"So then Apollo asked if the Colonel would teach him how to fly a jumper. And the Colonel said he bet Apollo was a natural, and Apollo said he tried, but he bet the Colonel could teach him a thing or two," Racetrack recounted breathlessly. Running to the mess hall from the docking bay wasn't exactly a short trip.
Racetrack said trying to do it stealthily -- her word -- was ever harder.
Laura hooted, poking at her mystery meat with her fork. "Yeah, I bet he said he was a natural."
"I bet Apollo wanted him to teach him a thing or two," Katie agreed. "Although with arms like that, maybe he could show the Colonel a thing or two."
"Let's discuss important things -- when can we get a feed of this?" Laura pressed.
"Stop counting your sacrifices before they've been offered," Dee said, making a dismissive motion over her purple root vegetables.
"Dee, didn't you used to, you know, date Apollo?" Katie interrupted.
Dee snorted. "We had to break up. He had issues."
"Issues like how?" Katie pressed.
"Like I didn't have a dick."
"Yeah, but what about him and Starbuck?"
"Starbuck has a dick; she just hides it during duty."
Cally snorted water everywhere.
Katie lowered her voice. "Speaking of, you know, sex, can you just imagine what the Colonel and Apollo would look like together naked."
There was a moment of contemplative silence from the entire table.
"Ohhhh boy," Katie said eventually.
"So say we all," Cally agreed.
After two months of living in Atlantis, Cally should've be able to make some grand statement about how frakked up life was when the toasters your ancestors created to make life better and more efficient rebelled, blew up your home planet and wiped out just about your entire species, until your only recourse of action was to flee across the galaxy. And then, because you kept running, you hit black hole and wound up in an alternate universe, about five hundred years in the past, where you found a city in the middle of an ocean, with a bunch of people who were terrorized by space vampires.
And now she had a job tinkering with circuitry she never even dreamed existed, while trying to convince the Chief that, hey, maybe trying to hybridize a puddlejumper and a Viper wasn't the best way to pass the time while waiting for the space vampires to attack all over again.
The whole sitting-duck thing made Cally's skin crawl.
It didn't help that the Chief was stubborn and willing to try anything that would piss off Dr. McKay because he hadn't made it work first.
"Chief, do you really think that sticking a crystal in the Viper's hyperdrive is a good idea? Seriously. Not just because you want to piss off Dr. McKay --"
"Did I tell you that I wanted to piss off Dr. McKay?" The Chief's brown eyes were bright over the circuit board. "I would never want to piss off the head of the Atlantis Science Department. Even if he's not the boss of me. What I said is that we should find a way to integrate their technology with ours."
Cally rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but the Vipers don't like having crystals shoved in their ports."
"And that's why we're going to figure out something different."
Cally cocked her head to the side. "I bet you wouldn't like having a crystal shoved up your port either."
The corners of the Chief's mouth turned up slightly. "We don’t discriminate based on where you take your crystals, Cal."
"Have you been talking to Dr. Zelenka again?"
"Radek's helping me fight the power from inside the system," the Chief said.
Cally shook her head and went back to the circuit board. "Boys are weird," she said, "if you really want to screw with Dr. McKay, you should talk to Miko."
Galen raised an eyebrow. "Miko, huh?"
They were entirely too cute together: Helo and Ronon. They were like big puppy dogs. What with the wrestling and the smiling and the random throwing of knives at objects -- well, maybe not so much with the knives thing.
"What are these puppy dogs?" Teyla asked Cally. They were observing sparring practice -- along with half of the Atlantis population -- from the safety of a far wall.
"They're pets," Cally tried helpfully, but she kept getting distracted by Ronon gripping Helo's waist and all the bare skin they were showing. That was a lot of grappling. Manly grappling, like the Olympian wrestlers, but still grappling.
Cally had a wistful moment for the naked Olympian wrestling on Picon.
"I do not think of Ronon like a pet," Teyla said reproachfully.
"No, not like a pet pet," Colonel Sheppard said coming to Cally's rescue, which she was so bragging about at breakfast in the morning. "I think the Specialist means that she finds them very comforting. Puppies are very comforting where we come from -- I mean they were in my time, I don’t know if they're comforting in your time, Cally. For all I know they could all be trained to attack and rip out your -- um--"
The Colonel died off at Teyla's raised eyebrow. "Except in a good way."
"People love puppies on Caprica. Maybe not on Geminon, they have weird rites there, but I love them," Cally assured him gratefully. "They protect you and make you feel safe and happy. At least that's what Helo does for most of us."
Teyla's brow unfurrowed. "Oh, well, yes, I think Ronon does that too."
Cally bit the inside of her jaw when the Colonel leaned down and whispered in her ear, "don't mention the dumb and drooling part. That'll just be between us, okay?"
Navigating the social strata and political situation involved in integrating with a bunch of scientists from 500 years in the Galactica's past was going to be a tough job, but the Admiral and the President felt confident that their people were up to the task. Not that they had a lot of choice unless they wanted to be locked up in the brig, or worse, sent back through the freaky looking wormhole door into the primitive society the Atlanteans came from.
At least that was the speech everyone had been given the day before they were allowed out of their Galactica quarantine.
Starbuck had said that she had heard that the wormhole lead to some colony called the SGC, which was on Earth, but Starbuck had also insisted that the Wraith weren't scary, which Laura said was a big frakking lie.
As far as Cally could tell, the politics were about who got the best quarters on Atlantis and who got what plots of land from the Athosians and who was allowed to breed with the Athosians (anybody who was fertile from 15-65) and who had rank over who (Starfleet and the Marines and the Air Force all saw things slightly differently apparently) and who was really in charge at the end of the day.
Some people had been more willing to surrender power (Apollo to Colonel Sheppard) than others.
None of that interested Cally; what interested Cally was the New and Improved Inter Atlantica (Atlantis + Galactica = Atlantica -- Cally thought it was sort of cute) black market.
And right now, Cally was in the midst of trading. "And then she invited the President to her knitting club," Chuck said.
Cally boggled. "She what?"
Chuck shrugged, his mouth full of the contraband chocolate pudding. He continued on after a moment. "Dr. Weir is big on knitting, didn't you know? She encourages the scientists to knit; she says it's good for hand-eye-coordination."
Cally furrowed her brow. "The President doesn't knit. At least I don't think the President knits."
President Roslin didn’t look like a knitter. She looked like she'd kick your ass if you got out of line. Privately, Cally thought the President might enjoy sparring with Teyla more than knitting.
"And what did the President say?" she asked as Chuck licked the spoon before opening his second container of Swiss Miss.
Cally had an entire box in her quarters courtesy of Sergeant Markham. Apparently he had a crush on Katie, so Cally had promised to put in a good word. She would've done it without the box of pudding and smelly earth candles, but bribery was always appreciated.
Maybe she would see if Starbuck knew anybody who could trade her for one of those toy planes Apollo had given Colonel Sheppard. The Chief's birthday was coming up.
"The President said she would have to look at her schedule, and she would get back to Dr. Weir --" Chuck carried on.
"Yeah, I bet."
"At least she had to look at her schedule until Dr. Weir said that Admiral Adama was coming too, and then she was all into colors and knitting needles."
Cally cracked up. "Yeah, the better to stab Dr. Weir if she makes a move on the Admiral."
At Chuck's horrified look Cally held up her hands. "Just kidding, just kidding."
Except she really wasn't.
From what Cally had heard, the President was really possessive once she got her hands on an Adama. Someone ought to tell Colonel Sheppard that.
Cally wasn't the sort to interfere where she wasn't needed, but she didn't want Galen on an off-world team. Not even one led by Laura. "Didn't I tell you to tell him he had a heart condition and couldn't go?" she berated Dr. Beckett.
The doctor made a hmming noise as he checked her blood pressure. "Aye, but you're not the boss of him now, are you?" Dr Beckett said easily. "I have no doubt that Lieutenant Cadman will look after your precious Chief."
"He's not my precious Chief." Cally didn't sulk.
"Yes, well, all the same. How's your head?"
"I'm fine, it's fine." Cally had had a little episode in the jumper when she'd put a crystal where the jumper didn't want a crystal, and it had let her know that right away. She'd thought life with the ATA gene was supposed to make things easier, now she just felt moodier than ever.
The Ancients had a lot to answer for.
"Laura -- Lieutenant Cadman is an excellent leader. Galen is in fine hands."
Cally didn't want Galen in anybody's hands -- she narrowed her eyes. Was it her imagination that Doctor Beckett went all moony eyes when he said Laura's name?
"So, you're not seeing someone, are you?"
"Cally, I'm honored," Dr. Beckett said smoothly.
Cally snorted. "You know how I feel about Galen. I meant Laura. You like Laura, don't you?"
Dr. Beckett opened his mouth, but his answer was drowned out by a ruckus from the infirmary doors where Helo and Ronon were being dragged in covered in mud and blood and little else, followed by an amused looking Colonel Sheppard. It was way too hot.
"Ooooh," Cally said, immediately hitting her com to page Katie.
Dr. Beckett shook his head. "Absolutely not, Cally," he said pulling her com out of her ear and closing the curtain around her. "You, rest, and no staring at the naked dirty men."
Cally narrowed her eyes. "You never let me have any fun."
Atlantis was huge. Cally knew this because the first two weeks she'd lived there she'd had to have one of the Marines walk her home every night. Well, it wasn't night as much as it was when her shift was long over and the Chief had taken the data pad out of her hand because she kept nodding off.
It took her approximately one day to realize that the Atlantis work ethic was just as stringent as the Galactica one, but at least they had a sunrise, and water to swim in, and fresh air, and the outdoors, and no Cylons.
The no Cylon thing was easily Cally's favorite part.
Of course the nightly escort had stopped when Cally realized Stackhouse was hitting on her; she'd abruptly made friends with Laura Cadman instead. Laura was a very good person to know, especially the first time there was a Wraith attack and Cally had to run from her quarters to the jumper hanger in her pajamas in ten minutes, because the transporters were all full.
Cally liked the transporters, she just preferred walking. Being cooped up on the Galactica had made her appreciate her freedom -- like the freedom to walk past a random niche and see Colonel Sheppard making out with someone who was most definitely too tall to be Lee Adama.
Cally wasn't a Nosy Rosie, but it wasn't like she was getting any action, and the Colonel was really getting into it. There was noisy, wet kissing, and it was hot, and Cally couldn't even remember the last time she'd seen good quality porn.
This was the real thing.
This was so much better than Starbuck's black market porn, what with the hands and the moaning and someone's hand was shoving down the back of the Colonel's BDU's so that Cally had now seen more naked Colonel than anybody else she knew.
The Colonel was making all these growly sounds, which made Cally tingle in parts that only tingled when Jumper Six was really happy with her.
There was muttering and Cally bit the inside of her jaw to keep from making any further noises, because Aphrodite save her, the Colonel was about to give a blow job to --
Doctor McKay?
Cally turned and braced herself against the column she was hiding behind.
This was, um, this was new.
She had to find Starbuck and revise her bet.
She tiptoed away until she'd gone and gotten lost all over again. Exhaling in frustration she tried to figure out where she was. "Apollo's going to be really disappointed," she said after a moment of realizing that everywhere looked the same.
"Why's that?" a voice asked from behind her.
Cally whirled around, fifty excuses on the tip of her tongue, but they all fell away at the smirk on the Chief's lips. "Because when I kill you for scaring the frak out of me, he won't have anybody to fix his planes."
Galen's nose wrinkled when he smiled, and Cally's heart did that weird trip-hop it did around him. He made her act so stupid sometimes, and he couldn't even see that.
For someone so smart, he could be really stupid. It took her a moment to realize the Chief was still gazing at her curiously. "I'm going to lunch," she announced finally.
"Okay."
Cally turned and walked away only to pause when the Chief called after her, "Cal, the mess hall is the other way."
Standing up tall and pushing her shoulders back like Laura had taught her, Cally cleared her throat, turned back around and stomped past the Chief. "I knew that."
Friday nights on Atlantis they held card parties in the mess hall. The idea had been the work of the Atlantis-Galactica Coalition, which was supposed to foster cooperation between the two groups, but mostly just served as a front for the black market and anybody who needed a good excuse as to why they had more alcohol than even Ronon and Helo could consume.
The card games in question varied from table to table. There were triad tables and poker tables -- a game Cally hadn't quite mastered yet, but seemed to involve lots of hollering and talking about something called Texas -- and in the wee hours, after most of Atlantis had quieted down, there was even the occasional jumper trip to the mainland to play pyramid.
Colonel Sheppard was big on pyramid. He said it was like feetball and basketsball smooshed together, neither of which Cally had never heard of, but Cally had overheard Dr. Baltar explaining to himself that they were a bit more primitive on Atlantis and you had to make allowances for that.
Cally figured it didn't matter how primitive the Earthlings were since they'd welcomed the Galactica and the Pegasus and a couple thousand refugees to their home.
Once upon a time Cally had wanted to be a dentist. Now she was just happy to have clean clothes, a bed to sleep in, and some down time that didn't involve Starbuck spitting all over the XO.
She glanced at the table of people around her and thought that having good friends pretty much made anything else tolerable. Well, that and Athosian beer.
"And then the Admiral said that maybe the Colonel needed a time out." Racetrack eyed her cards carefully and slapped Gaeta's hand away from her mug of beer.
Miko furrowed her brows. "Your Admiral said Colonel Sheppard needed a time out? What is this 'time out' thing?"
"No," Racetrack explained, "not your Colonel, our Colonel, Colonel Tigh. I think he meant he needed to go sit in a corner and pray to Dionysus for some sobriety."
Gaeta didn't snort. Neither did Cally. At least not very loudly.
"Too many titles," Miko said dismissively. "Full house!" she announced putting down her cards.
Everyone leaned over, and Chuck sighed. "Does it count if she has it but calls it the wrong thing?"
Everyone sighed as once again Miko took the entire pot. "I really liked that lipstick," Racetrack said balefully as Miko examined the gold tube. "I had to trade Katie six citrus-type fruits to get it."
"I think you look pretty with it," Chuck said bravely.
Both Miko and Racetrack eyed Chuck curiously; Cally was sure he was flirting with one of them, she just didn't know which one.
Across the table Gaeta met Cally's raised eyebrow. "So, um, where's Katie?" he asked picking up and shuffling the cards.
"I don't know," Cally said. "She was supposed to be here. Frak, she was supposed to bring the ambrosia."
"I could use a drink," Chuck said loudly, his cheeks bright red.
"Did someone say drinks?" Cally smirked as Katie strode up to the table, a smile on her face and a green bottle under her arm.
"Make room for the woman with the alcohol," Chuck said, giving Katie his seat and upending his empty mug as he dashed away in search of another chair.
"Thanks, Chuck," Racetrack and Katie said in unison. Cally didn't snort as Racetrack looked after him curiously; across the table, Gaeta sat up a bit straighter.
"So, now that you're here," Cally began, "we're still missing -- where's Laura tonight?"
"Didn't you hear?" Miko spoke up.
The dread was a cold hand around Cally's lungs. "Didn't I hear what?"
"Dr. Beckett asked her out," Gaeta answered.
Cally spilled her Athosian brew everywhere. "Artemis alive! Really?"
Katie grinned. "I just came from helping her get ready. Speaking of people looking good, where's Dee? She has my favorite red top and I want it back -"
Cally and Racetrack looked down at the table nonchalantly. "Cal," Katie began, "where's Dee?"
"Dualla is running with Ronon," Miko supplied helpfully.
Katie narrowed her eyes. "She wore my favorite shirt running with Ronon? Dee doesn't even like running! Since when does Dee run?"
Cally snickered. "Since Ronon asked if she wanted to go."
"Praise the lords of Kobol," Racetrack added.
"I hate her," Katie said simply. "She's running with Ronon, Laura's out with Dr. Beckett, and -"
"-And you are keeping us from the ambrosia, so hand it over." Cally leaned across the table making grabbing motions with her fists, if everybody else was out doing who know what, with who know who, then she wasn't going to sit around sober and be sad over it. Life was short --
"Hey!" she protested when someone reached across the table and intercepted the bottle. "That's my -- Chief."
Galen Tyrol held the ambrosia in a firm grip of his left hand, his right arm behind him. "2510, huh? That was a good year. Were you even born then?"
"Hey that's my Chief?" Katie said curiously, grinning broadly at the table. "I like it, it's catchy, are you starting a band?"
Cally stood up, pointedly ignoring Katie. "None of us were alive in 2510 except Colonel Tigh, and he's probably drunk those brain cells away, but I didn't say that because my name isn't Starbuck and I don't want to end up in the brig." Sometimes Galen made her nervous; Cally could practically hear Katie snickering behind her.
"Oh, then I guess you wouldn't want a bottle that actually was made the year you were born," Galen pulled out something he'd been hiding behind his back.
Cally just stared at the new bottle of ambrosia. "How did you know when I was born?"
"I know lots of things about you, Callendra," the Chief said with a smile.
"Callendra?" came a chorus of disbelief from behind Cally.
Whirling back around, Cally shot the entire table a look of pure annoyance. "Shut the frak up, all of you!" She rounded back on the Chief, "you were saying?"
"I was just saying," Galen shrugged, handing both bottles to Cally, "we should talk about you sometime."
Cally blinked.
Galen was finally hitting on her. Unfrakingbelievable.
"Chief "I am so incompetent I couldn't even tie my shoes without assistance" Tyrol! Some of us have real work to do trying to save your pasty ass from the space vampires and can't spend all our time flirting with our subordinates!"
The entire room glanced over at Dr. McKay briefly and then went back to their games.
Cally tamped down on the urge to defend Galen's pasty ass. Galen wasn't pasty.
"Keep your pants on, Doc," Galen called back. "You just can't please some people," he said with a wink.
Cally could feel the urge to strangle Dr. McKay struggling to take over, but she fought against it as Galen walked away. Setting the two bottles back on the table, she turned back to her friends who were looking at her with a mixture of amusement and pride.
"He finally hits on me and McKay ruins it," she said, still in shock. "I don't believe this."
"Don’t blame McKay," Gaeta said soothingly. "He hasn't been right since Starbuck took his Jell-o away."
"Or since Starbuck and Colonel Sheppard starting doing drills around the towers," Racetrack added.
"Yes, but he's gotten much better since he started sleeping with Colonel Sheppard," Miko added.
The entire table went silent. "And you were going to tell us this when?" Katie asked eventually.
"Oh," Miko said, taking the cards from Gaeta's limp grasp and dealing them out with authority. "I thought you knew. I thought everybody knew."
Katie shook her head. "Poor Apollo."
Chuck snorted. "Poor Apollo nothing, he's sleeping with one of the Marines." Cally raised an eyebrow. She didn't even remember Chuck coming back to the table, but there he was, right next to Racetrack.
"Oh, well, good for him," Racetrack said, picking up one of the bottle of ambrosia and removing the cork. "Which one?"
"That'll cost you," Chuck said.
"Are you extorting from me?"
"Think of it more like bribery."
"Chuck, I didn't know you had it in you," Racetrack said admiringly.
Chuck laughed. "I'm trying."
Cally picked up her cards and looked around her. She could've ended up anywhere. She could've been living in a crappy tent on a crappy planet with a bunch of unhappy people and the Cylons still after them, but instead she'd ended up here, on Atlantis, with these people. The good, the insane, the megalomaniacal, and her friends.
The gods were merciful indeed.
-end-
Dedicated to the very much adored lyra_sena, and for slodwick and fatema because they promised me ART! I love art.
Beta by oxoniensis, who is wicked cool and v smart.
The Inter-Atlantica Knitting Club is a special tribute to rageprufrock's most fantabulous #435, The Atlantis Local Stitch'n'Bitch Chapter. If you haven't read it already, um, really what planet are you on?
You May Find Yourself a Soundtrack: Johnny Cash 'I've Been Everywhere'; The Clash 'Know Your Rights'; Aretha Franklin 'Respect'; Gomez 'How We Operate' ; Jack Johnson 'Inaudible Melodies'; Jet 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl'; Nerina Pallot 'Everybody's Gone to War'; Talking Heads 'Once in a Lifetime'; Muddy Waters 'Got My Mojo Workin'; Weezer 'Island in the Sun'; The White Stripes 'We Are Gonna Be Friends'
Battlestar Galactica/Stargate: Atlantis
Multiple pairings (m/m, m/f)
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Title from 'Once in a Lifetime' by the Talking Heads.
Summary: And you may find yourself asking, how did I get here?
ETA: Now with art by slodwick. Yay, Slod!
And You May Find Yourself Living in a Shotgun Shack
The shaking floors were the first sign.
The lights became a bit brighter in the mess hall. That was the second sign.
Both Dee and Laura turned their chairs to the most advantageous angles in readiness. Cally raised her cup of Athosian tea to her mouth and watched over the rim of her mug as Ronon Dex came jogging by.
Cally wasn't a morning person. After living on the Galactica where everything was a shift and you never saw any physical evidence of the day changing, it had taken three weeks of living in Atlantis for her to be convinced that the sun would still rise the next day. But only a crazy woman would miss the chance to watch the Charge of the Hot Brigade (™ Lieutenant Laura Cadman) taking their daily laps around Atlantis.
Ronon's hair bounced behind him and sweat was just beginning to form along his shoulders. His brown legs looked longer than a Viper fin and Dee made a wheezing noise in the back of her throat, which Cally seconded on principle.
Ronon was a fine specimen of man. The sort of man who made your ovaries hurt.
Right on Ronon's heels was Helo, looking just as adorable and squeezable as ever. If it hadn't been for his knocked-up toaster predilection, Cally might've wanted to frak him herself.
Judging by Laura's bouncing leg, she didn't care about toasters one way or another.
Right after Helo came Colonel Sheppard, his hair flopping up and down with every step. The hair looked slightly bouncer than normal, and Katie Brown and Cally exchanged a knowing grin.
The Colonel nodded towards their table, and Cally sighed into her tea.
Colonel John Sheppard was hot. His hair clearly had issues -- it probably needed to see Doc Cottle, or better yet, the Atlantis therapist, Heightmeyer -- but the Colonel was just hot.
Jogging along at the Colonel's right was Starbuck, blond hair tied back, grinning at something the Colonel said. The tribal tattoo on her bicep, a gift from Ronon and Teyla after her first Wraith kill, stood out in stark relief to her pale skin.
Flanking Sheppard's other side was Apollo, concentration etched in every pore, although whether he was concentrating on his run or the Colonel's ass was the subject of serious debate and many bets.
Since the Galactica had landed in Atlantis, Sheppard and Apollo had been spending a lot of time together talking about planes and jumpers and vipers and some guy named Johnny Cash. Nobody spent that much time together unless they were locked in a room or frakking -- and the city was refusing to be bribed or begged or harassed into locking them up together in some random storeroom.
Cally knew of at least three people who had asked.
There were even rumors of Sheppard adding Apollo to his off-world team, which according to Miko, was like them getting married. Of course Miko also thought that Dr. Rodney McKay was the best thing since freeze-dried loomaberries, which made her judgment rather questionable. Everybody knew that Dr. McKay was the Atlantis crackpot, and the Galactica already had Dr. Baltar -- they didn't need Miko losing her grip on reality too.
After the parade had passed, Dee and Laura turned their chairs back around slowly and let out their breath equally slowly. "Did you see how Apollo was running?" Katie asked. "He was definitely taking it easy -- that's not like him at all."
"And the Colonel's hair was looking very happy this morning," Dee agreed.
Laura and Cally nodded knowingly.
"They are so doing it," Katie said authoritatively.
Cally was working on Jumper Six when the call came in. Well, it wasn't as much a call as it was a shudder from the Jumper, followed by a crackle of a com, and then Dr. Zelenka cursing in his language, and then a crystal dropped on Cally's head, and that hurt.
"Hey, person down here," she reminded Dr. Zelenka, grabbing the crystal and sticking her head up from the guts of the jumper. Dr. Zelenka's shoes were right at her eye level, and she craned her head back and gave him a raised eyebrow.
"I am sorry, Callendra," he said bowing slightly, even as he wiped his hands on his BDUs, "but there is a problem in the sparring room, and I must be getting there."
"But I thought you were the other kind of doctor!" Cally called to Zelenka's hastily retreating form. He was the only person alive who called her by her full name.
"Is not an accident," he called over his shoulder. "Is Teyla and your Kara wrestling!"
Cally rolled her eyes and looked at the crystal in her hand. Jumper or wrestling… jumper or wrestling… As long as Kara was alive, there would be wrestling, but jumper six was Cally's baby.
Cally tapped her com. "Hey, Katie?"
It took a moment for Katie to answer, and when she did Cally could hardly hear her for the whooping and hollering. "Cal, where are you?"
"Playing with my favorite toy," Cally said, crouching back into the bowels of the jumper.
"What did I tell you about sharing your sex life?" Katie chided over a particularly loud holler. It sounded a lot like Helo.
Cally glanced around the empty jumper. "I would have to be having sex for there to be a sex life," she pointed out.
"Galen's a smart man, he'll get it eventually."
"Maybe with a sign from the gods, but I'm not holding --" There was a spectacular crash, and Katie yelped shrilly in Cally's ear. "If I'm deaf I can't fix you up with Gaeta, I'm reminding you of this. Anyway, can you put me down for twenty cubits on Teyla?"
There was another huge crash, this time like the sound a table cracking, and Cally winced.
"Too late," Katie said after a moment. "Game over."
Cally shrugged. "Frak it. I'll get in next time."
For the first month after they'd emerged from the wormhole and into the Pegasus Galaxy -- more specifically into the airspace above Atlantis -- the Galactica crew had stayed on the Galactica.
There had been all sorts of political issues between the President and Admiral Adama and Atlantis' Dr. Weir. Who were they (both groups asked that a lot), what year was it, how did they just appear in the sky one day, what was a Cylon, what was a Wraith, who was being hunted by the scarier group of aliens, who had the better pilots (Galactica, obviously), what had happened to the other half of the ships, and where were all these people going to live? It was just a big mess.
There was a lot of asking of "how the frak did we get here?"
The fact of the matter was that nobody knew what had happened. One minute Cally's whole life had been about the Galactica and staying alive and would Galen ask her out today, finally, and the next moment they were on a whole other planet.
It took some adjusting.
Katie Brown was the first friend Cally made in Atlantis. Katie had taken Cally on a tour of the greenhouse her third day in Atlantis proper, and she let Cally touch the plants since Cally hadn't seen a plant since Caprica and her mother's vegetable garden, which was probably just ash now.
Cally hadn't cried in front of Katie; Galactica survivors didn't do stupid things like crying, even when the man they loved pined for a stupid toaster.
Even when people left them little welcome plants outside their quarters in the bottom of the east tower.
Katie and Cally bonded over the little Athosian flower which bloomed yellow and pink and blue and liked it when Cally told it stupid 'knock knock' jokes from a book that Chuck had given her.
Today though, the only jokes Katie and Cally were hearing were from the table across the aisle where Ronon was cleaning his nails with a knife he'd pulled from his hair while Helo and Starbuck arm wrestled for a container of blue Jell-o.
It was too much testosterone in one place; after this Cally was going to have to go do something feminine like tinker under one of the Vipers and get oil in weird places.
"Okay," said Ronon sliding the knife back into his mass of hair. Katie made a weird sighing noise beside her. "What's a Celery again?"
Teyla patted his arm. "Cylon, Ronon. Cylon."
"Right, Cylon."
Starbuck snorted, using both of her arms against Helo's one. "It's a toaster."
Teyla's brow furrowed. "Toaster?"
"It's a robot. Robots are bad, except for Sharon." Helo spoke slowly, but then again, Helo always spoke slowly. He didn't seem to be interested in overexerting himself, unlike Kara.
"Your Sharon was a toaster?" Ronon countered. "I don't understand -- didn't you say that toasters are bad?"
"We have the Genii," Teyla said cordially. "The Genii are frequently not to be trusted."
Helo looked confused, but Helo always looked confused. "Genies? Like in a bottle?"
"No, Genii, mercenaries," Teyla explained.
Starbuck suddenly released Helo's arm which went smack into a plate of piled-up greenish mashed potato type-things. "Please, we're mercenaries, try again."
"I'm sure that your rudimentary knowledge is all well and good, although whether you're good enough to actually be from the most holy of all planets is debatable. Surely the gods of Earth would not just accept some -- well, desperate times and all that. I'm here now, though, you can feel safe."
Cally was not predisposed to eavesdropping, especially if Dr. Baltar were talking to himself outside the science labs. That was just Dr. Baltar.
Except someone was sputtering, and Cally didn't think that even Baltar could talk and sputter at the same time, but who knew? The Lords of Kobol had obviously been having an off-day when they created him.
"And furthermore, I'll have you know that I won the Euclid prize four years running. I am the foremost authority on Cylon genome processing and --"
"Look you pompous, greasy airbag, I don't know what backwater your brain is still inhabiting that makes you think you're smarter than I am, but I can assure you that's not the case. Just because you fell, by accident," a very recognizable voice heaped plenty of scorn on the last word, "through a black hole --"
Cally paused. So Dr. Baltar wasn't talking to himself for a change. Cally wasn't sure if talking to Dr. McKay was much better. Dr. McKay was pretty cracked too.
"We didn't fall --" Dr. Baltar interrupted.
"You fell. It was an accident. You never even saw it coming. I, on the other hand, have single-handedly saved this galaxy on numerous occasions. I bet you've never mastered a time dilation field, or worked out how to draw zero point energy from a parallel space time."
There was a moment of silence -- Cally assumed it was Dr. McKay waiting for Dr. Baltar's applause. He's going to have a long wait. "You would be surprised what I can do, Rodney. May I call you Rodney?"
"No."
"Splendid, Rodney."
The initial transition and integration between the Galactica and the Atlantis contingents hadn't necessarily gone badly. For the most part things had gone really well. The Athosians had been pretty great about letting the Galactica's civilians settle near them and teaching them how to farm the land. They had loved President Roslin and sent all their children to the New Atlantis School.
The problems had come when the various militaries had first tried to live in Atlantis together. There had been a lot of rank confusion and a lot of scuffles over stupid things like who ate the last of the blue Jell-o, but Kara had promised to stop taunting Dr. McKay, and he'd eventually put hot water back on in the east tower, and everything after that had seemed pretty tame to Cally.
"So then Apollo asked if the Colonel would teach him how to fly a jumper. And the Colonel said he bet Apollo was a natural, and Apollo said he tried, but he bet the Colonel could teach him a thing or two," Racetrack recounted breathlessly. Running to the mess hall from the docking bay wasn't exactly a short trip.
Racetrack said trying to do it stealthily -- her word -- was ever harder.
Laura hooted, poking at her mystery meat with her fork. "Yeah, I bet he said he was a natural."
"I bet Apollo wanted him to teach him a thing or two," Katie agreed. "Although with arms like that, maybe he could show the Colonel a thing or two."
"Let's discuss important things -- when can we get a feed of this?" Laura pressed.
"Stop counting your sacrifices before they've been offered," Dee said, making a dismissive motion over her purple root vegetables.
"Dee, didn't you used to, you know, date Apollo?" Katie interrupted.
Dee snorted. "We had to break up. He had issues."
"Issues like how?" Katie pressed.
"Like I didn't have a dick."
"Yeah, but what about him and Starbuck?"
"Starbuck has a dick; she just hides it during duty."
Cally snorted water everywhere.
Katie lowered her voice. "Speaking of, you know, sex, can you just imagine what the Colonel and Apollo would look like together naked."
There was a moment of contemplative silence from the entire table.
"Ohhhh boy," Katie said eventually.
"So say we all," Cally agreed.
After two months of living in Atlantis, Cally should've be able to make some grand statement about how frakked up life was when the toasters your ancestors created to make life better and more efficient rebelled, blew up your home planet and wiped out just about your entire species, until your only recourse of action was to flee across the galaxy. And then, because you kept running, you hit black hole and wound up in an alternate universe, about five hundred years in the past, where you found a city in the middle of an ocean, with a bunch of people who were terrorized by space vampires.
And now she had a job tinkering with circuitry she never even dreamed existed, while trying to convince the Chief that, hey, maybe trying to hybridize a puddlejumper and a Viper wasn't the best way to pass the time while waiting for the space vampires to attack all over again.
The whole sitting-duck thing made Cally's skin crawl.
It didn't help that the Chief was stubborn and willing to try anything that would piss off Dr. McKay because he hadn't made it work first.
"Chief, do you really think that sticking a crystal in the Viper's hyperdrive is a good idea? Seriously. Not just because you want to piss off Dr. McKay --"
"Did I tell you that I wanted to piss off Dr. McKay?" The Chief's brown eyes were bright over the circuit board. "I would never want to piss off the head of the Atlantis Science Department. Even if he's not the boss of me. What I said is that we should find a way to integrate their technology with ours."
Cally rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but the Vipers don't like having crystals shoved in their ports."
"And that's why we're going to figure out something different."
Cally cocked her head to the side. "I bet you wouldn't like having a crystal shoved up your port either."
The corners of the Chief's mouth turned up slightly. "We don’t discriminate based on where you take your crystals, Cal."
"Have you been talking to Dr. Zelenka again?"
"Radek's helping me fight the power from inside the system," the Chief said.
Cally shook her head and went back to the circuit board. "Boys are weird," she said, "if you really want to screw with Dr. McKay, you should talk to Miko."
Galen raised an eyebrow. "Miko, huh?"
They were entirely too cute together: Helo and Ronon. They were like big puppy dogs. What with the wrestling and the smiling and the random throwing of knives at objects -- well, maybe not so much with the knives thing.
"What are these puppy dogs?" Teyla asked Cally. They were observing sparring practice -- along with half of the Atlantis population -- from the safety of a far wall.
"They're pets," Cally tried helpfully, but she kept getting distracted by Ronon gripping Helo's waist and all the bare skin they were showing. That was a lot of grappling. Manly grappling, like the Olympian wrestlers, but still grappling.
Cally had a wistful moment for the naked Olympian wrestling on Picon.
"I do not think of Ronon like a pet," Teyla said reproachfully.
"No, not like a pet pet," Colonel Sheppard said coming to Cally's rescue, which she was so bragging about at breakfast in the morning. "I think the Specialist means that she finds them very comforting. Puppies are very comforting where we come from -- I mean they were in my time, I don’t know if they're comforting in your time, Cally. For all I know they could all be trained to attack and rip out your -- um--"
The Colonel died off at Teyla's raised eyebrow. "Except in a good way."
"People love puppies on Caprica. Maybe not on Geminon, they have weird rites there, but I love them," Cally assured him gratefully. "They protect you and make you feel safe and happy. At least that's what Helo does for most of us."
Teyla's brow unfurrowed. "Oh, well, yes, I think Ronon does that too."
Cally bit the inside of her jaw when the Colonel leaned down and whispered in her ear, "don't mention the dumb and drooling part. That'll just be between us, okay?"
Navigating the social strata and political situation involved in integrating with a bunch of scientists from 500 years in the Galactica's past was going to be a tough job, but the Admiral and the President felt confident that their people were up to the task. Not that they had a lot of choice unless they wanted to be locked up in the brig, or worse, sent back through the freaky looking wormhole door into the primitive society the Atlanteans came from.
At least that was the speech everyone had been given the day before they were allowed out of their Galactica quarantine.
Starbuck had said that she had heard that the wormhole lead to some colony called the SGC, which was on Earth, but Starbuck had also insisted that the Wraith weren't scary, which Laura said was a big frakking lie.
As far as Cally could tell, the politics were about who got the best quarters on Atlantis and who got what plots of land from the Athosians and who was allowed to breed with the Athosians (anybody who was fertile from 15-65) and who had rank over who (Starfleet and the Marines and the Air Force all saw things slightly differently apparently) and who was really in charge at the end of the day.
Some people had been more willing to surrender power (Apollo to Colonel Sheppard) than others.
None of that interested Cally; what interested Cally was the New and Improved Inter Atlantica (Atlantis + Galactica = Atlantica -- Cally thought it was sort of cute) black market.
And right now, Cally was in the midst of trading. "And then she invited the President to her knitting club," Chuck said.
Cally boggled. "She what?"
Chuck shrugged, his mouth full of the contraband chocolate pudding. He continued on after a moment. "Dr. Weir is big on knitting, didn't you know? She encourages the scientists to knit; she says it's good for hand-eye-coordination."
Cally furrowed her brow. "The President doesn't knit. At least I don't think the President knits."
President Roslin didn’t look like a knitter. She looked like she'd kick your ass if you got out of line. Privately, Cally thought the President might enjoy sparring with Teyla more than knitting.
"And what did the President say?" she asked as Chuck licked the spoon before opening his second container of Swiss Miss.
Cally had an entire box in her quarters courtesy of Sergeant Markham. Apparently he had a crush on Katie, so Cally had promised to put in a good word. She would've done it without the box of pudding and smelly earth candles, but bribery was always appreciated.
Maybe she would see if Starbuck knew anybody who could trade her for one of those toy planes Apollo had given Colonel Sheppard. The Chief's birthday was coming up.
"The President said she would have to look at her schedule, and she would get back to Dr. Weir --" Chuck carried on.
"Yeah, I bet."
"At least she had to look at her schedule until Dr. Weir said that Admiral Adama was coming too, and then she was all into colors and knitting needles."
Cally cracked up. "Yeah, the better to stab Dr. Weir if she makes a move on the Admiral."
At Chuck's horrified look Cally held up her hands. "Just kidding, just kidding."
Except she really wasn't.
From what Cally had heard, the President was really possessive once she got her hands on an Adama. Someone ought to tell Colonel Sheppard that.
Cally wasn't the sort to interfere where she wasn't needed, but she didn't want Galen on an off-world team. Not even one led by Laura. "Didn't I tell you to tell him he had a heart condition and couldn't go?" she berated Dr. Beckett.
The doctor made a hmming noise as he checked her blood pressure. "Aye, but you're not the boss of him now, are you?" Dr Beckett said easily. "I have no doubt that Lieutenant Cadman will look after your precious Chief."
"He's not my precious Chief." Cally didn't sulk.
"Yes, well, all the same. How's your head?"
"I'm fine, it's fine." Cally had had a little episode in the jumper when she'd put a crystal where the jumper didn't want a crystal, and it had let her know that right away. She'd thought life with the ATA gene was supposed to make things easier, now she just felt moodier than ever.
The Ancients had a lot to answer for.
"Laura -- Lieutenant Cadman is an excellent leader. Galen is in fine hands."
Cally didn't want Galen in anybody's hands -- she narrowed her eyes. Was it her imagination that Doctor Beckett went all moony eyes when he said Laura's name?
"So, you're not seeing someone, are you?"
"Cally, I'm honored," Dr. Beckett said smoothly.
Cally snorted. "You know how I feel about Galen. I meant Laura. You like Laura, don't you?"
Dr. Beckett opened his mouth, but his answer was drowned out by a ruckus from the infirmary doors where Helo and Ronon were being dragged in covered in mud and blood and little else, followed by an amused looking Colonel Sheppard. It was way too hot.
"Ooooh," Cally said, immediately hitting her com to page Katie.
Dr. Beckett shook his head. "Absolutely not, Cally," he said pulling her com out of her ear and closing the curtain around her. "You, rest, and no staring at the naked dirty men."
Cally narrowed her eyes. "You never let me have any fun."
Atlantis was huge. Cally knew this because the first two weeks she'd lived there she'd had to have one of the Marines walk her home every night. Well, it wasn't night as much as it was when her shift was long over and the Chief had taken the data pad out of her hand because she kept nodding off.
It took her approximately one day to realize that the Atlantis work ethic was just as stringent as the Galactica one, but at least they had a sunrise, and water to swim in, and fresh air, and the outdoors, and no Cylons.
The no Cylon thing was easily Cally's favorite part.
Of course the nightly escort had stopped when Cally realized Stackhouse was hitting on her; she'd abruptly made friends with Laura Cadman instead. Laura was a very good person to know, especially the first time there was a Wraith attack and Cally had to run from her quarters to the jumper hanger in her pajamas in ten minutes, because the transporters were all full.
Cally liked the transporters, she just preferred walking. Being cooped up on the Galactica had made her appreciate her freedom -- like the freedom to walk past a random niche and see Colonel Sheppard making out with someone who was most definitely too tall to be Lee Adama.
Cally wasn't a Nosy Rosie, but it wasn't like she was getting any action, and the Colonel was really getting into it. There was noisy, wet kissing, and it was hot, and Cally couldn't even remember the last time she'd seen good quality porn.
This was the real thing.
This was so much better than Starbuck's black market porn, what with the hands and the moaning and someone's hand was shoving down the back of the Colonel's BDU's so that Cally had now seen more naked Colonel than anybody else she knew.
The Colonel was making all these growly sounds, which made Cally tingle in parts that only tingled when Jumper Six was really happy with her.
There was muttering and Cally bit the inside of her jaw to keep from making any further noises, because Aphrodite save her, the Colonel was about to give a blow job to --
Doctor McKay?
Cally turned and braced herself against the column she was hiding behind.
This was, um, this was new.
She had to find Starbuck and revise her bet.
She tiptoed away until she'd gone and gotten lost all over again. Exhaling in frustration she tried to figure out where she was. "Apollo's going to be really disappointed," she said after a moment of realizing that everywhere looked the same.
"Why's that?" a voice asked from behind her.
Cally whirled around, fifty excuses on the tip of her tongue, but they all fell away at the smirk on the Chief's lips. "Because when I kill you for scaring the frak out of me, he won't have anybody to fix his planes."
Galen's nose wrinkled when he smiled, and Cally's heart did that weird trip-hop it did around him. He made her act so stupid sometimes, and he couldn't even see that.
For someone so smart, he could be really stupid. It took her a moment to realize the Chief was still gazing at her curiously. "I'm going to lunch," she announced finally.
"Okay."
Cally turned and walked away only to pause when the Chief called after her, "Cal, the mess hall is the other way."
Standing up tall and pushing her shoulders back like Laura had taught her, Cally cleared her throat, turned back around and stomped past the Chief. "I knew that."
Friday nights on Atlantis they held card parties in the mess hall. The idea had been the work of the Atlantis-Galactica Coalition, which was supposed to foster cooperation between the two groups, but mostly just served as a front for the black market and anybody who needed a good excuse as to why they had more alcohol than even Ronon and Helo could consume.
The card games in question varied from table to table. There were triad tables and poker tables -- a game Cally hadn't quite mastered yet, but seemed to involve lots of hollering and talking about something called Texas -- and in the wee hours, after most of Atlantis had quieted down, there was even the occasional jumper trip to the mainland to play pyramid.
Colonel Sheppard was big on pyramid. He said it was like feetball and basketsball smooshed together, neither of which Cally had never heard of, but Cally had overheard Dr. Baltar explaining to himself that they were a bit more primitive on Atlantis and you had to make allowances for that.
Cally figured it didn't matter how primitive the Earthlings were since they'd welcomed the Galactica and the Pegasus and a couple thousand refugees to their home.
Once upon a time Cally had wanted to be a dentist. Now she was just happy to have clean clothes, a bed to sleep in, and some down time that didn't involve Starbuck spitting all over the XO.
She glanced at the table of people around her and thought that having good friends pretty much made anything else tolerable. Well, that and Athosian beer.
"And then the Admiral said that maybe the Colonel needed a time out." Racetrack eyed her cards carefully and slapped Gaeta's hand away from her mug of beer.
Miko furrowed her brows. "Your Admiral said Colonel Sheppard needed a time out? What is this 'time out' thing?"
"No," Racetrack explained, "not your Colonel, our Colonel, Colonel Tigh. I think he meant he needed to go sit in a corner and pray to Dionysus for some sobriety."
Gaeta didn't snort. Neither did Cally. At least not very loudly.
"Too many titles," Miko said dismissively. "Full house!" she announced putting down her cards.
Everyone leaned over, and Chuck sighed. "Does it count if she has it but calls it the wrong thing?"
Everyone sighed as once again Miko took the entire pot. "I really liked that lipstick," Racetrack said balefully as Miko examined the gold tube. "I had to trade Katie six citrus-type fruits to get it."
"I think you look pretty with it," Chuck said bravely.
Both Miko and Racetrack eyed Chuck curiously; Cally was sure he was flirting with one of them, she just didn't know which one.
Across the table Gaeta met Cally's raised eyebrow. "So, um, where's Katie?" he asked picking up and shuffling the cards.
"I don't know," Cally said. "She was supposed to be here. Frak, she was supposed to bring the ambrosia."
"I could use a drink," Chuck said loudly, his cheeks bright red.
"Did someone say drinks?" Cally smirked as Katie strode up to the table, a smile on her face and a green bottle under her arm.
"Make room for the woman with the alcohol," Chuck said, giving Katie his seat and upending his empty mug as he dashed away in search of another chair.
"Thanks, Chuck," Racetrack and Katie said in unison. Cally didn't snort as Racetrack looked after him curiously; across the table, Gaeta sat up a bit straighter.
"So, now that you're here," Cally began, "we're still missing -- where's Laura tonight?"
"Didn't you hear?" Miko spoke up.
The dread was a cold hand around Cally's lungs. "Didn't I hear what?"
"Dr. Beckett asked her out," Gaeta answered.
Cally spilled her Athosian brew everywhere. "Artemis alive! Really?"
Katie grinned. "I just came from helping her get ready. Speaking of people looking good, where's Dee? She has my favorite red top and I want it back -"
Cally and Racetrack looked down at the table nonchalantly. "Cal," Katie began, "where's Dee?"
"Dualla is running with Ronon," Miko supplied helpfully.
Katie narrowed her eyes. "She wore my favorite shirt running with Ronon? Dee doesn't even like running! Since when does Dee run?"
Cally snickered. "Since Ronon asked if she wanted to go."
"Praise the lords of Kobol," Racetrack added.
"I hate her," Katie said simply. "She's running with Ronon, Laura's out with Dr. Beckett, and -"
"-And you are keeping us from the ambrosia, so hand it over." Cally leaned across the table making grabbing motions with her fists, if everybody else was out doing who know what, with who know who, then she wasn't going to sit around sober and be sad over it. Life was short --
"Hey!" she protested when someone reached across the table and intercepted the bottle. "That's my -- Chief."
Galen Tyrol held the ambrosia in a firm grip of his left hand, his right arm behind him. "2510, huh? That was a good year. Were you even born then?"
"Hey that's my Chief?" Katie said curiously, grinning broadly at the table. "I like it, it's catchy, are you starting a band?"
Cally stood up, pointedly ignoring Katie. "None of us were alive in 2510 except Colonel Tigh, and he's probably drunk those brain cells away, but I didn't say that because my name isn't Starbuck and I don't want to end up in the brig." Sometimes Galen made her nervous; Cally could practically hear Katie snickering behind her.
"Oh, then I guess you wouldn't want a bottle that actually was made the year you were born," Galen pulled out something he'd been hiding behind his back.
Cally just stared at the new bottle of ambrosia. "How did you know when I was born?"
"I know lots of things about you, Callendra," the Chief said with a smile.
"Callendra?" came a chorus of disbelief from behind Cally.
Whirling back around, Cally shot the entire table a look of pure annoyance. "Shut the frak up, all of you!" She rounded back on the Chief, "you were saying?"
"I was just saying," Galen shrugged, handing both bottles to Cally, "we should talk about you sometime."
Cally blinked.
Galen was finally hitting on her. Unfrakingbelievable.
"Chief "I am so incompetent I couldn't even tie my shoes without assistance" Tyrol! Some of us have real work to do trying to save your pasty ass from the space vampires and can't spend all our time flirting with our subordinates!"
The entire room glanced over at Dr. McKay briefly and then went back to their games.
Cally tamped down on the urge to defend Galen's pasty ass. Galen wasn't pasty.
"Keep your pants on, Doc," Galen called back. "You just can't please some people," he said with a wink.
Cally could feel the urge to strangle Dr. McKay struggling to take over, but she fought against it as Galen walked away. Setting the two bottles back on the table, she turned back to her friends who were looking at her with a mixture of amusement and pride.
"He finally hits on me and McKay ruins it," she said, still in shock. "I don't believe this."
"Don’t blame McKay," Gaeta said soothingly. "He hasn't been right since Starbuck took his Jell-o away."
"Or since Starbuck and Colonel Sheppard starting doing drills around the towers," Racetrack added.
"Yes, but he's gotten much better since he started sleeping with Colonel Sheppard," Miko added.
The entire table went silent. "And you were going to tell us this when?" Katie asked eventually.
"Oh," Miko said, taking the cards from Gaeta's limp grasp and dealing them out with authority. "I thought you knew. I thought everybody knew."
Katie shook her head. "Poor Apollo."
Chuck snorted. "Poor Apollo nothing, he's sleeping with one of the Marines." Cally raised an eyebrow. She didn't even remember Chuck coming back to the table, but there he was, right next to Racetrack.
"Oh, well, good for him," Racetrack said, picking up one of the bottle of ambrosia and removing the cork. "Which one?"
"That'll cost you," Chuck said.
"Are you extorting from me?"
"Think of it more like bribery."
"Chuck, I didn't know you had it in you," Racetrack said admiringly.
Chuck laughed. "I'm trying."
Cally picked up her cards and looked around her. She could've ended up anywhere. She could've been living in a crappy tent on a crappy planet with a bunch of unhappy people and the Cylons still after them, but instead she'd ended up here, on Atlantis, with these people. The good, the insane, the megalomaniacal, and her friends.
The gods were merciful indeed.
-end-
Dedicated to the very much adored lyra_sena, and for slodwick and fatema because they promised me ART! I love art.
Beta by oxoniensis, who is wicked cool and v smart.
The Inter-Atlantica Knitting Club is a special tribute to rageprufrock's most fantabulous #435, The Atlantis Local Stitch'n'Bitch Chapter. If you haven't read it already, um, really what planet are you on?
You May Find Yourself a Soundtrack: Johnny Cash 'I've Been Everywhere'; The Clash 'Know Your Rights'; Aretha Franklin 'Respect'; Gomez 'How We Operate' ; Jack Johnson 'Inaudible Melodies'; Jet 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl'; Nerina Pallot 'Everybody's Gone to War'; Talking Heads 'Once in a Lifetime'; Muddy Waters 'Got My Mojo Workin'; Weezer 'Island in the Sun'; The White Stripes 'We Are Gonna Be Friends'