Inception Meta: Judaism: A (Very Very Very) Basic Guide
Okay, Inception fandom, we need to have A Talk. We need to have A Talk about Arthur.
I totally get why everyone is making him Jewish. *I* am making him Jewish! JGL was raised with it and Arthur is one of those names that can swing that way and it's great, actually. It is the first time in my fandom life there's been a character I could feel legitimate about writing with a heritage similar to my own, without feeling like I was layering it in out of sheer bloody-mindedness, and I'm all about it, really, I am.
But guys, as a Jew, I have to tell you: I'm seeing some Doing It Wrong, and it's reaaaally starting to harsh my buzz.
So here's what we're going to do. Under the cut is a (very very very) basic guide to some of the ins and outs Judaism. DISCLAIMER ETC: I am only one Jew in a sea of Jews, and it's been a long time since my Bat Mitzvah, and obviously my experience is not universal. Most of what's in here is just, like, basic fact, but there will be some "And this is how it is for me," because that's just how it goes when you're talking about your own heritage. YMMV, I DO NOT SPEAK FOR MY PEOPLE, OKAY?
Point The First: Judaism Can Be More Than A Religion, Folks
Alright, in order to start out this section, a bit about me: I was raised Jewish, and I identify that way, but religiously speaking I'd really be more accurately described as agnostic. God as described in the Torah (aka the Old Testament) is not the world's nicest guy ever. He's all, hey Abraham, murder your son! LOL JK. He's all, hey, hey, Lot, YOUR WIFE IS A PILLAR OF SALT, LMAO. I'm not particularly down with that. It doesn't mesh with my worldview.
Then again, there's a lot about the religious side of Judaism that I just love. There's a heavy sense of tradition, of family, of community--did you know that when a Jewish person dies, you do something called sitting Shiva? For the first seven days after the death, the closest relative (spouse, parent, whoever), opens their home, and everyone comes by and stays with them, so they don't have to be alone. I think that's pretty damn cool.
All that being said, here is my point: Judaism, at least in my experience and that of a number of my peers, is an ethnicity as much as a religion. I don't believe in the Jewish god, but I'd never identify myself as anything other than Jewish. I don't think my life is going to go down the shitter if I don't fast on Yom Kippur, but I do it anyway, because people have been doing it for thousands of years and that's pretty awesome. Because my family does it, and part of the experience is sharing that with them. Because the point, under the religious part, is taking a lesson in sacrifice and thinking about what you've done wrong, and I think everyone benefits from shit like that.
And, look, I'm not saying every fic where Arthur is Jewish has to go into a deep exploration of his cultural identity. I'm not saying that at *all*. But Arthur can be Jewish and non-practicing; Arthur can be Jewish and not follow all the rules of Judaism; Arthur can be Jewish even if he hasn't set foot in a temple in fifteen years, even if he's never believed in god. It's a religion with its own language and foods and personalities and history, and you don't have to write about any of that, but you do need to keep it in mind. It's a culture, like any other culture.
Point the Second: There's More Than One Type of Judaism (No, Really)
Actually, there are three subsets of Judaism! LET US DISCUSS THEM.
Reform Judaism
This is what I am. I joke around that the Reform movement should actually be called Lazy Judaism, because it is the most relaxed of the three branches, but I'm actually all about the reasoning behind it. One of my rabbis explained it to me like this once: Reform Judaism is about informed choice. It's about looking at the text and deciding what does and does not apply in a modern setting, and living your life accordingly. As such, there's a lot of variance in how stringently people practice within this branch.
If you have Arthur identify as Jewish, but you don't want to deal with much about it, you can go this way. Eames can say, "Darling, I know that you're Jewish, doesn't that mean you have to do Shabbat dinner on Friday night? Because I've done rather a lot of research in my quest to win your favor." And Arthur can say, "Why, Eames, I am a Reform Jew, I do not see any need to celebrate Shabbat, but your interest has gotten past my cold veneer, kindly fuck me into this mattress!"
Only, you know, less OOC.
Conservative Judasim
Actually the newest form of Judaism, created because people needed something more strict than Reform but less strict than Orthodox. Conservative Jews generally do things like Shabbat dinner, if not keeping the Sabbath entirely (keeping the Sabbath entirely involves like, not flipping on light switches between sundown on Friday and sundown on Saturday, because THAT WOULD BE WORK. This is the kind of thing Reform Jews tend to eschew as not-applicable-to-modern-life). If you want to write a fic in which Arthur's Judaism is a serious part of his life, and he has to navigate the treacherous waters of keeping his faith while adhering to some religious guidelines, congratulations! This is the way to go.
Orthodox Judaism
Canon more or less makes it impossible for Arthur to be an Orthodox Jew, as he is never seen wearing a kippah, a traditional Jewish head-covering thing that Orthodox men are required to wear in public at all times. But, you know, in case you wanted to write a fic about Arthur having *been* this kind of Jew--they're the strictest branch. And they're really, really strict about it. STRICT, GUYS. SUPER STRICT.
Do you have to identify what kind of Jew Arthur is to make your story plausible? No, of course not. Might it be good to *google* the branch you've picked and do some reading, so you yourself know what you're talking about, and have a point of reference to go off of? Yeah, that's probably a plan to stick with.
Point the Third: That Word, "Kosher" …I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means
Okay. First and foremost (and I'm going to go ahead and put this is nice bold type so everyone sees it): NOT ALL JEWS KEEP KOSHER. Allow me to repeat: NOT ALL JEWS KEEP KOSHER. A lot of us don't, actually. I am 21 years old, have been Jewish since the day I was born, and have not kept Kosher a day in my life. I love bacon. I'd eat bacon all day long. No one in my entire extended family keeps Kosher, either. Originally the Kosher laws existed to a) keep people from eating the foods that spread the most diseases in a time before sterilization was possible and b) to make sure any and all animal slaughter was done as humanely as possible. Reform Jews, by and large, dismiss it as something not necessary to keep up in this day and age, though of course some do keep it. A number of Conservative Jews keep it, though with varying degrees of stringency, and Orthodox Jews, of course, keep it STRICTLY. Because they are STRICT.
So guess what! Arthur can be Jewish and not keep Kosher. This is great news for you guys, because Kosher is complicated.
If, for some reason, you decide you want to have Arthur keep Kosher anyway, here are some basic (basic, basic) guidelines. This is not NEARLY all the rules of Kosher, because it would take all day to compile them and, quite frankly, I don't know them all. Have never kept it, because (say it with me), NOT ALL JEWS KEEP KOSHER.
The Rule That Everyone Knows: pork is a no-no. This means pork chops, bacon, ham, things cooked in any kind of pork grease, things containing any kind of pork byproduct, etc. NO PORK FOR YOU.
The Rule That Some People Know: you can't mix milk and meat. Like, at all. Like, not even on the same plate. Like, people who keep Kosher really strictly have separate dishes, dishwashers, and sometimes REFRIGERATORS, one for dairy products and one for meat. This means that if you have Arthur turn down a BLT and then eat a cheeseburger, you are contradicting yourself. Okay? Okay.
The Rule That Most People Do Not Know: also, no shellfish. Shellfish is like pork. Shrimp, scallops, lobster, oysters, clams? No. None of that. Shut it down.
The Rule That No One Knows, Because It's Disgusting: uh, so. Kosher meat is Kosher partially because of the..slaughtering methods. Um. It involves some bloodletting. I'm not going to get into it, but there are special brands of Kosher meat sold in most major grocery stores.
There are A LOT MORE rules about Kosher--like, things that are neither milk nor meat and can be eaten with either are classified as "parve," and there are special symbols that go on the packaging of Kosher foods, and like…a million other things. For more on Kosher, you can visit this website, and good luck to you. It is a mire of seriously involved information.
Point the Fourth: Jewish Holidays (Or, Chanukah is Not Jewish Christmas, You Guys)
True story: Chanukah (also transliterated Hanukkah, pick your poison), in the actual like…text…is a minor festival holiday. It ranks on par with, say, Purim, which most people have never heard of, because Purim does not fall on or around Christmas. Chanukah has been made into a much bigger deal than it is because it is conveniently timed, but it's not the most important holiday in Judaism. Not at all. Not by a long shot. Let's talk about the most important holidays in Judaism! They are:
Rosh Hashanah
Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year. Why do Jews have a different new year then that one on January 1st, you ask? Well, because the Jewish calendar is lunar (and also solar…look, it's complicated, okay), and has been around longer than the one we use, because the one we use is based on the birth of Christ, which, you know, not so much relevant in the ancient Jewish world. According to the Jewish calendar, today is (*checks*) the 10th of Cheshvan, year 5771! Isn't that nice.
I know fuck all about the Jewish calendar, honestly, because we don't live our lives by it. It does, however, dictate when the holidays fall. This is why Jewish holidays do not fall on the same day every year, in case you were wondering. This is also why I end up being blindsided by the damn things every fucking time.
But, Rosh Hashanah, right, is the Jewish New Year, and you dip apples in honey to symbolize the next year being sweet, and you say L'Shana Tova, which means happy new year in Hebrew. This is the kind of holiday you might consider sending Arthur home for, if you want to do a Eames-Meets-Arthur's-Family kind of thing.
You could also use Thanksgiving and bypass this entirely, but I digress.
There's a lot more about Rosh Hashanah I could go into, but you really probably don't need to know. If you want to know, ask, and I will happily babble at you about Shofars and the weird tune my temple uses for the Amidah and the time my rabbi told a really inappropriate joke during his sermon and everyone was totally, totally appalled.
Yom Kippur
Okay, so, Yom Kippur! Not a happy holiday. Together, Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah are referred to as the High Holy Days, because they are the two most important days in the Jewish Year. They are also called the Ten Days of Repentance. Let me tell you why!
So, Rosh Hashanah is the beginning of the year, right? But for the eight days in between it and Yom Kippur, you're supposed to go around and apologize to everyone you've wronged in the last year. These are like freebie days. They're get-ready-to-wipe-your-slate days. You apologize for shit, and then on Yom Kippur, you fast from sundown to sundown and go to temple, and you think about everything you've done wrong in the previous year. You recite Hebrew prayers that basically mean "I am sorry that I have been such an ass, god, but I've thought about it and I will try to do better," and then you go home with a clean slate for the coming year and eat until you feel sick.
No, really.
I mean, look, there is a LOT more to it than that, it is the holiest day of the entire year, I could go on and on about the beauty of the Kol Nidre service and how much better you feel after a few avinu malkeinus even if you've never believed in a higher power. But in a nutshell, that's Yom Kippur for ya. Again, if you have questions, ask and I shall babble.
Passover
So, uh, this is an eight day holiday about the story of Moses. Ever see that Disney DREAMWORKS movie Prince of Egypt? So did I. In temple. Every year after it came out. I think my rabbis didn't really know what to do with us.
But, basically, right, Moses was a slave and the Egyptians kept killing Jewish babies and Moses was all, hey, no, and Pharaoh was all LOOOOOL, yes, and Moses was all "Let my people go, bitch, or I will rain upon you a series of increasingly violent plagues," and Pharaoh was like, "Dude, you are totally bluff--oh my god, what happened to all our…and where did these frogs…DID YOU KILL ALL THE FIRST-BORN…oh fine whatever, go."
Except that Pharaoh was a temperamental little fuck and totes changed his mind, and the Jews had to get the hell outta dodge so fast they didn't even have time for the bread they were making to rise, and they wandered in the desert for 40 years before making it to The Land of Milk and Honey . And all of this is why, for eight days out of the damn year, I cannot eat a cookie and must instead eat crackers that tastes like nothing so much as cardboard.
I have my suspicions that cardboard tastes better, actually, but we can save that discussion for another time.
On the first (and, in some families/traditions, the second) night of Passover, there is a dinner called a Seder. You read from a book that tells the Moses story! You sing a song called Diyanu that will be stuck in your head for the next month! You drink a lot of super-sugary Kosher wine! You dip parsley in salt water to symbolize tears! And then they make you eat it! You do a lot of other symbolic stuff too, and then you eat a massive meal that consists largely of meat, because you can't eat anything with flour, legumes, rice, corn, beans, etc. on Passover.
My father, when pressed, describes Passover as "like Lent for Jews, but crammed into eight days and the sacrifice is always bread." This is not even remotely accurate, but it'll do in a pinch. Seder is another one of those holidays that Arthur could bring Eames home for; every significant other I've ever had has had to suffer through a Passover Seder with my family. The downside is, some of the symbolic food is really bizarre. The plus side is, if you take the instruction "Drink the wine," as liberally as we do in my house, by the time you get to dinner, you're extremely drunk!
Point the Fifth: Hey, Hey, Shiksa Goddess
This is just a quick section to cover this one thing, because I saw it done wrong in a fic last week and choked on my own spit:
Shiksa: A slur for a non-Jewish woman. If you're bringing some variation on girl!Eames home to meet Arthur's family, fine. If you're bringing Ariadne home to meet Arthur's family, fine. If you're bringing male!Eames home to meet Arthur's family, shiksa does not apply, and no one would use it. Ever. Okay?
Goy/Goyim: A word that means "non-Jew" that can be applied regardless of gender. It's not…always a slur? In terms of the actual definition of the word, it isn't one, but it's regularly delivered with a certain amount of bitterness, at least within my extended family (generally when I am dating one). Also, "gentile."
Point the Sixth: Judaism Is Really Not All That Hilarious
By which I mean: it's enough already with the fics where Eames is like, deeply deeply amused by Arthur being Jewish. Can I totally see Eames being fascinated by this new part of Arthur he's never encountered before? Oh, sure. Eames is a student of human behavior, after all, and (at least in fandom) a student of The Ways and Habits of Arthur, and it makes total sense to me that he'd learn about Arthur's religious upbringing and want to explore it. But because it's part of Arthur, you know? Not because it's hysterical on its face.
And actually, that is the point of this post: if you want to write about Arthur being Jewish, awesome! I am all about there being more Jewish characters in fandom. But do your research, and be respectful, and don't treat it like it's some be-all-end-all thing. It's just a part of Arthur, like any other part of him.
Alright, guys, that is more than enough meta (and Judaism, hell) from me for one night. Hope this came off as helpful and not as, uh, obnoxious and preachy, and feel free to ask me any questions you may have, and L'chaim! That's a traditional Jewish toast. It means "to life." &hearts
I totally get why everyone is making him Jewish. *I* am making him Jewish! JGL was raised with it and Arthur is one of those names that can swing that way and it's great, actually. It is the first time in my fandom life there's been a character I could feel legitimate about writing with a heritage similar to my own, without feeling like I was layering it in out of sheer bloody-mindedness, and I'm all about it, really, I am.
But guys, as a Jew, I have to tell you: I'm seeing some Doing It Wrong, and it's reaaaally starting to harsh my buzz.
So here's what we're going to do. Under the cut is a (very very very) basic guide to some of the ins and outs Judaism. DISCLAIMER ETC: I am only one Jew in a sea of Jews, and it's been a long time since my Bat Mitzvah, and obviously my experience is not universal. Most of what's in here is just, like, basic fact, but there will be some "And this is how it is for me," because that's just how it goes when you're talking about your own heritage. YMMV, I DO NOT SPEAK FOR MY PEOPLE, OKAY?
Point The First: Judaism Can Be More Than A Religion, Folks
Alright, in order to start out this section, a bit about me: I was raised Jewish, and I identify that way, but religiously speaking I'd really be more accurately described as agnostic. God as described in the Torah (aka the Old Testament) is not the world's nicest guy ever. He's all, hey Abraham, murder your son! LOL JK. He's all, hey, hey, Lot, YOUR WIFE IS A PILLAR OF SALT, LMAO. I'm not particularly down with that. It doesn't mesh with my worldview.
Then again, there's a lot about the religious side of Judaism that I just love. There's a heavy sense of tradition, of family, of community--did you know that when a Jewish person dies, you do something called sitting Shiva? For the first seven days after the death, the closest relative (spouse, parent, whoever), opens their home, and everyone comes by and stays with them, so they don't have to be alone. I think that's pretty damn cool.
All that being said, here is my point: Judaism, at least in my experience and that of a number of my peers, is an ethnicity as much as a religion. I don't believe in the Jewish god, but I'd never identify myself as anything other than Jewish. I don't think my life is going to go down the shitter if I don't fast on Yom Kippur, but I do it anyway, because people have been doing it for thousands of years and that's pretty awesome. Because my family does it, and part of the experience is sharing that with them. Because the point, under the religious part, is taking a lesson in sacrifice and thinking about what you've done wrong, and I think everyone benefits from shit like that.
And, look, I'm not saying every fic where Arthur is Jewish has to go into a deep exploration of his cultural identity. I'm not saying that at *all*. But Arthur can be Jewish and non-practicing; Arthur can be Jewish and not follow all the rules of Judaism; Arthur can be Jewish even if he hasn't set foot in a temple in fifteen years, even if he's never believed in god. It's a religion with its own language and foods and personalities and history, and you don't have to write about any of that, but you do need to keep it in mind. It's a culture, like any other culture.
Point the Second: There's More Than One Type of Judaism (No, Really)
Actually, there are three subsets of Judaism! LET US DISCUSS THEM.
Reform Judaism
This is what I am. I joke around that the Reform movement should actually be called Lazy Judaism, because it is the most relaxed of the three branches, but I'm actually all about the reasoning behind it. One of my rabbis explained it to me like this once: Reform Judaism is about informed choice. It's about looking at the text and deciding what does and does not apply in a modern setting, and living your life accordingly. As such, there's a lot of variance in how stringently people practice within this branch.
If you have Arthur identify as Jewish, but you don't want to deal with much about it, you can go this way. Eames can say, "Darling, I know that you're Jewish, doesn't that mean you have to do Shabbat dinner on Friday night? Because I've done rather a lot of research in my quest to win your favor." And Arthur can say, "Why, Eames, I am a Reform Jew, I do not see any need to celebrate Shabbat, but your interest has gotten past my cold veneer, kindly fuck me into this mattress!"
Only, you know, less OOC.
Conservative Judasim
Actually the newest form of Judaism, created because people needed something more strict than Reform but less strict than Orthodox. Conservative Jews generally do things like Shabbat dinner, if not keeping the Sabbath entirely (keeping the Sabbath entirely involves like, not flipping on light switches between sundown on Friday and sundown on Saturday, because THAT WOULD BE WORK. This is the kind of thing Reform Jews tend to eschew as not-applicable-to-modern-life). If you want to write a fic in which Arthur's Judaism is a serious part of his life, and he has to navigate the treacherous waters of keeping his faith while adhering to some religious guidelines, congratulations! This is the way to go.
Orthodox Judaism
Canon more or less makes it impossible for Arthur to be an Orthodox Jew, as he is never seen wearing a kippah, a traditional Jewish head-covering thing that Orthodox men are required to wear in public at all times. But, you know, in case you wanted to write a fic about Arthur having *been* this kind of Jew--they're the strictest branch. And they're really, really strict about it. STRICT, GUYS. SUPER STRICT.
Do you have to identify what kind of Jew Arthur is to make your story plausible? No, of course not. Might it be good to *google* the branch you've picked and do some reading, so you yourself know what you're talking about, and have a point of reference to go off of? Yeah, that's probably a plan to stick with.
Point the Third: That Word, "Kosher" …I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means
Okay. First and foremost (and I'm going to go ahead and put this is nice bold type so everyone sees it): NOT ALL JEWS KEEP KOSHER. Allow me to repeat: NOT ALL JEWS KEEP KOSHER. A lot of us don't, actually. I am 21 years old, have been Jewish since the day I was born, and have not kept Kosher a day in my life. I love bacon. I'd eat bacon all day long. No one in my entire extended family keeps Kosher, either. Originally the Kosher laws existed to a) keep people from eating the foods that spread the most diseases in a time before sterilization was possible and b) to make sure any and all animal slaughter was done as humanely as possible. Reform Jews, by and large, dismiss it as something not necessary to keep up in this day and age, though of course some do keep it. A number of Conservative Jews keep it, though with varying degrees of stringency, and Orthodox Jews, of course, keep it STRICTLY. Because they are STRICT.
So guess what! Arthur can be Jewish and not keep Kosher. This is great news for you guys, because Kosher is complicated.
If, for some reason, you decide you want to have Arthur keep Kosher anyway, here are some basic (basic, basic) guidelines. This is not NEARLY all the rules of Kosher, because it would take all day to compile them and, quite frankly, I don't know them all. Have never kept it, because (say it with me), NOT ALL JEWS KEEP KOSHER.
The Rule That Everyone Knows: pork is a no-no. This means pork chops, bacon, ham, things cooked in any kind of pork grease, things containing any kind of pork byproduct, etc. NO PORK FOR YOU.
The Rule That Some People Know: you can't mix milk and meat. Like, at all. Like, not even on the same plate. Like, people who keep Kosher really strictly have separate dishes, dishwashers, and sometimes REFRIGERATORS, one for dairy products and one for meat. This means that if you have Arthur turn down a BLT and then eat a cheeseburger, you are contradicting yourself. Okay? Okay.
The Rule That Most People Do Not Know: also, no shellfish. Shellfish is like pork. Shrimp, scallops, lobster, oysters, clams? No. None of that. Shut it down.
The Rule That No One Knows, Because It's Disgusting: uh, so. Kosher meat is Kosher partially because of the..slaughtering methods. Um. It involves some bloodletting. I'm not going to get into it, but there are special brands of Kosher meat sold in most major grocery stores.
There are A LOT MORE rules about Kosher--like, things that are neither milk nor meat and can be eaten with either are classified as "parve," and there are special symbols that go on the packaging of Kosher foods, and like…a million other things. For more on Kosher, you can visit this website, and good luck to you. It is a mire of seriously involved information.
Point the Fourth: Jewish Holidays (Or, Chanukah is Not Jewish Christmas, You Guys)
True story: Chanukah (also transliterated Hanukkah, pick your poison), in the actual like…text…is a minor festival holiday. It ranks on par with, say, Purim, which most people have never heard of, because Purim does not fall on or around Christmas. Chanukah has been made into a much bigger deal than it is because it is conveniently timed, but it's not the most important holiday in Judaism. Not at all. Not by a long shot. Let's talk about the most important holidays in Judaism! They are:
Rosh Hashanah
Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year. Why do Jews have a different new year then that one on January 1st, you ask? Well, because the Jewish calendar is lunar (and also solar…look, it's complicated, okay), and has been around longer than the one we use, because the one we use is based on the birth of Christ, which, you know, not so much relevant in the ancient Jewish world. According to the Jewish calendar, today is (*checks*) the 10th of Cheshvan, year 5771! Isn't that nice.
I know fuck all about the Jewish calendar, honestly, because we don't live our lives by it. It does, however, dictate when the holidays fall. This is why Jewish holidays do not fall on the same day every year, in case you were wondering. This is also why I end up being blindsided by the damn things every fucking time.
But, Rosh Hashanah, right, is the Jewish New Year, and you dip apples in honey to symbolize the next year being sweet, and you say L'Shana Tova, which means happy new year in Hebrew. This is the kind of holiday you might consider sending Arthur home for, if you want to do a Eames-Meets-Arthur's-Family kind of thing.
You could also use Thanksgiving and bypass this entirely, but I digress.
There's a lot more about Rosh Hashanah I could go into, but you really probably don't need to know. If you want to know, ask, and I will happily babble at you about Shofars and the weird tune my temple uses for the Amidah and the time my rabbi told a really inappropriate joke during his sermon and everyone was totally, totally appalled.
Yom Kippur
Okay, so, Yom Kippur! Not a happy holiday. Together, Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah are referred to as the High Holy Days, because they are the two most important days in the Jewish Year. They are also called the Ten Days of Repentance. Let me tell you why!
So, Rosh Hashanah is the beginning of the year, right? But for the eight days in between it and Yom Kippur, you're supposed to go around and apologize to everyone you've wronged in the last year. These are like freebie days. They're get-ready-to-wipe-your-slate days. You apologize for shit, and then on Yom Kippur, you fast from sundown to sundown and go to temple, and you think about everything you've done wrong in the previous year. You recite Hebrew prayers that basically mean "I am sorry that I have been such an ass, god, but I've thought about it and I will try to do better," and then you go home with a clean slate for the coming year and eat until you feel sick.
No, really.
I mean, look, there is a LOT more to it than that, it is the holiest day of the entire year, I could go on and on about the beauty of the Kol Nidre service and how much better you feel after a few avinu malkeinus even if you've never believed in a higher power. But in a nutshell, that's Yom Kippur for ya. Again, if you have questions, ask and I shall babble.
Passover
So, uh, this is an eight day holiday about the story of Moses. Ever see that Disney DREAMWORKS movie Prince of Egypt? So did I. In temple. Every year after it came out. I think my rabbis didn't really know what to do with us.
But, basically, right, Moses was a slave and the Egyptians kept killing Jewish babies and Moses was all, hey, no, and Pharaoh was all LOOOOOL, yes, and Moses was all "Let my people go, bitch, or I will rain upon you a series of increasingly violent plagues," and Pharaoh was like, "Dude, you are totally bluff--oh my god, what happened to all our…and where did these frogs…DID YOU KILL ALL THE FIRST-BORN…oh fine whatever, go."
Except that Pharaoh was a temperamental little fuck and totes changed his mind, and the Jews had to get the hell outta dodge so fast they didn't even have time for the bread they were making to rise, and they wandered in the desert for 40 years before making it to The Land of Milk and Honey . And all of this is why, for eight days out of the damn year, I cannot eat a cookie and must instead eat crackers that tastes like nothing so much as cardboard.
I have my suspicions that cardboard tastes better, actually, but we can save that discussion for another time.
On the first (and, in some families/traditions, the second) night of Passover, there is a dinner called a Seder. You read from a book that tells the Moses story! You sing a song called Diyanu that will be stuck in your head for the next month! You drink a lot of super-sugary Kosher wine! You dip parsley in salt water to symbolize tears! And then they make you eat it! You do a lot of other symbolic stuff too, and then you eat a massive meal that consists largely of meat, because you can't eat anything with flour, legumes, rice, corn, beans, etc. on Passover.
My father, when pressed, describes Passover as "like Lent for Jews, but crammed into eight days and the sacrifice is always bread." This is not even remotely accurate, but it'll do in a pinch. Seder is another one of those holidays that Arthur could bring Eames home for; every significant other I've ever had has had to suffer through a Passover Seder with my family. The downside is, some of the symbolic food is really bizarre. The plus side is, if you take the instruction "Drink the wine," as liberally as we do in my house, by the time you get to dinner, you're extremely drunk!
Point the Fifth: Hey, Hey, Shiksa Goddess
This is just a quick section to cover this one thing, because I saw it done wrong in a fic last week and choked on my own spit:
Shiksa: A slur for a non-Jewish woman. If you're bringing some variation on girl!Eames home to meet Arthur's family, fine. If you're bringing Ariadne home to meet Arthur's family, fine. If you're bringing male!Eames home to meet Arthur's family, shiksa does not apply, and no one would use it. Ever. Okay?
Goy/Goyim: A word that means "non-Jew" that can be applied regardless of gender. It's not…always a slur? In terms of the actual definition of the word, it isn't one, but it's regularly delivered with a certain amount of bitterness, at least within my extended family (generally when I am dating one). Also, "gentile."
Point the Sixth: Judaism Is Really Not All That Hilarious
By which I mean: it's enough already with the fics where Eames is like, deeply deeply amused by Arthur being Jewish. Can I totally see Eames being fascinated by this new part of Arthur he's never encountered before? Oh, sure. Eames is a student of human behavior, after all, and (at least in fandom) a student of The Ways and Habits of Arthur, and it makes total sense to me that he'd learn about Arthur's religious upbringing and want to explore it. But because it's part of Arthur, you know? Not because it's hysterical on its face.
And actually, that is the point of this post: if you want to write about Arthur being Jewish, awesome! I am all about there being more Jewish characters in fandom. But do your research, and be respectful, and don't treat it like it's some be-all-end-all thing. It's just a part of Arthur, like any other part of him.
Alright, guys, that is more than enough meta (and Judaism, hell) from me for one night. Hope this came off as helpful and not as, uh, obnoxious and preachy, and feel free to ask me any questions you may have, and L'chaim! That's a traditional Jewish toast. It means "to life." &hearts