You know what's hard?

[gwendally]

Everything is so hard

Comments

[kishenehn]

I'm the new kid on your friends list and am probably not qualified to say anything, but ... I think it would really help if you could possibly figure out a way to get to Utah, just for a weekend. Not that there would be any agreements -- frustrated uncertainty is inevitable in something like this -- but at least the discussions would have a somewhat more-unified baseline.

As long as there's a reasonable chance the kid can get back to his summer job, that's gotta be the goal, at least in discussions with him. If he could do that it would be huge, both physically and psychologically.

[coercedbynutmeg]

I like your thinking. It's still pretty early in his rehab to be making final decisions. Need to monitor his progress and re-evaluate as needed. Have you gotten any insights directly from doctors as far as his prognosis?

[gwendally]

No one needs final decisions, but we need a general game plan. We have a bunch of things to line up, including where we want his custom wheelchair fitted and delivered, what housing needs we have for August, what my work schedule is for July, what referrals we need to obtain, whether what we want to do requires we change insurance... The plan doesn't need to be perfectly set, but a general outline is required ASAP.

[pondhopper]

The not knowing is the worst part of a situation like this. For an organiser like you, it's even harder but it really is too soon in the recovery/rehab process to even speculate. I think your last paragraph holds the key.

[gansje]

I agree with coercedbynutmeg and pondhopper: the last point is a very good one, as long as he's prepared for so much moving around.

Two other things:

1) Kid may be 23 but being compromised like this is new to him and right now he may not be the best judge of what's best for him. His feelings can have a vote, not a veto. I'm glad you're remaining reality-focused.

2) By now your husband should have realized your "love language" is organization and preparedness. What the everloving hell. I probably am not helping things by saying this, but erring on the side of Dally-validation, when I read about him prioritizing G's feelings into account over everything else, I sort of wanted to poke him in the eye.

[evelynne]

I'm confused about something: Is he going to be able to work while he's in rehab? Is that why he needs to be near work? Because otherwise ... can't he just fly back there in six or sixteen weeks from wherever is most convenient and cost-effective for his caregivers?

[gwendally]

He will quite possibly be in physical therapy for a year (and then executive on his own for the rest of his life.) He will taper off the schedule so that he can fit work in, but will have to get back and forth to the physical therapy once or twice a week. He won't be driving yet and the nearest really good rehab center is 200 miles from his work, but we may be able to find services that are good enough about an hour's drive if he is doing really well.

Writing this out it makes it sound stupid to rehab for the first month in Utah, doesn't it?

But then there's all the drama about his worldly possessions and the girlfriend. He moved to Utah. He wants to stay there if he can.

[evelynne]

My thinking is that rehab is temporary, so going somewhere else for rehab is not "moving back home." It's "going to where the cheapest/most convenient caregivers are during recovery." Maybe if you keep pushing the temporary angle, he will realize himself how illogical it sounds. Once he can get around under his own steam, he can head back to work and his new home

[ssterikoff]

This.