Challenge #169 - Every Time I Think of You
Title: Every Time I Think of You
Author: Jalee/lil-ali
Pairing: Implied 1x5
Rating: PG-13
Warning: A bit of violence, swearing, and angst.
The first time that he stalked out of the room with an angry burn at the back of his eye, the long-haired joker approached him casually, and said,
"All right, Wufei?"
His face was turned towards the darkening sky, with hands in pockets miming his usual relaxed attitude.
Wufei lost his voice then, his angry retort and open disdain. Turning towards the open air, he quietly let his unshed tears dry out.
* * *
The second time that his anger forced him into rudeness, there was no Duo there to casually follow him out of the room. Instead, it was Heero who roughly grabbed his arm and then dodged his wild swing.
"Listen to me," Heero growled in frustration, his steely grip unrelenting.
Wufei furiously hoped that his eyes wouldn't expose his shame.
"I am not a charity case," he spat, voice trembling and fingers flexing unconsciously. "Despite what you were told, I am not unstable and in desperate need of attention. I don't need you to care for me, so don't waste your precious time."
The last few words came out as a venomous sneer.
Heero was shaking his head, his facial muscles standing out in definition from grinding his teeth.
"No, that is not- You misinter-"
"Like fuck I do."
Wufei broke out of his grasp and ran, and kept on running as his voice caught in his throat and his eyes burned in his face.
* * *
The third time that the room's atmosphere came down to smother him, he escaped to the dock at the small lake beside which the five comrades were "vacationing". He leaned against the warm rail and stared blankly down at the gently moving water.
Light steps moved down the platform towards him, the light whistling revealing the person's identity.
"She died," Wufei blurted out as Duo came up behind him. "Four years ago today."
Wufei felt Duo's calm gaze on him, but couldn't turn his head. The confused thoughts in his head were fighting for his attention, and they all threatened to pull him into a shameful desperation.
Duo settled against the rail, his bronze skin a dark contrast to his blindingly white T-shirt, which proclaimed, "My Gundam kicks your Gundam's ass." Wufei wondered absently how Duo could stand to look back on those days with such humour.
"We were all prepared to die," Duo stated suddenly. His eyes were squinted up at the mid-afternoon sun, so that Wufei couldn't tell what he was thinking. "Every day, I would wake up and wonder if I would soon have my last breakfast, or my last lunch. Then I would give my dark thoughts the finger and set out to create my share of chaos and mayhem for the day."
Duo's voice was brooding, almost distantly philosophical, as if they were discussing the themes behind fifteenth century painting.
Wufei had never been interested in visual arts when he was still in school. Now he wondered if maybe he should have paid more attention.
"I still think that way, y'know?" Duo glanced at Wufei speculatively. "I would be headed out to the scrapyard in the morning, or driving home from town, when suddenly this pain hits me." He thumped his chest in demonstration. "Then I would realize again just how crazy and insane it was that we survived. All of us."
He smiled sadly at Wufei, and Wufei decided that maybe Duo's bold T-shirt wasn't for fun after all.
"I don't know how to love," Wufei blurted out, hands now gripping the railing. "I don't understand what Heero wants from me. I'm broken, emotionally if not mentally. I don't know how to- to accept him."
He wondered if his face betrayed his confusion and his fear, but suddenly it didn't matter anymore.
"Tell me," Duo said after a thoughtful silence, "what feelings does Heero inspire in you? I don't mean by love or whatever, but what do you feel when you're around him?"
Wufei thought of Heero's blazing intensity, his quiet determination, his unyielding boldness.
"Safe," Wufei murmured. "That his gun will never be turned towards me."
Duo smiled, and finally turned to Wufei.
"Start there, then," he announced, swaying slightly on one foot. "You have years and years ahead of you. You don't have to decide now."
His delighted laugh made Wufei stop and realize that, yes, they were still alive, which attested to the insane fact that they had somehow survived all the craziness around them.
Wufei found his voice then, and his smile, as he turned and offered a rare, mischievous grin to his friend.
"Race you back," he declared, and shot off before the American could even respond.
It might not be alright, he thought as startled yells sounded behind him, but he had enough time to figure everything out; there were years and years in front of him after all.
Author: Jalee/lil-ali
Pairing: Implied 1x5
Rating: PG-13
Warning: A bit of violence, swearing, and angst.
The first time that he stalked out of the room with an angry burn at the back of his eye, the long-haired joker approached him casually, and said,
"All right, Wufei?"
His face was turned towards the darkening sky, with hands in pockets miming his usual relaxed attitude.
Wufei lost his voice then, his angry retort and open disdain. Turning towards the open air, he quietly let his unshed tears dry out.
* * *
The second time that his anger forced him into rudeness, there was no Duo there to casually follow him out of the room. Instead, it was Heero who roughly grabbed his arm and then dodged his wild swing.
"Listen to me," Heero growled in frustration, his steely grip unrelenting.
Wufei furiously hoped that his eyes wouldn't expose his shame.
"I am not a charity case," he spat, voice trembling and fingers flexing unconsciously. "Despite what you were told, I am not unstable and in desperate need of attention. I don't need you to care for me, so don't waste your precious time."
The last few words came out as a venomous sneer.
Heero was shaking his head, his facial muscles standing out in definition from grinding his teeth.
"No, that is not- You misinter-"
"Like fuck I do."
Wufei broke out of his grasp and ran, and kept on running as his voice caught in his throat and his eyes burned in his face.
* * *
The third time that the room's atmosphere came down to smother him, he escaped to the dock at the small lake beside which the five comrades were "vacationing". He leaned against the warm rail and stared blankly down at the gently moving water.
Light steps moved down the platform towards him, the light whistling revealing the person's identity.
"She died," Wufei blurted out as Duo came up behind him. "Four years ago today."
Wufei felt Duo's calm gaze on him, but couldn't turn his head. The confused thoughts in his head were fighting for his attention, and they all threatened to pull him into a shameful desperation.
Duo settled against the rail, his bronze skin a dark contrast to his blindingly white T-shirt, which proclaimed, "My Gundam kicks your Gundam's ass." Wufei wondered absently how Duo could stand to look back on those days with such humour.
"We were all prepared to die," Duo stated suddenly. His eyes were squinted up at the mid-afternoon sun, so that Wufei couldn't tell what he was thinking. "Every day, I would wake up and wonder if I would soon have my last breakfast, or my last lunch. Then I would give my dark thoughts the finger and set out to create my share of chaos and mayhem for the day."
Duo's voice was brooding, almost distantly philosophical, as if they were discussing the themes behind fifteenth century painting.
Wufei had never been interested in visual arts when he was still in school. Now he wondered if maybe he should have paid more attention.
"I still think that way, y'know?" Duo glanced at Wufei speculatively. "I would be headed out to the scrapyard in the morning, or driving home from town, when suddenly this pain hits me." He thumped his chest in demonstration. "Then I would realize again just how crazy and insane it was that we survived. All of us."
He smiled sadly at Wufei, and Wufei decided that maybe Duo's bold T-shirt wasn't for fun after all.
"I don't know how to love," Wufei blurted out, hands now gripping the railing. "I don't understand what Heero wants from me. I'm broken, emotionally if not mentally. I don't know how to- to accept him."
He wondered if his face betrayed his confusion and his fear, but suddenly it didn't matter anymore.
"Tell me," Duo said after a thoughtful silence, "what feelings does Heero inspire in you? I don't mean by love or whatever, but what do you feel when you're around him?"
Wufei thought of Heero's blazing intensity, his quiet determination, his unyielding boldness.
"Safe," Wufei murmured. "That his gun will never be turned towards me."
Duo smiled, and finally turned to Wufei.
"Start there, then," he announced, swaying slightly on one foot. "You have years and years ahead of you. You don't have to decide now."
His delighted laugh made Wufei stop and realize that, yes, they were still alive, which attested to the insane fact that they had somehow survived all the craziness around them.
Wufei found his voice then, and his smile, as he turned and offered a rare, mischievous grin to his friend.
"Race you back," he declared, and shot off before the American could even respond.
It might not be alright, he thought as startled yells sounded behind him, but he had enough time to figure everything out; there were years and years in front of him after all.