For my moviegoing public -- Open Water
I had terribly high hopes for this movie. I'd heard it described as "disturbing," which I'm all for. I also was under the false impression that shark movies are by default scary....I'm STILL traumatized by Jaws some 29 years later (Christ. What kind of parents bring a 6-year-old to a horror movie?) and even found Deep Blue Sea with its clearly computer-generated monsters a little nerve-wracking.
This movie had so many things going against it, I'm frankly surprised we finished it. It was all shot handheld, perhaps to give it a more realistic, documentary feel, but came off looking kind of like a porno. The starring couple didn't do much to dispel this impression. Maybe just because they weren't great actors, but they were just thoroughly unlikable and unsympathetic. I honestly hoped through the entire thing that they died at the end.
It is supposedly based on true events, and I guess knowing the general stupidity of people I shouldn't find it so unbelievable, but I mean....
They head out on a little scuba diving tour while on vacation, with foreshadowing aplenty: "Don't worry honey, we'll leave the group and go do our own thing" "Even if you see any sharks, they aren't aggressive out here" "This is the universal distress signal: *flapping arms wildly* Help! Help me!!!! Hahahahahahaha" When they get out into open water, the impatient, jaded, "expert" diver in the group discovers he's forgotten his mask so they won't let him dive. What kind of "expert" diver forgets his mask? And what kind of scuba tour boat doesn't carry extras?
Pay attention now because there are some complex calculations coming up. The 19 other divers disembark (they make a big deal about showing the original head count being written down. No roll call or anything, just the number 20. Yeah, nothing could possibly go wrong with that method). Then two come back on board almost immediately because the girl is already whining about something. Tattoo dutifully records three hash marks to keep track of who is on the boat (though as we will see it really would be more useful if he just waited until they were ready to leave rather than keeping a running total). The "expert" talks Whiny Girl into loaning him her mask, and is forced to take Mr. Whiny Girl with him because he needs a buddy. They're gone for the rest of the duration of the trip and Tattoo somehow fails to notice the entire time. This isn't a massive cruise ship, remember, the boat can't be bigger than maybe 30 feet long, and the "living space" on it is about as big as our living room. So when everyone comes back (except, of course, the porno couple) his hash marks jibe. He even appears to take another head count but must not have tried very hard because he still doesn't notice they're missing. Proof that even when running an island scuba boat for a living, basic math skills never hurt. Even after they dock, like every good sailor, they're in such a hurry to get to the beach party that they just leave all the crap scattered about on the boat, so they don't notice the missing couple's gear still sitting there.
From here the movie just goes from bad to worse. The couple quickly realize the boat left without them. They see other boats on the horizon but don't risk swimming to them in case they're the wrong ones. Lord knows I'd rather face all the sharks in the ocean than THAT embarrassment. (?) They half-heartedly wave at them, but even after 7 hours in the ocean they're too proud to, I don't know, scream at the top of their lungs. After only 3 hours the woman is complaining nonstop about every little discomfort she's feeling, creating an overwhelming urge in me to see him just push her down and hold her under. Much later when he finally breaks down and starts yelling at the empty horizon out of sheer frustration, she quickly grows impatient with his pointless behavior. Excuse me, Bitch Queen? Exactly how many problems did your crying and moaning solve?
These people are supposedly certified divers. Later in the movie when they're finally missed, we are clearly shown their "Open Water Diving" ID cards. So they don't teach any kind of emergency survival training in these classes? Just strap on an oxygen tank and have at it? Please. I reached the end of my tolerance when they see a buoy, a STATIONARY OBJECT, but when Mr. Unlikable is nipped by a shark they forget all about it and miss perhaps their only chance at being found. By morning he's apparently dead of shock or something, because she takes off his gear and leaves him to the circling fins. The best shot comes at this point, where the camera bobs between the surface and just below, and we see one or two fins on top but 20 or so sharks underneath. THAT was creepy, but unfortunately not enough to save the entire movie.
At the end, unaware there's now a massive search effort underway, and with the sharks not even really coming after her yet, she completely gives up, removing her gear and slipping under the water, we assume to be torn to pieces. Again, I'm sorry, but with two choices, certain death like she chose, or staying afloat with the possibility of death but ALSO the possibility of rescue, I think most people would hang in there a bit longer. You can't tell me life just isn't worth living without Mr. Thoroughly Unappealing.
As a punchline to their tragically unnoteworthy lives and even less noticeable deaths, the end credits roll over fishermen cutting open a shark and finding their underwater camera in its stomach, and laughing about it. I found myself completely incapable of caring.
If this was based on true events, then this couple, and everyone else in the movie, needed to die before they decided to breed. Maybe it was a lot more effective on the big screen, but I have to give it 1 out of 5. I wouldn't recommend this to my worst enemy.
This movie had so many things going against it, I'm frankly surprised we finished it. It was all shot handheld, perhaps to give it a more realistic, documentary feel, but came off looking kind of like a porno. The starring couple didn't do much to dispel this impression. Maybe just because they weren't great actors, but they were just thoroughly unlikable and unsympathetic. I honestly hoped through the entire thing that they died at the end.
It is supposedly based on true events, and I guess knowing the general stupidity of people I shouldn't find it so unbelievable, but I mean....
They head out on a little scuba diving tour while on vacation, with foreshadowing aplenty: "Don't worry honey, we'll leave the group and go do our own thing" "Even if you see any sharks, they aren't aggressive out here" "This is the universal distress signal: *flapping arms wildly* Help! Help me!!!! Hahahahahahaha" When they get out into open water, the impatient, jaded, "expert" diver in the group discovers he's forgotten his mask so they won't let him dive. What kind of "expert" diver forgets his mask? And what kind of scuba tour boat doesn't carry extras?
Pay attention now because there are some complex calculations coming up. The 19 other divers disembark (they make a big deal about showing the original head count being written down. No roll call or anything, just the number 20. Yeah, nothing could possibly go wrong with that method). Then two come back on board almost immediately because the girl is already whining about something. Tattoo dutifully records three hash marks to keep track of who is on the boat (though as we will see it really would be more useful if he just waited until they were ready to leave rather than keeping a running total). The "expert" talks Whiny Girl into loaning him her mask, and is forced to take Mr. Whiny Girl with him because he needs a buddy. They're gone for the rest of the duration of the trip and Tattoo somehow fails to notice the entire time. This isn't a massive cruise ship, remember, the boat can't be bigger than maybe 30 feet long, and the "living space" on it is about as big as our living room. So when everyone comes back (except, of course, the porno couple) his hash marks jibe. He even appears to take another head count but must not have tried very hard because he still doesn't notice they're missing. Proof that even when running an island scuba boat for a living, basic math skills never hurt. Even after they dock, like every good sailor, they're in such a hurry to get to the beach party that they just leave all the crap scattered about on the boat, so they don't notice the missing couple's gear still sitting there.
From here the movie just goes from bad to worse. The couple quickly realize the boat left without them. They see other boats on the horizon but don't risk swimming to them in case they're the wrong ones. Lord knows I'd rather face all the sharks in the ocean than THAT embarrassment. (?) They half-heartedly wave at them, but even after 7 hours in the ocean they're too proud to, I don't know, scream at the top of their lungs. After only 3 hours the woman is complaining nonstop about every little discomfort she's feeling, creating an overwhelming urge in me to see him just push her down and hold her under. Much later when he finally breaks down and starts yelling at the empty horizon out of sheer frustration, she quickly grows impatient with his pointless behavior. Excuse me, Bitch Queen? Exactly how many problems did your crying and moaning solve?
These people are supposedly certified divers. Later in the movie when they're finally missed, we are clearly shown their "Open Water Diving" ID cards. So they don't teach any kind of emergency survival training in these classes? Just strap on an oxygen tank and have at it? Please. I reached the end of my tolerance when they see a buoy, a STATIONARY OBJECT, but when Mr. Unlikable is nipped by a shark they forget all about it and miss perhaps their only chance at being found. By morning he's apparently dead of shock or something, because she takes off his gear and leaves him to the circling fins. The best shot comes at this point, where the camera bobs between the surface and just below, and we see one or two fins on top but 20 or so sharks underneath. THAT was creepy, but unfortunately not enough to save the entire movie.
At the end, unaware there's now a massive search effort underway, and with the sharks not even really coming after her yet, she completely gives up, removing her gear and slipping under the water, we assume to be torn to pieces. Again, I'm sorry, but with two choices, certain death like she chose, or staying afloat with the possibility of death but ALSO the possibility of rescue, I think most people would hang in there a bit longer. You can't tell me life just isn't worth living without Mr. Thoroughly Unappealing.
As a punchline to their tragically unnoteworthy lives and even less noticeable deaths, the end credits roll over fishermen cutting open a shark and finding their underwater camera in its stomach, and laughing about it. I found myself completely incapable of caring.
If this was based on true events, then this couple, and everyone else in the movie, needed to die before they decided to breed. Maybe it was a lot more effective on the big screen, but I have to give it 1 out of 5. I wouldn't recommend this to my worst enemy.