Because I'm A Sheep. You Heard Me
Title: 45 (+2) Rules Ukraine Needs to Follow
Author: grosse_averse
Characters: Ukraine, mentions of Russia, Belarus, France, Prussia, Baltics, etc...
Rating: Pfft. PG for breast jokes.
Summary: Even Big Sister has some rules that are better off obeyed.
Notes: Two days ago I was thinking, "This is crazy how can people come up with all these rules I am never jumping on this bandwagon" but I've been on a Ukraine kick lately and I don't think anyone's made a list for her yet. So...here you go!
crossposted to hetalia
1. Whenever someone mentions “gas” I should not try to wildly change the subject.
2. -Or avoid my brother’s eyes.
3. -He knows I owe him gas money. I know I owe him gas money. Talking about the weather in a very loud voice won’t make a difference.
4. If Prussia tries to start an in depth discussion about my “tracts of land”, I will not humor him.
5. -Or Denmark.
6. -Or England.
7. -Or France.
8. -Especially not when my brother is around.
9. Russia does not appreciate it when I tell him Belarus is “just going through a phase”.
10. -A phase stops being a phase after several centuries.
11. The last time I put Ivan’s scarf in the wash I had to make him a new one and he was very distraught. I shouldn't do it again.
12. -Even if I was only trying to help.
13. “Breadbasket of Europe” jokes are old. I should ignore them.
14. -I should not bring my pitchfork to meetings in order to dissuade these jokes.
15. -Even if it works.
16. My sister does not appreciate it when I ask her to go out for some errands so I can sneak Russia out of the meeting room unnoticed..
17. -Even if Russia repays me by giving me an extension to pay my gas money.
18. -Which I need.
19. I will try very hard not to cry during meetings.
20. -Even if I just have dust in my eye.
21. -This will cause Russia to be under the impression I have been hurt and try to kolkhoz the nearest person to me.
22. I have already told Canada multiple times that I am grateful for his acceptance of my immigrants. Hugging him enthusiastically to my bosom only results in unnecessary nosebleeds.
23. Prussia is being distasteful when he pretends to run a radiation scanner over my chest and makes beeping noises. I should ignore him instead of bursting into tears.
24. Prussia is also being distasteful when he tries to have a “Soviet satellite reunion party”. I should not "encourage his antics" by showing up with a plate of pyrohy.
25. -I should also have learned the first time that no one else shows up for those reunion parties.
26. I should not laugh when Sealand tells me that just one tract of my land would be enough to help him be recognized by the other nations. The poor dear is trying very hard and I should humor him.
27. Approaching my brother and then running away from him is considered rude and potentially bewildering. I should decide on my intentions beforehand.
28. Poland is being petty when he mentions he still has my old room in his house made up if I ever want to sleep over again. It is my responsibility to make sure Russia is not around to hear him, for everyone's safety.
29. Trying to strike up a conversation with Latvia, using the “good ol’ days” as subject matter, will only result in tears.
30. -For both of us.
31. There should never be a time where I feel tempted to rent out my “large tracts of land” in order to make some money.
32. -No matter how happy it makes France.
33. Just because Hungary invaded Carpatho-Ukraine in 1940 does not give me reason to sit across from her and give her stern looks throughout meetings.
34. -Even if she sort of deserves it, the hussy.
35. Russia does not appreciate it when I call him my sweetie, my baby, or my lovely little brother in places where the other nations can hear me.
36. -Especially if he is trying to seem intimidating.
37. -Calling him my great big cuddly bear during these times is also frowned upon.
38. -Even if America finds this hilarious.
39. Speaking of, no matter how much I want to make friends with other nations, I should not accept the position of being America’s backup.
40. -Russia will sulk and I will have to make him some varenyky to cheer him up.
41. “We both have a territory named Galicia, so you should let me visit sometime!” is not a convincing enough argument, no matter what Spain says.
42. Talking brightly with Spain about Galicia right in front of Austria and Hungary is considered extremely rude.
43. Just because my diplomatic mission for NATO is located in Brussels does not mean France can suggest that Belgium and I should “strengthen our relationship” in the hall closet.
44. -Especially not while he is in there with us.
45. -Even if Belgium looks mildly interested in the suggestion.
46. I have heard practically every breast joke ever thought up. I should not mention this to America because it results in him spending the entire meeting trying to think up more.
47. When I am late for meetings, I will walk into the room quietly and take my seat. Parts of my anatomy are very loud when I run, and no one needs any more distractions at these sorts of gatherings.
--
Notes (in case some parts are confusing):
pyrohy = perogies
Ukraine's old room in Poland's house = much of Ukraine used to be controlled by the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth. Y'know, back in the day
Carpatho-Ukraine = an autonomous region in Czechoslovakia that declared independence in 1939. Hungary, Czechoslovakia, and USSR all tried to lay claim to it.
varenyky = a type of dumpling
Galicia = forms part of southeastern Poland and western Ukraine. Used to be under Austro-Hungarian rule. There is a Galicia in Spain, too.
Author: grosse_averse
Characters: Ukraine, mentions of Russia, Belarus, France, Prussia, Baltics, etc...
Rating: Pfft. PG for breast jokes.
Summary: Even Big Sister has some rules that are better off obeyed.
Notes: Two days ago I was thinking, "This is crazy how can people come up with all these rules I am never jumping on this bandwagon" but I've been on a Ukraine kick lately and I don't think anyone's made a list for her yet. So...here you go!
crossposted to hetalia
1. Whenever someone mentions “gas” I should not try to wildly change the subject.
2. -Or avoid my brother’s eyes.
3. -He knows I owe him gas money. I know I owe him gas money. Talking about the weather in a very loud voice won’t make a difference.
4. If Prussia tries to start an in depth discussion about my “tracts of land”, I will not humor him.
5. -Or Denmark.
6. -Or England.
7. -Or France.
8. -Especially not when my brother is around.
9. Russia does not appreciate it when I tell him Belarus is “just going through a phase”.
10. -A phase stops being a phase after several centuries.
11. The last time I put Ivan’s scarf in the wash I had to make him a new one and he was very distraught. I shouldn't do it again.
12. -Even if I was only trying to help.
13. “Breadbasket of Europe” jokes are old. I should ignore them.
14. -I should not bring my pitchfork to meetings in order to dissuade these jokes.
15. -Even if it works.
16. My sister does not appreciate it when I ask her to go out for some errands so I can sneak Russia out of the meeting room unnoticed..
17. -Even if Russia repays me by giving me an extension to pay my gas money.
18. -Which I need.
19. I will try very hard not to cry during meetings.
20. -Even if I just have dust in my eye.
21. -This will cause Russia to be under the impression I have been hurt and try to kolkhoz the nearest person to me.
22. I have already told Canada multiple times that I am grateful for his acceptance of my immigrants. Hugging him enthusiastically to my bosom only results in unnecessary nosebleeds.
23. Prussia is being distasteful when he pretends to run a radiation scanner over my chest and makes beeping noises. I should ignore him instead of bursting into tears.
24. Prussia is also being distasteful when he tries to have a “Soviet satellite reunion party”. I should not "encourage his antics" by showing up with a plate of pyrohy.
25. -I should also have learned the first time that no one else shows up for those reunion parties.
26. I should not laugh when Sealand tells me that just one tract of my land would be enough to help him be recognized by the other nations. The poor dear is trying very hard and I should humor him.
27. Approaching my brother and then running away from him is considered rude and potentially bewildering. I should decide on my intentions beforehand.
28. Poland is being petty when he mentions he still has my old room in his house made up if I ever want to sleep over again. It is my responsibility to make sure Russia is not around to hear him, for everyone's safety.
29. Trying to strike up a conversation with Latvia, using the “good ol’ days” as subject matter, will only result in tears.
30. -For both of us.
31. There should never be a time where I feel tempted to rent out my “large tracts of land” in order to make some money.
32. -No matter how happy it makes France.
33. Just because Hungary invaded Carpatho-Ukraine in 1940 does not give me reason to sit across from her and give her stern looks throughout meetings.
34. -Even if she sort of deserves it, the hussy.
35. Russia does not appreciate it when I call him my sweetie, my baby, or my lovely little brother in places where the other nations can hear me.
36. -Especially if he is trying to seem intimidating.
37. -Calling him my great big cuddly bear during these times is also frowned upon.
38. -Even if America finds this hilarious.
39. Speaking of, no matter how much I want to make friends with other nations, I should not accept the position of being America’s backup.
40. -Russia will sulk and I will have to make him some varenyky to cheer him up.
41. “We both have a territory named Galicia, so you should let me visit sometime!” is not a convincing enough argument, no matter what Spain says.
42. Talking brightly with Spain about Galicia right in front of Austria and Hungary is considered extremely rude.
43. Just because my diplomatic mission for NATO is located in Brussels does not mean France can suggest that Belgium and I should “strengthen our relationship” in the hall closet.
44. -Especially not while he is in there with us.
45. -Even if Belgium looks mildly interested in the suggestion.
46. I have heard practically every breast joke ever thought up. I should not mention this to America because it results in him spending the entire meeting trying to think up more.
47. When I am late for meetings, I will walk into the room quietly and take my seat. Parts of my anatomy are very loud when I run, and no one needs any more distractions at these sorts of gatherings.
--
Notes (in case some parts are confusing):
pyrohy = perogies
Ukraine's old room in Poland's house = much of Ukraine used to be controlled by the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth. Y'know, back in the day
Carpatho-Ukraine = an autonomous region in Czechoslovakia that declared independence in 1939. Hungary, Czechoslovakia, and USSR all tried to lay claim to it.
varenyky = a type of dumpling
Galicia = forms part of southeastern Poland and western Ukraine. Used to be under Austro-Hungarian rule. There is a Galicia in Spain, too.