Fic: Heart Pain (1/2)
Title: Heart Pain (1/2)
Author: Dee
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3179 (7881)
Pairings: Gil/Nick
Characters: Gil Grissom, Nick Stokes and Catherine Willows
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: In my dreams they are like, totally mine!
Beta: jayceepat and podga for their invaluable help in the Americanisation of the fic and their insightful comments. I thank high_striker for his wonderful icons. I am indebted to them all. Any errors are mine.
A/N: Posted for cgrgrl after her comments about Nick being a strong character! As before my detailed and expert medical knowledge is from House MD and Wikipedia. I can do consultations - though it would be advisable not to take me up on the offer!
Heart Pain
Part One
Three bodies had been found together on the rim of the Grand Canyon and Gil, Catherine and Warrick had been processing the scene through most of the night. Now as the dawn brought the sunrise over the canyon Gil walked to the edge of the ridge where they’d been working to view the spectacle. It was truly glorious.
He heaved a huge sigh as he watched the sunrise; the colours of the sky and rocks, changing slightly each moment as he looked. He hugged himself and rubbed his arms and despite the beauty he was witnessing he looked morose.
“You sound…and look like you’ve got the worries of the world on your shoulders.” Catherine’s voice was quite soft and had an element of concern in it…not her usual strident approach.
“No, I’m okay.” But he sighed again after he’d spoken the words.
“Sounds like it.”
They were both quiet as they watched the gradual ascent of the sun and the incredible hues of the rock beneath them.
“Catherine?”
She raised her eyebrows at him in response.
“Catherine; does love hurt…I mean physically hurt…..like a chest pain?”
“Well……I really don’t know about that…why, are you experiencing chest pain? No wait, missed opportunity here…are you ‘in love’?”
“Thanks for your concern….gossip over health issues. I do have a strange sensation in my chest; I could hardly call it bad physical pain though…more of a sensation and I’ve noticed that it comes on only when I have time to think about…..”
“Right. Well Gil my advice to you would be this - get yourself checked out….you can’t be too careful at your age…what…..it’s the truth. The ‘love’ issue Gil, well if you want my advice you’re going to have to give up some details.”
Gil’s thought at the age comment only served to make him more miserable. “Truth be told Cath? I have nothing to tell. I have feelings for someone and I haven’t…”
“Oh, for God’s sake Gil Grissom, you haven’t told her have you?”
“Well…..no….but it’s more complicated than that.”
“No, Gil, you make it complicated. Is she unattainable? Is she married, not that it seems to matter these days?”
“It’s more complicated.”
“How?”
Gil turned to look at the sunrise and sighed yet again.
“I swear you’re worse than Lindsay with a crush on Justin Timberlake!” Catherine paused and she was overtaken with a rather worrying thought. “It’s not Sara is it?”
Even the morose Gil managed a flicker of a smile. “No. It isn’t.”
“Well I can’t help saying that that’s a relief. You‘d have certainly bitten off more than you could chew with that bundle of neuroses.”
“I…..I….if I tell you something can I be sure you’ll keep it yourself?”
“What are we, kids? Of course you can trust me.”
“It’s a…..man…..I’m….”
“OH MY GOD! Geez Gil, way to go to….I never knew.”
“Nor me; if you’re shocked how d’you think I feel?”
“You didn’t…..you haven’t…..this is too much. Come on let me look at what we know. One - you’re in love with a man. Two - you’re not gay or even bi-sexual. Three - is the other man gay, or bi-sexual. Four - why are you holding back - you’re obviously in turmoil. Five - okay I’ve got to throw this one in - do I know him?”
“We’ve got to get back to work.”
“No way, Jose!” Catherine laid a hand on Gil’s arm. “Come on, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’.”
“I don’t know if I even know the answers. I do know I’ve never felt like this before. I do know that I’ve never considered myself gay or bi-sexual - but there was one time in college. I think he’s straight; no, I know he’s straight. Mind your own business.”
“I do know him then.”
“Catherine, let it go, please. God knows what possessed me to share this with you.”
“Because sharing is good and you must be at the end of your tether or you wouldn’t’ve. I’ll think about this and give you some good advice. After shift. Breakfast - and don’t even think about playing hooky!”
“I’ll try to limit my expectations.”
“You asked me, remember? Now come on, let’s finish up.”
It was after ten when they managed to get to the diner. They ordered breakfast and both sipped juice while they waited for it to arrive..
“My first piece of advice Gil is to get checked out. It does seem to me to be some sort of psychosomatic anxiety attack if, as you say, you only get it when you think of…..him.”
“Well I can’t say that isn’t sound advice. I was going to go anyway - I’ll ‘phone for an appointment when I get home. What’s next, Dr Cath?”
“Well you are certain the guy is straight, so you said, but Gil you thought you were straight and I thought you were. But in our environment it’s probably more sensible to hide any….leanings….in that direction, since PDs generally are not renowned for being gay friendly.” At Gil’s pained look she continued, “But, Gil times change and there’s a group called GALA…..I think, or something like that in Vegas PD, sooo….”
“I’m not ashamed of these feelings, not at all Catherine. I’m old enough to take care of myself….but how do you approach a man? I hardly know how to approach a woman Catherine let alone another man…..but there’s some stuff I haven’t told you.”
“Well go on then because I haven’t finished with you either.”
“He’s…oh god…he’s younger than me…a lot….”
“Okay…..come on you’re doing good here…how much younger?”
“Fifteen years.”
“That’s nothing Gil….”
“…it’s the difference between brown hair and grey hair, the difference between wearing glasses and not, between going out and staying in, reading a book…Catherine this is ridiculous, it’s not going to happen. I’ve got to put up and shut up, I’ll get over it.
“Gil Grissom; you’re fifty for god’s sake not ninety, you sound like an old man…you’re as old as the man you feel! Jeez Gil. If this was a problem at work with some evidence or other, you’d be like a dog with a bone but this is your LIFE and you’re willing to just give in and throw it away without even testing the waters. Answer me this; if you give in now and then say ten years from now find out that he IS gay and you WOULD have stood a chance how would you feel then….that you’d wasted an opportunity?
“That’s far too simplistic and you know it.”
“No, it isn’t, actually Gil it really is that simple. If you approach him, ask him, and he says ‘no’, you’ve got your answer and fair enough. But if you do approach him and he says ‘yes’…Gil don‘t do this to yourself…at least find out…you’ve nothing to lose and everything to gain.”
He had no retort this time and their breakfasts arrived. Gil didn’t feel much like eating his ‘special’, but he picked up his fork and stabbed at his food. They were silent for a good ten minutes. He had to admit that Catherine had made a very valid point; he was sure HE was straight and had empirical evidence. But then he would have described himself at ‘straight’ until a few months back before this reared its ugly head.
“It’s Nick.”
Catherine’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at this information. This was serious; there was no way that Nick was gay. But then not five hours ago she’d thought exactly the same about Gil.
“You don’t think he’s gay either, do you?”
“Well….that was my immediate thought, I must confess…but Gil, my second thought was that I thought you were straight until this morning.”
Gil looked up from his unfinished breakfast and had to admit that Catherine was right. He wasn’t a coward - he’d do this. He’d got nothing to lose, only his job and he could get another one anywhere, he knew that.
“How am I going to ask him Catherine? ‘Oh, by the way Nick are you a homosexual and if you are would you care to……’?”
“You’re going to do it?”
“I’m going to do it.”
“Good for you - we need a plan. Blunt might work, failing everything else…but I think you’ll have to more gentle with Nick. He’s actually a really nice boy……I see what you mean about the age thing….I know he’s in his mid thirties but I do think of him as younger. Anyway, where was I…? Oh, yes, out of work obviously, maybe breakfast alone…to discuss an ‘issue’…he’ll assume it’s ‘work’ and then you ease into it. I think you will have to be fairly blunt, though, guys are dense about romance generally.”
“Excuse me?”
“Let me put it this way Gil; if you knew what to do about all this, would you be here with me now?”
“Point taken.”
“Thank you. Don’t frighten him with your intensity Gil, he’s not a bug, on the other hand you have to be sincere. Are you taking this in?”
“I’m trying. Don’t be blunt but be blunt. Don’t be intense but be sincere.”
“Good. Now the only other thing you must do Gil is - do it quick, A S A P, while you’ve got the momentum. You’ve got a fifty fifty chance Gil, make it count.”
“Thank you Catherine. Thank you for being my friend. I know I don’t always say it but you are my best friend.”
“You’re welcome. Gil, have you ever given any thought….to us….you know…?”
“Errr…no.”
“Nor me.”
“Close shave there for a moment.”
“Yeah…you take care Gil and I really hope, I really do, that this works out for you.”
“Me too.”
Gil picked up the tab and they made their way to their trucks parked nearby. When they reached Gil’s first Catherine pulled him into a hug, he was uncomfortable she could tell, but she persisted and he relaxed a little.
“Keep me in the loop Gil, whatever. Promise?”
“I promise.”
As soon as Gil arrived home he ‘phoned his doctor and made an appointment for a full medical. He needed one anyway.
Two days later a perfect opportunity arose for Gil to invite Nick to breakfast. Only he didn’t.
They’d had an abduction of a young child but luckily for everyone the child had been found, the abductor arrested and no physical harm had been done to the child. Gil and Nick had stayed behind to tie up the loose ends and it was close to eleven when they were ready to leave.
“Hey Gris, you wanna grab some breakfast…or brunch?”
“Oh.” This had not formed any part of the elaborate plan he’d been formulating, meticulously, for ten minutes at least. “Yes, yes, that would be good.”
“You sure man, you don’t sound very sure?”
“Yes Nick, I’m sure, really.”
“Okay….got a particular place you want to go to?”
“No. Yes. Well.” He was a moron; he was an absolute idiot. “What about Luigi’s?”
“Good choice…but are you okay….if you’d rather not……?”
“Yes, I do, honestly, just got something on my mind.” If you only knew Nicky; when did I start calling him ‘Nicky’ again? Oh, I remember, how could I forget that?
“Okay then, see you there.” And off Nick went, just like that.
Gil, left standing in the locker room, felt the familiar tension in his chest. Catherine had called it…anxiety, if this wasn’t ‘anxious’ he really was on his way to an MI.
Twenty minutes later he pulled into the lot beside Luigi’s. An Italian restaurant at night, it did breakfasts and brunches and lunches in the very best American tradition during the daylight hours.
Nick’s truck was in the lot and as he wasn’t in it Gil presumed he’d gone into the restaurant. He had. As Gil walked through the door Nick waved a menu in the air from across the floor. He was in a booth and there was subdued lighting above him. He looked just like his normal self but Gil’s chest tightened even more and his breathing and heart rate quickened. ‘There’s no fool like an old fool’, was his thought as he took several deep breaths and made his way to the booth.
“Hey. I took the liberty of ordering tea - you normally have that at breakfast don’t you? Their specials are on the board behind you, but Lena seriously recommends the ‘Special omelette’…everything in it and served with whatever you want.”
Gil didn’t think he would ever eat again, Nick was not gay and this was going to be a fiasco. How would he tell Catherine he’d chickened out? Could he do this? Jesus, Nick was grinning at him, his even teeth, his dimpled cheeks and laughter lines and those eyes. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“You’re really out of it man, d’you wanna call it a day?” Nick was still grinning.
“No. It’s just….I’m tired. It’s emotionally draining when children are involved in a case.” Liar, liar. Well it was but this wasn’t anything to do with the case.
“I know what you mean….but in this case Gil we got him back and that’s good because mostly we don’t, do we? We should celebrate a small victory against the bad guys.”
“You’re right Nicky.” Oh god, it just slipped out.
“Wow, you haven’t called me that for a long time.” Nick’s grin was less teeth and more shining eyes now.
“Sorry.”
“No, it’s good.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Luckily, Lena chose that very moment to deliver the tea. Gil noticed that Nick was having it too.
“You guys ready to order?”
“Special for me please, with all the trimmings. Gris?”
“Toast, please.”
“Right then about ten minutes - that okay?”
“Sure.” Nick said this and Gil nodded.
A soon as she was gone Nick leaned over the table and addressed Gil in a serious manner.
“There’s something not quite right here Gris. You seem preoccupied…and I’ve seen you thinking over evidence and cases plenty of times but this is like you’re nervous or worried about something. Are you okay - is there anything I can help you with?”
YES! YES! YES! This screaming voice in Gil’s head wouldn’t reach his vocal chords and he looked down at the table.
Nick reached over and put his hand on Gil’s arm - resting on the table - and squeezed. The warmth of Nick’s hand permeated Gil’s skin beneath the jacket he was wearing. He looked at Nick’s hand and took a deep, ragged breath to speak, but Nick beat him to it again.
“This isn’t you, look; Momma always says ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. I may not be able to help but I can listen Gris.”
Déjà vu; Catherine had said that. He took another breath. “There is something Nick. It’s someone. I’ve got. There’s someone I’ve got. Feelings. Nick, I’ve got feelings.” No one would’ve ever guessed from this inarticulate display that he was actually a fully functioning adult.
“At work?” Nick enquired.
Gil nodded.
“Sara.” Nick’s hand shot back and he leaned back in his seat with a blank, unreadable expression on his face.
“Sara? Why does everyone think…..?”
“…it’s not Sara?” Nick’s voice was incredulous, “Then who?”
Gil took a really big breath and drew himself up, looked across at Nick and then closed his eyes. His voice actually came out sounding perfectly normal.
“You.”
There was silence. After twenty four hours…..probably less than twenty four seconds in real time, Gil opened his eyes and looked across at Nick. It was Gil’s turn to be shocked. Nick was smiling across at him, not a fully fledged grin, but a sweet, happy smile and his chocolate brown eyes were shining like he might cry. He looked so beautiful Gil gasped. He knew the reality of this; he knew what would happen next.
Their breakfast.
Both men started chuckling, gently, as Lena put their breakfasts in front of them, gave them the dish of sauces and preserves and asked if they wanted anything else. Neither man did. So she left them in peace.
“Don’t think I want this anymore.” Nick said this looking at his huge plate of food.
“I’ve just regained my appetite, come on we can share.”
“Yeah?”
“We can.”
“How long?”
“’Bout six months, give or take. You?”
“Forever. Day I met you.”
Gil looked at the face across the table from him; open and honest and clearly adoring. How on earth had he missed this; he was a forensic scientist and this evidence had been in front of him all that time.
“I had no idea.”
“You weren’t meant to. I thought you were straight…”
“Ah.”
“What…?”
“Well, I did have one sort of experience when I was at college, it didn’t amount to much but not since then, ‘til you. I don’t know how it happened, I just noticed you one day…..God almighty, Catherine!”
“What? What about Catherine?”
“Look let’s get breakfast out of the way….we’ve got years of catching up. Don’t know about you Nicky….’Nicky’…..’Nicky’, I like that, but we’ve got to sort this out and see where we’re going…..that okay with you?”
“Sounds like a plan to me…Gil.”
“I thought I was having a heart attack earlier this week…” At Nick’s startled look Gil held up his hand. “Anxiety over you Nicky, but now I don’t think I’ve ever felt better in my entire life. Are you gay? I take it you know what to do…you know…otherwise I’ll have to stop and get a book; not that I’m going to do anything….oh god. A few minutes ago I couldn’t put a sentence together and now I can’t shut up…this is not me….”
“I think you’re in shock babe, sit back, take a rest, sip your tea and breath evenly, don’t try to breath deeply, just try and relax.” Nick had slid round the booth and was sitting next to Gil. He handed him his tea and brushed his fingers gently over his temple.
“I am gay….mostly, I’ve had some girls but I’ve always been more satisfied with a man and since I met you there haven’t been many of them….. Don’t worry, I know exactly what to do, but if you want to get a book, you go ahead. Feeling better now?”
“Yes. You called me ‘babe’.”
“You’ve been ‘babe’ in my head for a long time. I was lucky it didn’t slip out.”
“I desperately want to kiss you…have you kiss me.”
“Yeah. Me too. Won’t be long now…we’ve waited long enough another hour won’t be too bad.”
“I feel okay now.”
“There you go. Lena.” Nick had seen the waitress and called her over. “Could I have the check please?”
“Sure honey - everything okay you’ve hardly touched your food?”
“Yeah…just got a…situation….we need to sort.”
“Okay.“ She left to get the check and returned about a minute later. Nick left a sizeable tip and he and Gil stood up to leave.
Gil took a couple of steps away from the booth towards the door and stopped suddenly. He gasped and grabbed at his chest with both hands and fell to the floor……
tbc….
Author: Dee
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3179 (7881)
Pairings: Gil/Nick
Characters: Gil Grissom, Nick Stokes and Catherine Willows
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: In my dreams they are like, totally mine!
Beta: jayceepat and podga for their invaluable help in the Americanisation of the fic and their insightful comments. I thank high_striker for his wonderful icons. I am indebted to them all. Any errors are mine.
A/N: Posted for cgrgrl after her comments about Nick being a strong character! As before my detailed and expert medical knowledge is from House MD and Wikipedia. I can do consultations - though it would be advisable not to take me up on the offer!
Heart Pain
Part One
Three bodies had been found together on the rim of the Grand Canyon and Gil, Catherine and Warrick had been processing the scene through most of the night. Now as the dawn brought the sunrise over the canyon Gil walked to the edge of the ridge where they’d been working to view the spectacle. It was truly glorious.
He heaved a huge sigh as he watched the sunrise; the colours of the sky and rocks, changing slightly each moment as he looked. He hugged himself and rubbed his arms and despite the beauty he was witnessing he looked morose.
“You sound…and look like you’ve got the worries of the world on your shoulders.” Catherine’s voice was quite soft and had an element of concern in it…not her usual strident approach.
“No, I’m okay.” But he sighed again after he’d spoken the words.
“Sounds like it.”
They were both quiet as they watched the gradual ascent of the sun and the incredible hues of the rock beneath them.
“Catherine?”
She raised her eyebrows at him in response.
“Catherine; does love hurt…I mean physically hurt…..like a chest pain?”
“Well……I really don’t know about that…why, are you experiencing chest pain? No wait, missed opportunity here…are you ‘in love’?”
“Thanks for your concern….gossip over health issues. I do have a strange sensation in my chest; I could hardly call it bad physical pain though…more of a sensation and I’ve noticed that it comes on only when I have time to think about…..”
“Right. Well Gil my advice to you would be this - get yourself checked out….you can’t be too careful at your age…what…..it’s the truth. The ‘love’ issue Gil, well if you want my advice you’re going to have to give up some details.”
Gil’s thought at the age comment only served to make him more miserable. “Truth be told Cath? I have nothing to tell. I have feelings for someone and I haven’t…”
“Oh, for God’s sake Gil Grissom, you haven’t told her have you?”
“Well…..no….but it’s more complicated than that.”
“No, Gil, you make it complicated. Is she unattainable? Is she married, not that it seems to matter these days?”
“It’s more complicated.”
“How?”
Gil turned to look at the sunrise and sighed yet again.
“I swear you’re worse than Lindsay with a crush on Justin Timberlake!” Catherine paused and she was overtaken with a rather worrying thought. “It’s not Sara is it?”
Even the morose Gil managed a flicker of a smile. “No. It isn’t.”
“Well I can’t help saying that that’s a relief. You‘d have certainly bitten off more than you could chew with that bundle of neuroses.”
“I…..I….if I tell you something can I be sure you’ll keep it yourself?”
“What are we, kids? Of course you can trust me.”
“It’s a…..man…..I’m….”
“OH MY GOD! Geez Gil, way to go to….I never knew.”
“Nor me; if you’re shocked how d’you think I feel?”
“You didn’t…..you haven’t…..this is too much. Come on let me look at what we know. One - you’re in love with a man. Two - you’re not gay or even bi-sexual. Three - is the other man gay, or bi-sexual. Four - why are you holding back - you’re obviously in turmoil. Five - okay I’ve got to throw this one in - do I know him?”
“We’ve got to get back to work.”
“No way, Jose!” Catherine laid a hand on Gil’s arm. “Come on, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’.”
“I don’t know if I even know the answers. I do know I’ve never felt like this before. I do know that I’ve never considered myself gay or bi-sexual - but there was one time in college. I think he’s straight; no, I know he’s straight. Mind your own business.”
“I do know him then.”
“Catherine, let it go, please. God knows what possessed me to share this with you.”
“Because sharing is good and you must be at the end of your tether or you wouldn’t’ve. I’ll think about this and give you some good advice. After shift. Breakfast - and don’t even think about playing hooky!”
“I’ll try to limit my expectations.”
“You asked me, remember? Now come on, let’s finish up.”
It was after ten when they managed to get to the diner. They ordered breakfast and both sipped juice while they waited for it to arrive..
“My first piece of advice Gil is to get checked out. It does seem to me to be some sort of psychosomatic anxiety attack if, as you say, you only get it when you think of…..him.”
“Well I can’t say that isn’t sound advice. I was going to go anyway - I’ll ‘phone for an appointment when I get home. What’s next, Dr Cath?”
“Well you are certain the guy is straight, so you said, but Gil you thought you were straight and I thought you were. But in our environment it’s probably more sensible to hide any….leanings….in that direction, since PDs generally are not renowned for being gay friendly.” At Gil’s pained look she continued, “But, Gil times change and there’s a group called GALA…..I think, or something like that in Vegas PD, sooo….”
“I’m not ashamed of these feelings, not at all Catherine. I’m old enough to take care of myself….but how do you approach a man? I hardly know how to approach a woman Catherine let alone another man…..but there’s some stuff I haven’t told you.”
“Well go on then because I haven’t finished with you either.”
“He’s…oh god…he’s younger than me…a lot….”
“Okay…..come on you’re doing good here…how much younger?”
“Fifteen years.”
“That’s nothing Gil….”
“…it’s the difference between brown hair and grey hair, the difference between wearing glasses and not, between going out and staying in, reading a book…Catherine this is ridiculous, it’s not going to happen. I’ve got to put up and shut up, I’ll get over it.
“Gil Grissom; you’re fifty for god’s sake not ninety, you sound like an old man…you’re as old as the man you feel! Jeez Gil. If this was a problem at work with some evidence or other, you’d be like a dog with a bone but this is your LIFE and you’re willing to just give in and throw it away without even testing the waters. Answer me this; if you give in now and then say ten years from now find out that he IS gay and you WOULD have stood a chance how would you feel then….that you’d wasted an opportunity?
“That’s far too simplistic and you know it.”
“No, it isn’t, actually Gil it really is that simple. If you approach him, ask him, and he says ‘no’, you’ve got your answer and fair enough. But if you do approach him and he says ‘yes’…Gil don‘t do this to yourself…at least find out…you’ve nothing to lose and everything to gain.”
He had no retort this time and their breakfasts arrived. Gil didn’t feel much like eating his ‘special’, but he picked up his fork and stabbed at his food. They were silent for a good ten minutes. He had to admit that Catherine had made a very valid point; he was sure HE was straight and had empirical evidence. But then he would have described himself at ‘straight’ until a few months back before this reared its ugly head.
“It’s Nick.”
Catherine’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at this information. This was serious; there was no way that Nick was gay. But then not five hours ago she’d thought exactly the same about Gil.
“You don’t think he’s gay either, do you?”
“Well….that was my immediate thought, I must confess…but Gil, my second thought was that I thought you were straight until this morning.”
Gil looked up from his unfinished breakfast and had to admit that Catherine was right. He wasn’t a coward - he’d do this. He’d got nothing to lose, only his job and he could get another one anywhere, he knew that.
“How am I going to ask him Catherine? ‘Oh, by the way Nick are you a homosexual and if you are would you care to……’?”
“You’re going to do it?”
“I’m going to do it.”
“Good for you - we need a plan. Blunt might work, failing everything else…but I think you’ll have to more gentle with Nick. He’s actually a really nice boy……I see what you mean about the age thing….I know he’s in his mid thirties but I do think of him as younger. Anyway, where was I…? Oh, yes, out of work obviously, maybe breakfast alone…to discuss an ‘issue’…he’ll assume it’s ‘work’ and then you ease into it. I think you will have to be fairly blunt, though, guys are dense about romance generally.”
“Excuse me?”
“Let me put it this way Gil; if you knew what to do about all this, would you be here with me now?”
“Point taken.”
“Thank you. Don’t frighten him with your intensity Gil, he’s not a bug, on the other hand you have to be sincere. Are you taking this in?”
“I’m trying. Don’t be blunt but be blunt. Don’t be intense but be sincere.”
“Good. Now the only other thing you must do Gil is - do it quick, A S A P, while you’ve got the momentum. You’ve got a fifty fifty chance Gil, make it count.”
“Thank you Catherine. Thank you for being my friend. I know I don’t always say it but you are my best friend.”
“You’re welcome. Gil, have you ever given any thought….to us….you know…?”
“Errr…no.”
“Nor me.”
“Close shave there for a moment.”
“Yeah…you take care Gil and I really hope, I really do, that this works out for you.”
“Me too.”
Gil picked up the tab and they made their way to their trucks parked nearby. When they reached Gil’s first Catherine pulled him into a hug, he was uncomfortable she could tell, but she persisted and he relaxed a little.
“Keep me in the loop Gil, whatever. Promise?”
“I promise.”
As soon as Gil arrived home he ‘phoned his doctor and made an appointment for a full medical. He needed one anyway.
Two days later a perfect opportunity arose for Gil to invite Nick to breakfast. Only he didn’t.
They’d had an abduction of a young child but luckily for everyone the child had been found, the abductor arrested and no physical harm had been done to the child. Gil and Nick had stayed behind to tie up the loose ends and it was close to eleven when they were ready to leave.
“Hey Gris, you wanna grab some breakfast…or brunch?”
“Oh.” This had not formed any part of the elaborate plan he’d been formulating, meticulously, for ten minutes at least. “Yes, yes, that would be good.”
“You sure man, you don’t sound very sure?”
“Yes Nick, I’m sure, really.”
“Okay….got a particular place you want to go to?”
“No. Yes. Well.” He was a moron; he was an absolute idiot. “What about Luigi’s?”
“Good choice…but are you okay….if you’d rather not……?”
“Yes, I do, honestly, just got something on my mind.” If you only knew Nicky; when did I start calling him ‘Nicky’ again? Oh, I remember, how could I forget that?
“Okay then, see you there.” And off Nick went, just like that.
Gil, left standing in the locker room, felt the familiar tension in his chest. Catherine had called it…anxiety, if this wasn’t ‘anxious’ he really was on his way to an MI.
Twenty minutes later he pulled into the lot beside Luigi’s. An Italian restaurant at night, it did breakfasts and brunches and lunches in the very best American tradition during the daylight hours.
Nick’s truck was in the lot and as he wasn’t in it Gil presumed he’d gone into the restaurant. He had. As Gil walked through the door Nick waved a menu in the air from across the floor. He was in a booth and there was subdued lighting above him. He looked just like his normal self but Gil’s chest tightened even more and his breathing and heart rate quickened. ‘There’s no fool like an old fool’, was his thought as he took several deep breaths and made his way to the booth.
“Hey. I took the liberty of ordering tea - you normally have that at breakfast don’t you? Their specials are on the board behind you, but Lena seriously recommends the ‘Special omelette’…everything in it and served with whatever you want.”
Gil didn’t think he would ever eat again, Nick was not gay and this was going to be a fiasco. How would he tell Catherine he’d chickened out? Could he do this? Jesus, Nick was grinning at him, his even teeth, his dimpled cheeks and laughter lines and those eyes. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“You’re really out of it man, d’you wanna call it a day?” Nick was still grinning.
“No. It’s just….I’m tired. It’s emotionally draining when children are involved in a case.” Liar, liar. Well it was but this wasn’t anything to do with the case.
“I know what you mean….but in this case Gil we got him back and that’s good because mostly we don’t, do we? We should celebrate a small victory against the bad guys.”
“You’re right Nicky.” Oh god, it just slipped out.
“Wow, you haven’t called me that for a long time.” Nick’s grin was less teeth and more shining eyes now.
“Sorry.”
“No, it’s good.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Luckily, Lena chose that very moment to deliver the tea. Gil noticed that Nick was having it too.
“You guys ready to order?”
“Special for me please, with all the trimmings. Gris?”
“Toast, please.”
“Right then about ten minutes - that okay?”
“Sure.” Nick said this and Gil nodded.
A soon as she was gone Nick leaned over the table and addressed Gil in a serious manner.
“There’s something not quite right here Gris. You seem preoccupied…and I’ve seen you thinking over evidence and cases plenty of times but this is like you’re nervous or worried about something. Are you okay - is there anything I can help you with?”
YES! YES! YES! This screaming voice in Gil’s head wouldn’t reach his vocal chords and he looked down at the table.
Nick reached over and put his hand on Gil’s arm - resting on the table - and squeezed. The warmth of Nick’s hand permeated Gil’s skin beneath the jacket he was wearing. He looked at Nick’s hand and took a deep, ragged breath to speak, but Nick beat him to it again.
“This isn’t you, look; Momma always says ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. I may not be able to help but I can listen Gris.”
Déjà vu; Catherine had said that. He took another breath. “There is something Nick. It’s someone. I’ve got. There’s someone I’ve got. Feelings. Nick, I’ve got feelings.” No one would’ve ever guessed from this inarticulate display that he was actually a fully functioning adult.
“At work?” Nick enquired.
Gil nodded.
“Sara.” Nick’s hand shot back and he leaned back in his seat with a blank, unreadable expression on his face.
“Sara? Why does everyone think…..?”
“…it’s not Sara?” Nick’s voice was incredulous, “Then who?”
Gil took a really big breath and drew himself up, looked across at Nick and then closed his eyes. His voice actually came out sounding perfectly normal.
“You.”
There was silence. After twenty four hours…..probably less than twenty four seconds in real time, Gil opened his eyes and looked across at Nick. It was Gil’s turn to be shocked. Nick was smiling across at him, not a fully fledged grin, but a sweet, happy smile and his chocolate brown eyes were shining like he might cry. He looked so beautiful Gil gasped. He knew the reality of this; he knew what would happen next.
Their breakfast.
Both men started chuckling, gently, as Lena put their breakfasts in front of them, gave them the dish of sauces and preserves and asked if they wanted anything else. Neither man did. So she left them in peace.
“Don’t think I want this anymore.” Nick said this looking at his huge plate of food.
“I’ve just regained my appetite, come on we can share.”
“Yeah?”
“We can.”
“How long?”
“’Bout six months, give or take. You?”
“Forever. Day I met you.”
Gil looked at the face across the table from him; open and honest and clearly adoring. How on earth had he missed this; he was a forensic scientist and this evidence had been in front of him all that time.
“I had no idea.”
“You weren’t meant to. I thought you were straight…”
“Ah.”
“What…?”
“Well, I did have one sort of experience when I was at college, it didn’t amount to much but not since then, ‘til you. I don’t know how it happened, I just noticed you one day…..God almighty, Catherine!”
“What? What about Catherine?”
“Look let’s get breakfast out of the way….we’ve got years of catching up. Don’t know about you Nicky….’Nicky’…..’Nicky’, I like that, but we’ve got to sort this out and see where we’re going…..that okay with you?”
“Sounds like a plan to me…Gil.”
“I thought I was having a heart attack earlier this week…” At Nick’s startled look Gil held up his hand. “Anxiety over you Nicky, but now I don’t think I’ve ever felt better in my entire life. Are you gay? I take it you know what to do…you know…otherwise I’ll have to stop and get a book; not that I’m going to do anything….oh god. A few minutes ago I couldn’t put a sentence together and now I can’t shut up…this is not me….”
“I think you’re in shock babe, sit back, take a rest, sip your tea and breath evenly, don’t try to breath deeply, just try and relax.” Nick had slid round the booth and was sitting next to Gil. He handed him his tea and brushed his fingers gently over his temple.
“I am gay….mostly, I’ve had some girls but I’ve always been more satisfied with a man and since I met you there haven’t been many of them….. Don’t worry, I know exactly what to do, but if you want to get a book, you go ahead. Feeling better now?”
“Yes. You called me ‘babe’.”
“You’ve been ‘babe’ in my head for a long time. I was lucky it didn’t slip out.”
“I desperately want to kiss you…have you kiss me.”
“Yeah. Me too. Won’t be long now…we’ve waited long enough another hour won’t be too bad.”
“I feel okay now.”
“There you go. Lena.” Nick had seen the waitress and called her over. “Could I have the check please?”
“Sure honey - everything okay you’ve hardly touched your food?”
“Yeah…just got a…situation….we need to sort.”
“Okay.“ She left to get the check and returned about a minute later. Nick left a sizeable tip and he and Gil stood up to leave.
Gil took a couple of steps away from the booth towards the door and stopped suddenly. He gasped and grabbed at his chest with both hands and fell to the floor……
tbc….