Fic: BFF (6/6) A continuation of Facing Up...
Title: BFF (6/6) A continuation of Facing Up….
Author: Dee
Rating: R
Word Count: 2565
Pairings: Gil/Nick
Characters: Gil, Nick and some team members and an OMC
Warnings: Fluff and (very) AU
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: In my dreams they are like, totally mine!
Beta: jayceepat and podga for their invaluable help in the Americanisation of the fic and their insightful comments - which I may well have ignored! I thank high_striker for his wonderful icons. I am indebted to them all. Any errors are mine.
A/N: This is Part Two of an ongoing saga…in seven parts so far. It will help if you’ve read ‘Facing Up’, which I posted back in February.
BFF Part Six
For just a very few moments Nick started to laugh but then he got stuck with half a sound coming out of his mouth and looked as stunned as if he’d been hit by 10,000 volts. Gil was just eating his dinner looking over at Nick in a manner that suggested he’d just said, ‘Nice weather we’re having.’
Nick took a deep breath and tried to speak, “I. Wha… Did. Can…” he was totally unable to connect his brain to his mouth, but anyway his brain appeared to have stopped functioning,
“Your speech is difficult to decipher Nick, but what I guess you may be saying is something along the lines of, ’I can’t believe you said that’ or ‘What did you say’ or perhaps, ‘Can I repeat it’. Simply put Nick, that by looking at the evidence presented by you this evening, I’m led to believe that you may feel something stronger than friendship towards me. Am I right?”
Nick still couldn’t speak but his motor skills returned and he nodded.
“Well, this is an unexpected turn of events. I think we need to discuss this Nick, don’t you, and find out how this came about.” Gil just continued as if he was still discussing the weather, “Eat up, don’t let this excellent meal of yours go to waste.”
Nick looked down at his plate and back up to Gil who smiled at him.
“Come on, you’ve had worse shocks - I’m not going to run out on you, you should know me better than that by now.”
“Don’t think I could eat another bite.” A voice had returned but it didn’t sound much like his voice.
“I’m sorry Nick - the blunt, outspoken man; ‘open mouth put both feet in’ syndrome. I should’ve waited, you were in such a good mood I thought you’d take it in your stride, but I’m sorry for ruining your lovely meal.’ This time Gil did sound genuinely remorseful and that helped Nick recover a little.
“Just a shock Gil - I only found out myself a few days ago, it’s been a bit quick an’ all.”
“Oh God, I’m sorry Nick, I’d no idea. My comment was totally out of place.” Now Gil was upset.
Nick took a few deep breaths, “Look Gil it isn’t your fault, you’re the way you are and I’m just plain confused. I’ll try a bit more of my meal and regroup, yeah, that’s what I need to do, regroup.” He was almost talking to himself.
“That’s good Nick, good.” And Gil leaned over the table and gave Nick’s forearm a squeeze, “I’m good too, okay?”
Nick had started to breath normally and he took a few sips of his beer. Gil stopped him, “No, don’t, just at the moment it isn’t advisable to drink alcohol, I’ll get you some water.” He was up, out and back in less than a minute with a glass of water and Nick sipped that.
“I’m not going to eat any more.” Nick said addressing his plate.
“Okay, you go and get on the couch I’ll just put this stuff in the kitchen for you - NO, do as I say. “ Gil said this with a smile and Nick was thankful to be able to get up and move across the room and drop unceremoniously onto his couch.
Gil moved between the table and kitchen a few times clearing the remains of their dinner. Nick heard him put the coffee machine on and then he came back in the room, retrieved his beer and he, too, dropped onto the couch.
“I really made a mess of that, didn’t I, and spoiled your good mood completely. I saw the evidence and while I was eating it just dropped into place and instead of storing it up for later it popped out of my very loose mouth.” Gil began.
“What evidence?” Was all Nick could manage, but it was enough.
“It wasn’t the good mood, because I’ve seen that for a couple of days. It was when I spoke about Sofia and about asking her out to dinner. Your face, well, sort of contorted and your breathing pattern changed and you obviously thought you might fall because you grabbed the counter so hard your knuckles went white.”
“Mmmm.”
“You had, initially, brought up the subject but you were very surprised by my response when I said I’d been thinking about asking Sofia out to dinner. And, of course, you are positively itching to tell me something; I’d be even blinder than I am not to realise that it’s something big after what you said at the diner the other night. So perhaps when you gain some equilibrium you can tell me about it, that’s if you want to, Nick?”
“I was going to tonight y’know. I brought up the subject of Sara and Sofia, I know I did, but I had NO IDEA that y’actually wanted to date…..”
“Hey, let’s clear that bit up immediately, I didn’t say I wanted to date her, I just said I’d thought about it and it crossed my mind that I MIGHT ask her out to dinner, once. I think if I’d really wanted to I would have done so before now, and I wasn’t thinking anything other than ‘dinner’ Nick, just dinner.”
“Mmmmm. Okay.” Nick thought that was quite a statement from Gil. “Look shall I tell y’what’s been going on with me? It’s a bit….I don’t know, sordid, I suppose, but I can tell you ‘cause I trust you Gil, y’know that and whatever y’may think, this is not a come-on, man. I just want to be your friend and have you as my friend and I don’t want to lose that: but now y’need to know it all - y’may have to make a judgement yourself - about me.” He’d found his voice with a vengeance.
“You know that you may tell me anything, don’t you, without fear of any repercussion? I will treat anything and everything in confidence.”
“I know y’will man.”
Nick sat and thought for a few moments and was just about to start when Gil held up his hand.
“Coffee?”
“Good idea.” Nick watched Gil as he walked to the kitchen and he closed his eyes for a few moments to collect his thoughts. Nothing ever goes to plan in his life -‘ain’t that the truth.’
Gil returned with coffees for them and settled himself down on the couch. He looked relaxed and……Nick couldn’t think of a word to describe the look, benevolent, concerned……no ‘kind’. Gil was looking at him kindly.
”It started way back, Gil, when I was in high school………” Nick related what had happened and how Ed had elicited the information from him and explained how he could have ‘forgotten’ it. Listening intently and sipping at his coffee Gil just nodded and murmured as Nick explained.
Nick told Gil about the anti-depressants that had been doubled in their dosage - but was at pains to say that his mood was attributable not to the drugs but to him finally making sense of what had happened. He told him about the hooker, and that she was the first woman he’d ‘slept’ with since he was twenty. He also pointed out that the shower ’thing’ with Mitch was the only ‘gay’ experience he’d ever had, and yet he knew he was gay, because it felt right and explained so much - it was an enormous relief to him, not a burden.
Nick didn’t say anything about his erotic dreams. But he said that the first idea that he was on the brink of ‘something’ was right after the last time they’d been together at the condo - like they were tonight.
Gil interrupted - he’d been very quiet and absorbed all the information Nick had given him. “What was it about that night Nick? I remember it as a wonderfully relaxed and happy time for both of us and I do remember thinking that you were recovering so well.”
“Well.” He was stuck, should he tell him or not? Gil had said he could tell him anything and he had in the past but was this too much information? He thought about it staring ahead and then looked at Gil.
“I’m okay Nick, I promise not to freak out or anything. When did you ever see me freak?”
“There was that time with Ecklie, when you threw the coffee pot?”
“Ah. But that was Ecklie, he’s in a category on his own and I’m allowed.”
“’Okay then. It’s pretty freakin’ man, but I do want to tell you. Perhaps I’m perverse, man, we gotta a good thing goin’ and I don’t want to throw a monkey wrench into the works.” His attempt at some humour was just downright lame. He chuckled.
“Here goes. That night after y’left here I was on a high Gil; that was just simply one of the most enjoyable evenings I’ve ever spent, in my whole life, I think. And, I don’t want you to think that I was about to jump your bones man ‘cause it never crossed my mind - I swear.
“But, after you’d gone I tidied up an’ all and was just real happy when I got into bed.” Nick thought that if Gil did know what was coming he made no indication. “I fell straight to sleep but then, y’know, like the first time in forever man I had a, y’know, a dream, a wet dream……about you Gil.” Nick was hot and red he knew, but Gil was still sitting there regarding him with the ‘kindly’ look.
“…..and the next night and….well…..virtually every night ever since, err, really. That’s why I hot footed it to see Ed. I was freaking out alright, but then he got me to spill about Mitch and he upped the dose….that’s it really, but I couldn’t look at you at work and, well, thank God we were so busy, really.”
Gil sat still on the couch just a little way away from this man who was so trusting of him he’d been able to share such thoughts. Gil wasn’t freaked out about the revelation; Gil had seen and heard far worse over the years. He thought he’d better say something or Nick would think that he had crossed a line.
“Right. May I make some observations now Nick?” Nick nodded so he continued. “First of all, I know what you mean about that night the last time I was here; it was, without a doubt a night that I shall remember - as a real sign of our friendship. And that friendship is not going to be harmed by me, following your very candid confession to me just now.
“What struck me most was that while we were all so busy at the lab I was too tired to notice you, but when things slacked off, I missed you so terribly Nick. You didn’t answer my message and then blew me off for breakfast…I was very…sad, Nick. I thought you’d come through your trauma and wouldn’t need me anymore and that thought devastated me. When you called and invited me to the diner, I was ecstatic, but by the time I arrived I had convinced myself you were going to let me down gently and move on.
“I very nearly cried with relief when you didn’t. That a vibrant young man really wanted my friendship made me feel humble.”
Nick was listening intently and with a shocked expression on his face. This was Gil Grissom talking to him about ‘needing’ him.
“I can’t claim that I’ve had erotic or even romantic thoughts about you Nick, I haven’t. The fact that you have had them about me leaves me feeling flattered, not disgusted like I’d suspect a lot of men would be. I’ve never had a sexual encounter of any sort with another man, Nick. But, don’t read too much into that, because frankly, I haven’t had sexual encounters with many women either. I’ve relied mostly on my own hand, Nick, it never lets me down.”
“Tell me about it.” Nick interposed.
“Exactly. From what you’re telling me you’ve based your assumption of your sexuality on a very pleasant experience in a shower, what, fifteen years ago, and the failure of any sort of relationship with a woman. But, you’re convinced you’re gay?”
“Yep…. I can’t explain it really, Gil, but it’s right and it feels as if for the first time in my life I know ‘me’ - the real ‘me’. Look, Gil, I’m not looking here for any sort of sexual relationship with you but I’d hate, man, I wouldn’t cope I don’t think, with losing ya’ all as a friend, not after everything you’ve been through with me.”
“I’ve said Nick, it’s not going happen, please don’t worry about it - but I do have a...what shall I call it…an idea; a proposition….?”
Nick looked at Gil with an openness that took Gil’s breath away. He could see trust and anxiety in the features of the face he knew well and for a moment wondered if his idea could end up breaking, not mending, this man. He looked at him and pondered his predicament for a few moments longer - but he’d said he’d got an idea and he was going to follow it through.
“Your experience is very limited and mine is non-existent - I mean homosexual experiences. You’ve had these thoughts about me and I haven’t had them about you, but I don’t see that that should preclude anything happening in the future.”
Nick’s eyebrows had shot up and very nearly met his hairline and his eyes were huge and shocked.
Gil laughed and put his hand on Nick’s arm. “I am not suggesting now, Nicky.”
Nick let out a breath he’d sucked in and held for a few moments and then thought that Gil had called him ’Nicky’ again. He disliked anyone calling him Nicky - he thought it was a childish nickname, except, he absolutely loved it when Gil called it him. He had no idea why, it had just been that way ever since he’d joined the lab.
“No, Nick, I was thinking more along the lines of sort of dating - platonically. I don’t suppose it’d be much different than what we do now, just more ’scheduled’ than the haphazard way we are now. What do you think - we could see how it goes and take it from there?”
There was a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes as both men absorbed Gil’s ‘proposition’.
“Would this dating mean having to go to the movies together?” Nick remembered the first and last time they’d been to see a movie.
“Well, I must say you seem to have to taken to the idea if you’re prepared to discuss if and when we go to a movie theatre. And actually, I’d like that, there’s this great Polish film I want to see.”
“Oh man, you’d make me sit through that?”
“Now I’m upset that you would insult my choice of entertainment.” Gil deadpanned with bright and happy eyes.
“Well, this is the deal: for each film you take me to, I can take you to one - take it or leave it!”
“May I bring a book and a flashlight?”
“Can I hug you Gil…..platonically?”
“You may.”
The End of BFF tbc with Upping the Ante
Author: Dee
Rating: R
Word Count: 2565
Pairings: Gil/Nick
Characters: Gil, Nick and some team members and an OMC
Warnings: Fluff and (very) AU
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: In my dreams they are like, totally mine!
Beta: jayceepat and podga for their invaluable help in the Americanisation of the fic and their insightful comments - which I may well have ignored! I thank high_striker for his wonderful icons. I am indebted to them all. Any errors are mine.
A/N: This is Part Two of an ongoing saga…in seven parts so far. It will help if you’ve read ‘Facing Up’, which I posted back in February.
BFF Part Six
For just a very few moments Nick started to laugh but then he got stuck with half a sound coming out of his mouth and looked as stunned as if he’d been hit by 10,000 volts. Gil was just eating his dinner looking over at Nick in a manner that suggested he’d just said, ‘Nice weather we’re having.’
Nick took a deep breath and tried to speak, “I. Wha… Did. Can…” he was totally unable to connect his brain to his mouth, but anyway his brain appeared to have stopped functioning,
“Your speech is difficult to decipher Nick, but what I guess you may be saying is something along the lines of, ’I can’t believe you said that’ or ‘What did you say’ or perhaps, ‘Can I repeat it’. Simply put Nick, that by looking at the evidence presented by you this evening, I’m led to believe that you may feel something stronger than friendship towards me. Am I right?”
Nick still couldn’t speak but his motor skills returned and he nodded.
“Well, this is an unexpected turn of events. I think we need to discuss this Nick, don’t you, and find out how this came about.” Gil just continued as if he was still discussing the weather, “Eat up, don’t let this excellent meal of yours go to waste.”
Nick looked down at his plate and back up to Gil who smiled at him.
“Come on, you’ve had worse shocks - I’m not going to run out on you, you should know me better than that by now.”
“Don’t think I could eat another bite.” A voice had returned but it didn’t sound much like his voice.
“I’m sorry Nick - the blunt, outspoken man; ‘open mouth put both feet in’ syndrome. I should’ve waited, you were in such a good mood I thought you’d take it in your stride, but I’m sorry for ruining your lovely meal.’ This time Gil did sound genuinely remorseful and that helped Nick recover a little.
“Just a shock Gil - I only found out myself a few days ago, it’s been a bit quick an’ all.”
“Oh God, I’m sorry Nick, I’d no idea. My comment was totally out of place.” Now Gil was upset.
Nick took a few deep breaths, “Look Gil it isn’t your fault, you’re the way you are and I’m just plain confused. I’ll try a bit more of my meal and regroup, yeah, that’s what I need to do, regroup.” He was almost talking to himself.
“That’s good Nick, good.” And Gil leaned over the table and gave Nick’s forearm a squeeze, “I’m good too, okay?”
Nick had started to breath normally and he took a few sips of his beer. Gil stopped him, “No, don’t, just at the moment it isn’t advisable to drink alcohol, I’ll get you some water.” He was up, out and back in less than a minute with a glass of water and Nick sipped that.
“I’m not going to eat any more.” Nick said addressing his plate.
“Okay, you go and get on the couch I’ll just put this stuff in the kitchen for you - NO, do as I say. “ Gil said this with a smile and Nick was thankful to be able to get up and move across the room and drop unceremoniously onto his couch.
Gil moved between the table and kitchen a few times clearing the remains of their dinner. Nick heard him put the coffee machine on and then he came back in the room, retrieved his beer and he, too, dropped onto the couch.
“I really made a mess of that, didn’t I, and spoiled your good mood completely. I saw the evidence and while I was eating it just dropped into place and instead of storing it up for later it popped out of my very loose mouth.” Gil began.
“What evidence?” Was all Nick could manage, but it was enough.
“It wasn’t the good mood, because I’ve seen that for a couple of days. It was when I spoke about Sofia and about asking her out to dinner. Your face, well, sort of contorted and your breathing pattern changed and you obviously thought you might fall because you grabbed the counter so hard your knuckles went white.”
“Mmmm.”
“You had, initially, brought up the subject but you were very surprised by my response when I said I’d been thinking about asking Sofia out to dinner. And, of course, you are positively itching to tell me something; I’d be even blinder than I am not to realise that it’s something big after what you said at the diner the other night. So perhaps when you gain some equilibrium you can tell me about it, that’s if you want to, Nick?”
“I was going to tonight y’know. I brought up the subject of Sara and Sofia, I know I did, but I had NO IDEA that y’actually wanted to date…..”
“Hey, let’s clear that bit up immediately, I didn’t say I wanted to date her, I just said I’d thought about it and it crossed my mind that I MIGHT ask her out to dinner, once. I think if I’d really wanted to I would have done so before now, and I wasn’t thinking anything other than ‘dinner’ Nick, just dinner.”
“Mmmmm. Okay.” Nick thought that was quite a statement from Gil. “Look shall I tell y’what’s been going on with me? It’s a bit….I don’t know, sordid, I suppose, but I can tell you ‘cause I trust you Gil, y’know that and whatever y’may think, this is not a come-on, man. I just want to be your friend and have you as my friend and I don’t want to lose that: but now y’need to know it all - y’may have to make a judgement yourself - about me.” He’d found his voice with a vengeance.
“You know that you may tell me anything, don’t you, without fear of any repercussion? I will treat anything and everything in confidence.”
“I know y’will man.”
Nick sat and thought for a few moments and was just about to start when Gil held up his hand.
“Coffee?”
“Good idea.” Nick watched Gil as he walked to the kitchen and he closed his eyes for a few moments to collect his thoughts. Nothing ever goes to plan in his life -‘ain’t that the truth.’
Gil returned with coffees for them and settled himself down on the couch. He looked relaxed and……Nick couldn’t think of a word to describe the look, benevolent, concerned……no ‘kind’. Gil was looking at him kindly.
”It started way back, Gil, when I was in high school………” Nick related what had happened and how Ed had elicited the information from him and explained how he could have ‘forgotten’ it. Listening intently and sipping at his coffee Gil just nodded and murmured as Nick explained.
Nick told Gil about the anti-depressants that had been doubled in their dosage - but was at pains to say that his mood was attributable not to the drugs but to him finally making sense of what had happened. He told him about the hooker, and that she was the first woman he’d ‘slept’ with since he was twenty. He also pointed out that the shower ’thing’ with Mitch was the only ‘gay’ experience he’d ever had, and yet he knew he was gay, because it felt right and explained so much - it was an enormous relief to him, not a burden.
Nick didn’t say anything about his erotic dreams. But he said that the first idea that he was on the brink of ‘something’ was right after the last time they’d been together at the condo - like they were tonight.
Gil interrupted - he’d been very quiet and absorbed all the information Nick had given him. “What was it about that night Nick? I remember it as a wonderfully relaxed and happy time for both of us and I do remember thinking that you were recovering so well.”
“Well.” He was stuck, should he tell him or not? Gil had said he could tell him anything and he had in the past but was this too much information? He thought about it staring ahead and then looked at Gil.
“I’m okay Nick, I promise not to freak out or anything. When did you ever see me freak?”
“There was that time with Ecklie, when you threw the coffee pot?”
“Ah. But that was Ecklie, he’s in a category on his own and I’m allowed.”
“’Okay then. It’s pretty freakin’ man, but I do want to tell you. Perhaps I’m perverse, man, we gotta a good thing goin’ and I don’t want to throw a monkey wrench into the works.” His attempt at some humour was just downright lame. He chuckled.
“Here goes. That night after y’left here I was on a high Gil; that was just simply one of the most enjoyable evenings I’ve ever spent, in my whole life, I think. And, I don’t want you to think that I was about to jump your bones man ‘cause it never crossed my mind - I swear.
“But, after you’d gone I tidied up an’ all and was just real happy when I got into bed.” Nick thought that if Gil did know what was coming he made no indication. “I fell straight to sleep but then, y’know, like the first time in forever man I had a, y’know, a dream, a wet dream……about you Gil.” Nick was hot and red he knew, but Gil was still sitting there regarding him with the ‘kindly’ look.
“…..and the next night and….well…..virtually every night ever since, err, really. That’s why I hot footed it to see Ed. I was freaking out alright, but then he got me to spill about Mitch and he upped the dose….that’s it really, but I couldn’t look at you at work and, well, thank God we were so busy, really.”
Gil sat still on the couch just a little way away from this man who was so trusting of him he’d been able to share such thoughts. Gil wasn’t freaked out about the revelation; Gil had seen and heard far worse over the years. He thought he’d better say something or Nick would think that he had crossed a line.
“Right. May I make some observations now Nick?” Nick nodded so he continued. “First of all, I know what you mean about that night the last time I was here; it was, without a doubt a night that I shall remember - as a real sign of our friendship. And that friendship is not going to be harmed by me, following your very candid confession to me just now.
“What struck me most was that while we were all so busy at the lab I was too tired to notice you, but when things slacked off, I missed you so terribly Nick. You didn’t answer my message and then blew me off for breakfast…I was very…sad, Nick. I thought you’d come through your trauma and wouldn’t need me anymore and that thought devastated me. When you called and invited me to the diner, I was ecstatic, but by the time I arrived I had convinced myself you were going to let me down gently and move on.
“I very nearly cried with relief when you didn’t. That a vibrant young man really wanted my friendship made me feel humble.”
Nick was listening intently and with a shocked expression on his face. This was Gil Grissom talking to him about ‘needing’ him.
“I can’t claim that I’ve had erotic or even romantic thoughts about you Nick, I haven’t. The fact that you have had them about me leaves me feeling flattered, not disgusted like I’d suspect a lot of men would be. I’ve never had a sexual encounter of any sort with another man, Nick. But, don’t read too much into that, because frankly, I haven’t had sexual encounters with many women either. I’ve relied mostly on my own hand, Nick, it never lets me down.”
“Tell me about it.” Nick interposed.
“Exactly. From what you’re telling me you’ve based your assumption of your sexuality on a very pleasant experience in a shower, what, fifteen years ago, and the failure of any sort of relationship with a woman. But, you’re convinced you’re gay?”
“Yep…. I can’t explain it really, Gil, but it’s right and it feels as if for the first time in my life I know ‘me’ - the real ‘me’. Look, Gil, I’m not looking here for any sort of sexual relationship with you but I’d hate, man, I wouldn’t cope I don’t think, with losing ya’ all as a friend, not after everything you’ve been through with me.”
“I’ve said Nick, it’s not going happen, please don’t worry about it - but I do have a...what shall I call it…an idea; a proposition….?”
Nick looked at Gil with an openness that took Gil’s breath away. He could see trust and anxiety in the features of the face he knew well and for a moment wondered if his idea could end up breaking, not mending, this man. He looked at him and pondered his predicament for a few moments longer - but he’d said he’d got an idea and he was going to follow it through.
“Your experience is very limited and mine is non-existent - I mean homosexual experiences. You’ve had these thoughts about me and I haven’t had them about you, but I don’t see that that should preclude anything happening in the future.”
Nick’s eyebrows had shot up and very nearly met his hairline and his eyes were huge and shocked.
Gil laughed and put his hand on Nick’s arm. “I am not suggesting now, Nicky.”
Nick let out a breath he’d sucked in and held for a few moments and then thought that Gil had called him ’Nicky’ again. He disliked anyone calling him Nicky - he thought it was a childish nickname, except, he absolutely loved it when Gil called it him. He had no idea why, it had just been that way ever since he’d joined the lab.
“No, Nick, I was thinking more along the lines of sort of dating - platonically. I don’t suppose it’d be much different than what we do now, just more ’scheduled’ than the haphazard way we are now. What do you think - we could see how it goes and take it from there?”
There was a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes as both men absorbed Gil’s ‘proposition’.
“Would this dating mean having to go to the movies together?” Nick remembered the first and last time they’d been to see a movie.
“Well, I must say you seem to have to taken to the idea if you’re prepared to discuss if and when we go to a movie theatre. And actually, I’d like that, there’s this great Polish film I want to see.”
“Oh man, you’d make me sit through that?”
“Now I’m upset that you would insult my choice of entertainment.” Gil deadpanned with bright and happy eyes.
“Well, this is the deal: for each film you take me to, I can take you to one - take it or leave it!”
“May I bring a book and a flashlight?”
“Can I hug you Gil…..platonically?”
“You may.”
The End of BFF tbc with Upping the Ante