[fic] FMA: The Seduction of Roy Mustang [Hawkeye, Mustang]

[greywing]

Title: The Seduction of Roy Mustang
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Rating: PG-13/R
Words: ~2000
Spoilers: Manga up to 60s?
Featured Characters: Riza Hawkeye, Roy Mustang
Disclaimer: The characters are the genius of Arakawa. Not mine.
Notes: The title is both accurate and misleading. =)

Comments

[annepackrat]

Aw man, pretty powerful. Sad too. You might want to make it clear whether the shower thing happens before or after Roy burns her.

[greywing]

I thought the "Boot camp" line made it clear? Soon after her father's death and when she and Roy had parted ways, thus way before they met up again, went through the war, and the moment Riza asked him to destroy the information on her back.

[annepackrat]

Okay, I guess you're jumping around more in the flashbacks then I thought. I thought your flashbacks were happening chonologically.... Eh, but I was wrong. Great story!

[greywing]

I thought your flashbacks were happening chonologically....

You were right to think that. They were... until they weren't. I'd realized at that point that I'd wanted to address that issue and so broke pattern.

[anat_astarte]

Yes sad and powerful. Nice work :D

[evil_little_dog]

Very lovely. The storyline flows well and I liked reading the progression of Riza's life through the snippets.

[maxthebd]

....Misleading indeed. But at least you're offering something unless a few of us around here. ;)

[arantzain]

I think it's poetic and effective, and thoroughly written. The title eludes me, but that may be the 1:00 A.M. nitwits.

The moment with her father's grave plays a little heavy-handed, here: "That day she began to wonder if his spirit would ever forgive her for unleashing the suffering she’d been meant to bear for the countless innocent lives that were lost." You write a very clear-eyed Riza, someone for whom (I feel) great moral questions reduce easily to simple small decisions, even if the simple small decisions are never simple, and no easier than if they were larger. In that context the "ever forgive" seems a little distrait, a deviation from her otherwise rather pitiless narrative. Which is to say that it is perilously sad, but that she sounds as though she's trying to make it otherwise.

Just my thoughts. I enjoyed this a great deal.

[greywing]

A very late reply, but you're right--I had a very similar thought when I was writing the piece. Up until that section, the piece was cohesive and the ideas came easily as I was writing it. But when I got to that section, I was kind reaching for what to put next. I always thought that when I got around to editing the piece, I'd put something there that would go better with all the previous. But I never got around to editing it and I don't think I will.

As for the title, maybe it just amuses me....