"They Could See a World Reborn" by great-gomerel [PG-13]

Aug 31, 2007 23:10

Title: They Could See a World Reborn
Author: great-gomerel
Recipient: lavenderseaslug
Pairing(s): Alex/Addison
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Alex is ready for new responsibilities. Addison's ovaries stay canon. Everything else goes AU after 3x01.
Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine; I am making no profit.
Credits: Many, many thanks to my awesome beta rainblows. And thanks to irinafan for additional prompting as well.
Note to Beth: I kind of meant to write the story that comes after this one, but I couldn't bear to, hence the pointless fluff. Apologies.



They Could See a World Reborn

Sit. Stand. March over to the water fountain. Fill paper cup, and sit down again. Gulp down water. Throw paper cup at trash can, and miss. Get up to deposit it properly.

The door to the ladies room opens, and Alex sighs in relief as the woman he's been waiting for steps back into the reception area. He flashes her a warm smile, and Addison returns it. As she sits and pulls him down next to her, he feels his muscles relax and his heart slow. He leans into her touch, and she rests her head on his shoulder, kneading the other with firm, practiced fingers.

"You okay?" she murmurs.

"Yeah," he says. "Just... it's a big thing, that's all."

She straightens and looks him in the eye. "It's just information," she reassures him. "If you decide you're not ready we don't have to-"

"I'm ready," he interrupts her. He draws her in for a quick kiss and repeats, "I'm ready."

A year ago, he couldn't have imagined it, but it's true. Here he is. Ready to take responsibility, ready to move forward, ready to be happy. Because yes, being with Addison makes him happy, and for the first time in a long time (maybe forever), Alex isn't waiting for the other shoe to drop. He is ready.

-----

A year ago, Alex wasn't convinced that Addison was human. As far as he was concerned, she was the Devil Herself, and her only mission in life was to torture him.

And yet, that day after prom, there was something about her slouched posture that tugged at his gut a little. She just wasn't herself, not even when she was yelling at him for things that weren't his fault (which should have seemed completely normal), and for once he couldn't find it in him to be an ass to her. Instead he found himself searching for words that would make it better, and when he couldn't find those, settling for words that said at least he understood.

Of course, he didn't really. Not until the halls had emptied out and he was the last intern to head home and he found himself watching his boss pin a pair of black panties to the lost-and-found board. (Panties that were several sizes too small for her.) Oh. Now, he understood. So much had happened in the past twenty-four hours; so much carnage had occurred. In that chaos, small tragedies had gone ignored. Between Burke getting shot, and Denny dying, and Izzie... Izzie. Right this minute, Izzie was lying on the bathroom floor, a limp pile of blond curls and pink silk with the eyes of a ghost. He wished he could help, but he knew he wasn't the one she wanted. She was with the others now....

But Addison had the same look in her eyes as Izzie: she'd just showered and changed and kept moving so no one had noticed.

"When did you find them?" His voice echoed harshly in the empty hallway.

She turned in horror and stared when she recognized him. Then her expression relaxed back to defeated.

"Around two. I had time," she let out a sharp laugh, "to wash them before work."

He spoke without thinking. "We're grabbing drinks," he told her. "I'm buying."

He caught a shadow of hesitation in her face. For a moment, he regretted his words. What could a rude bastard like him possibly do to help? Then she nodded, and he caught the dim spark of gratitude in her eyes, and he knew it had been the right thing to do.

That was the start.

-----

Shepherd nearly fell backwards when Alex answered his knock at the door of Addison's hotel room.

"Karev? What the hell-"

Alex scowled at him and blocked the doorway. "What do you want?"

"Go 'way, Der'k," Addison instructed.

"She's drunk." The man had the gall to sound surprised. Even now, with guilt in every angle of his posture (even his hair drooped a little), Shepherd's face still protested: it's not really my fault. Alex had no patience for whiners.

"That's none of your business," Alex said.

"You can't order me to-you shouldn't even be here," Derek blustered.

"You're the one she's telling to get lost."

Alex shut the door in his face. Turning back to Addison, he forced her to drink one more cup of water before letting her kick off her heels and crawl under the covers. He watched as she curled her hands under her cheek and sank into the pillow with her makeup-smudged eyes shut and her mouth hanging open. This woman was a far cry from the fierce, towering figure he worked with daily, but even now, drunk and rumpled and sprawled out gracelessly, she had a luminous quality that made Shepherd's disdain for her incomprehensible.

He snuck away when she began snoring softly.

-----

Addison had thrown away the divorce papers. In a burst of optimism, after her poison oak cleared up and they had sex and for the first time she felt sure that her husband was not screwing but making love to her, she tore up the elegant bond-paper sheets and fed the pieces to the fish in the lake. (The catharsis, she felt, made up for a little pollution.) So even though both she and Derek agreed at once that it was over, it took four months for them to find a lawyer, sign the paperwork, and get through Washington State's three-month waiting period for divorce. It took her another three weeks to take the rings off.

Three weeks after it became official, she slipped the bands off her fingers for a surgery and was about to pin them over her heart, as usual, when Alex stopped her.

"Dude, isn't that, like, bad Juju these days?"

She looked down at the rings, frowned, and decided to pocket them. The surgery was a success. That night, when Addison got home, she wrapped the rings in tissue and deposited them at the bottom of her jewelry safe.

Alex hid the pleased smile when he spotted her bare left hand the next morning.

-----

He came upon her favorite hideaway by accident.

That evening, he and Addison had lost an abused teenager in her seventh month of pregnancy. Usually, when Addison had him call time of death, he understood that she just wanted him to have the learning experience. But today he'd jumped in, of his own accord, because he saw that she was struggling to say the words. They'd scrubbed out in silence and parted ways without any of the usual end-of-day pleasantries. But when he headed down to the lobby, he was startled by the clatter of metal hitting the floor, and he followed the noise to its source at the top of the stairwell.

And there was Addison, picking up her dropped keys and unlocking the door to the roof of the hospital. The door swung open. Then she noticed him and froze.

"Karev!"

"You have a key to the roof?"

She shrugged, awkwardly. "Richard gave it to me."

She hovered in the doorway uncertainly, as though trying to hide him from seeing behind her. As if an open concrete space and a bit of sky were something top-secret and dangerous. She was jittery and nervous, and Alex was amused to see his boss looking so flustered.

"I won't tell anybody."

She chuckled and rolled her eyes, acknowledging the absurdity. "I know. It's just... I come here when I need space."

"I'll leave you to it, then," he offered and turned to leave.

"No, it's fine," she said hastily. He paused and looked at her skeptically. "Really, I mean it. Stay."

She stepped through the doorway out into the night air, and after a moment's hesitation, he followed her.

It was cold and windy, he noted, but at least it wasn't raining. The area was empty. Uninviting. In Alex's mind, a perfect refuge. He gestured at their surroundings: "You come here a lot?"

"I used to. After Derek and I-" she let the thought trail off, and they lapsed into silence.

Even at night, he could tell it was cloudy, for the stars only appeared in patches against the black sky. Just a little light reached them from the neighboring buildings, so Alex didn't see the glint of unshed tears until he leaned against the wall by her side.

"Even if she'd lived," he fumbled for words, "life would still have sucked for her."

She stared at him incredulously. Way to go, Karev.

"She was only sixteen, Alex! So much could have changed. Should have changed."

Her voice caught on the last bit, and she looked down.

"Hey," he said gently, and his fingers found her cheek and turned her head to meet his gaze. "I know. I'm sorry."

Her face scrunched and she started to pull away, but he followed her instinctively. Then his lips were pressed against hers and they both froze for a moment before she relaxed in his arms and they were kissing. The kiss was slow, steeped with sorrow and exhaustion and regret and longing. Alex set it all aside for later: the feeling of her hair tickling his neck; the contrast between cold wind on the back of his hands and the warm, soft flesh under his palms; the rough edges of her chapped lips and smooth moisture of her tongue against his; the smell of L'Occitane White Tea mixed with sweat and blood and disinfectant; the eager but gentle weight of her body as she leaned in closer.

Afterward, she rested her head on his shoulder and he closed his eyes. They stayed that way for several minutes, his cheek on her head and his arms around her, until she lifted her head and drew away. Then she disappeared into the stairwell.

He waited a good while before following. When he got to his car, he found a post-it note on the windshield: unsigned, with an address.

-----

Sometimes, Alex just wanted to shake her. When Addison was in full-blown World's-Greatest-Surgeon mode, lecturing him, acting like he was some idiot first-year intern who deserved only her scorn, he felt like screaming back that he knew her, knew her as a person outside the OR, and he could vouch for the fact that she wasn't, in fact, perfect. That she messed up sometimes. And that maybe, just maybe, it was possible she was wrong here too. Or he wanted to kiss her quiet.

But he resisted both urges. He was proud of himself, for that: he never made it personal. When they argued at work, he kept his protests professional, based on medicine alone. And finally, one day, it happened. She yelled at him, and he yelled back. Then she stopped yelling, looked at him carefully, and announced, "You're right. Let's do what you suggested."

He almost fell over in shock. The next time, it wasn't as big of a surprise. Pretty soon, he was used to it: he was becoming a World's-Greatest-Surgeon himself. It was a pleasant discovery. (For him. She had always known it would happen.)

-----

One evening, when he came out of the locker room, he found her waiting with a whispered command to meet her on the rooftop shortly.

The sun had already set, and the sky was orange-gray with the last moments of daylight. It was a warm, clear day by Seattle standards. He found her wedged between the wall and the curved metal side of a long wind tunnel. She'd picked the side without skyscrapers, where they could overlook the Sound and the city without fear of other spectators. Now that he could actually see the view beyond the building, he had to admit that this spot was lovely. But Addison wasn't interested in the view, today, and she tugged him (and his gaze) down towards her impatiently. Only then did he realize that she was sitting on a pile of stolen pillows and blankets.

He laughed. "You've got to be kidding."

She frowned at him, pushed him onto his back, and tugged at his clothing. Kisses. Shuffling. Hands on skin and under clothing. Alex was breathing hard when he rolled them over once more and found her looking up at him impishly.

"You know what? You were right. I was kidding. Back to work." She started to get up.

"Don't even think about it," he growled, pushing her back down and kissing her forcefully.

-----

Alex bought the grill as a surprise for her. Six months after that first night, Addison came home to find him in the backyard flipping marinated skirt steaks on the new barbecue. Her face broke into a broad grin as she snuck up behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle.

"You barbecue now," she marveled.

"I barbecue now."

"What brought this on?"

He shrugged, and handed her a plate to hold. When they were settled with their food on the porch, he made a random announcement: "I could play catch, too, you know."

"What?" Addison mumbled around a mouthful of meat.

"Just something Callie said, the other day. Made me think." He took a breath. "I could play catch with the kids, if you wanted them."

Her jaw dropped, and Alex found himself staring at a mouthful of half-masticated beef.

"Chew and swallow, Addie." She quickly closed her mouth. Swallowing hastily, she nearly choked and had to gulp down water before she could respond properly.

"Are you sure?" Her eyes were excited but cautious.

"Am I sure? I... well, no. But I think I want kids eventually, and I know that if I want them, I want them with you. So if you want them, and you want them now, I think I'm ready." Alex let out a breath and sat back. He looked slightly embarrassed as he turned his focus back to his food, trying to measure her reaction out of the corner of his eye.

I want them with you. Addison didn't give him time to get the fork to his mouth before she took his hand and kissed him. When she pulled back, her eyes were wet and she was smiling. Her hair caught the light of the porch lamp and he felt her fingers squeeze his and then he knew that he did want kids. It wasn't just about making her happy. He wanted them, too.

-----

And so, here they are. Getting ready to take the first step. Alex looks up when a pretty, dark-haired doctor enters the waiting room and walks up to them.

"Addison!" she calls out, with obvious satisfaction.

The redhead jumps to her feet. "Naomi!"

Addison's friend pulls her into a tight hug. Then she turns to inspect Alex.

"So this is the father-to-be? Well, well." She winks at Addison. "Not bad."

Addison beams. "I like to think I did alright."

"Alex Karev." He extends a hand. "It's a pleasure. Addison's said great things about you."

Naomi has heard things about him, too, but she refuses to divulge details. From the sly grin she shares with Addison, though, he suspects he doesn't really want to know.

"Well, I'd like to do some fertility tests first, just so we know where we stand. Then we can talk about options. Follow me, please, and we can get started on the blood work."

Addison smiles at him. "Ready?" she asks one last time.

They're going to have a baby. He and Addison. The two of them. A family. A future.

Alex nods. He laces his fingers through hers, and they follow Naomi to the exam room.

Everything's going to be just fine, he promises himself.

-----

End of story.

[Laughably emo title source, for the curious.]

exchange 2007

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