(Untitled)

[grey_damaskena]

Staring at my phone, which persists in not ringing. At my calendar, with its neat grid of empty squares. Skype is open on my computer, with a row of empty contacts. Gmail is open, and with it Gchat, but no one has sent me a message that way in . . . well. A while

Comments

[apis_cerana]

<3

[grey_damaskena]

m(_ _)m

[subsiding_leaf]

Maybe it's not going to go over well to comment on this, but I really feel what you're saying. I think you've put into words a lot of discontent I personally am feeling, with my grant-writing not going well and everything else. Which is ironic, since I'm one of the people who has not contacted you via gchat in a while. Part of it is because I'm not actually looking at the gchat list, often, but part of it is - I think I was waiting for people too.

I miss you and having conversations with you. I hope you will find a job soon. I hope things will get better.

[grey_damaskena]

You are always free to comment on anything I put up here, to your own heart's content. My sympathies on the grant writing, it sounds like an awful ordeal.

Waiting is always a problem, and . . . in my better moments I understand that a lack of contact on other people's part does not necessarily mean antipathy for my presence or person, merely inertia. And so I try to arrange things myself, make contact myself, because I can't control the behaviors of other people.

Things will get better, surely. I mean, they have to.

. . . of course the real problem is that I don't actually believe that. Things would be rather easier if I did. I can believe it for other people, but not for myself.

[cairnsy]

Come here. Seriously. I have a spare bed, and you are always welcome to it. I know New Zealand is on the other side of the world, but sometimes the other side of the world is the shock the system needs.

*hearts*

[grey_damaskena]

The other side of the world sounds brilliant. ::wistful:: It's incredibly kind of you to offer such a thing. If I could only allow myself, I would be there in a minute. Well, and a span of hours on the plane. Travel is one of those things that brings me great joy . . .

. . . and which I'm not allowed to do until I've solved the job problem. Actually, a lot of things that I enjoy fall under that particular category, which is no doubt a part of the problem these days.

But I do appreciate it, I really do. Especially when I know you've had some troubles of your own, these past few months. I hope you're pulling yourself through, and that they are improving somehow . . .

[lucifermourning]

i love seeing you. i'm sorry i haven't organised things - we kept meaning to come to Edinburgh this year, but totally failed (bought at house instead).

i know i don't call or message much, but i promise it's not you, it's me not using such things very often.

do you have a landline at all? i could call you more easily then...

but anyway, you are always welcome to stay with us. and i will try and manage to travel to you at some point in the new year. or perhaps you will come live in london.

[misspaulette]

Speaking of the other side of the world...

I've been pretty wrapped up in myself lately - the anemia, the lack of finances, & just... crap in general. I've not been a very good friend lately, to anyone. So don't you dare think it's your fault I've not contacted you.

I've been missing you so much. I'd love & come & visit. But my funds have taken a beating thanks to my falling ill. I am working again, but it's not enough. So once again I have to delay my trip, while my dear friend sits, halfway around the globe, lonely. And I am so sorry for that. (And actually, I didn't know you had skype - I'd totally be on it if I had).

So email me. Or I'll email you once I pull myself out of my funk. We'll chat about stupid things & help deal with each other's loneliness. Or at least try.

*hugs*