Comments | gregoria44: Blood Rising

gregoria44

Blood Rising - Part Thirty-Six

Feb 05, 2014 13:16

Title: Blood Rising (Part Thirty-Six)
Author: gregoria44
Rating: 15+ for language and concepts, this part
Word count: This part 4,090
Summary: Deeper down.

A/N: Same as Part One. All comments and concrit always welcome and actively encouraged. Special thanks to haldoor, rivers_bend, extra special thanks to ladywillin and everyone who's reading and commenting. If you have any trouble ( Read more... )

blood rising

Comments 6

ladywillin February 5 2014, 20:17:46 UTC

Excellent.

I giggled though. I thought the missing bit was going to be a little paragraph inserted in the text. Not a whole great chunk attached to the end!

I feel so relieved that it was easy to spot :)

But oh, what an angsty ending! All so beautifully conveyed as per.

Other bits I like: the comparison of the grocer's shop to Steve's Nan's church. In fact the whole description of the grocer's, including Derek himself is so very real.

And poor Tina, such an airhead but so easy to picture and 'know'.

This is probably my favourite bit of prose (out of so much good stuff):

On the main road, there was plenty of traffic going in and out of town, but the minute I turned down the alley by the Co-op there was a sense of things hidden and wrongly intentioned.

Such a unique way to describe the alley and Steve's fear.

I was really sad that Des gave Steve the t-shirt back. That was a real blow - to Steve ... and me!

gregoria44 February 5 2014, 23:30:17 UTC

I've missed that icon, so I'll forgive your giggling! You may be interested to know that I thought it was going to be a little inserted paragraph as well, THEN it all kicked off. Tsk.

Thank you. I am always happily put in mind of the Jackson Browne song 'Sing My Songs to Me', when people pick out particular bits of writing; it's so useful to know what works for others :)

Sorry about the shirt! Don't think either of them were that happy about the exchange.

melime2 February 5 2014, 22:42:03 UTC

It's easy to understand why Steve behaved like he did in the end of the party. He had been worried and then so angry and disapointed. When you are young you act before you are able to think.

“because I wasn’t given a choice.”

We still don't know what exactly happened to Des, but I am afreid, there are a lot of things to fixed up with Des. Maybe too big for our boys to do by themselves.

Thanks for letting us to be part of their journey. This was again an excellent chapter.

hugs

gregoria44 February 5 2014, 23:36:22 UTC

You're very, very welcome, and thank you. I'm sorry it's taken its time - events in autumn/winter and then Christmas didn't do speed any favours, but it's good to know it was worth the wait :)

(And I love that you describe them as 'our' boys - thank you.)

It was good, until you amped the BS to 11... beahmont July 30 2014, 16:25:33 UTC

So... Not to put too fine a point on it, but you're character's are believable at this point. There is a straight up definitional truism problem that you're dancing around having to acknowledge and are having a victim blame the victim of the original victim's BS and lies ( ... )

Re: It was good, until you amped the BS to 11... gregoria44 July 31 2014, 01:30:16 UTC

Hello,

I'm guessing you meant 'unbelievable' at the top there - and I'm sorry if having got this far you feel that way. Hopefully, if you do keep reading, I'll manage to pull it out of the fire after all.

Don't get me wrong, their both assholes at this point. But there just really is no way to not objectively believe that Des isn't the much bigger asshole...

Definitely no stretch of belief required there.

I'm not quite sure what a 'straight up definitional truism problem' is, but hopefully everything will make more sense for you at the end.