Brigits_Flame AugustWeek One

[greenwillow27]

Title: Cereisian
Words Count: 1443
Genre: Fantasy
Warnings: None
A/N: Going to try and write a continuity this month and do some world -building for a larger story I'm kicking around. Hopefully this first installment won't seem like too much of an info dump (but feel free to tell me if it does.)

Comments

[cynlee]

WEll.... interesting, in a good way. It only seemed a bit awkward to me when she launched into the background of how people used to have the ability to fight the dragons. The rest (like the brief background story regarding the guy) was just enough for that moment.

Corgis, eh? ;)

:D

[greenwillow27]

Yeah, that's where I thought it prolly became a bit much. Thank you fro reading and commenting on this! I'm sort of creating this alternate history world now and I'm not sure yet who all is going to inhabit it.
But *of course* there will be Corgis!

[greenwillow27]

Do you mean the page layout? It's LJ's; afraid I can't take any credit, alas. ;o)
I look forward to reading your comments- thank you!

[keppiehed]

I applaud you for the way you turned a potentially awkward prompt into something so natural. It flowed as if you'd planned it that way from the first, and we were off without a hint of a forced prompt ... a good way to start, and I hope to read more in the coming weeks!

[greenwillow27]

Oh I'm glad it didn't seem badly forced. A prompt that has to incorporate a long phrase like this one feels like a real challenge cuz it's probably not the way we might word it ourselves.
Thank you!

[silverflight8]

No, not info-dumping at all ;) There's lots of backstory, which is good to know - I like that there's the history behind it all, that mankind used to understand and have the tools to protect themselves, but now it's all been lost. The prompt fit beautifully in - it's a rather description-heavy bit, but it worked really well.

Mostly I'd just suggest you add more commas around - some sentences, like The weapons against the dragons concentrated and stored the fire of the sun in massive crystals whose power could then be directed at the beasts in the night. - are hard to understand at times because the sentence keeps going. Other than that, good luck this week!

[greenwillow27]

Ah, commas. Yes, thank you. I do tend to skip the little buggers too often.
I'm glad the back-story worked okay. I think if I knew I had multiple chapters (and if I knew at this point where I was going with it) I'd spread the background out a little more and work it in here and there.

Thank you for the feedback!

[a_selfish_meme]

Love it!!!

[greenwillow27]

Awesome- Thank you!