Firefly - Giselle Interlude: Five Times
Title: Five Times Kaylee Decided Jayne and River Needed To Be A Couple
Series: Giselle
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Beta-Reader: Thanks go to the amazing revdorothyl.
Character/Pairings: Kaylee/Simon, Jayne/River, Crew
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Series, BDM.
Notes: The first part of this story takes place before Chapter One of Giselle. The Second part takes place roughly after Chapter Two. The Third could happen any time after that as it's something Jayne and River have started doing ALL the time. The fourth part takes place just before Chapter Seven, and then, the Fifth part takes place during Chapter Seven (also known as the shopping chapter).
2) Also, the story River refers to in the first part is the Greek myth of Niobe, who, after her children were murdered by Apollo and Artemis, was turned to stone and continues to weep.
3) Most important note of all: Thomas Cobb as played by Dakota Blue Richards
Summary: What it says in the title. Of course, we could also go with: Kaylee is very good at leaping to conclusions. Or: Kaylee and Simon make the worst cutest spies ever.
Five Times Kaylee Decided Jayne and River Needed To Be A Couple
1. Everyone should be as happy
It takes Kaylee awhile to come down from the euphoria of finally being with Simon. She's never had to work so hard to catch a guy before and she really hopes that she won't ever have to again, because she's just so happy with Simon. Sure, there are moments when they fight, and that hurts real bad, but the moments in between more than make up for the occasional spat.
She'd like to say that Simon makes up for Mr. Universe's moon, but she doesn't.
Mostly because she can't.
Not when she sees how miserable Zoë is in the days following Wash's death. When they'd first found out about the baby, Kaylee had expected to see some more of the Zoë she'd once known, and she knew that Mal had too, but Zoë had just seemed to curl into herself more. It had been a bit of a wake-up call to remember that not everyone was as happy as Kaylee now.
Still, Mal and Inara finally drop their issues with one another and Kaylee stumbles upon them a couple of times, when they're just standing together, softly touching each other's skin and just smiling. They both seem just a little bit brighter now that they've stopped being stupid. But they both try and keep their public moments to a minimum, since Zoë stands around, acting as a bitter reminder that not everyone made it out and that there was no happy ending for her Wash.
River tells Kaylee that Zoë has become the rock that cries forever, and then tells her a real pretty story that ends with death, which is when it stops being so pretty and just gets disturbing. Yeah, the woman in the story shouldn't have boasted and compared herself to a goddess just because she’d had twelve kids all at once, but that didn't mean that those old classical (and why were they classical, anyway?) gods should have killed all of her twelve children.
"Love is a weapon," says River, bouncing the jacks ball and capturing a jack. "Will break anything and act as an agent of evil." When she sees Kaylee's confused look, River continues: "Would the twins of sun and moon have killed if they hadn't loved their mother, Leto, so?" She captures all the jacks and smiles to herself.
A week later, Zoë seems to have rounded some sort of bend and she begins to express a tentative interest in her baby. Around the same time, all the alcohol on board disappears. Jayne also starts to spend a lot more time around Zoë, always watching her. At first, Kaylee thinks that Jayne might be fixing his interest on Zoë, and she plans to have some words with him (or maybe tell Mal), but then she notices how Jayne always looks suspicious whenever he's around Zoë, as if he were waiting for her to make the wrong move.
She stumbles upon them once, speaking in the mess.
"I don't need to be babysat," Zoë says, her voice brittle.
Jayne continues to sharpen a long blade, which Kaylee recognizes as one of the Reaver weapons River had picked up back on Mr. Universe's moon. She shudders as she watches Jayne run his grinding stone along the edge. "Prove it," he says, before caressing the blade with his thumb.
It's then that River and Mal come into the mess after another flying lesson (that more often than not ended with the two of them arguing good-naturedly over Mal's lack of flying ability). Kaylee only has to take one look at Jayne's face when he sees River enter the room for the idea to plant itself in her head. Jayne's face hardens in a way that looks forced, and Kaylee can't help but think that it's as if he were trying to still hate River, when he really doesn't (she finds herself liking that theory).
River doesn't seem to notice. She just sits down beside Jayne, like she always does, and treats him with cool indifference, like she usually does now that Miranda had been exposed and she's regained some of her sanity.
Kaylee studies them, her idea still forming in her mind. They don't look like much of a couple, but then again... they were kind of cute.
That's how it starts.
2. Boys Her Own Age
River's a real sweet girl, for all that she can't talk properly and still has her bad days where all she does is talk in gibberish and refuse to be medicated by Simon (she hides on her bad days now and avoids the rest of the crew, except for Jayne, whom she's suddenly taken a habit of latching onto, despite the way he still insults her and makes fun of her all the time). So, it's really hard for Kaylee to watch River's clear disappointment whenever they're in a social setting with boys her own age who never spare her a passing glance.
It's not River's fault that she looks so unhealthy, with her pale little face and bony body. Or that she can't brush her hair. Inara had tried to fix up River's hair for her, but the girl had gotten upset that she couldn't brush her hair by herself, forcing Inara to stop. Kaylee's heart broke for River, who wanted so much just to do the sort of things that Kaylee did without thinking. Then there were her clothes, which at the best of times were ill-fitting. She'd gotten some real pretty clothes before, but River had insisted that Simon burn them after Miranda, as she didn't want anything the ghosts still clung to. Kaylee resolved to pick River up something real shiny, the next time they got enough cash for Kaylee to splurge a little (cash was getting thinner and thinner these days, since they'd turned legal. Kaylee had started doing extra repairs whenever they were docked in order to make just a little extra).
Right now, though, Kaylee just wants to shake the boy who was loudly laughing every time River attempted to talk. He's the mayor's son of this small, little, close-knit town on this dusty little moon, which he seems to think makes him king.
Kaylee wants to hurt him for the way he's mocking River's speech patterns and crowing to his friends about how awful she looks. River's hands are clutched into fists and she looks like she's about to cry, probably 'cause she can feel all the emotions of the people in that bar who are all laughing at her.
Beside Kaylee, Inara's lips are pressed tightly together. "If we didn't need this job...," she murmurs.
"Go on!" the boy crows. "Try an' say ‘I’ again!"
River's lip barely trembles and she furrows her brow in concentration.
She never does have to answer because the door is slammed open and in walks Jayne, who looks like he was either sexed within an inch of his life or just had a fight with a cougar. His shirt’s ripped and his arms and chest are bleeding from nail marks. He’s also wearing his ‘just sexed’ grin.
Ignoring Kaylee and Inara, he walks right up to the crowd of boys surrounding River, and holds out a small purse that clinks with the sound of coins to the mayor’s son. "Yer ma wanted me ta give ya the rest," he says, his accent over-emphasized and his voice loud enough that everyone can hear.
The bar is dead silent as the boy stares up at Jayne. Jayne tosses the money onto the counter. "Fine woman, yer ma," Jayne leers. "Real wildcat. Ain't a wonder yer rates are so high."
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about-” the boy stammers, his eyes wide.
Jayne winks. “’Course ya don’t.” He looks down at River. “Time to go, Crazy.”
River beams up at him, before dancing out the door. Jayne gives the boy one last appreciative nod, before following her, leaving the occupants of the bar to stare at the long, red welts on Jayne’s back.
“That man…,” Inara’s voice is filled with amusement. “It would seem,” she says as she helps Kaylee out of her chair, “that only he’s allowed to tease River.”
Kaylee shoots Inara a confused look. “What’d’ya mean, Inara?”
Inara leans in close and whispers into Kaylee’s ear, “Those scratches didn’t come from a woman’s nails.”
She hustles Kaylee outside just in time to see Jayne throw a giggling River onto the mule.
“Serpent’s tongue,” River calls Jayne, and Jayne smirks up at her.
“Don’t I know it.” Jayne turns to the other women and quickly helps them up onto the mule. “We should probably run ‘fore they find out there’s nothin’ in that purse ‘sides the nuts an’ bolts you wanted,” he says, and Kaylee belatedly remembers that Jayne had volunteered to work at the local blacksmith’s in return for some needed supplies, including nuts and bolts.
“It’s okay, we can git more next planet fall,” Kaylee offers.
“Uh,” Jayne says distracted. He holds up a metal nail with blood on the tip. “Think I probably need one of those whatchamacallit shots of the doc. I don’t think this is san-it-tar-ie.”
“Jayne!” Inara snatches the nail away from him. “You didn’t!”
Jayne shoots Inara a funny look as if she were the idiot and not him. “Yeah, I did.”
Kaylee misses the lecture Inara gives Jayne as she’s too mesmerized by the smile on River’s face as she stares at Jayne as if he were like one of those real shiny knights in shiny armour like in those fairy tales.
Only a matter of time now.
3. Time Standing Still
Jayne and River are standing, toe to toe, in the middle of the cargo bay. Both are breathing heavily from their recent sparring match, and Kaylee winces when she sees the dark bruises on both of their bodies.
Then, Jayne reaches out and caresses the back of River’s head. River moans and her eyes fall closed. Her small hands reach forward to grab Jayne’s free hand.
“How long’ve they been doin’ that?” Kaylee whispers, not wanting to ruin the moment.
“Ten minutes,” Simon says through gritted teeth.
4) Expensive Presents
“Inara,” Jayne says one night during a dinner he voluntarily cooked (and he’d even made some really fancy dishes that Inara had claimed reminded her of her childhood), “you’re a real classy lady.”
Just like that, dinner screeches to a halt. Zoë raises an eyebrow and then for some reason looks at the calendar, frowning in confusion. Simon’s jaw drops and his eyes bug out as he stares at Jayne, unmindful of the hot stew that slips from his suddenly relaxed spoon onto his lap. Kaylee accidentally bites her tongue. River takes advantage of the confusion to help herself to another spoonful of Jayne’s soup (she never does like eating off her own plate) and Jayne calmly swats at her. Mal looks like he wants to pump Jayne full of lead and his eye twitches.
As for Inara, she looks plain shocked. It seems to take every bit of her fancy Companion training to utter a faint ‘thank you’.
Jayne waves the thanks aside. “Need a favour.”
Mal sucks in an angry breath and reaches for his missing sidearm, which he’d left in Inara’s shuttle just before they came down to dinner.
“I don’t give the crew favours,” Inara says icily.
Jayne shoots her a look. “’Course ya don’t. Just the Captain, am I right?”
“Jayne…” Mal says in that ‘I’m gonna make ya cry for yer momma’ voice of his that he only ever uses when he’s really mad.
Jayne looks baffled. “What? Don’t she?” He whistles. “That explains a lot.”
Just as Mal is about to leap across the table and throttle Jayne, River giggles.
“Pulling tails,” she says and attempts to spear a piece of chicken in Jayne’s bowl of stew.
“Get yer own!” Jayne snaps, putting his hand on River’s forehead and pushing her back. River giggles harder and tries to wiggle around Jayne to get at his food.
“Doesn’t want her own! Wants his!” she crows.
“Behave,” Zoë says, crossing her arms and shooting Jayne a pointed look. Since Zoë became pregnant, Jayne’s suddenly learned how to behave himself -- at least, when Zoë remembers to remind him.
Jayne sighs and looks at Inara. “What’s a good birthday gift for a girl?”
Kaylee sucks in a breath as she realizes that River’s birthday is the next coming up. She bounces up and down in her seat and tries hard to think about various engine parts. It’s harder than usual.
“What is your… relationship with this girl?” Inara asks, and her eyes also flash to River before she looks at Jayne again.
Jayne glares at Inara, releasing his grip on River’s head. “Why you gotta know?” he demands, his voice gruff and just barely above a growl.
Inara swallows. “Is it an important birthday?” she tries instead.
Jayne nods, still watching Inara through narrowed eyes. “’Course. Birthday she becomes a woman.” There’s a look of pride in his face. “Got to be good. Money ain’t a problem,” he adds.
Inara offers several suggestions, all items a man would give his lover, and Jayne listens intently, occasionally nodding. River steals his bowl and helps herself with gusto.
Jayne ends up buying a shimmering, violet scarf of fine silk that Inara manages to get him for a cheap price through one of her former sister Companions. She presents him with it at the dinner table, which Kaylee thinks is a bit stupid of Inara, seeing as how River’s right there, and River even comments, saying: “She will treasure it always, for it is a reminder that she hasn’t been forgotten by her second even though he travels the stars unheeding of home’s call.”
Then, a month before River’s birthday, Jayne heads off-ship with the scarf hanging out of his pocket. Kaylee immediately grabs Simon and follows after him.
On the docks, there is a young girl of about sixteen with what looks like twin snakes branded around each of her forearms who sits on top of a water barrel. Her dark hair is braided into two long pigtails with plastic flowers on ribbons threaded through her locks, and she watches her swinging feet with deep interest, singing under her breath to herself.
“Yo, Firecracker!”
The girl’s head snaps up in wide-eyed surprise. As soon as she sees Jayne, she gives a shout and scrambles to her feet. Her smile is so wide it looks like her face might split right in two.
“Second!” She holds out her arms and leaps at Jayne.
Jayne swiftly catches her, laughing, and hoists her up into the air. The girl squeals and kicks her legs. He lowers her down, and Kaylee could have sworn he called her ‘Thomas’. The girl wraps her arms around Jayne’s neck and squeezes him tight, her eyes closed and her smile still present.
“She’s younger…,” says Simon, a look of disgust on his face as they watch the girl pluck the silk scarf out of Jayne’s pocket and then squeal with laughter as he tickles her.
Kaylee pouts in disappointment when she sees River’s scarf in the whore’s hands, ignoring the pure joy that shines through the young girl’s face as she welcomes home the man she will always see as her second father and celebrates her sixteenth birthday and her passage into womanhood with the rest of the Isis Family, who had all come together just for this day. It’s at that moment, seeing the girl dance with River’s scarf and Jayne’s soft look, when Kaylee decides that it’s high time for Jayne to wake up and smell the engine oil. He’s got a perfectly lovely girl in the form of River Tam, who’s practically perfect for him, considering that she’s practically a weapon and adores him.
Jayne could do worse (and has, if this young whore is any indication).
She grabs Simon by the hand and marches him back to Serenity, where she proceeds to kidnap Jayne’s whore shirt (making Simon stand watch), and cheerfully rip it up into long, narrow strips. She knows that Jayne will thank her, one day. Even if she has to weather his bad temper for a while, it will be worth it. And she will see him happily married to River if it’s the last matchmaking venture she pursues.
5. They’re Both Idiots; They Deserve Each Other
Kaylee had been having a perfectly shiny day with Simon, who’d made her breakfast in bed (the toast was burnt and the orange juice tasted funny, but Simon had been very considerate and remembered to bring along some meds to settle her upset stomach after she’d eaten everything), and then just walking up and down the catwalks hand in hand like they were one of those couples walking home from church.
Plus, her first attempt at shoving Jayne and River together and forcing them to realize that they were in love had been a success. She’d only just ripped Jayne’s shirt to shreds, and there he was -- off with River shopping. See? All they’d needed was a little push.
Then, to make it all the better, Simon and Kaylee stumbled on Jayne and River in a compromising position in the mess.
Kaylee does not bother trying to contain her squeal.
Simon had reacted predictably by acting like a big brother when he saw Jayne’s hands all caught up in River’s hair. Kaylee was really going to have to sit him down for a talk one of these days.
And then, it had all gone to hell. She’d suggested that Jayne take River on a date, and the big idiot decided that she meant he was supposed to take River to a whorehouse, and suddenly got really angry. Then, River had sung some song about matchmakers, causing Jayne to run out (remembering her earlier, less successful attempt that she was forever sorry for), which was followed by River throwing a fit and storming out of the room to scream that she hated Jayne’s gun, Vera (which didn’t make any sense, as if she hated anyone, shouldn’t it be Jayne’s whores?).
All in all, it results in Kaylee throwing in the towel.
“I give up! They’re never gonna end up together at this rate, the stupid… stupid people!”
Simon stares at his girlfriend, who he had the sneaking suspicion had just gone mad and wasn’t that just his luck? “Kaylee? Who are we talking about?”
Kaylee puts her hands on her hips and stares Simon down. Simon gulps, shaking his head frantically. “No.”
Kaylee nods her head. “Yes.”
“No…”
“Stop being a baby about it, bao bei!” Kaylee says, exasperated, “it’s not like they could be with anyone else, being a pair of idiots.”
“My sister’s a genius!” Simon rises to the defence and quails when he sees Kaylee’s look. “Couldn’t we just leave them to it and hope that they never clue in to what all the touching and looks are about?”
Kaylee gasps, indignant. “You knew!”
“Who doesn’t?” Simon demands. He tugs on his ear. “Except for them…”
Series: Giselle
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Beta-Reader: Thanks go to the amazing revdorothyl.
Character/Pairings: Kaylee/Simon, Jayne/River, Crew
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Series, BDM.
Notes: The first part of this story takes place before Chapter One of Giselle. The Second part takes place roughly after Chapter Two. The Third could happen any time after that as it's something Jayne and River have started doing ALL the time. The fourth part takes place just before Chapter Seven, and then, the Fifth part takes place during Chapter Seven (also known as the shopping chapter).
2) Also, the story River refers to in the first part is the Greek myth of Niobe, who, after her children were murdered by Apollo and Artemis, was turned to stone and continues to weep.
3) Most important note of all: Thomas Cobb as played by Dakota Blue Richards
Summary: What it says in the title. Of course, we could also go with: Kaylee is very good at leaping to conclusions. Or: Kaylee and Simon make the worst cutest spies ever.
Five Times Kaylee Decided Jayne and River Needed To Be A Couple
1. Everyone should be as happy
It takes Kaylee awhile to come down from the euphoria of finally being with Simon. She's never had to work so hard to catch a guy before and she really hopes that she won't ever have to again, because she's just so happy with Simon. Sure, there are moments when they fight, and that hurts real bad, but the moments in between more than make up for the occasional spat.
She'd like to say that Simon makes up for Mr. Universe's moon, but she doesn't.
Mostly because she can't.
Not when she sees how miserable Zoë is in the days following Wash's death. When they'd first found out about the baby, Kaylee had expected to see some more of the Zoë she'd once known, and she knew that Mal had too, but Zoë had just seemed to curl into herself more. It had been a bit of a wake-up call to remember that not everyone was as happy as Kaylee now.
Still, Mal and Inara finally drop their issues with one another and Kaylee stumbles upon them a couple of times, when they're just standing together, softly touching each other's skin and just smiling. They both seem just a little bit brighter now that they've stopped being stupid. But they both try and keep their public moments to a minimum, since Zoë stands around, acting as a bitter reminder that not everyone made it out and that there was no happy ending for her Wash.
River tells Kaylee that Zoë has become the rock that cries forever, and then tells her a real pretty story that ends with death, which is when it stops being so pretty and just gets disturbing. Yeah, the woman in the story shouldn't have boasted and compared herself to a goddess just because she’d had twelve kids all at once, but that didn't mean that those old classical (and why were they classical, anyway?) gods should have killed all of her twelve children.
"Love is a weapon," says River, bouncing the jacks ball and capturing a jack. "Will break anything and act as an agent of evil." When she sees Kaylee's confused look, River continues: "Would the twins of sun and moon have killed if they hadn't loved their mother, Leto, so?" She captures all the jacks and smiles to herself.
A week later, Zoë seems to have rounded some sort of bend and she begins to express a tentative interest in her baby. Around the same time, all the alcohol on board disappears. Jayne also starts to spend a lot more time around Zoë, always watching her. At first, Kaylee thinks that Jayne might be fixing his interest on Zoë, and she plans to have some words with him (or maybe tell Mal), but then she notices how Jayne always looks suspicious whenever he's around Zoë, as if he were waiting for her to make the wrong move.
She stumbles upon them once, speaking in the mess.
"I don't need to be babysat," Zoë says, her voice brittle.
Jayne continues to sharpen a long blade, which Kaylee recognizes as one of the Reaver weapons River had picked up back on Mr. Universe's moon. She shudders as she watches Jayne run his grinding stone along the edge. "Prove it," he says, before caressing the blade with his thumb.
It's then that River and Mal come into the mess after another flying lesson (that more often than not ended with the two of them arguing good-naturedly over Mal's lack of flying ability). Kaylee only has to take one look at Jayne's face when he sees River enter the room for the idea to plant itself in her head. Jayne's face hardens in a way that looks forced, and Kaylee can't help but think that it's as if he were trying to still hate River, when he really doesn't (she finds herself liking that theory).
River doesn't seem to notice. She just sits down beside Jayne, like she always does, and treats him with cool indifference, like she usually does now that Miranda had been exposed and she's regained some of her sanity.
Kaylee studies them, her idea still forming in her mind. They don't look like much of a couple, but then again... they were kind of cute.
That's how it starts.
2. Boys Her Own Age
River's a real sweet girl, for all that she can't talk properly and still has her bad days where all she does is talk in gibberish and refuse to be medicated by Simon (she hides on her bad days now and avoids the rest of the crew, except for Jayne, whom she's suddenly taken a habit of latching onto, despite the way he still insults her and makes fun of her all the time). So, it's really hard for Kaylee to watch River's clear disappointment whenever they're in a social setting with boys her own age who never spare her a passing glance.
It's not River's fault that she looks so unhealthy, with her pale little face and bony body. Or that she can't brush her hair. Inara had tried to fix up River's hair for her, but the girl had gotten upset that she couldn't brush her hair by herself, forcing Inara to stop. Kaylee's heart broke for River, who wanted so much just to do the sort of things that Kaylee did without thinking. Then there were her clothes, which at the best of times were ill-fitting. She'd gotten some real pretty clothes before, but River had insisted that Simon burn them after Miranda, as she didn't want anything the ghosts still clung to. Kaylee resolved to pick River up something real shiny, the next time they got enough cash for Kaylee to splurge a little (cash was getting thinner and thinner these days, since they'd turned legal. Kaylee had started doing extra repairs whenever they were docked in order to make just a little extra).
Right now, though, Kaylee just wants to shake the boy who was loudly laughing every time River attempted to talk. He's the mayor's son of this small, little, close-knit town on this dusty little moon, which he seems to think makes him king.
Kaylee wants to hurt him for the way he's mocking River's speech patterns and crowing to his friends about how awful she looks. River's hands are clutched into fists and she looks like she's about to cry, probably 'cause she can feel all the emotions of the people in that bar who are all laughing at her.
Beside Kaylee, Inara's lips are pressed tightly together. "If we didn't need this job...," she murmurs.
"Go on!" the boy crows. "Try an' say ‘I’ again!"
River's lip barely trembles and she furrows her brow in concentration.
She never does have to answer because the door is slammed open and in walks Jayne, who looks like he was either sexed within an inch of his life or just had a fight with a cougar. His shirt’s ripped and his arms and chest are bleeding from nail marks. He’s also wearing his ‘just sexed’ grin.
Ignoring Kaylee and Inara, he walks right up to the crowd of boys surrounding River, and holds out a small purse that clinks with the sound of coins to the mayor’s son. "Yer ma wanted me ta give ya the rest," he says, his accent over-emphasized and his voice loud enough that everyone can hear.
The bar is dead silent as the boy stares up at Jayne. Jayne tosses the money onto the counter. "Fine woman, yer ma," Jayne leers. "Real wildcat. Ain't a wonder yer rates are so high."
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about-” the boy stammers, his eyes wide.
Jayne winks. “’Course ya don’t.” He looks down at River. “Time to go, Crazy.”
River beams up at him, before dancing out the door. Jayne gives the boy one last appreciative nod, before following her, leaving the occupants of the bar to stare at the long, red welts on Jayne’s back.
“That man…,” Inara’s voice is filled with amusement. “It would seem,” she says as she helps Kaylee out of her chair, “that only he’s allowed to tease River.”
Kaylee shoots Inara a confused look. “What’d’ya mean, Inara?”
Inara leans in close and whispers into Kaylee’s ear, “Those scratches didn’t come from a woman’s nails.”
She hustles Kaylee outside just in time to see Jayne throw a giggling River onto the mule.
“Serpent’s tongue,” River calls Jayne, and Jayne smirks up at her.
“Don’t I know it.” Jayne turns to the other women and quickly helps them up onto the mule. “We should probably run ‘fore they find out there’s nothin’ in that purse ‘sides the nuts an’ bolts you wanted,” he says, and Kaylee belatedly remembers that Jayne had volunteered to work at the local blacksmith’s in return for some needed supplies, including nuts and bolts.
“It’s okay, we can git more next planet fall,” Kaylee offers.
“Uh,” Jayne says distracted. He holds up a metal nail with blood on the tip. “Think I probably need one of those whatchamacallit shots of the doc. I don’t think this is san-it-tar-ie.”
“Jayne!” Inara snatches the nail away from him. “You didn’t!”
Jayne shoots Inara a funny look as if she were the idiot and not him. “Yeah, I did.”
Kaylee misses the lecture Inara gives Jayne as she’s too mesmerized by the smile on River’s face as she stares at Jayne as if he were like one of those real shiny knights in shiny armour like in those fairy tales.
Only a matter of time now.
3. Time Standing Still
Jayne and River are standing, toe to toe, in the middle of the cargo bay. Both are breathing heavily from their recent sparring match, and Kaylee winces when she sees the dark bruises on both of their bodies.
Then, Jayne reaches out and caresses the back of River’s head. River moans and her eyes fall closed. Her small hands reach forward to grab Jayne’s free hand.
“How long’ve they been doin’ that?” Kaylee whispers, not wanting to ruin the moment.
“Ten minutes,” Simon says through gritted teeth.
4) Expensive Presents
“Inara,” Jayne says one night during a dinner he voluntarily cooked (and he’d even made some really fancy dishes that Inara had claimed reminded her of her childhood), “you’re a real classy lady.”
Just like that, dinner screeches to a halt. Zoë raises an eyebrow and then for some reason looks at the calendar, frowning in confusion. Simon’s jaw drops and his eyes bug out as he stares at Jayne, unmindful of the hot stew that slips from his suddenly relaxed spoon onto his lap. Kaylee accidentally bites her tongue. River takes advantage of the confusion to help herself to another spoonful of Jayne’s soup (she never does like eating off her own plate) and Jayne calmly swats at her. Mal looks like he wants to pump Jayne full of lead and his eye twitches.
As for Inara, she looks plain shocked. It seems to take every bit of her fancy Companion training to utter a faint ‘thank you’.
Jayne waves the thanks aside. “Need a favour.”
Mal sucks in an angry breath and reaches for his missing sidearm, which he’d left in Inara’s shuttle just before they came down to dinner.
“I don’t give the crew favours,” Inara says icily.
Jayne shoots her a look. “’Course ya don’t. Just the Captain, am I right?”
“Jayne…” Mal says in that ‘I’m gonna make ya cry for yer momma’ voice of his that he only ever uses when he’s really mad.
Jayne looks baffled. “What? Don’t she?” He whistles. “That explains a lot.”
Just as Mal is about to leap across the table and throttle Jayne, River giggles.
“Pulling tails,” she says and attempts to spear a piece of chicken in Jayne’s bowl of stew.
“Get yer own!” Jayne snaps, putting his hand on River’s forehead and pushing her back. River giggles harder and tries to wiggle around Jayne to get at his food.
“Doesn’t want her own! Wants his!” she crows.
“Behave,” Zoë says, crossing her arms and shooting Jayne a pointed look. Since Zoë became pregnant, Jayne’s suddenly learned how to behave himself -- at least, when Zoë remembers to remind him.
Jayne sighs and looks at Inara. “What’s a good birthday gift for a girl?”
Kaylee sucks in a breath as she realizes that River’s birthday is the next coming up. She bounces up and down in her seat and tries hard to think about various engine parts. It’s harder than usual.
“What is your… relationship with this girl?” Inara asks, and her eyes also flash to River before she looks at Jayne again.
Jayne glares at Inara, releasing his grip on River’s head. “Why you gotta know?” he demands, his voice gruff and just barely above a growl.
Inara swallows. “Is it an important birthday?” she tries instead.
Jayne nods, still watching Inara through narrowed eyes. “’Course. Birthday she becomes a woman.” There’s a look of pride in his face. “Got to be good. Money ain’t a problem,” he adds.
Inara offers several suggestions, all items a man would give his lover, and Jayne listens intently, occasionally nodding. River steals his bowl and helps herself with gusto.
Jayne ends up buying a shimmering, violet scarf of fine silk that Inara manages to get him for a cheap price through one of her former sister Companions. She presents him with it at the dinner table, which Kaylee thinks is a bit stupid of Inara, seeing as how River’s right there, and River even comments, saying: “She will treasure it always, for it is a reminder that she hasn’t been forgotten by her second even though he travels the stars unheeding of home’s call.”
Then, a month before River’s birthday, Jayne heads off-ship with the scarf hanging out of his pocket. Kaylee immediately grabs Simon and follows after him.
On the docks, there is a young girl of about sixteen with what looks like twin snakes branded around each of her forearms who sits on top of a water barrel. Her dark hair is braided into two long pigtails with plastic flowers on ribbons threaded through her locks, and she watches her swinging feet with deep interest, singing under her breath to herself.
“Yo, Firecracker!”
The girl’s head snaps up in wide-eyed surprise. As soon as she sees Jayne, she gives a shout and scrambles to her feet. Her smile is so wide it looks like her face might split right in two.
“Second!” She holds out her arms and leaps at Jayne.
Jayne swiftly catches her, laughing, and hoists her up into the air. The girl squeals and kicks her legs. He lowers her down, and Kaylee could have sworn he called her ‘Thomas’. The girl wraps her arms around Jayne’s neck and squeezes him tight, her eyes closed and her smile still present.
“She’s younger…,” says Simon, a look of disgust on his face as they watch the girl pluck the silk scarf out of Jayne’s pocket and then squeal with laughter as he tickles her.
Kaylee pouts in disappointment when she sees River’s scarf in the whore’s hands, ignoring the pure joy that shines through the young girl’s face as she welcomes home the man she will always see as her second father and celebrates her sixteenth birthday and her passage into womanhood with the rest of the Isis Family, who had all come together just for this day. It’s at that moment, seeing the girl dance with River’s scarf and Jayne’s soft look, when Kaylee decides that it’s high time for Jayne to wake up and smell the engine oil. He’s got a perfectly lovely girl in the form of River Tam, who’s practically perfect for him, considering that she’s practically a weapon and adores him.
Jayne could do worse (and has, if this young whore is any indication).
She grabs Simon by the hand and marches him back to Serenity, where she proceeds to kidnap Jayne’s whore shirt (making Simon stand watch), and cheerfully rip it up into long, narrow strips. She knows that Jayne will thank her, one day. Even if she has to weather his bad temper for a while, it will be worth it. And she will see him happily married to River if it’s the last matchmaking venture she pursues.
5. They’re Both Idiots; They Deserve Each Other
Kaylee had been having a perfectly shiny day with Simon, who’d made her breakfast in bed (the toast was burnt and the orange juice tasted funny, but Simon had been very considerate and remembered to bring along some meds to settle her upset stomach after she’d eaten everything), and then just walking up and down the catwalks hand in hand like they were one of those couples walking home from church.
Plus, her first attempt at shoving Jayne and River together and forcing them to realize that they were in love had been a success. She’d only just ripped Jayne’s shirt to shreds, and there he was -- off with River shopping. See? All they’d needed was a little push.
Then, to make it all the better, Simon and Kaylee stumbled on Jayne and River in a compromising position in the mess.
Kaylee does not bother trying to contain her squeal.
Simon had reacted predictably by acting like a big brother when he saw Jayne’s hands all caught up in River’s hair. Kaylee was really going to have to sit him down for a talk one of these days.
And then, it had all gone to hell. She’d suggested that Jayne take River on a date, and the big idiot decided that she meant he was supposed to take River to a whorehouse, and suddenly got really angry. Then, River had sung some song about matchmakers, causing Jayne to run out (remembering her earlier, less successful attempt that she was forever sorry for), which was followed by River throwing a fit and storming out of the room to scream that she hated Jayne’s gun, Vera (which didn’t make any sense, as if she hated anyone, shouldn’t it be Jayne’s whores?).
All in all, it results in Kaylee throwing in the towel.
“I give up! They’re never gonna end up together at this rate, the stupid… stupid people!”
Simon stares at his girlfriend, who he had the sneaking suspicion had just gone mad and wasn’t that just his luck? “Kaylee? Who are we talking about?”
Kaylee puts her hands on her hips and stares Simon down. Simon gulps, shaking his head frantically. “No.”
Kaylee nods her head. “Yes.”
“No…”
“Stop being a baby about it, bao bei!” Kaylee says, exasperated, “it’s not like they could be with anyone else, being a pair of idiots.”
“My sister’s a genius!” Simon rises to the defence and quails when he sees Kaylee’s look. “Couldn’t we just leave them to it and hope that they never clue in to what all the touching and looks are about?”
Kaylee gasps, indignant. “You knew!”
“Who doesn’t?” Simon demands. He tugs on his ear. “Except for them…”