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[greatlightother]

[Sveta’s smoking a cigarette on deck. Mostly out of habit, rather than necessity. She’s utterly calm and deadpan when she speaks- something that anyone who knows her might see as very, very out of character.]Petronilla is gone. Her room has returned to barge normal. She gave no warning and I didn’t actually see her in the port, so I’m not certain

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[greatlightother]

When...when I was in Moscow, before the Watch found me, there was the curse. The one I'm sure everyone knows about by now. And the reason that it started was because I hated myself more than anything else. I hated myself so much that it almost destroyed an entire city. The only person I can hate is myself. Because everything that happens to me? That's something I've done. I can't change people. But I can change the way I react.

And I hate that I can't react better.

I just want to be done with all of this. [She looked up to him with tears streaking down her cheeks.] I thought that I was. For a day, I was finished with everything in the only way I could be. [And, for her, it had been the ultimate sacrifice to make. To kill the part of her that made her...Sveta. Because that woman wasn't her. It was someone else. Sveta had been dead. She had killed herself in order to make everything better. But death, even that sort of death, didn't last on the barge.]

[greatlightother]

[His request actually made her cry more, but she buried her face in her knees, shoulders trembling. When she was sure of her voice, though, she spoke.]

I know that. I...what am I supposed to do? [Looking up to him, she felt no fear. For the first time, she was absolutely unafraid of him.] No one has the answers. No one can help me.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

[greatlightother]

I want to go. [She took a deep breath in and let her legs relax as she reached over to pull over the necklace she had dropped.] I want to leave. [The TARDIS key seemed heavy in her palm and while that wasn't the escape she really was expecting, it was something different. It was a way out.

But no. Escape wasn't the right thing to do. She couldn't escape any of this. If she left, these problems would still be here. She would have to come back to them.

Unless she didn't come back at all.]

[greatlightother]

Of course it won't. [She ran her thumb across the dog tags and then threw them across the room, her burst of energy leading her to reach out and hit him again.] You're not helping. None of this is helping. I'm fucking stuck. I can't...get out. I can't breathe. I can't do anything.

Because Una was right. [She whispered that.] Una was right. I'm here because I care and I keep getting hurt because I care. And I'll be here forever because of that.

[greatlightother]

[She shook her head.] No. My powers aren't supposed to be for that. [She looked up to him, frowning as he put a hand on his cheek.]

I'm sorry. [She really wasn't, but she had gotten used to not controlling her own emotions because they weren't there to control. She was impulsive, angry, hurt, upset and wanted to do nothing more than sleep for the next three days.]

[greatlightother]

What do you know about magic? [She shrank back away from him again and shook her head.] I'm not going to do it. Not to you and not in general.

You can't lie that away.

[greatlightother]

[She cried softly again, shaking her head.] No. Because I will just hate myself more later. [She looked up to him.] I'm just...tired. I'm tired of everything.