[Bleach] -final battle-

[grass_angel]

It's been so long since I posted fic~... Oh well... BTW if you've only recently friended me (as in in the last three months or so) I tend to post fic, and then flood the communities a couple of days after. Just giving you the heads up

Title: -final battle-

Series: Bleach
Character/Pairing: General (implied IchiRuki, IshiHime)
Rating: PG-13 (for the

Comments

[bearlyhapnin]

Nice. The odd formatting really works with this story. Makes it nice and choppy. ^_^ Normally I wouldn't think of choppy as a good thing, but it feels right for this one.

Makes me curious enough to want to read the parent fic... is it still in progress?

[grass_angel]

Glad that the choppiness and formatting worked for you then.

The parent fic has been finished, but is currently being edited. However, since it was for Debbie-chan's IshiHime fic contest, it had to be published in time for the deadline, so the non-edited version is up here: http://grass-angel.livejournal.com/62048.html#cutid1

[bearlyhapnin]

Ok. ^_^ I'll check it out!

[keiji_miashin]

Oh dear, I'm glad I read your other fic before this one. If I'd seen this one first I would not have gone on to the other.

To me the choppyness didn't work. I found the lowercase, dashes, and centered dots (I don't even know what they're called) very distracting. I think the choppyness would have worked very well if you'd just kept within standard grammar forms and just had regular choppy paragraphs.

Aside from format though, it IS a good fic. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but there is certainly some poetic genius in the rough here. And you do show some talent at setting up scene and mood.

The fic feels rushed, understandably considering your reply to the previous commentor, and the choppyness bothersome. But the concept and idea are good. Maybe you can rewrite it later on and polish it up some more?

[grass_angel]

The centred dots are called middle dots.

Thanks for telling me the formatting didn't work for you. Honestly, I don't think I like working with that kind of formatting, as it's terribly hard to work without normal punctuation.
I am a bit ambivalent towards the idea of rewriting, partly because I don't think add much more content to it and because editing breaks my brain into little pieces which are extremely hard to pick up. Rewriting it is an idea I might pick up on sometime, regardless of the brain-breakage.

[p_sky]

Nice~ I like the format. Kinda reflects the chaos in a battle, where thoughts are not quite complete or detailed.