Un-Natural
Title: Un-Natural
Team: The Order of the Phoenix
Rating: PG
Challenge: Hate is so natural to me
Characters: Severus/Hermione
Word Count: 100 (x4)
A/N: Because droxy told me, “Keep writing dammit.”
Hate is so natural to me, imbibed with my mother’s milk soured already by her unhappy marriage. I can’t recall a smile from her that didn’t tremble, as if any soft emotion would bring down Tobias’ wrath. I was an Acceptable hater before Hogwarts. The Marauders created a hate in me that Exceeded Expectations and becoming a Death Eater made me an Outstanding hater. The hardest part of Occlumency for me was banking that emotion down, burying it in ash that Voldemort couldn’t read. Albus perversely found hope in my hate because it burned so. Evil, he said, is cold.
So understand, hating you at first sight was natural to me. You were, after all, a Gryffindor, a Muggle-born and as such a safe object for my spleen. After seeing the uncanny resemblance Potter had to his father, I’d begun casting in my mind for the other parts. Ronald Weasley did nicely as Black. I saw the same kind of malice in Weasley’s eyes as I limped past him your first year sporting injuries inflicted from my attempts to protect you all. Longbottom I placed as Pettigrew from the first exploding cauldron. And then you became part of the trio.
That seeming diffidence to authority, that unGryffindor thirst for learning. Oh, yes, a different kind of monthly affliction, perhaps, but I slotted you right in as Lupin. No, I know it doesn’t all fit now. Potter is not a glory hound. Weasley no wealthy aristocrat. Longbottom no weak traitor. And you? Lupin would have never made the choice you did, to defend me even though it meant losing your friends. I wonder sometimes if I’m only a substitute for them, if you’ve placed your trust, even love and passion in me because it had no other place it could go.
So, now I’m going to force myself to do the un-natural. To go to Potter and Weasley and make peace, or at least allow them to vent their rage until it burns out. Maybe then they can forgive you. If I can do this, if I can let go of hate, maybe I won’t be the deeply horrible man my father was. Maybe I could keep you. I hope that Albus is right that I can sustain love as strongly as hate. The only thing left after doing the unforgivable that would truly damn me forever is to hurt you.
Team: The Order of the Phoenix
Rating: PG
Challenge: Hate is so natural to me
Characters: Severus/Hermione
Word Count: 100 (x4)
A/N: Because droxy told me, “Keep writing dammit.”
Hate is so natural to me, imbibed with my mother’s milk soured already by her unhappy marriage. I can’t recall a smile from her that didn’t tremble, as if any soft emotion would bring down Tobias’ wrath. I was an Acceptable hater before Hogwarts. The Marauders created a hate in me that Exceeded Expectations and becoming a Death Eater made me an Outstanding hater. The hardest part of Occlumency for me was banking that emotion down, burying it in ash that Voldemort couldn’t read. Albus perversely found hope in my hate because it burned so. Evil, he said, is cold.
So understand, hating you at first sight was natural to me. You were, after all, a Gryffindor, a Muggle-born and as such a safe object for my spleen. After seeing the uncanny resemblance Potter had to his father, I’d begun casting in my mind for the other parts. Ronald Weasley did nicely as Black. I saw the same kind of malice in Weasley’s eyes as I limped past him your first year sporting injuries inflicted from my attempts to protect you all. Longbottom I placed as Pettigrew from the first exploding cauldron. And then you became part of the trio.
That seeming diffidence to authority, that unGryffindor thirst for learning. Oh, yes, a different kind of monthly affliction, perhaps, but I slotted you right in as Lupin. No, I know it doesn’t all fit now. Potter is not a glory hound. Weasley no wealthy aristocrat. Longbottom no weak traitor. And you? Lupin would have never made the choice you did, to defend me even though it meant losing your friends. I wonder sometimes if I’m only a substitute for them, if you’ve placed your trust, even love and passion in me because it had no other place it could go.
So, now I’m going to force myself to do the un-natural. To go to Potter and Weasley and make peace, or at least allow them to vent their rage until it burns out. Maybe then they can forgive you. If I can do this, if I can let go of hate, maybe I won’t be the deeply horrible man my father was. Maybe I could keep you. I hope that Albus is right that I can sustain love as strongly as hate. The only thing left after doing the unforgivable that would truly damn me forever is to hurt you.