igrab
in
grabi_hands
Only One Leads to You ☵ Percy/Nico
title. Only One Leads to You
pairing. Percy/Nico, references to a whole bunch of Percy/other possibilities.
fandom. PJO
wordcount. 965
notes. no tlh spoilers. title is from vast's 'three doors', though there are more doors than that involved.
Behind Door Number One is the boy who could have been perfect.
You loved him because he protected you badly, and you loved him because he needed you in a terrible, desperate way, and he tried so hard to be the same for you. He was your best friend and you loved him. But he drifted away on the wind, and you think you wish he cared enough to stay - but you know, too, that it's a two-way street and you let him go. The worst part is how you wonder if, just maybe, he was thinking the same thing, wishing the same wish. But he's gone, now. You'll never know. You move on.
Behind Door Number Two is the girl you wish you could have loved.
There were times when you caught yourself thinking it, that she could be yours and vice versa. But when it happened, it all went wrong somehow, and all the things you admired in her got twisted and you always knew she was selfish, but you thought you liked that about her. You thought you could help her, you thought you could be everything she wanted. But then you realized, she doesn't know what she wants. She won't let anyone help her. She won't let you in. She needs something but you can't seem to give it to her, no matter how hard you try. You move on.
Behind Door Number Three is the girl who made it easy.
She is wonderful in that quiet, understated way, and you remember how it felt to be with her - simple, free, and calm, like palm fronds swaying in a gentle ocean breeze. You know you could have stayed with her forever, gladly. She was so easy to be with. She was so easy to love. But she shook her head and sent you on your way, saying "The best things in life are never easy." You move on.
Behind Door Number Four is the boy you hated loving.
We all have one of those. He made you feel sick, because you trusted him and he used you, but the worst was knowing he still could. You didn't want to believe he could be saved. You didn't want to believe he could change, because that meant you could love him again. But the truth is - you never stopped, did you? And you can't help but wonder, if you'd made your move sooner, if it would have made a difference. But he's gone now. For good. The door is closed. You move on.
Behind Door Number Five is the girl that got away, but not too far.
This is the girl that burns into your brain like white-hot bleached sunlight, who soaked you with the color red. She came into your life and you fell for her like a force of gravity, because she was on fire, she sparkled, she outpaced and outsmarted and outloved you. She overflowed and you weren't enough for her and she'd already known that, right from the start. But she tried anyway. Because she loved you more. And you'll keep her as close as you dare, because you can't live without her and can't live for her, because the thought of her needing you is laughable.
Need. You've forgotten about need. You remember the boy who could have been perfect and your heart hurts, because it's terrible, how you miss the way he needed you. But you keep on loving these people who are bigger than you, full of grander notions and higher natures, and you don't know where this hallway is supposed to lead. You move on.
Behind Door Number Six is the boy you love.
You realize you've met him before. You met him back between doors number two and three, while you were still looking back at door one and trying to understand door two and before door three made you forget everything. He was nothing but a bystander in the hallway that you passed by, unthinking, but now you see it from the bystander's perspective, and the shadow you cast as you walk through the hall is immense. It swallows him up and you're all he knows, for him there is no doors, there is a hallway, with a girl at one end and you at the other and the girl is long gone now. You are all he has. He followed you here, he made his door and opened it in your face to make sure you got the message. He tracked you down. He won't let you leave until you hear him out. He needs you.
And you think of door number one and how he needed you because he was pathetic, about door number two and how she wanted to need you but really needed to know herself instead. You think about three and five, and how they both seemed to know this day would come. You think about door four and the road not taken. You think about him.
He latches into your mind like a dark-hued afterimage or open-eyed phosphenes. His darkness is radiant, you drink it in, but he doesn't overflow - just gives and gives and it never ends. He feeds you, and he needs you, and you shut the door on his hallway and turn it into a little black box room of your own devising. You love him. You realize that now, and whether you loved him all this time is irrelevant, because the past is in the hallway behind those doors and you're here now. The door is locked. You're home.
pairing. Percy/Nico, references to a whole bunch of Percy/other possibilities.
fandom. PJO
wordcount. 965
notes. no tlh spoilers. title is from vast's 'three doors', though there are more doors than that involved.
Behind Door Number One is the boy who could have been perfect.
You loved him because he protected you badly, and you loved him because he needed you in a terrible, desperate way, and he tried so hard to be the same for you. He was your best friend and you loved him. But he drifted away on the wind, and you think you wish he cared enough to stay - but you know, too, that it's a two-way street and you let him go. The worst part is how you wonder if, just maybe, he was thinking the same thing, wishing the same wish. But he's gone, now. You'll never know. You move on.
Behind Door Number Two is the girl you wish you could have loved.
There were times when you caught yourself thinking it, that she could be yours and vice versa. But when it happened, it all went wrong somehow, and all the things you admired in her got twisted and you always knew she was selfish, but you thought you liked that about her. You thought you could help her, you thought you could be everything she wanted. But then you realized, she doesn't know what she wants. She won't let anyone help her. She won't let you in. She needs something but you can't seem to give it to her, no matter how hard you try. You move on.
Behind Door Number Three is the girl who made it easy.
She is wonderful in that quiet, understated way, and you remember how it felt to be with her - simple, free, and calm, like palm fronds swaying in a gentle ocean breeze. You know you could have stayed with her forever, gladly. She was so easy to be with. She was so easy to love. But she shook her head and sent you on your way, saying "The best things in life are never easy." You move on.
Behind Door Number Four is the boy you hated loving.
We all have one of those. He made you feel sick, because you trusted him and he used you, but the worst was knowing he still could. You didn't want to believe he could be saved. You didn't want to believe he could change, because that meant you could love him again. But the truth is - you never stopped, did you? And you can't help but wonder, if you'd made your move sooner, if it would have made a difference. But he's gone now. For good. The door is closed. You move on.
Behind Door Number Five is the girl that got away, but not too far.
This is the girl that burns into your brain like white-hot bleached sunlight, who soaked you with the color red. She came into your life and you fell for her like a force of gravity, because she was on fire, she sparkled, she outpaced and outsmarted and outloved you. She overflowed and you weren't enough for her and she'd already known that, right from the start. But she tried anyway. Because she loved you more. And you'll keep her as close as you dare, because you can't live without her and can't live for her, because the thought of her needing you is laughable.
Need. You've forgotten about need. You remember the boy who could have been perfect and your heart hurts, because it's terrible, how you miss the way he needed you. But you keep on loving these people who are bigger than you, full of grander notions and higher natures, and you don't know where this hallway is supposed to lead. You move on.
Behind Door Number Six is the boy you love.
You realize you've met him before. You met him back between doors number two and three, while you were still looking back at door one and trying to understand door two and before door three made you forget everything. He was nothing but a bystander in the hallway that you passed by, unthinking, but now you see it from the bystander's perspective, and the shadow you cast as you walk through the hall is immense. It swallows him up and you're all he knows, for him there is no doors, there is a hallway, with a girl at one end and you at the other and the girl is long gone now. You are all he has. He followed you here, he made his door and opened it in your face to make sure you got the message. He tracked you down. He won't let you leave until you hear him out. He needs you.
And you think of door number one and how he needed you because he was pathetic, about door number two and how she wanted to need you but really needed to know herself instead. You think about three and five, and how they both seemed to know this day would come. You think about door four and the road not taken. You think about him.
He latches into your mind like a dark-hued afterimage or open-eyed phosphenes. His darkness is radiant, you drink it in, but he doesn't overflow - just gives and gives and it never ends. He feeds you, and he needs you, and you shut the door on his hallway and turn it into a little black box room of your own devising. You love him. You realize that now, and whether you loved him all this time is irrelevant, because the past is in the hallway behind those doors and you're here now. The door is locked. You're home.