time to say goodbye | percy/nico

[igrab]

He didn't know why he was here.

He knew why but it was the here that was a mystery, but why not here? It was as good as anywhere else. They'd searched all the likely spots. They'd searched all the unlikely. They were searching everywhere.

Nico sat down hard on a broken piece of a column and buried his face in his hands. Fuck. This wasn't like being told his sister was dead; it was so much worse than that, because he didn't know. Where was he? What happened? He could ask these questions over and over and nothing, no good would come of it.

Some of them had already stopped searching. Some had stopped caring. Never, Nico thought. He would never, ever stop caring. His chest felt hollow, he ached everywhere.

I can't lose you, he thought. I can't lose you, too.

The place was Greece; more specifically, the Temple of Poseidon. The water was so blue it hurt; the sky, bluer still. It was deserted, all but for Nico, one lone demigod, searching.

He was so tired. He wasn't tired of searching, of constantly using shadow travel - no, that wasn't why. He wasn't tired of a search more worthy than anything he'd ever untaken. But he was tired of being alone. He was tired of not seeing Percy. He missed him. Sometimes he caught himself thinking, Percy would know where to look next, Percy would tell me it gets easier, Percy would love the view. But obviously, Percy wasn't here. That would sort of defeat the purpose.

Nico slid down to the ground in a little curl of defeated, broken darkness, let his sword clatter to the stone, and buried his face in his hands. He cried.

The sobs shook him like gale winds, but it was a storm without water, a sea temple with no sea god's son and Nico missed him so much, felt capsized and overwhelmed by all the things he wished he could tell him.

You're my everything, he would say.

I loved you since I met you, even when I hated your guts.

I would do anything, anything in the universe, to bring you home.

He wiped his tears on the back of his sleeve, pushed himself to his feet even as his muscles screamed out in exhausted pain. Objectively, it was truly beautiful here. Historically, it was spiritual and warm. But all he could think of was Percy, all he could see was another world, a better one, where Nico dragged him here and Percy's eyes went round and Nico could kiss him any time he wanted.

It was a pipe dream. He would have to settle for finding him, for bringing Percy home to the people who loved him. He would have to settle for friendship, even if it broke him. I can't be selfish, I can't have you all to myself.

But if I find you first, he thought.

If we're the only ones in the world.

I will try. I will ask.

Because it was only fair, he knew that. He gave them glassy eyes when they asked why he was trying so hard, but Percy, he deserved to know the truth.

"The truth?" he whispered to himself. "I'm in love with you, Percy Jackson. I swear it here, on the temple of your father. I love you more than anything."

He kept searching.