igrab
in
grabi_hands
How Not to Narrate, by Harry Lockhart [Harry/Watson, PG-13]
Title: How Not to Narrate, by Harry Lockhart
Author: igrab
Pairing: Harry/Watson (with implied Harry/Perry because I can't help myself)
Written For: xtinethepirate, request: Watson/Harry --- the fine art of narration. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. and I totally did.
Word Count: 845
Rating: PG-13 for excessive use of the word 'fuck'.
Notes: first time doing the harry-narrates thing.
It's kind of become a joke, you know, that I can't tell stories without sticking my foot in my mouth or whatever, and there's only two things you can do, really - get really fucking fed up or laugh about it. So we laugh about it. I'd get a little annoyed that I'm always the butt of every joke but, let's face it, I really kind of suck. And I think Perry kind of thinks it's cute, anyway, or he wouldn't put up with me. Which doesn't make any sense, but that's Perry for you, he's like the dictionary definition of tough love. He made me read the dictionary, so I know.
See, there I go again. Wasn't this supposed to be only a hundred words? How the fuck are you supposed to keep track of your word count when you're telling a story, anyway? You just gotta tell it like it is, and how it is, is that Perry and Harmony keep making stupid jokes about how I can't narrate and how I should read... stuff... oh fuck what's it called, where it's not just some guy saying 'this person did this, this person did that', but he's all 'and then i did this and we did that', because apparently that's what I do. But it is, you know, what happens, and that's the stories I tell, even they're not true. But whatever. You get the point.
We all went to see Sherlock Holmes - the premiere, you know, it's fucking Gay Perry so he got us in and Harmony really loves that guy, you know, the guy who plays Holmes, he's a real nutcase but I think she thinks he's hot. Whatever. He was okay.
But let me tell you - and I'm not going to pussyfoot around with this, okay, the facts are the facts - the other guy? Watson or whatever? He was hot. In that stupid trussed up British kind of way, and yeah, maybe I have something for guys who can't say I love you like a normal person (It's too easy for me, jesus, if I'd been Holmes I would've just barged in like YOU CAN'T MARRY HER. FOR FUCK'S SAKE. WHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. CHRIST.) and maybe it's just Jude Law, like. Hell. Okay we're going to stop talking about this, it's perfectly okay for a mostly-straight guy to have a huge hardon for Jude Law. Perfectly. Okay.
God, where was I even? This is way too fucking long. Uh, let's see. Narrating. Watson. RIGHT. So after the movie, Harmony and Perry (who are all talking like these characters are their close personal friends, like, hello I'm still here guys and I have no idea what waterfalls have to do with anything!) tell me that the books that the movie's based on (and, by the way, am I the only person who didn't know that Sherlock Holmes wasn't a real person? Fuck me. Let's carry on.) are all written in - FIRST PERSON, that's it. Like, Watson's telling the entire story.
I've never spent money on a book in my entire life. Not even the Johnny Gossamer books, uh, yeah well they were cheap as shit anyway, no one would've missed them. But I will tell you, right now, that the day after seeing that movie, I went to the bookstore - a Barnes and Noble, for fuck's sake, SO MANY BOOKS - and I bought The Complete Sherlock Holmes.
Which is not fucking complete, by the way, how was I supposed to know that there were two volumes? Can they say "The First Half of Sherlock Holmes", or something? Is that too much to ask?
Anyway, I went home, sat down. Messed around on the internet because Perry was hovering and I didn't want him getting on my case for buying an actual book, fuck you very much, dear. But then he had to get to a meeting, and I could read.
There really wasn't any point to this story, now that I think about it. I did nothing but read Sherlock Holmes in my free time for the next two weeks. You know what it got me? An even bigger inferiority complex, and a boner that refuses to leave. And my narrating is still shit.
But I'm just putting this out there, any time Jude Law wants to drop by in his Watson costume and give me a real lesson on the fine art of narration, my door is always open. Well, Perry's. And it isn't always open, so he'd have to knock. But I would open it so, so fast.
if you liked that, try these:
All I Ever Wanted . Flawless Victory
Author: igrab
Pairing: Harry/Watson (with implied Harry/Perry because I can't help myself)
Written For: xtinethepirate, request: Watson/Harry --- the fine art of narration. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. and I totally did.
Word Count: 845
Rating: PG-13 for excessive use of the word 'fuck'.
Notes: first time doing the harry-narrates thing.
It's kind of become a joke, you know, that I can't tell stories without sticking my foot in my mouth or whatever, and there's only two things you can do, really - get really fucking fed up or laugh about it. So we laugh about it. I'd get a little annoyed that I'm always the butt of every joke but, let's face it, I really kind of suck. And I think Perry kind of thinks it's cute, anyway, or he wouldn't put up with me. Which doesn't make any sense, but that's Perry for you, he's like the dictionary definition of tough love. He made me read the dictionary, so I know.
See, there I go again. Wasn't this supposed to be only a hundred words? How the fuck are you supposed to keep track of your word count when you're telling a story, anyway? You just gotta tell it like it is, and how it is, is that Perry and Harmony keep making stupid jokes about how I can't narrate and how I should read... stuff... oh fuck what's it called, where it's not just some guy saying 'this person did this, this person did that', but he's all 'and then i did this and we did that', because apparently that's what I do. But it is, you know, what happens, and that's the stories I tell, even they're not true. But whatever. You get the point.
We all went to see Sherlock Holmes - the premiere, you know, it's fucking Gay Perry so he got us in and Harmony really loves that guy, you know, the guy who plays Holmes, he's a real nutcase but I think she thinks he's hot. Whatever. He was okay.
But let me tell you - and I'm not going to pussyfoot around with this, okay, the facts are the facts - the other guy? Watson or whatever? He was hot. In that stupid trussed up British kind of way, and yeah, maybe I have something for guys who can't say I love you like a normal person (It's too easy for me, jesus, if I'd been Holmes I would've just barged in like YOU CAN'T MARRY HER. FOR FUCK'S SAKE. WHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. CHRIST.) and maybe it's just Jude Law, like. Hell. Okay we're going to stop talking about this, it's perfectly okay for a mostly-straight guy to have a huge hardon for Jude Law. Perfectly. Okay.
God, where was I even? This is way too fucking long. Uh, let's see. Narrating. Watson. RIGHT. So after the movie, Harmony and Perry (who are all talking like these characters are their close personal friends, like, hello I'm still here guys and I have no idea what waterfalls have to do with anything!) tell me that the books that the movie's based on (and, by the way, am I the only person who didn't know that Sherlock Holmes wasn't a real person? Fuck me. Let's carry on.) are all written in - FIRST PERSON, that's it. Like, Watson's telling the entire story.
I've never spent money on a book in my entire life. Not even the Johnny Gossamer books, uh, yeah well they were cheap as shit anyway, no one would've missed them. But I will tell you, right now, that the day after seeing that movie, I went to the bookstore - a Barnes and Noble, for fuck's sake, SO MANY BOOKS - and I bought The Complete Sherlock Holmes.
Which is not fucking complete, by the way, how was I supposed to know that there were two volumes? Can they say "The First Half of Sherlock Holmes", or something? Is that too much to ask?
Anyway, I went home, sat down. Messed around on the internet because Perry was hovering and I didn't want him getting on my case for buying an actual book, fuck you very much, dear. But then he had to get to a meeting, and I could read.
There really wasn't any point to this story, now that I think about it. I did nothing but read Sherlock Holmes in my free time for the next two weeks. You know what it got me? An even bigger inferiority complex, and a boner that refuses to leave. And my narrating is still shit.
But I'm just putting this out there, any time Jude Law wants to drop by in his Watson costume and give me a real lesson on the fine art of narration, my door is always open. Well, Perry's. And it isn't always open, so he'd have to knock. But I would open it so, so fast.
if you liked that, try these:
All I Ever Wanted . Flawless Victory