igrab
in
grabi_hands
Confirmation [Kirk/Spock, PG]
Title: Confirmation
Pairing: Kirk/Spock, Star Trek: The Original Series
When: just after "The Conscience of the King" with a lot of reference to "The Menagerie"
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,106
The door swished open silently, and James Kirk was expecting it. He'd seen the stiffness of his lieutenant's posture, the shortness with which he gave orders. It wasn't blatantly obvious anymore - not like several hours previous, when the roiling emotions under both of their skins had burst into an argument that had nothing to do with the words being said - but it was obvious enough, to the man who knew Spock best.
He hadn't answered McCoy, when asked if he 'really did like her'. For once, Kirk wasn't in the habit of divulging private details about himself, even to his doctor and friend - and for another, he could feel the agitated pulse of energy as Spock deliberately let the captain know what he was thinking. Unprofessional. Illogical. Excuses, as Kirk privately thought, pretty words to mask the very powerful feeling of jealousy.
"Jim." So he was right, and Spock wasn't here on business. It was a personal visit. "You really did like that girl, didn't you."
"I can't see that it's any business of yours, but since you asked so nicely, yes." He was sitting on his bed, elbows propped on his thighs so he could peer up at Spock, who was trying to be looming and impressive. It didn't quite work.
He saw - and perhaps felt - the tightening of the other's throat. "It is my business. Your-"
"You waive rights to my personal business when you won't admit how you feel about me." Kirk was in no mood to be playing mind games. This whole ordeal was too emotional, brought up too many conflicts that he'd rather just forget. "The only reason you're here is because you're jealous, and if you can find a way to deny that, I'll be impressed."
Spock frowned, his hands clasping tighter behind his back. "Sir, your reaction to the one who almost killed you-"
"I didn't know that then, and neither did you. Stop it, Spock."
"I'm just saying. This entire affair has been illogical from the start, and you didn't see fit to inform me-"
"I'll tell you what I want to tell you, Mr Spock." Kirk was glaring, now, tired of the game, tired of this hypocrisy. "I don't seem to recall you having much trouble keeping things from me, including why you were stealing my ship. Besides, I didn't have all the answers, and you weren't likely to."
Spock frowned deeply. "Lives were at stake, captain. I couldn't allow anyone else to be involved."
"Damnit, Spock!" Kirk stood up then, moving to get right in his face. "If you would have told me, then I would have been the only one to take the blame. You essentially wanted to give your life in place of mine and we've been through this." Technically, they had, but the argument had never reached a conclusion, because it had turned into something close and passionate and comforting. Everyone's emotions had been running too high, then, and Kirk had just been so painfully relieved that Spock wasn't going to be put to death, regardless of how completely stupid he had been. "I'm tired of your constant excuses for the actions you take regarding my safety."
"Actions that logic deems are necessary, captain. Jim." Spock winced, and sighed. "I'm just trying to understand you better. What if things hadn't turned out the way they did? Would you pursue a relationship with her?"
That made James stop, and think for a moment. "...Maybe." There was no mistaking Spock's very physical reaction to that admission - the clenching of his teeth, hands tightening, eyes glinting. It was gratifying, but nothing Kirk didn't already know - and had already tried to prove, with little success. Spock was one of the most stubborn people Kirk had ever known, with the possible exception of himself.
"That would be-"
"Illogical, I know." Kirk just smirked at him, knowing it would infurate Spock further. "But you and I both know it wouldn't last. She's not Starfleet, she's not the Enterprise... and she's not you."
Mixed reaction to that. Eyes darting away for a split second, lips tense with unease and embarassment.
Kirk continued on. "You know where I stand. If you were willing to admit what's blatantly obvious to anyone who knows you well, I'd accept it and honor whatever terms you'd place on me."
Spock's face worked in an interesting display. They'd never been quite this candid with each other before, not even when turning to each other for what the Vulcan had always described as a 'necessary release of physical tension'. "Were I... in a position to contest your actions, we would still be having this discussion." His words were quiet, thoughtful, and barely brushed by the hurt that Kirk was sure Spock felt. You brought this upon yourself, he thought, and I have no mercy.
"We're only having this discussion because that's where you should be." There, it was out there, between them. Not just an acceptance of Spock's emotions, but the knowledge that he wanted them, he wanted proof and openness and confirmation. "I liked her, Spock, but I didn't love her. That's the difference."
He couldn't speak, for a long minute. Kirk stayed there, close enough to touch, watching the internal battle play itself out under the thin veneer of Vulcan propriety. His own face was set in a slightly apologetic, mostly affectionate expression.
"I...." Spock took a deep breath, his eyes not meeting his captain's. "I can't, sir. For a number of reasons, even were I not a Vulcan. You're my superior officer, and my best friend. Either of those would be enough to deter me from..." and now he looked up again, and when he met Kirk's eyes there was no question of the emotion that lay naked behind them. "...from admitting just how much your love is returned."
Kirk couldn't help the grin that spread slowly over his face, lighting his eyes and causing a return grin from the other. "Well, lieutenant, I suppose you're right. There's probably a regulation about it somewhere."
"Very probably, sir. I shall have to keep my mouth closed on the subject."
"I'm sure there's much else your mouth can do."
Once again, they resolved their problems with their bodies. But it wasn't an avoidance, now - it was the confirmation itself.
Pairing: Kirk/Spock, Star Trek: The Original Series
When: just after "The Conscience of the King" with a lot of reference to "The Menagerie"
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,106
The door swished open silently, and James Kirk was expecting it. He'd seen the stiffness of his lieutenant's posture, the shortness with which he gave orders. It wasn't blatantly obvious anymore - not like several hours previous, when the roiling emotions under both of their skins had burst into an argument that had nothing to do with the words being said - but it was obvious enough, to the man who knew Spock best.
He hadn't answered McCoy, when asked if he 'really did like her'. For once, Kirk wasn't in the habit of divulging private details about himself, even to his doctor and friend - and for another, he could feel the agitated pulse of energy as Spock deliberately let the captain know what he was thinking. Unprofessional. Illogical. Excuses, as Kirk privately thought, pretty words to mask the very powerful feeling of jealousy.
"Jim." So he was right, and Spock wasn't here on business. It was a personal visit. "You really did like that girl, didn't you."
"I can't see that it's any business of yours, but since you asked so nicely, yes." He was sitting on his bed, elbows propped on his thighs so he could peer up at Spock, who was trying to be looming and impressive. It didn't quite work.
He saw - and perhaps felt - the tightening of the other's throat. "It is my business. Your-"
"You waive rights to my personal business when you won't admit how you feel about me." Kirk was in no mood to be playing mind games. This whole ordeal was too emotional, brought up too many conflicts that he'd rather just forget. "The only reason you're here is because you're jealous, and if you can find a way to deny that, I'll be impressed."
Spock frowned, his hands clasping tighter behind his back. "Sir, your reaction to the one who almost killed you-"
"I didn't know that then, and neither did you. Stop it, Spock."
"I'm just saying. This entire affair has been illogical from the start, and you didn't see fit to inform me-"
"I'll tell you what I want to tell you, Mr Spock." Kirk was glaring, now, tired of the game, tired of this hypocrisy. "I don't seem to recall you having much trouble keeping things from me, including why you were stealing my ship. Besides, I didn't have all the answers, and you weren't likely to."
Spock frowned deeply. "Lives were at stake, captain. I couldn't allow anyone else to be involved."
"Damnit, Spock!" Kirk stood up then, moving to get right in his face. "If you would have told me, then I would have been the only one to take the blame. You essentially wanted to give your life in place of mine and we've been through this." Technically, they had, but the argument had never reached a conclusion, because it had turned into something close and passionate and comforting. Everyone's emotions had been running too high, then, and Kirk had just been so painfully relieved that Spock wasn't going to be put to death, regardless of how completely stupid he had been. "I'm tired of your constant excuses for the actions you take regarding my safety."
"Actions that logic deems are necessary, captain. Jim." Spock winced, and sighed. "I'm just trying to understand you better. What if things hadn't turned out the way they did? Would you pursue a relationship with her?"
That made James stop, and think for a moment. "...Maybe." There was no mistaking Spock's very physical reaction to that admission - the clenching of his teeth, hands tightening, eyes glinting. It was gratifying, but nothing Kirk didn't already know - and had already tried to prove, with little success. Spock was one of the most stubborn people Kirk had ever known, with the possible exception of himself.
"That would be-"
"Illogical, I know." Kirk just smirked at him, knowing it would infurate Spock further. "But you and I both know it wouldn't last. She's not Starfleet, she's not the Enterprise... and she's not you."
Mixed reaction to that. Eyes darting away for a split second, lips tense with unease and embarassment.
Kirk continued on. "You know where I stand. If you were willing to admit what's blatantly obvious to anyone who knows you well, I'd accept it and honor whatever terms you'd place on me."
Spock's face worked in an interesting display. They'd never been quite this candid with each other before, not even when turning to each other for what the Vulcan had always described as a 'necessary release of physical tension'. "Were I... in a position to contest your actions, we would still be having this discussion." His words were quiet, thoughtful, and barely brushed by the hurt that Kirk was sure Spock felt. You brought this upon yourself, he thought, and I have no mercy.
"We're only having this discussion because that's where you should be." There, it was out there, between them. Not just an acceptance of Spock's emotions, but the knowledge that he wanted them, he wanted proof and openness and confirmation. "I liked her, Spock, but I didn't love her. That's the difference."
He couldn't speak, for a long minute. Kirk stayed there, close enough to touch, watching the internal battle play itself out under the thin veneer of Vulcan propriety. His own face was set in a slightly apologetic, mostly affectionate expression.
"I...." Spock took a deep breath, his eyes not meeting his captain's. "I can't, sir. For a number of reasons, even were I not a Vulcan. You're my superior officer, and my best friend. Either of those would be enough to deter me from..." and now he looked up again, and when he met Kirk's eyes there was no question of the emotion that lay naked behind them. "...from admitting just how much your love is returned."
Kirk couldn't help the grin that spread slowly over his face, lighting his eyes and causing a return grin from the other. "Well, lieutenant, I suppose you're right. There's probably a regulation about it somewhere."
"Very probably, sir. I shall have to keep my mouth closed on the subject."
"I'm sure there's much else your mouth can do."
Once again, they resolved their problems with their bodies. But it wasn't an avoidance, now - it was the confirmation itself.